A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing
I don't own TBBT
Italics is a flashback
"Ok…so you didn't make it on the friend list. What's the problem? I'm just a treasured acquaintance with only a master's degree. This really isn't explaining anything."
"No, it doesn't, but it's a start."
Chapter 15
Sheldon was thankful that the cramped cab ride was over. Immediately after exiting the taxi he pulled the sanitizer from his pocket and emptied half the bottle into his hand.
"Really Sheldon? You're rubbing sanitizer under the sleeves of your shirt." Penny was far too relaxed to actually be irritated with Sheldon's craziness, but sometimes it was fun to hear what was happening in that big ol' head of his.
"Penny, Penny, Penny. One can never be too careful when it comes to the contamination potential of public transportation."
Upon entering the dance hall, all the ladies turned to Sheldon expectantly. They wanted him to prove himself, as if he wasn't superior at anything he ever did. Dancing would be no different.
"Shel-don, aren't you going to ask Ameeee to dance?" Bernadette crooned.
"Sheldon and Amy, dancing in a tree. D-A-S-N, hmm, hmm, G." Penny grabbed Bernadette's hand and swung her around. All three women then waited for Sheldon's response.
Sheldon was glad he wasn't home dealing with Leonard, Priya, and their Greek atrocity, but present company was becoming progressively questionable. While none of the current troupe's intelligence was equal to his own, he was certain the gap had become significantly wider, after the introduction of alcohol. He expected this from Penny, though he was surprised at the progressive level of silliness and how quickly it had set in. He had known for some time that Bernadette could keep up with Penny when indulging in libations, but Amy's state was just disappointing. She seemed to be enjoying herself though, so that counted for something…to her.
"While I am amenable to dancing with you Amy, I will require you to thoroughly sanitize your hands." Sheldon handed his sanitizer to Amy. "Don't be afraid to use too much."
"Of course Sheldon. Are sure you don't want to assist me in…lathering up?" Amy gave Sheldon a lascivious, drunken grin.
Sheldon squeaked and scooted away from her. "While I understand that you are under the influence and working with significantly reduce brainpower, I believe you are still capable of using hand sanitizer."
As soon as Amy's hands were thoroughly sanitized, Sheldon lead her to the dance floor. Surprising himself, Sheldon was actually having a good time. He was impressed by Amy's knowledgeable abilities on the dance floor. She had perfect timing and form which was impressive considering her state of mind. He was a bit disappointed by the catcalls from Penny and Bernadette. But really, what else could one expect from two inebriated blondes?
"There," Cera closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "there is really no way to explain any of this without sounding like an utter fool."
"If it involves Sheldon, I'm sure that's true. He's seems to enjoy making people feel that way."
"Mmhm, He's…harsher than I remember. I'm amazed at the sarcasm and the condescension and the…meanness. But it's not just him, all of you carry a bit of…toxicity. "
"You mean he was…sweet…to you…and you're blaming us?"
"I wouldn't exactly call him sweet, though he did have his moments. Sheldon's…he's always been… naively insensitive…superior, and exposed faults in an.…indelicate way. But now, now it seems to have a sharper edge than it did then. And I don't fault anyone. How a person feels and what they surround themselves with affects their mannerisms, for better or worse. But ultimately, the only one responsible for a person's conduct is the individual themselves…When I knew Sheldon, he lived at home with his momma and saw his Meemaw several times a week. He was in a cocoon. Not that his mom, Meemaw and Missy and Junior let him get away with anything, but it was always a loving, family thing I guess. "
"Yea, but wasn't he still bat-crap crazy?"
"No," Cera gritted out tightly. "Sheldon has never been crazy."
"What do you call a guy who acts like a robot, cleans everything, keeps BM charts and schedule's everyone's bathroom time? You're telling me that's new?"
"No, it's not. Even as a teenager I could tell he didn't relate to people and had some scheduling issues, but I never saw it as crazy. I had some psychology classes in med school, both standard and pediatric. Then had a few weeks in the psych ward in the hospital. Through learning different disorders, I considered he might have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder."
"What the frack is that?"
