CH 29 LIFE IS SHADES OF GRAY

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SICK BAY

Kate sits quietly for the first time since being on the ship. Bones was gentle, but Kate can tell he is fuming. She knows Kirk, Jack, and John are ready to kill her. She isn't going to add Bones to that list with a lippy comment.

"Well she has a little smoke inhalation, a few minor first-degree burns and a large impact bruise on her pelvis, but, all in all, she is fine," Bones reports to Jim. "She will need several nebulizer treatments to heal her lungs. I am going to start the first one now. It will take an hour or so and she won't be able to talk so whatever you want to say do it now darlin'," Bones rubs her shoulder affectionately.

A panicked expression changes Kate's peaceful expression as she flies up from the med bed. "Oh god…Zala. We forgot Zala," Kate whips her head around the room looking for the blue-skinned Sith. "Where is she? Did you get her?" Kate searches Jim's face for a reassuring sign.

"No, we didn't. I'm sorry Kate but we couldn't get a lock." Jim's response is firm and final. Kate sees on his face and hears by his tone of voice that this is the truth.

"But she was alive," Kate looks at him stunned. "You…you locked on me." Kate coughs as her injured lungs try to handle her increased respiration rate. "If I had held her," Kate erupts in a coughing fit clutching her chest as each breath burns like her lungs are on fire.

Jim takes Kate's hand trying to calm her as Bones runs a tricorder over Kate again. "It's not your fault. The shielding of the Jedi ship was the only thing holding it together and blocking us from saving you both. If you did not have the comm unit we would not have been able to save you. It is no one's fault. Understand me…no one," Jim's words are steady and reassuring. Kate nods looking into his eyes trying to take a breath without searing pain.

Kate closes her eyes lying back. Jim has never lied to her yet, so Kate can't lie to him. "She was Sith not Jedi," she says softly. "She wasn't bad just misguided. Elan bo ji light. Go with the light," she translates the Twi'lek prayer for the departed wishing Zala Tsu finds peace in the Force. She licks her lips as the reality of the situation fully dawns on her. She blinks back the tears threatening to cascade down her cheeks.

"Okay we need to start the nebulizer treatment," Bones slides the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose. "I am going to give you something to help you relax darlin'. The treatment will work better and faster the more relaxed you are." With the first breath, Kate begins to feel relief. She nods holding back her tears as Bones presses the hypo to her neck. Kate closes her eyes drifting off into a sleepy sedation. "This will take about an hour or so. She will be physically fine by morning but emotionally is another story. She just participated in the death of her old life. She is going to need us to be patient," Bones squeezes Jim's shoulder as he walks to his office. "Go…do whatever you need to as Captain because when she wakes up she will need you as her Dad."

Jim kisses Kate's hand laying it gently beside her sleeping body. "No one will ever hurt you again baby," he says kissing her forehead before heading to his ready room.

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READY ROOM

Jim sits trying to focus on his officers but the only thought on his mind is Kate. Her reckless actions almost cost her, her life. Jim is not going to allow this to slide, but he also can't ignore that she is a child and another group of adults have failed her. "Sensor scans show no life forms or escape pods were ejected from the Jedi ship. Salvage crews are combing the wreckage for anything that may be useful in reverse engineering their technology Captain," Spock reports to the assembled Alpha crew.

"I want to know how exactly she got off the ship and past our security measures," Jim says in a deadly tone. "This is twice now a twelve-year-old child has circumvented our security protocols. I am not looking to place blame but to figure how it happened. If a child can do, so this could a real enemy like the Romulans…Klingons….or Jedi?"

"Captain the security measures," Jack starts but Jim cuts him off with a wave of his hand.

"Our security measures are ineffective and pathetic. And not just your department Jack," Jim states in full Captain mode. "Uhura, how did she get any transmissions off the ship without communications knowing about it? How did the Jedi ship sit under our noses for three days, Mr. Sulu? How the hell was Kate and Komack's cronies able to beam on and off the ship without a hi, bye or kiss my ass Mr. Chekov?" A thick silence falls in the room. Every department head sitting around the table knows they somehow dropped the ball. "I want answers and I want them now!" For the first time in four years, Kirk is taking his crew to task for shitty job performances. He takes the majority of the blame for Kate's actions being her father, but his lack of parenting skills doesn't explain the misdetection of the Jedi ship, communications breach, or unauthorized transporting on and off his ship.

