Chapter 21
There were several equations written across the board, but they weren't coming together for Sheldon. He had been staring at them for hours, days even, considering he had written them on Monday, but to no avail. Raj had been oddly aloof and terse all week as well, which hadn't helped matters much.
Raj had stayed over one evening due to Leonard's misbehavior with Raj's sister. A reminder that men take exception to whom his sister chooses to invite into her bed, even if he considers him a friend. Sheldon was aware of a divide between Raj and Leonard, but Raj's refusal to switch apartments seemed to be directed at him. Having done nothing as disgraceful to Priya as Leonard has, Sheldon didn't understand the hostility.
Yesterday's teasing and innuendo, surrounding Leonard and Priya, passed through the blockade Sheldon typically held in place. The thought of Star Trek cosplay sounded...intriguing and arousing. He hadn't known that…playful was an option.
Sheldon felt disappointed with his thought processes. He was disgusted by how base his mind could be, that he had thought about coitus three times today. As usual when he thought about the physical act, he thought of Cera. He supposed it's because she is all he knows. Instead of her, he wished his mind would supply the answers to the problem before him, on the whiteboard.
He hated this weakness. Coitus always sounded distasteful. Something used to command and control was what he learned from his parents, used equally by both. An act of achievement according to his peers. Perhaps that is why he always needed to separate himself from it. It only became worse after he had finally given into it. Being inside someone sounded so brutal and alien. The reality of it felt much different, but was far more confusing than he could have guessed.
Sheldon knew the sensations and thoughts were the result of the chemical dump in his brain due to sexual activity. Still, he found them fruitless, confusing, and distracting. He had done his best to dismiss what he could and sort out the rest. Control of himself and his environment had been his overriding objective since he was five years old; when events spiraled out of his control, he coped in the only manner he knew, rigorous scheduling and dominance of surroundings.
Sheldon finally flung his marker onto his desk. He wasn't getting anything done like this. It had been a long day and he was ready to call it quits. Fortunately tonight was Cheesecake Factory and then maybe some Wii Bowling.
Priya was snuggled on the couch beside Leonard when Sheldon breezed through.
"Don't make yourself comfortable Leonard, we are nearing time to leave. Am I to understand Raj and Howard are meeting us there since they are not presently here?"
Leonard looked up, confused, "Raj said you were stuck on something today and cancelled. That's why Priya is here."
"I did no such thing. Don't you think I would have notified you all, en masse, if that were the case? Now, get ready. It's time to go." Sheldon went to his room to grab a jacket. Though it was June, he wanted to be prepared for the chill of the air conditioning in the restaurant.
Wrapping his arm around Priya, Leonard got cozy on the couch. He wasn't going to give into Sheldon, even if he didn't know what was going on. His comfort was brought up short by a knock at the door.
"Hello, Leonard Hofstader." Cera said softly, even though she was surprised.
"Uh, hello uh…Sarah was it?" Leonard eyed the petite woman, in the lavender sundress.
"No, Cera with a 'k' named for Ceridwen, the Welsh enchantress. She's considered to be the Celtic goddess of rebirth and inspiration. But I'm not really a goddess because if I was I think I'd be a bit taller, though I do hope I can inspire wisdom in others, even if it's not through the potion, Awen. May I see Sheldon?" Cera babbled nervously. She had thought Leonard was encouraged to be somewhere else.
"Um, ok." Thinking this evening was getting even stranger, Leonard wasn't sure how to respond to that.
Priya cleared throat from the couch.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you Leonard's Priya?" Cera chirped, peeking around behind Leonard.
"I suppose you could call me that." Priya replied warily to the stranger.
"Priya this is Cera…Tollman? Cera this is Priya Koothrapali." Leonard still wasn't certain if he got her name right.
"Oh, you're Raj's sister. Lovely. He's funny. Well, I guess he's funny. One time I saw him and he was funny through Howard. The other time he was tipsy and a bit silly. But yeah, I liked him." Cera said as if she had just made up her mind to that fact.
"So Cera, how is it you know Leonard." Never one to beat around the bush, Priya needed to know why this blonde was interrupting her evening.
"Oh, I met him briefly when Penny introduced me. We talked physics." Cera offered brightly.
Leonard was flabbergasted by her, they had only exchanged three sentences that one time. Unsure if he needed to be on the defensive, since this was Penny's friend, he offered little in reply. "Uh, sure."
"Though, I'm sorry I never did get to see your work. I'm sure yours was lovely too, even if Sheldon can't see it." Cera whipped around to Priya. "Do you like to watch him work? It can be a like watching art transpire."
"Yes, I suppose it could be." Even having been introduced, Priya was unsure of this intruder and kept Leonard between them.
Leonard studied Cera, unsure of this odd presence or what it had to do with Sheldon. She seemed non-threatening. Even if she was a little weird.