"It's a disorder that cause the mind to over focus on details. It happens frequently with people with high IQ's. Because they are capable of imaging so many scenarios at any given moment, their mind needs a way to break things down and manage the possibilities. That leads them to be obsessed with orderliness, schedules, and cleanliness. They aren't usually flexible or open. They are often uptight, ritualistic, workaholics. Unlike OCD, the individuals can't see their behaviors are off, just that no one can keep up with the correct way."
"God, there really is something wrong with him. I really was just kidding, but if I was gonna be right I would have expected…worse."
"Oh, this is in no way a diagnosis. And since I have practiced medicine on him at one point he could be considered a patient, so I shouldn't even suggest such a thing. This disorder can be misdiagnosed as other, much more severe conditions, but anything like that would show up on a brain scan. I've seen his. Other than his disappointment that his genius is not visible, he's just fine."
"And I thought he was just being a dic-tator." Howard quickly altered his statement at Cera's stern look and raised eyebrow. "But maybe he can't help it?"
"I assumed a good deal of it he could not, but not all. If you are patient and deal with him honestly and literally you can find what issues are non-negotiable and what things he's just being a…dic-tator about."
"Huh, and you didn't mind that?"
"No, not at all. I grew up with a diva, before divas were a thing. There is no one more moody, demanding, and as precise as my mother. At least with Sheldon you all ways know where you stand. Well, mostly."
"Ah, 'mostly'. So he's did or said something to you and you are out for revenge. This isn't just a case of hurt feeling is it? Because he hurts everybody's feelings."
"Yes and no…God this is so stupid. We had…an arrangement."
"Oh man, did you do something illegal, because Sheldon can come up with some crazy crap. He didn't have you smuggling medical supplies or anything did he?"
Cera was frustrated because Howard just wasn't getting it and she didn't want to explain further. "NO…no. Nothing like that. Look, no one knows any of this. I have never even told my family, just my attorney-"
"OK, this getting a little freaky. Why-?" Howard cut in because she was being evasive and confusing.
"Because I slept with him, Howard." rang out through the apartment louder than Cera had intended.
He started to laugh until he noticed the tears on her face. Not knowing how to respond he blurted the first thing that came to mind. "We always assumed Sheldon was virginal."
It quickly became obvious that was the wrong thing to say once Cera began to sob. Howard cursed himself for pointing out that she hadn't ever been mentioned. He knew from his time pursuing women, they don't want to be thought of as forgettable. He slid closer and patted her back not knowing what else to say, after a few moments he decided "I'm sorry." couldn't go wrong.
"Do you want to talk about it?" While Howard was curious as to how that came about, he really just wanted to make her feel better.
"It was just…curiosity, with a friend…that got out of hand. It's really hard to remain impartial when you help his grandma make Sunday dinner."
Howard watched eyes cast down as she began playing with her hair. She looked broken. "I imagine so. You were in love with him? With Sheldon?"
Cera took a deep breath that calmed the crying. "Not to begin with. At least I didn't think so. I didn't have time for, or want another relationship. We would talk about anything and one day we ended up discussing coitus. From that discussion he developed a plan. It was supposed to be this detached, unemotional, physical act."
"It wasn't a one-time thing, you were friends with benefits? This was Sheldon's idea?! So he does have a deal. I knew he liked blondes." The last statements muttered, more to himself.
"Don't call it that! Yea, it was…his idea. And I wasn't blonde then." She handed Howard another photo. "Why do you say he likes blondes?"
"He's got this stealth peripheral observation thing he does. He doesn't do that frequently with women, but I have seen him do it...a few times over the years….usually its blondes. I kinda thought he was in to Penny for a while, but - Wow, you look…Are you sure you don't have a personality disorder?" Howard gave a small chuckle.
"Doesn't everyone when they are young? I was just trying to understand what my personality was. At that point I knew it was not my mom's. It took me a while to realize a medical degree isn't a personality either."
"You said you cut you hair off, but I really didn't expect this. And the glasses?"
"A fashion statement."
"You look like you're going to a funeral. How old is Sheldon here? Even if he is taller, he looks like he's…fourteen."
"That was right after his twenty-first birthday."
"Oh." Everything Howard had ever heard Sheldon say relating to sex was now being rerouted through a different filter. "So I have to ask. Are you the one who told him his genitals were aesthetically pleasing?"
"Oh, Howard!" Looking stunned and slightly embarrassed. "Perhaps…he paraphrased that particular kudos."