Spock is the first one to speak. These same questions have caused the Vulcan to come up with several hypotheses and possible remedies. "Captain, I have figured out how your offspring appeared on the Jedi ship. Since they did not have beaming technology available to them, it was quite a mystery on how they abducted her. Upon further investigation I have learned that a transporter in cargo bay six was activated moments before we detected the Jedi ship leaving orbit," Spock reports.

Jim opens his mouth to fling several more questions at the group but is silenced by Jack. "She stole my command access card," the security chief admits. "This gave her access to every system on the ship." Anger at Kate and himself burn deep in his mind. Jim is right. There is no reason why Kate should have been able to walk off the ship that easily even with the command access card she stole. The ship is filled with 426 adults and not one of them even noticed her.

Kirk takes a minute to wrap his head around this new information. "She transported onto their ship, using your access card," he says stunned.

"Yes sir," Jack confirms. "She had the element of surprise and had every detail planned. Going over the records, Kate placed the ship on lockdown for less than ten seconds stopping anyone from accidently walking in on her in the cargo room. She cut the comms for that long so that no one could report her lowering the shields or inform the bridge of an unauthorized beaming; however, since it was registering I was beaming no one questioned the act. That is why we had no idea what the left hand was doing while the right hand cut the internal communications, locked the doors and lowered the shields. It was fast, efficient, and tactically brilliant. It's exactly what I would have done in her situation." Jack leans forward in his seat, "unfortunately, that just begs the question of how well trained is she. I mean if she is that good at twelve, what are they training to become."

"Sir," Uhura changes the topic shoving a PADD in front of him with a message scribbled on it. "You need to read this before you make any decisions on how to proceed." Kirk takes the PADD glancing down at the message. Regardless of what it says, it won't change the facts about what Kate has done. "I found this immediately after you left the bridge for the transporter room, Sir. I was looking to see if the Jedi sent a distress call when I found it."

Kirk's face shows a wide array or emotions as he reads the message.

Dear Dad,

I am sorry about what I have to do but I have to either stop the Jedi or get them far enough from the Enterprise before they hurt someone. I was told this mission was to seek out a way to save my galaxy. Things have gotten way off our original plan. I have meditated and decided to allow the Force to guide me down the path it chooses. The path it has shown me is with the Jedi. I need you to know though that Zala Tsu, Rogan, and Da-Mu-Ka are not true Jedi. I realized too late that they are Sith serving the dark side of the Force. I fight for the light side of the Force with the Jedi Knights. It is my duty to stop them. I thought long and hard about asking for your help, but this fight is between me and them. Not between you and them. My decision not to inform you of my plan was based solely on my belief that you probably would have tried to stop me and that was not acceptable. Don't worry I have done this stuff before." Kate places a smiley face emoticon in the note. "I will be fine. If I need you, I will call for an extraction. You are a great Captain and hopefully if my plan works out I can tell you this in person one day. Trust in the Force Jim. It did not bring us together to never have us meet again. You won't believe this but I am sorry our paths in the Force did not merge. You were a great Dad even for a short time. My mom was a fool for leaving you. I know this won't be the last time we speak but if it is I want you to know I am proud to be your daughter. I will carry your memory in my heart until next we meet.

Love always,

Katie bug

Jim reads the letter so fast the first time for a viable excuse to her actions that he needs to re-read it. The second time around he still finds no reason for her actions except that she is harboring the false belief that the path of the Jedi is her only option. When he is done, he looks at his crew.

"Sir, she is only a child and was manipulated," Uhura tries to reason with Kirk.

"No. She planned some half-cocked scheme that almost resulted in her death and danger to the Enterprise instead of coming to us for help. Fuck those Jedi and their missions," Kirk says pointing his finger at no one in particular. "She should have known better." He is livid and rises from his chair to have a talk with Kate. What's done is done. He can only deal with the fallout.