"May I see Sheldon now?" Cera requested politely.
"Uh, sure." Leonard was ready to be done with both this strange woman and Sheldon.
"Olivia! What, why are you here?" Sheldon was carrying his jacket and was unsure of what he had just walked in on. It was bad enough she had plagued his mind all day now she was actually in his home.
"We need to talk…privately." Cera was wide eyed and smiling.
"This isn't a good time. We were just on our way to the Cheesecake Factory." Sheldon gestured to the door, jacket in hand.
"Not…tonight" Cera's words were soft before turning to Leonard. "Leonard, may I borrow your apartment?"
"It's my apartment too, and no you may not." Sheldon answered for him.
"Well, I guess not." Leonard took Sheldon's lead.
Deciding she wasn't going let this evening turn out like the evening with Amy, Cera decide on a different method. She really was tired of playing around with this.
"How about you take your love to get some ice cream?" Cera said sweetly as she produced a hundred dollar bill from her purse. She hated this tactic and those who used it, but it got attention.
"He's lactose intolerant." Sheldon answered for Leonard. He really didn't want to be alone with her right now.
"Greek yogurt with some fruit and honey wouldn't go amiss then."
"Still lactose intolerant." Leonard followed up. He'd had grad students pay him to get time with Sheldon, but they usually didn't start with the big bucks.
"Good, then the yogurt shouldn't bother you. It has low lactose and high incidence of live active cultures that should make it edible for you. Have you considered that your lactose intolerance may be a symptom and not the disease?" Cera heard symptoms and her mind started providing ailments and remedies.
"What?! Sheldon, what is-" Leonard was overwhelmed by the audacity of this chick.
"Wait…" Priya tried to intervene in what seemed like a stressful encounter.
"She's not wrong Leonard. Medicine is the one subject I wouldn't argue with her." Cera rolled her eyes at Sheldon's statement. He might not argue, but he would strongly suggest. Though she was flattered that he would speak positively about her to someone else.
"She can't just come in here and pay me to leave and offer me dairy. Do you want me to leave you alone with her?" Leonard eyed Cera dubiously.
"I've learned one can offer money for a great many things and I've considered using monetary motivation as a mean to get you to leave myself. As for being left with her-" Sheldon started.
"Sheldon. Please. An hour, tops." Cera clasped her hands and pleaded.
"Very well." He was not happy with the situation, but saw no other way to get around this.
"Oh, uh, Priya." Leonard grabbed his keys and led his girlfriend out, but turned back for the outstretched hundred.
"Is this necessary?" Sheldon looked at Cera crossly.
"Absolutely. Please sit." When they were teens in Germany, Cera watched him circle a table with a studios glint before deciding where to sit. His precision in seating choice hadn't changed since, so she knew he would have a spot in his own home.
"I've researched the reasons why a former coital partner would contact you. You want to resume a relationship, are in need of an ego boost, or you want what is referred to as a booty call. Or you are in need of emotional closure." Sheldon spoke to Cera who sat next to him where he sat ramrod straight in his spot.
Cera nearly choked when Sheldon said booty call. "I don't…not…really any of those."
"I'm sorry to come at you like this. I was… This was supposed to go so differently." Cera closed her eyes. "And I…I need to explain…me before, before anything else. I've…had a therapist for years and she's helped me to…be myself.
"At which point are you implying that you were not yourself?" Sheldon wasn't sure why she felt the need to tell him this, or what to do with the information. He gave little thought to the softer sciences and even less to free emotional expression, so had no desire to discuss her 'therapy.'
"Most of my life…My parents are hippies. Mom made a life out of being this…sultry bohemian. Life was 'follow your bliss', 'if it feels good do it' and 'go with the flow.' There was an unhealthy emphasis placed on romantic entanglements and sex. I guess they thought since I resembled momma, it would be cute for me to emulate her.
"So I was encouraged to be impulsive, emotional, and free flowing, too. I just wasn't equipped to deal with life when, things happened. I started to unravel when we lost Galen and you saw what that looked like. It got worse when my mother wanted me to continue in a questionable relationship because, well, 'Love.' Which really isn't an answer, or a good reason for mistreatment. I finally figured out it wasn't realistic or productive to spend my time following my gut and how I felt about everything. That came at the same time I needed to prove I was a grown up. Only on TV would people tolerate an adolescent doctor. So I separated from my family, put away my overindulged emotional state and the expression of it." Cera's hair was loose and she fiddled with it as she spoke.
"So it, you…Olivia is all an elaborate ruse?" Sheldon was trying understand the implications of what she explained. He knew that living life willy-nilly with no regard to structure wasn't good, but he hadn't considered the personal implications. At least Cera had seen the error of such a life and attempted to correct it.
