I don't own TBBT.

Chapter 18

Howard was on his Vespa, rushing toward Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. He had skipped The Comic Center and was now running late. Over the past several days he had remained in touch with Cera and Merritt. Today he had brought her a pewter astronaut on a keyring and some freeze dried ice cream from the JPL gift shop. Merritt just grinned and said "This is delightful!" discounting her mother's concern for preservatives and packaging. At first Howard wondered if that wasn't an odd statement for a nine year old, but then considering that Sheldon was her father and thought, perhaps not. Upon considering the other unusual doctor who was her mother, definitely not.

He felt kind of bad when Cera drew him into a hug, "Thank you, Howard. And thanks for worrying about Sheldon. You are a good friend to him."

He was actually visiting because he liked the company of the quirky woman and her daughter, and had a tender spot for them. Howard could see that Cera's life was completely wrapped up in Merritt. She was trying to be two parents at once and that was hard on them both. He imagined his mom must have had similar issues because of his own father's abandonment and knew all too well what it was to be without a father. Any thoughts of Sheldon made him viciously angry, so he definitely wasn't keeping up with her on Sheldon's behalf. He just wished he could tell Bernadette because he thought she would like Cera too, if she truly knew her.

This wasn't pity he felt for them, it was empathy. He felt his heart ache in a very familiar way, when thinking of them. It was that deep ache he had carried since his dad left. It was unfair that he knew Sheldon and Merritt didn't. It seemed unfair that Sheldon seemed to be able to avoid having any accountability in this. Howard knew Cera wanted to take the blame for not successfully reaching Sheldon over the years, but he thought Sheldon should shoulder quite a bit. Sheldon knew damn well how to return a phone call, and if a woman needed to have a private, personal conversation you don't put her out.

"Even without a doctorate, surely you are capable of reading a clock and following a schedule. Our structure has been floundering over the past few weeks, gentlemen. The only way to rectify is to revert back to strict adherence to the schedule."

Howard hadn't even made it in the door and already Sheldon was hounding him. He didn't particularly feel like dealing with his judgmental garbage. "You know Sheldon, there are a things that are a hell of a lot more important than your precious schedule."

"I can't imagine what." Sheldon twisted in his spot to face Howard.

"No, you couldn't could you? You avoid seeing anything as more important than yourself."

"Come on guys." Leonard plea was drowned out by the drama.

"I beg your pardon-." Sheldon started before being cut off by Raj.

"I wouldn't mess with him, dude. He's been moody all day. He put me in time out in the hall for unruly behavior. All I said was I preferred the vivid coloring of the old markers."

"How dare you! You didn't even have the decency to alert us to your absence from The Comic Center, causing a delay due to Raj's concern for your whereabouts. And now you come into my home, tardy, no less, with an attitude!" Sheldon ignored Raj and stood glaring at Howard with his fist clinched at his side.

"You know what, I don't even feel like playing now. Sorry I worried you Raj, call me later." Howard disappeared out the door.

After the departure of Howard, Raj followed suit. Seeing as how the evening was a bust, Leonard also left, hoping to catch some time with Priya and to avoid whatever was wrong with Sheldon.

Sheldon suddenly found himself, yet again, with an abundance of alone time. He attempted an online campaign by himself, but Halo was just not where his mind was. After a few poor attempts, he finally moved over to his whiteboard to work. After realizing he had incorrectly jotted down the most basic of math, Sheldon gave up and went to prepare for bed.

He had resisted thinking of her, since she left two days ago. He had adhered as strictly to his schedule as his friend, acquaintances and coworkers would allow so that he would have no time for such. Sheldon laid in bed, comfortable in his consistency. His room was cool and softly lit, just how he liked it. His bed was clean and tucked around in a comforting manner. He listened and heard just what he was supposed to...nothing. Absolutely nothing. That's what had changed in the last two months since Oliva reappeared in his life. Acquisition of new information was the only alteration, and he didn't particularly care for it. The knowledge that she continued on after he last spoke to her was overwhelming. Usually when he lost interest in something he deemed it unnecessary and it simply ceased.