"Jim, they have brainwashed her into believing their ideas are legitimate. Jesus, she was wrong," Sulu reasons, "but imagine waking up and someone telling you everything about the Federation and Star Fleet is a lie."

"Hell, I can take her being brainwashed by some fucking Jedi cult. I really can Mr. Sulu. I can convince her they are wrong over time, but the screw she has loose thinking she is 25 instead of 12… THAT needs to be fixed right here and right now. Kate saw this as a game or grand adventure and not life or death. For Christ's sake, she used a damn emoticon in the note," he says throwing the PADD on the table with a clink. "That smiley face shows exactly how serious she thought this was. She needs to fully understand her actions will have consequences from here on out," he says hotly walking out the door.

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SICK BAY

Kirk enters Sick Bay heading straight for Kate's bed. Her smiling face as she chats with Dr. Reed sends him over the edge. He sees it falter slightly as he approaches the med bed with his shoulders squared and back ramrod straight. "Since you are having difficulty following verbal rules I had written them down," he says tossing a PADD on her lap. "Read it, learn it, love it kid because it will make life a whole lot easier for you." Kirk waits for her reaction. He is primed and ready to take her on.

Kate knew Jim would be mad over her actions, but his sudden shift from soft, loving parent, to the Captain of the ship takes her by surprise. Kate taps the dark screen waking the device to see what Jim is actually talking about. A numbered list fills the page. Kate scrolls down the list of never ending rules spelled out in detail. His use of formal language to prove his point that he is an adult and in control makes it hard for Kate to understand what she is reading. "Read it," Jim takes a seat. "We are going through this point by point to make sure you are crystal clear about what will be tolerated and what will make your life a living hell." Kirk sees Kate scanning the list in shock. "At the top," he pulls the list to number one. "Start here."

"Number one," Kate licks her lips before trying to read the rule silently to herself to make sure she gets it right. "I have the right to expect as a human being that will be treated respectfully, impartially, and fairly by all personnel. I will treat others in the same manner."

"Out loud," Kirk growls thinking her stalling is a way of defiance.

Kate feels her chest knot. Zala Tsu was right on one thing. Once she left the Captain changed. "I...I," Kate stumbles for her words. "I want to go home. I want my mom and dad," Kate tells him what she is feeling instead of the sentences he wants her to read. "I did not think it was going to be like this," Kate stares off at nothing. "I was supposed to," she sniffs back her nose and wipes the tears before they fall. "I am smart. I am highly educated. I am not stupid. I understand what I did was wrong," she says like she is trying to convince him. She is losing the battle in not crying. "I want my daddy," her voice hitches on almost every word. To Kirk, Kate has never looked so young and helpless. He sees her delay in following his directions wasn't out of defiance, but reality crashing down on her. Kirk's heart is breaking for Kate, but he doesn't know what to say to make the hurt go away.

Whether it is right or wrong, Kirk goes with his gut. He reaches out embracing her in a tight hug. To his surprise, Kate does not pull back. She does not return the gesture but slightly relaxes into his body. The lecture for her behavior can wait. He may want her to see him, as her father, but only time will do that.

"Well it's dinner time," Kirk says feeling awkward. This encounter did not go the way he had planned it. Being a parent is ten times harder than being a Captain. He can't just toss her in the brig and transfer her off the ship, yet he can't let her go unpunished. This is the second time, Kate has done this and her actions need to be addressed. Kirk extends a hand helping her from the med bed.

"Have her back in the morning for her next treatment. If she has any," Bones gives Jim her release instructions, as his voice turns into an inaudible buzzing is her ears. Kate is consumed by the thought that this will be permanent. Now that the excitement has faded and the adrenaline has left her body, Kate's only thought is of her lost family and mother.

Jim talks to her all the way to the turbo, but his words are incomprehensible as Kate's inner voice screams for all her attention to find a solution to her predicament. "Kate," Jim snaps his fingers seeing she has heard nothing he has said as the turbo doors slide close. "You know what…let's eat in our quarters tonight," he changes his mind punching in the letter for their floor instead of the main mess hall where he was intending to go.

Kate visibly recoils at his words. Bile rises in the back of her throat as she as she whispers, "our quarters?" This game is slowly turning into a reality that she can't fight.