"No, not at all. I am Olivia. I prefer Olivia." Cera took a deep breath. She had never considered herself a liar. Merely that she was maturing and progressing as people are wont to do. "The name change is just because Ceridwen is my first name. I got tired of correcting people. As for my…behavior, it was more suppression than anything. I was running more on logic than emotion at the time. I never told you anything that was a lie. I was just being, what I thought, a conservative adult was. I was hurt worse, by reasoning my way through decisions, I suppose because I thought myself immune to emotional pain. I've had to learn to balance logic and emotion. Both provide vital information and just focusing on one or the other is an incomplete picture." Cera's eyes were already stinging with unshed tears and she hadn't even gotten to the hard part yet. Her eyes were focused on the strands of hair she wove. She took several deep breaths to prevent herself from shaking, but it wasn't working.
Ever perceptive, Sheldon noticed the trembling of Cera's hands. "Are you affected by a neurological disorder?"
"Uh, No."
"Then why are you shaking?"
"Because I'm about to give you the best, most important thing I have."
"I'm not really sure what you could have that could be so important that I would be interested. And you know I don't like gifts."
Sheldon wasn't usually very adept at reading facial cues but he pretty certain that the tears running down her face weren't a good thing.
"Don't, don't say that." Cera's harsh whisper brought Sheldon up short. "You know I have Merritt, right. We talked about her, about getting her IQ tested."
"I remember. And I'm sure you and that other fellow have raised a passable child, even if he wouldn't marry you." Discussing her child again would make Sheldon more uncomfortable than her tears already were, so he really didn't want to.
Cera furrowed her brow. Sheldon didn't even give her the opportunity to get to the point before jumping in. "What other fellow? Who wouldn't marry me?"
"The one you began seeing after you decided your dramatic claim was actually erroneous. When we discussed your progeny's IQ in Penny's apartment, you insinuated he wouldn't marry you."
"That-no." Cera shook her head in confusion. "I meant what I said, so there was no one else. Merritt belongs to you."
"What could you have said that would have any bearing on me being a candidate for your daughter's paternity?" What Cera had just insinuated seemed implausible for many reasons. Not the least of which was, if he was a father would he have known before now?
"I told you...something that eluded to exclusivity that I won't repeat again. There was no one else. Merritt is your daughter." Cera spoke softly, her voice dropping as she went.
"So you're saying, because of your proclamation, Missy's eyes were deceiving her when she saw you with a gentleman at Tracks Bar and Grill?" While Sheldon knew Missy wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, she wasn't a liar.
"I really, have no idea what you're talking about." Cera sobbed out. He thought she was with someone else? What kind of woman did he think she was? She really didn't expect him to be interested in the 'distraction' of a child, but she really didn't expect him to think she was promiscuous. He didn't even seem to be accepting the words she was saying. Cera hung her head defeated. At this point, why argue? "We'll just have the test taken and then you can sign the petition to terminate your parental rights." She said with a tear in her voice.
"Taking a test has no bearing on the event in question. So Missy was fabricating events? She invented this…this man whom you were so intimately attached to." Sheldon recounted everything she had described to a 'T' "He had shaggy, chin length hair. He was wearing a brown and white plaid shirt and blue denims. You were sitting in his lap. You were...were...kissing...His neck. You left not long after that." His voice trailed away. He had never voiced any of this before. Sheldon hated his mind's ability to imagine that event and was disgusted by the way it made him feel. While he thought he would be pleased if this was a misunderstanding, he wasn't sure he could shoulder what it meant.
Cera wracked her brain attempting to remember going to the restaurant with anyone other than Sheldon. She had gone with a pretty sizable group from work. And once with just a few of the ladies. And just before she left. "Elliott?"
"Ah, so now you remember." Sheldon's stomach turned. He wasn't certain if it was disappointment with the other man or relief for not being...he could hardly think it.
"Of course I remember Elliott, he's my surrogate brother."
"Oh...eww." Sheldon wrinkled his nose in disgust.
"Not a blood brother...and not…just, no. I was heartbroken and hormonal. I cried all the time. That would be what she saw. I was crying on his shoulder. He came to take me home. You've met him"
"So...you did...not have-." He wasn't sure why, but he felt relieved that she hadn't been involved with another man.
"No." Cera looked him in the eye, hoping he grasped her honesty and what it meant.
"So, um, this daughter is...Um? Ho boy. How?" Unaccustomed to being slow to interpret information, but he didn't want to leave any room for error.
"She is yours. I think three days of food poisoning negated the birth control." Cera watched Sheldon swallow hard, blink rapidly over blown pupils and start breathing rapidly.
"Sheldon, if you can hear me, put your head between your knees." Reaching in her purse Cera pulled out a paper bag. She talked him through what she was doing, touching him very little, to prevent Sheldon from passing out.