He had wondered occasionally what had become of her, especially early on. Now he knew she had raised a child. A child who he now knew was at least seven years and five months old, but no more than nine years and two months old. Probably. If the child were any older, wouldn't he have known? That thought brought him up short. The thought of speculating progeny was too much like Leonard and his desire for babies that were smart and beautiful.

He finally gave up sleep and pulled out his journal. For days he had purposely avoided it. He didn't want to write about Olivia or Cera or anything in between. He did not need another entry about her, he had plenty of those. So much of his time had been spent trying to work out his own behavior and reactions concerning her. He had once considered she had drugged him or contaminated him with something mind altering. Sheldon slammed the cover shut, leaving it empty again.

To break his thought pattern he pulled out an old log book from January 2004. He couldn't recall anything noteworthy happening at the time. It was a time that most assuredly wouldn't have had anything to do with her. A few notable equations that furthered his foray into dark matter. Several scathing phone calls from his mother for not going home for Saturnalia. Several arguments with Leonard as they were still adjusting to living together. He really did have to make a lot of adjustments for Leonard, though in the end he proved to be much a better roommate than any of his other attempts. Now they were friends-with a social calendar and everything. Even if Leonard did let his work get sidelined for the carnality. Pursuits that Sheldon had proven himself superior in denying.

"Hey. You have a voice mail. It's from an attorney. Everything Ok?" Leonard said, pulling a soda from the fridge.

"As I have yet to hear the message or speak with said attorney, I have no way of ascertaining if things are in indeed OK, or not."

"Uh, yeah. Right, right. Let me know if you, uh, need anything." Leonard replied.

Sheldon just gave a heavy sigh. Leonard could be so intrusive at times. Sheldon lifted the handset and listened to message.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper this is Evelyn Morris with the law office of Burns, Miller, and Preston. We are calling regarding an urgent matter regarding one of our clients. Please call us as soon as possible…"

He had never heard of the law office before and wasn't even certain where the phone call was from, as it was an unfamiliar area code. He quickly pulled out his laptop and looked them up. The legal office was located in North Carolina and none of the long list of practice areas seemed like anything that could pertain to him. Sheldon wasn't even aware of anyone he knew living in North Carolina. The message had been left more than five hours ago. He just hoped he could reach someone this evening and not have to wait for the following day.

"Hello, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper returning a phone call pertaining to one of your clients."

"This is Luke Preston, Thank you for returning our call Dr. Cooper. Fortunately the matter has been resolved and your input will not be required."

"Well, thank you for that, but who is your client?"

"I'm sorry, I am not allowed to divulge that information."

"Is it...am I in trouble?"

"Well, you aren't in any legal trouble."

"Can you not tell me anything?"

"Sorry, Doctor Cooper, I cannot."

"Very well then, if there is nothing else."

"No, sir, thank you for calling."

Sheldon always wondered if the legal situation that he had somehow avoided would resurface. Interesting, it was the day after Olivia's accident. He couldn't not help her Monday, much as he struggled with the anxiety of stepping out his comfort zone and interacting with her. It seemed he was always helping her out of her overemotional states. He recalled hours on the phone assisting her in managing her reactions to a patient death when she was a medical student. He occasionally wondered about her abilities as a doctor, being so emotional, then he considered that may also be a good thing in both bedside manner and passion to fight critical ailments and death.

Penny had insinuated that he had been…unkind, when last he saw her. Sheldon was not accustomed to regretting things, but perhaps he could have handled that situation a bit better. Her presence was becoming too much. The curiosity, the anger, the regret was making him consider how to rid himself of her...again. Could he banish her? He could, Leonard had done it to Penny. That would leave him with the explanation as to why no one could be friends with her. Which would be unfortunate because she seemed to be having a positive effect on Penny.

Penny was sipping her wine quietly at her bar chair. She watched as Bernadette and Amy 'talked shop,' on her couch. She didn't understand much of what they said, but they seemed excited by it. She just felt bad she didn't have anything to offer the conversation.