Jim sees Kate is reeling from his words wishing he could do something. The sheer terror on her face is breaking his is heart. He tries to be as upbeat as possible. "We um are heading to the Nomi Colony on Delta Solarii III but after we are going to Deneva. I just got our orders today. Solariii doesn't have much to offer but, you will like Deneva," he tries to make it sound great.

Kate puts her hands out like she is physically trying to stop his words. "This is going too fast. We need to wait here until I," she searches for anything to keep her right here. Han always said stay put when you were lost. "Please," Kate whirls around clenching and unclenching her hands.

Bones keeps telling him to be calm, firm, and honest. "Don't start this," Kirk warns firmly thinking she is preparing for another one of her famous outbursts. He watches her as she collapses to the floor placing her head between her knees. It takes him a minute to realize she is in shock and not rage. He exhales deeply before kneeling beside her. Whether or not she is faking, Kirk has to help her. Gently rubbing her back he says, "Everything is going to be okay kiddo. It is going to be alright I promise you."

Kate lifts her head. She is deathly pale and looks like she is about to pass out. "I... it is too fast Captain. Too fast," she barely manages above a whisper. "We need to take this slower. I need to do it slower." She looks like she is on the verge of hysterics. "Please give me some time to think. I can't do this," she says breathily. Kate forces herself to calm down. She has to focus on the newest wrinkle in her mission: getting the Holocron to Luke. "This is not permanent Kate. Get your head in the game. Han will find you no matter where he takes you," she tells herself.

"Wow and I thought I was the only freaking out over this," Kirk says good-naturedly drawing a hint of a smile before it disappears again. "Kate I thought it was just me that was nervous. This is as new for me as it is for you."

Kate doesn't want to hear his pathetic excuses of why this is for the best. Her emotions take over as she talks. "No, I have a family. I have a mom," she explains.

"Katie bug I know this is a shock, but we will get through this together," Kirk tries to comfort her taking her hand.

"I have a dad and two brothers and a sister. I have a family and it's not you," she spats hoping her words sting. Seeing her words have hit their mark, Kate feels bad for intentionally hurting him. This is no more his fault that hers. "I am sorry. I love them not you. Please understand I did not ask for this," she reasons.

"I have no doubt about that," Kirk agrees masking his emotions.

Kate feels for the first time they have a connection. "I didn't want this to happen. I made a mistake. A horrible awful mistake," she admits. She feels a weight lifting, as she finally is able to tell the truth about something.

Kirk tries to be gentle, but Kate has to understand that this is reality. "Whether or not you did or didn't make a mistake is a moot point. Here we are and this is what we have to accept," Kirk lays out the facts.

"I want to go home," Kate shares what he knows is tearing her apart. She takes a chance on him "Could you… could you maybe take me, please. I know I can plot a course."

Kirk knew at some point this question would be asked. "I'm sure you can but I can't at least not right now. This is not my personal ship. It belongs to the Federation and more specifically Star Fleet," he clarifies. Kate feels the world dropping out from under her again. She flies out the turbo door increasing her speed with each step. "Kate don't run away," he pleads easily catching up to her.

Jim can see she beginning to have a panic attack by her breathing and body language. "I need air. I need to get out of here. I need a window. Do you have any fucking windows on this ship," she rambles breathing heavy as she paces the hallway.

"Who has windows that open on a starship," Kirk asks confused. "That is piss poor engineering if you ask me." Kate stops panicking and looking at him stunned. "Gotcha," he thinks continuing with his bizarre line of thought. It may have only been a week, but Kirk has learned a lot about his daughter. This first thing is that if you confuse or overwhelm her, Kate slows down and begins to logically process things. "I mean you wake up in a fog….forget where you are and BAM," he claps his hands together loudly making her jump. "You are sucked into space. Federation took care of that problem after the initial design. We lost way too many crew on the first ships," Kirk pretends to be serious. For years, Kirk suffered from panic attacks until he realized there is nothing you can do about life. He hopes Kate will grow out of them like he did but for now he will goes with what works. He sees Kate calming down even though her hands are still shaking.

"I need to get off this ship," she confides looking into his eyes.