Sheldon was still clutching the bag even after he started to look more present.
"I figured I owed you one." Cera said, trying to lighten the moment. Sheldon merely nodded.
Cera broke the silence after a few moments. "Sheldon, How did you know when I left Houston?
He took a deep breath before answering not really knowing what to say. "Olivia, certainly you know that-"
He was going to give one of his long, multi-syllabic, egotistical reasons that answered nothing. She didn't feel like employing methods of getting an actual answer from him-gentle coaxing, challenging him, or her last resort, threaten. "You know it doesn't really matter."
After a few more moments of silence in which Sheldon's eyes never left the bag in his hand, he spoke. "I'm, I'm sorry. I'm not certain I'm having the correct response to this."
"There isn't really a correct response. Well, I guess babies are supposed to be happy things. But I think different circumstances create different responses. Since everything was so unconventional, there is no precedent."
"You think I'm unconventional?"
"No, we were unconventional. Together. I mean we weren't even friends were we?"
Sheldon swallowed hard. "No, not, not formally."
"After years of thinking about it, I decided we were just using each other. I mean you didn't ever really...seem to...anyway. I thought...hoped...I had been using you, but I wasn't. I just genuinely liked being with you."
"Olivia, I don't, I didn't..." For the first time he was absolutely at a loss for what to do or say. It seemed as though he should express his feelings, but having never put stock in such things, he didn't know what he felt, then or now. He certainly didn't know as to how to express them.
"Don't, don't speak right now. You are excellent at thinking fast and providing that information instantly. But I want you to think about this. I don't want a knee jerk reaction. I always wondered if you meant what you said before or if just a reaction to... what I said. But I don't want to wonder about this. I don't want to push you into anything, but know that whatever you decide…to be a dad or not, is permanent. Call me when you are ready. " Cera laid an envelope on his coffee table and left.
After a few minutes of staring at the envelope Sheldon picked it up with shaking hands. Her hand writing across the front was familiar thought different, older.
'Mutantur omnia nos et mutamur in illis.' He recognized the quote. "All things are changed, and we are changed with them." The words were Latin, the quote, in this form, dated back to the Reformation and its origins were…Germanic. He wondered if her choice of the German reference was purposeful.
Inside was a letter folded in thirds. When he pulled it from the envelope there was a yellow sticky note the said Per Your Request.
It wasn't a letter at all, but a list of subjects, the range and corresponding numbers. It was the IQ test of Merritt Lise Tollman. She wasn't a genius, but was above average in nearly everything. There were a few subjects she did spike in to elevated intelligence.
There were also two photos. He wasn't sure what to think of the sleeping, dark haired baby. He didn't think she was very old, but he knew nothing about baby ages. The other photo made his heart stop. It was a dark haired girl from the waist up. She had her hand on her hip and a huge smile. She smiled so much like Cera, her nose was more like his, but her eyes were amazing. Not a dark enough blue to be Cera's or clear enough blue to be his own, they were a shade and shape he knew only on MeeMaw.
He studied the photo for several minutes, picking out the familiar. She had a stance that reminded him of Missy. Whenever Missy got into one of her prissy moods, Meemaw would call her Sassy Miss Missy. Sheldon was pretty sure Cera was too tranquil to be sassy. He ran his finger over the photo; the girl's smile lit her face like Cera's did. While genetics didn't interest him as a science and held little for him until they perfected cloning, it really was an amazing natural occurrence.
He placed the photo back in its envelope with the other contents and leaned his head back in the couch, still clutching the envelope. This far outdid anything he could have guessed or apparently researched. That will teach him to take advice from Yahoo! Answers.
When Leonard entered the apartment later he looked around. "What was that about?"
"We had personal business to attend to." Sheldon held his envelope close.
"With her? Like what?" Leonard's distaste for her coming through in his voice.
Sheldon wasn't going to flinch. Merritt was not a secret, she was a…treasure…to protect. So he stood and pocketed the envelope…her picture. "Don't you think if it had concerned you she would have extended an invitation to stay, instead of paying for your absence?" Sheldon went to the kitchen to gather a snack. He had missed dinner, but that hardly seemed to matter now.
"I just don't want you to get tied up with some fangirl, grad student or whatever she is. It's not normal to pay someone to leave their own apartment. She just seems shifty to me." Leonard watched as Sheldon pulled out water and a pack of peanut butter crackers. This was unusual behavior for Sheldon, something was going on.
"You know nothing about her. Keep you uninformed opinions to yourself." Sheldon pointed sternly at Leonard before he stomped to his room, his treasure still tucked safely away in his pocket.
He pulled Merritt's current photo from the envelope and leaned it against the lamp on his nightstand. He typically detested eating in his room, but he needed to be alone. He had a problem to solve and it wasn't on the white board, it was the girl staring back at him with MeeMaw's eyes.