"Do they frequently overlook their hostess, this early in the evening?" Cera asked Penny softly, as she rounded the island with a can of organic soda.

"It's not like that. They're just smarter than me and they enjoy talking about smart things."

"Hmm, do you actually think they are smarter or just that they have been exposed to more knowledge? After all, anybody can learn about any topic." The conversation was boring, even to Cera, and she understood it. She was grateful that those in research moved healthcare forward, but they were all so detached they forgot there were people on the other end of the answers they sought.

"Yeah, well, I'm surrounded by those anybodies that have learned a lot. I just have to accept there are things I can't keep up with." Penny finished her first glass of wine.

"Then learn some of those things to keep up. Or learn to subtly change topics to something everyone can equally contribute to." Cera gave a small smile and had a glint in her eye.

Penny had considered telling the girls Sheldon's startling revelation, but was brought up short thinking about Cera's thoughts on gossip and what that information might do to Amy. So instead she thought to ask Cera if she had recovered from Monday's panic. Cera gave a soft smile and nodded, not really wanting to delve into it. The other two ladies, however, were very interested in Cera's upset and Sheldon's brave and out of the ordinary feats.

"Yeah, Sheldon really kept his cool under pressure. He even called Cera's daughter. Of course, then he got all Sheldon-y so I had to actually talk to her, but he tried."

Cera felt both relieved and angry at Penny's intervention. If Sheldon had asked Merritt her age, things would have gotten out of hand quickly. But she didn't like how Penny referred to Sheldon…to Merritt's father.

"Being highly intelligent and more evolved, it does not surprise me that Sheldon was able to handle such a situation."

Bernadette ignored Amy veneration of Sheldon in favor of gaining some first hand information, "What's it like, having a kid?"

"I know it's something I want to put off as long as possible. I'm not ready to lose my figure." Penny interjected.

"Merritt is the most awesome thing to ever happen in my life. She didn't ruin my figure, either. If anything, it's better. I ended with a bit more curves than I what I started."

"Yeah, but you were really young. That's different." Penny countered.

"It's not like I was a teen mom. I was twenty-two and a half."

"Oh, well, that's still so young for something so big. Twenty-two? But she's nine…" Penny started counting on her fingers.

"Yea, yea, we all know basic math, I'm over thirty. But twenty-two isn't that young. At that age a lot of people are well into an undergrad or a career, if they aren't already finished." Amy and Bernadette both agreed with Cera's statement.

"Didn't having her affect you? I mean you were by yourself."

"Of course it affected me. I had to…rearrange a lot things. But children will do that no matter when you have them…especially if you are by yourself. I wouldn't change any of it though. You just don't know what loving someone is until you have a child." Cera choked a bit on that statement.

"But you seem to be doing OK, and Merritt is a really cool kid. I couldn't believe how well she handled your panic attack on Monday."

"Yeah, she's a trooper."

"Cera, I do wonder, about the unfortunately timed conception of your daughter. Was it an alcohol or promiscuity influenced decision? Or did you just pick a poor mate for yourself? Perhaps you were drawn in by a testosterone fueled, hunk of a male specimen."

Cera took several deep breaths. She felt anger at the invasiveness and implications in those questions. Thoughts of Sheldon being a testosterone fueled, hunk of a male specimen was ridiculous enough to take the edge off. "I realize, in your pursuit of knowledge, you fail to be considerate of others, but if you have any sense of self-preservation you will never again mention my intimate affairs or your assumptions about them. Yes, my daughter was a surprise, but not a mistake. It was not a mistake that I loved her father, it was not a mistake being with him, and it was not a mistake that I had her! She is wonderful, and despite the expanse between us, her father is a man to be proud of, not some meathead!"

"I assure you I meant no offense. I was merely trying to ascertain the events that lead to motherhood for you. Never before, have I had an acquaintance that was a parent, let alone one that was solitary."

"Amy, I told you last year, people don't like it when you talk about their sex lives and blow it all out of proportion." Penny chastised her friend

"The math was there. Even Sheldon said so. Besides, I'm more interested in Cera's man of mystery. What can you tell us about Merritt's father?"