"So you didn't think he had a pretty package." Howard wiggled his brow.
"Really Howard, those are intimate details…But I paid him a truthful compliment." Cera seemed to be running down, the occasional tear still tracking down her cheeks.
"Oh," Howard had just heard the juiciest, most salacious bit of gossip one could get on Sheldon, but it lost its edge in Cera's sadness. "Are you still mad because he didn't love you back? He didn't right? Because right now….I'm not sure anything I've assumed about Sheldon was true."
Amy had finally quit retching and seemed to have fallen asleep. Even though this evening's activities were not one of her more inspired moments, he still found her to be a fascinating woman. Amy Farrah Fowler was a brilliant, logical, modest woman, and she had kissed him. A stimulus he nearly didn't know how to calculate. It had been quite some time since he had engaged in such an act. Even longer since it was as a willing participant. While this kiss had also caught him unawares, while Amy was inebriated, it was not nearly as unpleasant as Beverly's kiss.
As Sheldon left he thought about the kiss he has shared with Amy. She was a formidable friend, but this had left him confused. For the duration of their affiliation they had both insisted, theirs was a relationship of the mind and he had enjoyed that. What had changed?
Unfortunately the only data he had to compare this to, was Olivia. She too had been a…interesting... comrade until their association had become physical in nature. As he rode home he considered the similarities between the interactions with two women in an attempt to decide what to do with Amy so that their interactions didn't meet the same fate as his association with Olivia. He truly did not want to lose his friendship with Amy.
By the time he had reached home he realized he need to go over the entirety of his interactions with Olivia to understand precisely what had gone awry. He need to prevent repeating the past.
The hour long ride from his home to her apartment started off fairly normal. Sheldon suggested The Periodic Table Game that ended in a heated discussion.
"Sheldon you cannot disregard a correct answer because you have a difference of opinion with IUPAC. Meitnerium, was agreed on for the name of element 109, it was an element name I used, therefore, I did not lose."
"Agreed is a strong word. The International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry were reluctant to-"
"This isn't because she was a woman, was it?"
"Some woman, she didn't even win a Nobel Prize." Sheldon muttered under his breath.
"Dr. Lise Meitner was robbed and you know it. You don't like the thought that The Nobel Committee has flaws and could miss someone."
Sheldon didn't like the direction this conversation so he decided on a diversion. "I showered thoroughly prior to your arrival."
That statement served as a reminder of their intentions and shifted their focus. The conversation turned light and sparse until they arrived at Cera's apartment. As she pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex, the weight of their impending exploits rendered them both silent.
Sheldon settled on to his spot on Cera's couch and noted. "I'm glad you saw fit to relieve your counters of paperwork and coffee cups as requested."
"Are you complaining about my housekeeping skills?" Cera smirked at him.
"Not exactly. I never find you to be unsanitary, coffee cups notwithstanding. Merely disorderly. Most of it seems to be work related, except for your shoes. How many pairs of sneakers can one own?" He had constantly warned her of the dangers in keeping that many shoes by her door. She really ought to keep her exits properly cleared in case she needed to make a quick exit.
"Well, when you are on your feet as much as I am, comfy shoes become indispensable."
After a few minutes of fidgeting Cera finally asked. "Are you confident you want to, uh, do this…with me?"
"Yes. What better way to satisfy our curiosity, than to engage each other, people we trust, with our safety. Not to mention the benefits of coitus, which we will both be receiving."
"I'm, uh, I'm going to be in the shower then."
"Do you have a fresh towel? Is your soap antibacterial?" Sheldon stood and turned toward Cera as she made her way to a small hallway with doors to her bathroom, bedroom and a small linen closet in between.
"Yes and yes. I have made provisions for every stipulation you have put forth." Cera was grateful for the distraction of his insistence. It kept her from getting too nervous.
"Do you…still want to ensure I get…properly sanitized?" Cera pulled a clean towel from the linen closet.
"Your bathroom has been fully cleaned, correct?" Sheldon entered the room for a thorough inspection.
"Yes."
"Very well then, Olivia."
Cera adjusted her water, then removed her clothes while Sheldon stood by, looking everywhere but at her. After Cera climbed in behind the curtain she called "So do you just want me to tell you what I'm doing or are you actually going to watch me wash?" She hoped verbal confirmation would be enough.