As distressing as this should seem, it felt…not normal, because Sheldon was far too superior for that. He could never be average and clearly his child was above that as well, but it felt…natural. There was an organic feel to having a physical manifestation of himself. One that was created with a woman who was at onetime was his…preferred…non-family member.
When Sheldon awoke from a night of quality REM sleep he considered he just dreamed last night, but looking over, Merritt was still smiling at him from the night stand. The events of yesterday were surreal, his reactions, or lack thereof even more so. Cera gave him news that should have put him in the fetal position for hours. Instead, his body actually surged with energy and his mind was clear. He instinctively reached for the high bran cereal, but his hand instead went to the much tastier Fruity Pebbles that were only for appointed days of whimsy. It tasted good.
Sheldon just wished the light feeling he'd had for the last two days would carry over into his personal interactions. Wolowitz had launched the seventh insult of the day at him and it was only lunch time. He had spent minimal time with Wolowitz and thinking back, could consider no time at which they had had any interaction that could be construed as negative.
"Yeah, well, you're not much of a man are you?" Howard snatched up his lunch tray and stormed off. He just couldn't be near Sheldon. He knew Cera told him about Merritt and was waiting for the man to make a move of some sort. Instead Sheldon did nothing, holding Cera and Merritt captive, not letting them move forward in life, with or without him.
"Should I infer from that loud outburst that Wolowitz is angry with me? All I said was I didn't want to involve myself. The turf war is between the Geology Department and the Chemistry Department. I don't care who gets the extra lab space."
Raj merely grunted and went the way of Howard. Leonard looked lost and shrugged.
It came to a head in the hall outside his office. After a few heated words, Howard braced his forearm across Sheldon's chest. Normally Sheldon could have shaken him off based on size, but he was startled.
"She deserves better than this." At first Sheldon was unsure what Howard was referencing, but quickly his mind reminded him of what he was neglecting. It hadn't even occurred to him to question Howard's knowledge.
Not knowing which female Howard was referring to, Sheldon whispered "I know," knowing both of them did.
Sheldon's admission brought Howard up short. Looking Sheldon over, he noticed the unfamiliar look of fear on his face. Sheldon wasn't being callous, he wasn't being a jerk, he was terrified.
Howard noticed Sheldon was fumbling with something, an envelope. It was rugged as though he'd handled it a lot, and possibly carried it around. Then Sheldon did the most fatherly thing; he showed Howard Merritt's pictures. All of Howard's anger suddenly came up short. He considered gloating and telling Sheldon he had spent considerable time with his daughter while he was being a jerk, but instead he took pity on the man.
"I know, Sheldon, she's lovely. And smart too. She would like you a whole lot."
"I don't... Don't know what to do. What if I'm not good enough? All I know of fatherhood, is what I saw from my own father and he was deplorable. And I've already surpassed him in my failings, by becoming what is referred to as a "deadbeat dad.""
"I think you get a pass on the whole deadbeat thing if you don't know. And I'm certain Cera would never refer to you like that. Talk to her. She can help you."
Sheldon thought the engineer might be on to something. When had Sheldon Lee Cooper ever run from a topic simply because he didn't know it? He liked a puzzle. He could always learn to be a good father. He could read about it. Study it. Master it. He smiled at the idea. Yes, if he applied himself, he should be able to learn such a thing. As long as it wasn't like driving. But he may try that again as well.
"Thank you, Howard." Sheldon stepped in his office with confidence, where there was once fear. He felt as if the last gear had shifted into place. He spent the rest of the day with a pleasant clarity. The equation on his board that had taunted him all week were solved. Things hadn't come this easily since the Arctic.
"I imagine you'll hear from Sheldon soon." Howard explained to Cera while Merritt was preoccupied with Raj and a custom layout of constellations for her room.
Raj had surprised himself in being able to talk to Merritt, even if he still couldn't communicate with her mother.
"Why? What did you do?" Cera eyed Howard warily.
"We may or may not have had a bit of an altercation outside of his office. I believe we are dealing with more of a confidence issue than an absentee father." Howard wouldn't meet her eyes, choosing instead to play with the ring on Bernadette's finger.
"Howard! He just found out about her. He just needs to adjust to…whatever this means for his future. I had seven months to adjust to thoughts of being a parent before she was born. It's a lot to adjust to." Taking a hard look at Howard she confronted him on a suspicion she had about his motivations "He's not your father. He had months of pregnancy and 11 years of being a dad to know what he was walking away from, too…Surely I can give Sheldon little time. I don't like it, it's not…easy, but I can be patient. For a little while anyway." Cera wiped a tear off of her face as she walked out to get air.