"Sex is interesting, and people are always going to talk about it, but it's a good idea not to paint others sex lives with such a judgmental brush, when doing so." Cera was annoyed with Amy's audacity and clearly she behaved this way to everyone. The gasps from the other ladies made her wonder if anyone had ever explained manners to Amy before. Before she could say anymore, she answered Amy's question. "I really don't have anything to say about him, right now. I've spent…the last several days being an absolute mess over…the situation." Cera was quiet for a moment, then cocked her head as a tear trickled from her eye. "Sorry, I'm not sure I'm together enough to delve back into that just yet." Not to mention she felt bad enough telling Howard. She really didn't want Sheldon to find out about Merritt last, from his friends.

"If he causes such a negative emotional response, what are the reasons you claim to have loved him?" the ever inquisitive Amy asked.

"Reasons? Hmm…'Le coeur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connaît point.'" Cera shifted on her barchair. She had deconstructed and reconstructed her feelings for Sheldon so many times over the years, it seemed both natural and silly at the same time.

"Pascal?" Bernadette asked.

"What is that? Who is that?" Penny asked, thoroughly confused. As often she and Cera seemed to have a great connection, there were many times she felt as though they spoke different languages. This time was literal.

"'The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.' Blaise Pascal was a French mathematician and philosopher." Amy answered Penny.

Penny gave a soft "Oh," and nodded her head. "I…actually get that."

Moving on from the topic of Merritt's father, the women moved on to discuss first loves and old boyfriends. Cera found it odd that Amy kept hinting at Sheldon as her example of a love interest. She had mentioned the kiss, which they had reset from, many times. Not that Sheldon couldn't be a love interest or that Amy couldn't find him desirable, but because he had been this intangible entity for so long. And now her past was the future of an acquaintance. Taking pity on an Amy that didn't know if she needed to push or pull or hide when it came to Sheldon, she spoke up.

"When interacting with a man who's…not certain he is interested in…the distraction of romance, the best course is to just…relax into the company you have. You can't force romance. Find some common ground. Learn some of his hobbies, learn why he likes them. Create some mutual hobbies. But be patient. Real patience- where you enjoy the time together until you get a relationship. Done properly, it's rewarding, not a hassle. If you dislike the adventure on the way to your destination, there's little point in going."

Amy shook her head thoughtfully, but wondered at Cera's experience. The ladies were surprised Cera actually didn't date that much, even if she did start dating at fourteen. She confessed that her first boyfriend, who was almost five years older than her, altered her dating life dramatically, even in the face of the examples she had set before her by her romantically driven parents.

"He told me to slow down with dating. That I should take time and be me and to learn who 'me' is, before involving other people. He said everyone that comes through my life is going to take things, whether it be emotional or physical. They are also going to leave something, but it's up to me to decide what and how much. I took that advice to heart and didn't date again until I was eighteen. I still didn't have 'me' resolved and should have waited a bit longer, but still probably saved myself a lot of heartache."

"Wow, I don't think I've ever had a guy tell me to stop dating. Or give me advice like that. He must have really cared for you." Bernadette said.

"He was a sweetheart and really did care about me. Not just what he could get from me. I'm still friends with him…and his wife. He took a dating break, too. Two years later, she was the next woman he dated." Cera smiled at the fond memory of her friend.

"It's good when you can be friends with an ex. Especially, when you live close by."

"So, you and Leonard are getting on better?"

"Not really, no. I wish we did, but we are still just kind of avoiding each other. I think him and Priya are getting serious, though. Bernadette and Howard had dinner with them last night."

"Yeah, that didn't go so well." Bernadette walked to the kitchen to escape the retelling of that.

"Of course we should have expected the weakest wildebeest to be taken out. That Priya is a crafty one."

"Huh?" a confused Cera looked back and forth between her companions totally lost.

"Just drop it. It doesn't matter." Penny answered.

"But it does matter Penny. You spent so much time with Leonard, getting him to respond to you as a suitable mate. You deserve it, not that wily Priya. Shouldn't you benefit from it?" Amy looked around for support on her assertion.