"Well, I, uh, thought, perhaps... I mean I would be more confident in your cleanliness if I observed your cleansing habit." Seeing first hand could only ease his mind later on.
"Uh, ok."
Peeking in through the curtain at the back of the tub, Sheldon took in his first live nude woman. This was much different than the magazines, shown to him by his brother and various college roommates. Being the scientist that he was, he observed her form. After deciding she was indeed a healthy female, he then shifted focus to her ablutions. It was a fascinating procedure she went through, not terribly different from his own, with the exception of conditioner for her hair and shaving her legs. He felt confident that she would be fully clean when they touched, except her back which she couldn't reach.
"May I help you wash your back, seeing as you can't reach." Sheldon shocked himself by asking.
"Uh, yeah, of course." Sheldon was glad she agreed, and not just because she would be fully scoured with his help.
Sheldon's hand was shaking. He was nervous, but not scared. He had the excitement he carried anytime he learned something new or performed an experiment. He smoothed the lather over her skin. It was surprisingly soft. He could feel the slight musculature of her back and then he felt her shiver, though he wasn't sure why. The water was quite warm, not a shiver inducing cold.
"I'll leave you to rinse, dry and otherwise to prepare." Sheldon wasn't sure if he was more excited about applying information he had obtained, or the prospective physical satisfaction of his hormones, but he felt nearly giddy. He walked back to the living room to wait.
Sheldon once again was grateful Cera agreed to have coitus with him when she exited the bathroom. She hesitated in the hall between the bed and bathroom doors wearing a teal cotton robe. Her dark hair still damp, and her skin flush from being freshly scrubbed, she was far more fascinating than Tanja ever was.
"All clean!" Cera finally squeaked nervously, feeling self-conscious. Sheldon of course knew she was petite because he teased her about it. She just hoped he wasn't disappointed upon realizing that, everything was petite. Except her butt, apparently.
"Did you remember to attend to your oral hygiene?"
"Yes, I brushed thoroughly and rinsed with Listerine."
"Very well. Shall we?" Sheldon passed close by her as crossed from the living room to the bedroom.
"Do, uh, you want some privacy to, uh, undress?" Cera lingered in the door of her bedroom.
"If you don't mind."
"Not at all." Cera stepped out and pulled the door closed. As she waited, she considered the previous encounters she had considered giving into sex. Sheldon stripped down quickly, but efficiently folding each item and placing them on a wooden stool in the corner. He wasn't pleased with how they laid so he unfolded and refolded each item. Twice. It wasn't because he was anxious. Upon, considering folding and stacking his clothes one more time, he finally admitted to himself he was nervous.
"I'm…ahem…I'm ready." To combat his tension, Sheldon had crawled into the bed and pulled the covers up to his neck.
A nervous giggle escaped Cera as she stepped through the door. "You do realize I saw both your chest and abdomen three weeks ago when you had a tickle in your throat and insisted I give you a full checkup. Not only are you my only patient that has gotten a house call, but you are the only person I have ever rubbed vapor rub on."
"It seemed imperative that we fully prevent and treat any possible ailments prior to this endeavor. To do so, I felt it necessary to be treated by a competent medical professional." Not only did Sheldon want to be assured of a quick recovery, he also wanted to eliminate the possibility of contaminating Cera when they were…intimate.
"I was afraid Meemaw was going to be upset that I had taken her job."
Sheldon smiled "No, Meemaw knows that I find medical expertise comforting in the times of illnesses. Meemaw and mommy still did the most important part by making grilled cheese and singing "Soft Kitty."
Cera feeling awkward discussing his family when they were both nearly naked. "So, um, what should we start with? Should I, uh, kiss you?"
"Do you really think that's necessary?" Sheldon leaned away as she sat on the edge of the bed.
"Well, if you aren't comfortable with that, I don't know if you'll be able to tolerate any further contact." Cera slid back a bit to allow Sheldon space. She thought he may still back out this, even if it was his idea.
"I, uh, that seems to be a logical conclusion. Osculation did seem to be linked to coitus in all my research."
"Okay, so..."
"Well, I, uh, the two times I kissed a girl, I was merely a recipient, not an initiator." Sheldon clutched the edge of the blanket and took a few deep breaths.