"Howie, is that true? You're afraid Sheldon will be like your dad?" At Howard's nod, Bernadette added, "I think its sweet you want to protect them from that, but you've got to let this play out naturally. You and Raj going around pissed at Sheldon isn't helping. Even Cera's not that angry with him. And for what it's worth, I think you're wrong. Anyone who can get that territorial over 'his' spot, or 'his' food is going to take care of 'his' kid."
"I hope so, Bernie." Howard pulled her in for a squeeze.
Sheldon couldn't remember ever being this overwhelmed or frightened. There had been many things in his life that gave him cause for those feelings, but nothing had been this real and this final all at once. As a child he had been overemotional. Often overwhelmed by things he couldn't process or events he over processed, so he cried and raged. Psychiatrists found ways for him to slow his emotions down and distance himself from that which nearly crippled him. Kolihnar, though fictional, was a concrete enough concept for him to execute. It kept the outside from seeing his emotional frailty, for this it wasn't working.
He wanted to meet Merritt. He wanted to be a father, but he was afraid he couldn't. He had a stack of books and several windows open on his laptop, all with research. Parenting, child development, how to be a father, none of it was returning results that eased his nerves. He was going to have to call for outside help.
"Good evening Sheldon. May I assume from the unscheduled phone call that something is amiss?"
"Greetings Beverly, since neither one of us enjoys banal chit chat I cut right to the so called 'chase.' I find myself curious as to how one might go about parenting a nine year old girl."
"Sheldon that is too specific a request to have no basis. As we both know you have no ability to create a believable falsehood without days of research and a script, please state your need directly."
"Very well. It seems as though, when I was a young man, at a time a when my hormones were able to dominate my better judgment, I gave into my baser urges and inadvertently created progeny."
"Have you done the necessary test to confirm that said offspring, is indeed yours?"
"Not yet, though her mother seems amendable to having the test run. However having seen photographs of her, I feel very confident that she is, in fact, mine. She seems to carry more of my own genetic markers and those of my family than of her mother."
"I still encourage a test. Genetic psychology would have us looking for similarities in offspring and attaching to traits we perceive to be our own. At times erroneously. Do you intend to assist in the raising of said child?"
"I...I'm not certain that I possess that ability. That's the purpose of my contacting you. I need more information on parenting."
"Am I to understand you have yet to meet the child in question?"
"That's correct. Her mother doesn't want me to involve myself if I don't intend to be a permanent fixture within her life."
"That is a thoughtful request. It suggest she is seeking to keep the child in a stable environment. Does she seem like a capable provider? How well aquatinted are you with the child's mother?"
"I knew her much better at the... Uh...time of conception."
"I believe you really think that. What was it about this woman that led you to such a weak and impulsive act?"
"It was not impulsive. It was a researched and planned experiment."
"You didn't think to research and plan contraception?"
"Of course we did. She is a physician and very capable of procuring and taking said contraception, we just became the percentage caught in the uncovered takers."
"I take it you were partaking of oral contraceptives. Those are notoriously less reliable than one would think. I credit them with the conception of Leonard."
"That would imply that you were engaging in coitus for pleasure when Leonard was conceived."
"While my lackadaisical behavior at the time is inexcusable, I was a younger woman and got carried away in a tactile experiment with Richard. I was caught up in the promise of orgasm."
"Yes well, coitus can do that, even to the best of us."
"Indeed, Now about nine year old females…"
While Beverly had been quite logical he found some of her instruction…lacking. She would have him behaving in such a way that was nothing like the soothing, encouraging behavior of his own mom or MeeMaw. Some, while sounding interesting and amusing in consideration to Leonard, proved to be things he didn't think he could follow through with in Merritt's case. Finally, he had an idea about what being a father was and as not to him.
Beverly also asked him a number of questions that left his mind reeling. Was her birth natural or cesarean? Was she breast fed? Was her mother able to finish her education? If so what type of child care did the child have? Sheldon realized he had a lot of questions to ask Cera. He also wondered for the first time, how much had having Merritt affected her. There was only one way to find out.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Ceridwen Olivia Tollman. This is Doctor Sheldon Cooper."
Cera had to remember to breathe before replying. "Hi Sheldon...You can call me Liv, you know." He never would settle for calling her an abbreviation, so she didn't expect him to now.
"Very well. Olivia, I find myself in need of more information." Sheldon's statement caused Cera to deflate. He still hadn't decided on Merritt. She hoped the fact that he asked was a good sign though.
"Sure, what do you need to know?"
"Well to start, why Merritt Lise?"
"I wanted a strong name for her. Merritt was the first female physician recorded by name. Of course, I changed the spelling from the original Egyptian. Her middle name, Lise, served two purposes. One it was similar to yours. Two it was another strong woman of science and though she was overlooked for the Nobel she made great discoveries and was eventually recognized with a Fermi."