"And you will just not through a window or air lock," he promises. "Focus on me for a second okay. Just listen to my voice and relax," he instructs her matching his breathing rhythm to hers. Kate follows his lead and soon her is breathing normal. "Come on. Let's eat and then we can talk if you want," he extends his hand never breaking his gaze from her eyes. To his shock, she reaches out and takes it walking silently with him to their quarters.

Kate has calmed down enough as they enter the room to come up with a game plan. "I know you are probably going to ground me but," she starts ready to explain the reasons behind her actions and what should be done.

"Yes I am," Jim says walking got the replicator ordering a simple dinner of spaghetti and meatballs. "You should be thanking your lucky stars I don't take you across my knee like I had planned."

"You can't touch me," Kate fires back temper flaring. If Jim wasn't still trying to control his simmering anger at he, Kate's expression would have made him laugh.

"Are you challenging me little girl," Jim drops the plates with a clink. "I suggest you sit your ass down while you still have the chance. You could have been killed by your infatuation with the Jedi and it ends now." Kirk needs to get himself under control of this will turn far uglier than Kate can ever imagine. Up to now, Jim has avoided corporal punishment with Kate, but maybe Bones and Jack have the right idea. A swift crack on the ass got Joanna in line when she was three and Kate is acting just like she did when Joanna was told she couldn't have a toy in the store.

"Oh don't be so dramatic," Kate rolls her eyes. "It was close but not like you are making it out."

"Dramatic?" Kirk rumbles in a deep voice. He can't believe Kate still can't see the possible ramifications of her actions.

"I was being resourceful and if Mr. Itchy Trigger Fingers wasn't such a good shot I would have convinced the Sith to engage in a less hostile action against your ship," Kate explains to him like he is a small child. "Now let's move on and get over this. Ground me if you feel you need to but I will do what is needed as I see fit. "

Jim's anger gets the better of him. He closes the space between them so quickly Kate backs up in surprise. Grabbing her arm, he swats her hard on the ass before spinning her to face him. "Don't you ever take that tone or speak to me again like that or this will be the longest six years of your life." Kate's eyes burn with hate as she meets Jim's gaze head on. "Got more to say Kate," Jim taunts her.

"Fuck you," she screams at the top of her lungs breathing heavy.

"Say that again," Jim warns dragging her to the couch. If Kate wants to force the situation, he will let her. No amount of words will ever make her change her behavior. Kate learns through actions and Jim is ready to show his daughter he is not going to back down.

"You killed her," Kate screams before dropping to the ground and repeating it softly staring into the carpet. "You killed her."

"I told you I tried to save Zala Tsu," Jim pulls Kate to a kneeling position facing him as he sits on the couch.

"No, my mom," Kate tells Jim the issue gnawing at her mind.

"Lauren," Jim says confused. Up until now, the only conversations about his wife between him and Kate focused on her abandoning Kate.

"She needed me and I failed her because of you," Kate says getting up taking a swing at Jim. Kate has no real desire to hurt Jim. She is only looking for an outlet to release the rage burning in her veins. Kate has to get it out of her system before it consumes her. He blocks the sloppy punch holding her arm at the wrist. "Why didn't you let me leave? Why did you stop the Sith ship," Kate pants in a whiney tone. "Why?" All the tension leaves Kate's body. She doesn't have the strength to fight any longer. The arm Kirk is holding goes limp at her side.

"Kate back up," Jim says guiding her to the seat beside him on the couch.

"She is hurt and alone and now no one will ever find her because of our actions," Kate tries to make Kirk understand it was never about siding with the Sith. It was only about saving her mother.

"Start again baby, where is Lauren?"

"No," she screams glaring at him. "You had your chance and then you took mine," Kate stares at him with a pleading expression. "I can't do this. I am just a kid. I wish you would have let me die."

"Kate," Jim shakes her enough to make her focus on him and not the hysterics she is sliding into. "Where is Lauren? Where is your mom?" A sinking feeling grows in Jim's gut. "Was she on the Sith ship?"

Kate breathes heavy collapsing in his arms as Jim holds her tight to his body. "No, I would never have left her. You could never have made me no matter what. I don't abandon people. Only you two do that," Kate hisses spitefully in his shirt.