"It does not matter anymore, Amy." Penny said firmly desperately wanting to move on from the topic of Leonard.

"Speaking of exes, Cera, didn't you say you were going out with Zack?" Bernadette tried to avert the discussion from the disastrous couple's dinner with Leonard and Priya. Penny didn't seem to want this as desperately as Amy either, so it was best to just change subjects.

"I'm quite drawn to Zack. He's just so natural, not trying to impress others or suppress himself. He's been a refreshing friend. He's a sweetheart and is really good with Merritt. He didn't even mind the background check before he could meet her." Cera had gotten up to wander around Penny's apartment. These get-togethers were a bit boring. Sure, they talked, but they didn't do anything. She wasn't sure if this group was odd or if she was. She walked over to Penny's entertainment center and pushed a button.

"You made Zack submit to a background check? Isn't that a bit excessive?" Amy questioned, jumping when a blaring sound suddenly invaded the apartment.

Cera found some music with a pleasing rhythm, then began to sway and twirl. "I'd rather be excessive than be sorry. If an acquaintance doesn't want the intrusion, I won't do it, but I won't trust them with my daughter. You can learn a lot about someone through a background check. Isn't that right Penny?"

"Huh? I haven't done anything!" Penny couldn't imagine what Cera had found in a background check. Or what she was presently doing.

"No? Then neither has Zack." Cera just smiled and continued dancing, disregarding her onlookers.

Sheldon was enjoying the status quo of his Friday. It was the first time in a while that everything had aligned properly and all of the guys were available. Since it was Friday they were flexible with events. Tonight they decided to go retro. They guys were enthusiastically playing Mario Kart 64, on Sheldon's old N64, the awkwardness of earlier in the week forgotten.

They were discussing Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire, which Sheldon had been playing when they came in, and the superiority of the PC version of the game over the N64.

"While the animated cut scenes on the PC version were dramatically better, I found I missed the simplicity of the still screens with text." He shook his head disappointedly.

"Dude, no comparison. The PC was so much better than the Nintendo 64. Especially with the 3D card." The guys were brought up short by a rhythmic thumping from the hall.

"Why Penny insists on brutalizing the entire building with that clamor, she calls music, baffles me. Certainly, she has read the notifications I sent her on the proper decibel level in conjoined living spaces." Sheldon stood to approach the door.

"I'll go to talk to them," Howard volunteered. "It'll give me a chance to see my ever lovely fiancée." He strutted out the door to engage the ladies. Since the remaining men were waiting for Howard, they all gravitated to the hall, where the action was.

"Hello ladies." Howard started in his most suave voice, stepping into the apartment. He noticed Amy was sitting alone in the love seat. Penny was on the other side of the island pouring a drink for Bernadette, who was seated at the bar. Both ladies were encouraging Cera, who was swaying and singing.

"I see that you all have reached a delightful level of euphoria." He approached Bernadette and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad you are having such a wonderful time."

"We're not drunk. Well, maybe Amy, she's had half a glass. But Penny and I are just relaxed. Cera...Cera isn't drinking. She just...is that way."

Howard was glad Cera could cut loose a bit. She had sounded down when he spoke with her on the phone, earlier. She had a rough day at work and was sad about Merritt being away overnight. Though Cera missed her daughter when she was out, she did encourage Merritt to be social.

After a few sweet words with Bernadette, Howard caught Cera's eye and mouthed 'You OK?' Which she answered with a smile and a nod. He smiled and winked in return, to let her know he was pleased.

Sheldon had been getting impatient with Howard's flirtatious method and entered the apartment, leaving Leonard and Raj in the hallway. He stopped short at the sight of twirling Olivia. He watched as she smiled at Howard. Why they would ever have an exchange, he couldn't fathom. He watched as she called out to Penny, to draw her into the dance. Sheldon had seen enough, though he didn't think she ever noticed him standing mere feet from her. He walked out exhausted and unsettled, the rest of his evening becoming a bust.