"Meintner? Really?"
"Yes. What else do you need to know?"
"Well…"
Saturday morning after Dr. Who, Sheldon stared into his closet. After a very informative conversation with Cera, they decided to introduce him to Merritt. He was scared and worried, because he hadn't planned for this intrusion, but it felt right. He wanted to look his best for Merritt. Cera had told him once that blue suited him. He had the odd thought of wondering how she would phrase that now, knowing she has a vocabulary of descriptive, flowery words.
They met at the park. Sheldon took his fighting kite, so he could tell Leonard he was going to practice maneuvers. Leonard asked no questions, which was unlike him.
Cera was sitting barefoot on a bench beside a pretty young girl. She was even more amazing in person. He had never had more of a desire to touch someone than in this moment. He just needed to verify that she was indeed real.
"Oh, Hi Sheldon." Cera hadn't notice Sheldon's approach.
"Hello." He felt unusually awkward and shy.
"Merritt, this is…an acquaintance Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon this is Merritt."
Merritt stuck out her hand as good manners would indicate. Sheldon took her hand and shook it, though it was practice he usually despised. Her hand was small and warm with fingers that just barely curled under the bottom of his palm. She was indeed an actual person. An amazing, real, live person.
"What do you have?" Merritt indicating the multi-colored kite in Sheldon's hand.
"It's a Patang fighting kite." Sheldon held the kite aloft for her to inspect.
"Why would a kite fight?" Merritt studied Sheldon instead of the kite.
"It a competition between two or more individuals to prove superiority in flying. The object is to ground, capture, or cut the string of the competition."
"Oh, if you have a kite shouldn't you fly it? Or do you only do that if you can fight?" Merritt ran her hand on the edge of the kite.
Cera stepped away from father and daughter, pleased they seemed to be taking to each other. She pulled out a camera and started snapping pictures.
"Momma takes pictures of everything. It's a miracle I'm not blind from camera flash." Merritt watched Sheldon get his kite into the sky.
After a beat Sheldon said softly, "She always did." He was watching his daughter covertly out of the corner of his eye, paying no attention to the kite tugging at the handle in his hand.
After a few moments Merritt looked up at him and said softly "I know who you are."
"Oh?" He wasn't certain what the girl, his daughter, meant by this. Did she know he was a physicist? One of the smartest people in the world? His Halo avatar? He said nothing else as he was lost in his thoughts.
If he didn't possess Vulcan hearing he may have missed the soft words she whispered. "You're my daddy." Though the words were soft the feeling they gave him were quite loud. He felt warm and pleasant and proud. This had to be better than the Nobel Prize.
"How... Why do you think that?" He was curious how she came to this conclusion, or did she just assume this of every man Olivia brought around. His stomach turned at that thought. He didn't want her to identify any other man as daddy.
"I recognize you. When I was four, I found a picture in momma's night stand. It was her and you standing outside. She was young and her hair was black, but I knew it was her. You're taller...but you have the same face. The back said me and Sheldon 1996. Under Sheldon it said noble um something that started with an L, but I couldn't sound that part out...When momma saw me with it she pointed at you and said you were my daddy...She took it, I never saw it again." Merritt said matter-of-factly.
"Laureate. It said Nobel Laureate." He paused to take in that Olivia thought that fifteen years ago. His current friends barely believed in him now. "Are you certain you recall correctly what you read at four?" Sheldon was trying to recall the average age for a beginning reader. Of course, he was younger when he began to read, but he thought she was still earlier than average.
"Of course, I remember everything momma ever told me about you."
Cera returned from taking photos. "Hey, how's the...kite?"
It took Sheldon a moment to answer as he was still considering the fact that Cera had told Merritt anything about him. He also wondered if it was anything positive. "Uh, it has remained airborne, so it is doing exactly as it was intended."
"Dad's great with a kite" Merritt casually replied.
Cera's eyes went wide and her hands clenched at her sides as she exclaimed "You told her!? I thought we were easing into this!"
"I did not." Sheldon disliked conflict and this felt like the beginnings of one.
"You did, momma." Merritt explained.
"I did no such thing. I distinctly said we were meeting an old contact of mine." Cera said tightly to Merritt.
Sheldon did not like hearing himself referred to so casually. Surely he merited more thought than that, they had a daughter together for goodness sake. Could she not at least say he was a friend, companion, even a treasured acquaintance sounded better. She had always called him friend before, even when acquaintance had been his preferred way of addressing her...oh. Oh. He grimaced at the thought.
"I know that. But you 'member that picture...the one from your room, when I was little. You said that was daddy, and here he is." Merritt explained.