Jim finds a small measure of comfort in the fact that Kate is now at least lumping Lauren in her abandonment issues. "I didn't leave you behind," Jim repeats for what seems like the millionth time as Kate sobs in his arms. One day Kate will forgive him for her mother's actions, but a week is not long enough. "I will never leave you again," he tips her head up.

"I know she loves me," Kate says aloud looking for Jim to confirm this. "She did not leave me by choice, but you still hate her for it."

"Shhh…we both love you," Jim gives Kate the answer she needs to hear, "and I don't hate her. Am I pissed at what her actions did to you yes…but I don't hate her. You are half of her and I could never hate you."

"I was going to tell you about Zala Tsu comming me, but then I found out mom was being held by someone named Abeloth and I had to go," Kate looks to Jim for understanding.

Jim sees the warning signs on Kate's face. Her eyes hold the pure conviction that Zala Tsu is telling the truth. His daughter is so desperate to believe any reason for Lauren's absence that she can be convinced of anything. "Kate you need to listen to me," Jim brushes Kate's hair behind her ears gently. "They would have said whatever they had to, to make you go with them so I am not sure how much you should believe them. What did they say exactly about your mom?" He is as desperate to find his wife as Kate but needs more information before he can come up with a plan.

"Only that she was captured and she needed me to help her. She said I could use the Force to find her," Kate explains. Jim fights to keep his rage in check. Once again the Sith have sold Kate a story that she bought hook, line, and sinker. Even if the story has a hint of truth, Jim knows the facts are buried so deep you would never recognize them.

Jim needs a way to make Kate trust him. Telling her the story is false will only drive a wedge deeper between them. "And you believed Zala," Jim starts looking skeptical. Kate is an excellent at reading body language. To try to fake that he believes anything Zala said would be noticed by Kate. Nodding vigorously, Kate sits up staring intensely at him. "Then answer me this why didn't the Jedi go after your Mom if they are so powerful and her allies."

"They needed me," Kate's words sound hollow in her ears. The more Jim makes Kate say how vital she was to each step of the Sith's plan, the more Kate hears how absurd it sounds. She is strong in the Force, but there are so many others older and more powerful. Luke, Leia, Mara, or Corran Horn would never have muddled the mission this badly. Kate's inexperience has resulted in it being a total failure, though Kate can't admit this to Jim.

"To do what," Jim presses. He needs Kate to conclude that Zala was lying on her own. Jim demanding it will never work.

"They...," Kate is backed into a corner. She can't tell him the Jedi, who she loves, refused to send a rescue mission. Kate changes the subject to avoid answer his question. Telling him about the Holocron will create another conversation she doesn't want to have. Kate's hand slides to her back pocket bringing out a crumpled, folded piece of paper. "I didn't ignore you on the Sith ship. I just needed to get something very important," Kate says. "I got this for you."

"Kate there is nothing and I mean nothing worth your life. All material possessions can be replaced," Jim says much sharp than he intends.

Kate hands the folded paper to him hoping he will understand why she took so long to respond. Deep down, Kate knows she is sorta lying. It would not have taken this long to get a picture but a half-truth is better than lie she reasons. Jim looks at the cracked and tattered snapshot shaking his head. His dismissal of the beach image of he and Lauren is too much for Kate. "I knew you hated her. Why don't you want her picture? Why?" Kate feels anger, frustration and sadness welling up in her body. If he loved her as much as Kate does, Jim should have been thanking her or holding her. He should have been telling her good call and not shaking his head in apathy. "This is the only thing I have left of her and I am giving to you. If you loved her you would want it. It would be so special to you that you would risk your life for it." Kate snatches the picture back cramming in in her back pocket. Every time Kate tries to open up, Jim just shuts her down making her feel small and insignificant belittling her point of view. Kate won't make the same mistake again.

"No, I wouldn't because I have several Kate," Jim sighs heavily. "Stay here," he kisses the top of her head. Kate watches him search the closet for a minute before coming back with a dusty box. "I wouldn't have risked my life for that picture because it is only one of many."

Kate looks at him stunned. "But," the words choke in her mouth as he opens the box taking out a stack of loose photos.