"Oh, ok," she leaned in and placed her lips gently on his. Sheldon immediately tensed and did not respond. He waited for the paralyzing fear or the crawling skin, but neither seemed to be coming.
Cera leaned back away from him. "Is it the germs?"
"No, no. I can smell and taste the Listerine. You did remember to use a new toothbrush, correct?"
"Yes. We bought it last week, remember?"
"Of course I remember. I have an eidetic memory. I-"
Cera felt him gearing up for a speech, so she silenced him with a kiss. He tensed again. This time Sheldon was able to better analyze the sensation. Knowing the germs had been taken care of, there was nothing uncomfortable about the pressure on his lips. It was kind of…soft. In his analysis, however, he forgot to respond.
Pulling back Cera sighed, "Perhaps we don't have the chemistry to make this work."
"Chemistry? Coitus doesn't involve chemistry."
"Well, there are hormones at play. But what I mean is that we don't have the desire and attraction to help…ease us into the…intuitive portions of this endeavor."
"I thought we were avoiding hormones. And any other nonsensical motivations for coitus.
"I think some of it may be necessary to help with the compulsion to actually follow through."
"Perhaps…Olivia, you did state at one time that you found me aesthetically pleasing. I told you the same. I feel comfortable that you have endeavored to keep this as sanitary as possible. I believe that I do desire coitus with you." He had begun to flush as he encouraged Cera to continue.
"I have no experience instigating much of this either, but I do, at least, have practiced knowledge on kissing." Cera leaned forward to begin again and received an awkward, but eager response.
She climbed onto his lap and felt him tense. "Is this ok? I'm not making your skin crawl am I?"
As Sheldon paused as if to consider the situation he realized she was trembling, "No, I am not repulsed by your presence in my lap. Are...are you ok?"
Cera licked her lips, considering her answer. This wasn't as weird as she thought it would be. "Yes."
"Shall we proceed?" Watching her tongue move over her lips made Sheldon aware that, at times, he was a very average man. And he was having a very average response to the nearly nude woman in his lap licking her lips.
"That would be good. Very good." This time when she leaned forward Sheldon met her. Relaxing into their activity, both let their book knowledge combine with their biological instinct and fell into each other awkwardly.
Cera hadn't been sure what to expect, but it had left her uncomfortable and in dark daze. Upon looking over at Sheldon his eyes were closed, hair tousled, sweat sheen. He really was attractive.
"I really need to shower." He mumbled lacking all of his usual urgency pertaining to his cleanliness. His eyes fell closed once again. Cera thought for a moment, perhaps coitus, had literally blown his mind. After a few short minutes Sheldon jumped and ran, shouting "Shower!" quickly entering the bathroom and slamming the door.
Sheldon had surprised himself in not only tolerating coitus, but enjoying it. Mentally being aware of what he had done, and the mess involved, caused his stomach turn. After assuring himself repeatedly of the sanitation level of his surroundings and getting beyond the feeling of an impending heart attack, it was euphoric. The bodily fluids, though appalling to him, were washed away with a bit a diligence. He was concerned about his lack of...concern. Perhaps he was still under the influence of the endorphins.
After Sheldon returned from what Cera was sure was an extra-long, extra hot shower, he seemed to have returned to his prior state. "The water pressure in your shower is far too low for adequate cleaning so I had to compensate with a longer shower, only to find that your hot water is also inadequate. Perhaps next time we should follow your shower with a series of antibacterial wipes. I think six should be adequate."
"We? Are you planning on wiping me?"
"Hmm, that concept has merit. It would ensure that you would be thoroughly and properly cleansed."
Not knowing how to respond to that assertion Cera shifted to something else. "We still have a few hours before you need to be back home do to want to do anything or go anywhere?"
"Perhaps we could go back towards Galveston. I did enjoy the comic book store in Webster."
"That sounds good." Cera got her keys and purse eager to do something more typical of their afternoons together. She hurried Sheldon out the door to put the afternoon behind them. Neither Sheldon, nor Cera had much to say on the way to the store. It wasn't an awkward silence, merely contemplative.
After a few moments of wandering around, Sheldon began feeling self-conscious as though people could tell what activity he had been partaking in. "I'm going to contact Junior and have him pick me and return me home."