"Oh...I hadn't...considered that you would remember that." Cera took a deep breath and looked at both Sheldon and Merritt. Stepping toward Sheldon, Cera dropped her voice and asked "Sheldon is this...is this ok with you? Are you ok?" Merritt seemed to be handling this surprisingly well. But that didn't mean Sheldon couldn't be overwhelmed and withdraw from her.
"I am ok...This is...remarkable."
"She...uh...doesn't have to...call you daddy if you're not comfortable or you don't...don't like it." Cera said her voice even lower.
"What else would she call me? I am her daddy. And I do like it. Very much."
"Oh, ok." Cera felt awkward. There just wasn't any precedent for how to handle such a situation.
"You told her about me?" He had a sinking feeling. What information had been passed to Merritt? Would she think less of him to know how...dishonorable he had been to her mother?
"A bit, here and there." At seeing the concern on his face she added "only a few fun facts. Ask her, she'll tell you. And you can fill in the blanks."
Turning back to Merritt he asked "Merritt what do you know about me?"
At the end of their outing Cera drove Sheldon home. The ride was quiet, but not awkwardly so. Everyone just feeling thoughtful. Sheldon thought over all the things Merritt revealed knowing about him. She knew he was from Texas, that he was a genius, a scientist, good at video games, liked trains, his dislike for three-tined forks, amongst other things.
His love for trains had led to an interesting discussion about Merritt's travels to California the previous year. He was certain she could easily be a train lover, too.
"Good-bye daddy." Merritt called from the back seat.
"Good-bye Merritt." Sheldon waved to her through the glass. He then approached the driver's seat to speak to Cera. She stood just outside the door.
"Why did you tell her so much? Why didn't you tell her I was...mean?"
"You weren't mean, Sheldon. You just voiced an honest opinion in a harsh way. And while it was difficult for me, it has nothing to do with her."
"Oh…well….thank you, Olivia. For today."
"Sure." Cera smiled softly and sat back in the Jeep.
Howard had just blown Sheldon's head off, on screen, but the playful banter let Sheldon know it was not malicious. Nothing had been said about their interactions at work the day before. Because of the ease of interactions between him and Howard, Sheldon assumed Cera had given him a positive report. Raj seemed to have caught Howard's improved mood, as he too had positive exchanges with Sheldon. Sheldon would need to ask Cera about that.
This had turned in to a pleasant evening to end the most surprising of days. The guys were all gathered in his living room eating and playing, just like old times. Amy had mentioned a girl's night, but he had hardly noticed. All he knew was the equilibrium within the group seem to have righted itself and Cera was with their daughter. Their daughter.
The game was interrupted by Sheldon's phone. "Hello, Dr. Sheldon Cooper."
"Sorry to bother you again Sheldon, but Merritt wanted to say goodnight before she went to bed." Cera's voice came through the phone.
"Oh, well that's not a bother at all." Sheldon had a soft smile as he excused himself from the living room.
"Hello? Daddy? It's my bed time."
"Hello. Your mother told me it was your bed time. It's important for you to get adequate REM sleep."
"I will. You get good REM sleep too. Good night."
Sheldon suppressed his urge to correct her grammar, but thought better of it. He decided to ask Cera about parental interactions among other things. He planned to start a list as soon as he got off the phone.
"Thank You Merritt. Good night. May I speak with your mother again?"
"Hello?" Cera was surprised Sheldon wanted to speak with her again.
"Olivia?"
"Yes?"
"May I see Merritt, again?"
"Of course, Sheldon."
"No, I mean tomorrow."
Cera paused for a bit, she was elated that he had taken to Merritt so well, but she wasn't ready for Sheldon to take over her life with his demands and schedules. "Don't you have something planned?"
"While I did play paintball on Sunday's that has become less and less frequent. I did have tentative plans to do 'something' with Leonard that have yet to come to any fruition. So I suppose I don't. When would you be available?"
Cera heaved a sigh, glad he at least asked, though his assumption that the answer was yes was a bit forward. He had been more presumptuous in the past.
"Merritt practices piano twenty minutes in the morning, she'll practice baton in the afternoon, and she needs to get prepared for her week. Other than that we don't have any plans."
"Excellent. You can bring her here. We will have lunch."
Cera wasn't certain if she was involved in these plans or not. Nor was she sure he was taking in the full ramifications of having a nine year old girl in his home. "Sheldon, I'm not certain your apartment is child friendly."
"Of course it's child friendly. What could be more child friendly than DC Comics and video games?"
"Yeah, but can she play with any of them? I don't know if you remember, but nine year olds aren't the most graceful of creatures."
"Oh, well…I can just come over there then."
After confirming plans with Cera and bidding farewell to his friends Sheldon got ready for bed. It had been a surreal day. For all the things he had imagined and prepared for, he had never considered this possibility. He didn't think he would mind though. Of course now he had extra plans to make though. This week he needed to make disaster survival bags for them.