"I haven't gone through these in a while," he says finally finding the image he was looking for. He pulls out an exact copy of the crumpled photo in Kate's pocket. "Here this one is in better shape just don't stuff it in your pocket. It shows my good side." A small smile crosses Kate's face as she holds the picture like it is a winning lottery ticket. Jim sets the loose photos on the coffee table before finding the photo album he was searching for in the bottom of the box.

"Why do you have this? You could never forgive her for what she has done," Kate sets the picture down settling back as Jim opens the blue album.

"Is that what mommy said or Zala talking," Jim asks raising his eyebrow. Kirk has to be the reason her mother left for Kate's world to make sense. She shrugs not answering. Jim lets it slide knowing the truth. "This is her old truck. I fixed that damn thing so many times but still own it." Kate looks at the image. Her mom looks so young in the jean cut-offs and flip-flops. She also looks happy, very happy. "That thing was so damn loud no matter how many times I fixed it." Jim points to an image of a Lauren looking less than thrilled in the back of the truck drinking a beer. "This is our first date. I told her I was going to marry her and she didn't believe me," Kirk narrates. "Oh and these are of us at the Academy. There was this spot in the library..." Jim stops thinking better about retelling that particular story. "This was an Academy dance where Disco made a brief comeback for exactly four minutes and thirty two seconds." Kate lets out a giggle seeing Jim, McCoy, and Uhura striking a crazy pose with one hand pointing in the air and the other on their hips.

"Why is she dressed like an electrical socket and you a plug?" Kate points to an image. "Was it an engineering party?"

"Halloween party," Kirk says lost in thought. "It's a holiday where you dress up in funny outfits. We won first prize and 40 demerits apiece for that getup."

"Why demerits if you were supposed to dress up," she looks at him confused.

Jim snaps back from memory lane. He is not going to explain to his daughter how he spent the entire night trying to "plug" into her socket only to get caught by the chaperones doing it three hours later. "This is picture is her kicking my ass and me enjoying it." Kate laughs seeing Lauren pinning Kirk to a mat, then Kirk holding her above his head like a wrestling star. "Here is the infamous Mess Hall food fight and another 40 demerits apiece."

"Why didn't you show me this earlier," Kate flips through page after page of her parent's life.

"Didn't think you were ready for it. You are so sure you always know the answers, but you wouldn't believe me when I kept saying how much I loved her?"

Kate lays her head in his lap. "Jim?" She needs to tell him about the Star Destroyer out in space but, if Zala has lied about so much already how does she know the Intrepid wasn't another one. Kate doesn't want to ruin this moment. If she tells him, Jim will run off to the bridge to confirm her claim.

"Yeah baby," he says looking at his happy past as he runs his fingers through her hair. Kate yawns rubbing her eyes. She has never been so consistently tired in her life as she has been on the ship. Kate believes McCoy must be secretly drugging her, yet Jim knows the reason she can't stay awake when she is not moving. Kate thinks she is all grown up, but she is just a child dealing with adult problems causing her unbelievable stress. Stress can tear a body up and Kate has been in perpetual state of stress for the past week. Coupled with being exhausted, Kate's inability to sleep soundly through the night has compounded the effect. Jim hopes that Bones' prediction that when things settle down, and she is on a regular routine, she will be less prone to her outbursts and mood swings. "Let's get you to bed," Jim moves the photo album to its box getting up.

"No," she grabs it clutching it to her chest. "I promise I will never steal it but can we can we keep is out?"

"Tell you what Kate it's yours if you curl up here and get some sleep," Jim hands the book to her. Sleeping on the couch is not the best, but neither is not sleeping.

Kate sits up stunned. "I can't. This is your life not mine."

"I have more memories than I will ever need to remember her," Jim smiles.

"I will never have enough," Kate traces the cover of the book with her fingers. Part of her is jealous Jim has all these memories.

"Then we find Mommy one day and make more but you have got to give this a go Katie bug. I can't fight you the entire way," Jim says pulling the blanket over her shoulders. "Sleep tight baby girl," Jim kisses her walking to his desk.

"Don't leave me alone tonight," she curls up closing her eyes on the couch.

"Never," Jim says before dimming the lights and settling down at his desk.