After everyone had gone home Sheldon attempted to distract his mind once again. He recognized her this evening. She was the same as when he used to watch her dance around the pool tables, smiling, dancing, and chattering. Her behavior was recognizable. The facts of her, he may not have known, but he did know her and much of her seemed unchanged.

The white board was covered in equations as he considered higher spin gravity. Or was attempting to. Mostly he was thinking about Olivia. Monday's events were a revelation to him. Not just because of what he learned about her. It was the knowledge that all of the time and effort he had put between them, she still had a dramatic effect on him. He still somehow retained the nonsensical desire to touch her. Not just in a sexual way, but more in affirmation of her presence. He had always resisted, though the need had become more insistent as their time together wore on. Which was proof that he had needed to break away from her.

After several more moments of staring at equations and thinking of Olivia he tipped over his white board and stormed to his room. He was having one of those unfortunate evenings, where his eidetic memory was driving him mad.

"Sheldon, it's been more than a month since we went out and did anything. All we do is come to my apartment and have sex."

"Well, that's not true. We went to Comicsmania last week. And the week prior."

"Me driving you to meet your brother, so he can drive you home, is not doing anything. And I am not so into any comic book I need to be there every week."

"We agreed to this. And I thought you liked comic books."

"I do like comics in... moderation. And I didn't agree to cease having a friend. It's been weeks since you even mentioned your work."

"Well, I admit we have been a bit preoccupied with our carnal exploits, but surely it hasn't been that long."

"Unbelievable, I have one of the most brilliant minds as a friend. One who I've had the most interesting conversations with and we've devolved to…to…rutting like animals." Cera murmured more to herself before raising her voice "Just talk to me. What have you worked on this week? What do you want to work on?"

"Did you bring me here just yell at me?"

"No...I just wanted to talk for a bit…maybe? Here, will this help?" Cera picked up a marker and wrote what she recalled of an equation down her left arm. Sheldon's eyes grew large.

"That'...that's not correct," He took the marker and corrected two numbers "and it's not complete." He wrote further down her arm, explaining every mark as he went. "I've further applied it..." Sheldon wrote down Cera's other arm. As he ran out of room, he exposed more skin. He wrote numbers, symbols, and letters across her chest, over her abdomen, down her legs. When he was done, she was beautiful, the most elegant of equations.

Sheldon was overwhelmed by the beauty of the structure and patterns of math, science, and Cera. He trembled as he pulled her to the bedroom. Perhaps, because he couldn't bear for her to wash away his work or the thoughts written out her skin were a distraction, but the typical ablutions never entered his mind. They came together equations and skin with murmurings of elegance and symmetry.

Sheldon lingered in a way he hadn't before. His typical departure or evening schedule was never mentioned. They came together two more times in the evening and into the night. Early the following morning Sheldon awoke with Cera tucked into his bare chest. It took several minutes for his typical panic to kick in sending him running for the shower.

He spent an age in the shower scrubbing away the fluids. He was disturbed that he was so distracted he allowed himself to marinate in human contaminates for hours, and sleep in them no less. Who knew how many germs had become a breeding ground too. He was probably cross contaminated with ink, as well. Suddenly, he was concerned for Cera, too. After all, she was covered in ink. She had assured him it was a skin marker from the hospital, but that did little to ease his mind. Maybe she could procure them both prescriptions for antibiotics.

He was uncertain of the protocol of waking up in someone else's apartment and even more unsure of how to depart. Perhaps Cera knew and he could take cues from her, but then again, she hadn't ever done this before either. He was hoping Junior would be willing to cover for him with his mom. He would have to negotiate some sort of compensation for him coming to get him so early.

Cera was waiting outside the bathroom when Sheldon exited. She was wide-eyed, but not frowning. He wasn't sure what that meant. Perhaps he should have been recording her facial expression and their context all this time.

"I…uh…I've got a…a long shift today. I…need to get ready." She sounded…uncertain…too?

"That's good." It felt like a dumb statement, but what else could he say? He enjoyed last night? He wanted to do it was terrified of what this was. He wanted to run away. "Junior is coming to pick me up and take me home." Was all that came out.