"Oh, uh, ok. Do you want me to wait until you've assured that he's available?"
"That would be...acceptable."
Cera left after Sheldon confirmed Junior was available and would pick him up.
"Hey Shellybean, what's up?" Junior asked sauntering up behind his baby brother.
"Why do you assume that something is up?"
"Well, you don't ever call me. 'Specially for a ride."
"I call to procure a ride because I don't I have a ride."
"Yeah, but how'd ya get here? We're twenty minutes from momma's."
"I came with a peer who was unable to take me home. Now are you going to drive me or are we going to stand around chit chatting." Sheldon was beginning to feel irritable, mostly due to the itchy feeling of previously worn clothing.
"A peer, huh? This the same peer that's always hanging around, and was at Sunday dinner a few weeks ago?"
"Yes."
"Yes? That's it?" Typically Junior got an earful of words he cound understand for the simplest of things.
"Yes...Is that word suddenly hard to comprehend, Junior?"
"So, no explanation?"
"Are you in need of one?"
"So…that Olivia's a gal, right?"
"Is this something you just noticed, or have you a point?"
"No, no point. And I didn't just notice. But I think you did. Glad you finally got you some." Junior gave him the cocky Cooper smirk and winked at him.
"Got me some, what?" Sheldon asked, mocking his speech, utterly confused.
Junior really didn't want to explain it to him, or worse have him explain it back, so he just settled for "A girlfriend Sheldon, you got you a girlfriend."
"Oh, Olivia is not my girlfriend. We merely share hobbies and work related anecdotes."
"Oh, this is gonna be interesting." Junior said more to themselves.
"Of course it's interesting. Olivia is always interesting. Did you know she is the youngest intern ever to work for Texas Children's Hospital? It's only by a few months, but still impressive…for her."
"Oh yeah, you need to watch yourself, Shelly." Junior walked out towards his truck.
"Watch myself do what? Junior, Junior?" Sheldon followed behind.
Sheldon had limited contact with Cera due to her grueling work week, but had still squeezed in a few phone calls and emails. In one such exchange, they reported their assessment of their congress. She confessed to liking the foreplay, but being uncomfortable after that. Sheldon confessed to being alarmed by the amount of sweat and fluids, but enjoyed the relaxed feeling and mental sharpness that came after. Sheldon agreed to attempt being gentler. Cera agreed to lower the AC to at least reduce the sweat potential. After coming to their agreements they set a date for their next encounter for Saturday, eight days after their first encounter.
Sheldon gladly skipped laundry day with his mom for a chance to gather more data on this physical experience. He was still a bit apprehensive about the act. He didn't relish being covered in fluids again, nor did he like the sudden loss of control and the fogginess of his brain. He especially did want to hurt Cera again, she had assured him he wouldn't, but he was still concerned. He pushed his concerns aside for the sake of the experiment. He needed to find out if they could reproduce the prior results and if they could improve on the experience.
The pre-coitus procedures were handled more quickly and with less fanfare than before. The wipes amazingly enough, just became part of the foreplay, freeing Sheldon up to touch Cera more than before. Knowing what to expect, Sheldon was better able to relax in to the sensations. Cera admitted it felt like…an improvement.
A week and a half later Sheldon found himself sitting on Cera's bed, barely bothering to cover up. He felt confident she would get fully clean while he undressed and got situated. When she exited the bathroom this week she didn't even bother with a robe.
Since this was to be their final engagement, Sheldon asked if he might try something new, a condom, just for the experience. Coming together was much easier this time. Sheldon thought that her scratching at him, pulling the sheets from the mattress, and mewling like a kitten meant she enjoyed it as much as he did.
Sheldon didn't think he could handle a relationship of that sort with Amy. More importantly, he didn't want to lose her companionship because of it. Last year when they were apart was nearly unbearable to him. He made the decision to just put the incident behind them so that they could continue to move forward.
Sometimes Sheldon wondered if the companionship he had found in Cera would have been salvageable, if he had done the same with her. Instead, he opted to give into his baser urges and ask for even more…
"No, I'm not mad at Sheldon. I never was. I was…crushed."
"I'm…I'm having trouble imagining a woman like you, wanting to be with Sheldon and I'm having more trouble imaging Sheldon wanting to be with anybody."