"Ok. I'll call you later then…or you can call me…it doesn't matter." She gave him a slight smile that he returned.

"OK." They had done this a dozen times, he couldn't grasp why this was different. Did what you put into coitus change what you got out of it.

"You know, if Momma catches wind of this, she'll have you marchin' down the aisle in a heartbeat." Were Junior's opening words to Sheldon upon climbing in the truck. Sheldon just blinked at him confusedly. He really didn't get enough REM sleep last night. Part of Sheldon wanted to ask for clarification, but the other part felt he grasped enough of that statement to know he didn't want it spelled out.

"You could do worse, though. She's kinda a cute, in a buttoned up kinda way, if you don't mind a prissy, know it all. Which I guess you wouldn't." Sheldon just wished Junior would quit talking. He had enough going on in his head without Junior adding to it. And Cera wasn't prissy, just confident.

The following day found Sheldon attempting to get some work done. He had some groundbreaking thoughts that morning and was tying it in with his existing work. He could then compile all of his findings in an orderly fashion for transport. He would be leaving in ten to twelve weeks and he wanted to hit the ground running, as they say, when he arrived in California. In addition to the classes he would take for his next degree, he also had a lot of theories that needed testing. So he checked and rechecked that all was where it should be.

Every time he looked at his white board, he saw images of her skin. After the third time he had to go release himself, he came to the decision 'She's tainting my work.' Last night he had let her get too close. Too much thought had gone into their interactions. He'd let her in too close to his passions. As distracted as he was, he worried he'd let his guard down in pleasure and contracted something. Perhaps he should have thought more of future repercussions than the benefits when extending the time frame of this experiment.

Needing to stop his preoccupation with Cera, he hoped to alter his interactions with her. The following week they had lunch and played pool, per her request. He imagined he wasn't very good company, as he didn't feel like being so. Despite their outing, Sheldon found himself back at Cera's apartment needing her. He was feeling suffocated by his need to touch her, to have her.

While Sheldon showered before leaving, he contemplated how to conclude this experiment. He just wanted to wash this whole experience from his body and mind. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy Cera's company, it just wasn't necessary. In fact it had become quiet consuming. Not to mention worrisome. The more interesting their encounters became, the more he worried about pathogens later on.

When presented with the illogical emotion of love from Cera, he used it as an opportunity to end their interactions. He knew she was upset when he left, but that was acceptable to him, he was too. He knew the feeling of relief would catch up with him the following day. Or perhaps the day after that.

"You're lucky I felt like pickin' your ass up again. While I appreciate the gas money and the good word to mom, this is cuttin' into my social life."

"You won't need to worry about retrieving me again." Sheldon's statement caused his brother to really look at him for the first time that day. He couldn't tell if Sheldon was going to cry or hit something.

"Oh, man, I'm sorry. You alright?"

"Of course I am. It was merely an inevitable difference of opinion." Sheldon shrugged his shoulders, trying to contain the ache he felt in his chest. He thought perhaps he had caught something.

"You don't say. A difference of opinion with a woman. I'll admit Olivia was…interestin', but she did need to dial it back a notch or two. Even Momma and Meemaw would roll their eyes when she started on about refined sugar, and stuff, and they liked her."

"No, no it was nothing like that." Sheldon reached over and turned on his brother's radio, then promptly changed it from the country station. While the action irritated Junior, he also knew it was odd for Sheldon, who must be trying to cope with something he would talk about when he was good and ready.

For years the memory of his equations all across her breast, stomach, and thighs taunted him. He has frequently stomped to the bathroom or his room with the need for release from what played out in his mind with the clarity of pornography, much to the confusion of his roommate and friends.

He was still just as perplexed by her proclamation. Sheldon understood having passion and a consuming desire for a goal. He understood attachment and comfort with a relative. Of course, those feelings could be unconditional. He did not understand how those feelings could translate to human beings that were unrelated, that could and would come and go as they please. How could she claim such a thing? How could she expect that of him? There are no relationships without strings. Everything had a reason. What was her's?