Mass Effect: Guerrillas

AN: OK everybody this is what you've been waiting for. An honest to god chapter update. I'm personally excited for this chapter because I'm introducing the Greatest Video Game Character Ever: Bobby Bass. I won't lie to ya. Bobby will most likely be the designated comic relief for this fic. He'd be like Joker but with a certain style. To those of you who have no idea who Bobby Bass is I pity you. If you do then Go Team Breach!

Jake wasn't what you called a 'tactical expert' but he believed this battle was going pretty well. Most of the major roads and bridges into the city were blocked off or destroyed. The aliens also had to deal with the numerous bases at outpost doing raids on their rear flanks. Did he mention they were fighting aliens? After training and preparing for the eventual war with Earth the UMS Council was convinced was going to happen one of these days. The surprise and unease on everyone's faces was evident when they saw it wasn't fellow humans they were fighting but some kind of lovechild between a bird and raptor. The Faction thought they were in for a War of the Worlds type fight until they realized one crucial detail: The aliens sucked at fighting. They always pushed forward and could be easily be led into ambushes. A retreat seemed to not be in their language since they usually fought to the last man. They're only advantage was their large amount of troops/vehicles, the fact that some of them had magic powers of some sort, and all of their troops had fucking shields.

As Jake rounded an alley corner he ran into a few squads of aliens. Jake ducked behind a dumpster as the aliens fired on him. Blind firing around the edges of the dumpster Jake felt it was time to find out where the hell he is going. "SIRI! Where the hell am I!"

"You are near the corner of Dune Street and Burgundy Way." she promptly replied.

"Which is where!" he yelled as he tossed a grenade near a couple of the aliens. Their slightly screeching screams filled the alley as the explosive went off.

AN: I always thought that since Turians are part bird they would make bird like sounds when untranslated.

"Jake please don't tell me you've forgotten which planet we are on already." she said in a fake patronizing tone.

"Now is not the time for jokes SIRI. It is time to get me the hell out of here!"

"Correction. It is now 12:43 PM Local Time. That would make it lunch time."

Jake resisted the urge to facepalm. Not while there where aliens wanting to kill him no less than 30 yards away. To let them know he still loved em Jake tossed another grenade.

"SIRI... I am in the middle of a ruined city being assaulted by aliens. When we get out of here I promise you can make all the shitty jokes you want.

"The nearest FOB is 5 blocks east of our position... and my jokes aren't shitty!"

Jake quickly rolled out of cover and ran east. The screams behind him let him know the aliens found his motion sensing explosive gifts. God did he love explosives... As he ran along Jake looked down at his wrist pad. On the screen was the face of a very beautiful looking blond. The visual representation of SIRI. "So SIRI who can we expect in this FOB?"

"A platoon of Troopers and small detachment of Guerrillas have made a Forward Operating Base in an abandoned office building."

"That's it! I was expecting a company at least not platoon."

"Any congregation larger than 2 platoon's strength risks orbital bombardment."

"Fine... So who is heading up the Guerrillas?"

"The current commander of all Guerrillas is Guerrilla Bass."

"Wait Guerrilla Bass? Bobby Bass? How the hell did he become commander of the planet's guerrillas!? I thought Guerrilla SGT Sam was doing that."

"Radio Chatter has confirmed Guerrilla Sam died while destroying a factory the aliens were using as a supply base."

"I bet that bastard went out a hero."

"Members of his squad report that he ordered them to set the explosives while he held off the alien force. It is estimated he killed 100 aliens before the charges went off." SIRI also felt saddened at the death of this great hero.

"First we get invaded by aliens. Guerrilla Sam one of the best members of the Faction gets killed and now Bobby Fucking Bass gets his position. We're doomed."

"Guerrilla Bass has nothing but the best on his records. High Command agreed he was best suited for the job. Also you and I both know this hate of him stems from the fact he dated your crush in high school." she stated smugly

"Carrie was mine and that sonofabitch knew it! God I shouldn't have told you that."

"If you want to keep whining about something that happen 10 years ago then go ahead but we've arrived."

Jake looked up from his wrist pad and notice she was right. Directly ahead through the eerily vacant streets was a small 3 story office building. At first glance it seemed deserted but upon closer inspection showed several of the windows were occupied by troopers holding sniper rifles, rail drivers, and rocket launchers. He even thought he may have glimpsed a Gauss Turret. Heading through the heavily defended building Jake arrived at what used to be the manager's office. Opening the door he saw a a brown haired man wearing standard Guerrilla Garb (AN: Mason's outfit but with all armor upgrades.) sitting behind a desk covered in computers and data pads.

Noticing Jake a smile grew on the man's face as he realized who it was. "Jake Mason" he said in a strong southern accent. "I haven't seen you in like 9 or 10 years!"

"Hey Bobby' Jake replied with absolutely no friendliness.

"Now Jake don't tell me you're still upset about the whole Carrie Thing. I will admit it was a bit low on my part but I'll be frank with you I kinda did you a favor because Carrie... well she was a fuckin psychopath."

Jake just stayed quiet since Bobby would tend to do this. Get started on a subject and just keep going. It was usually best to let him finish.

"Carrie once handcuffed me to a fuckin pole and threatened me with a knife because she saw me talking with my cousin! It wasn't just her either. Her whole fuckin family were pieces of work. I was eatin dinner with her family and the entire time her damn mother was hitting on me. I don't mean play flirting neither. She could not I repeat could not make herself more clear that she wanted to have sex. It wasn't that she was crusty lookin or nothin. She was hot. She had great big titties Jake let me tell you but I am a faithful man and I wasn't going to have sex with another woman like that let alone her damn mother. Carrie's Dad though. There was somethin wrong with him. While I was eatin that motherfucker looked like he wanted cut me right there at the fuckin table. He then went on about this damn shotgun he had. He said he used it during the revolution and how he always keeps it clean an shit. Always how he like to clean his shotgun, shoot his shotgun, I think he fucked that shotgun... but your not here about that Jake. You're here to find out what the hell is goin on."

"That would be nice Bobby" Jake said in a real friendly tone deciding to let go of the whole Carrie thing since it wouldn't do much good and if Bobby is to be believed better off without her.

"You see that is why I like you Jake. You is willin to let bygones be bygones and for that here is a a little gift." Bobby then picked up a bag lying next to his desk and tossed it to Jake. "Think of it as a mark of our rekindled friendship."

Jake opened the bag to see what was inside. Jake had the sudden urge to hug Bobby after seeing the best gift anyone could give him. "Are these..." the disbelief evident in voice.

"Yep Singularity Mines and Grenades. I know you were banned from ever using them after what happened in basic. May that crater in the main yard serve as a monument to your legacy. I think now would be a good as time as any to use em and I even got a job for ya where those would come in handy."

"What kind of job" asked Jake his interest rising.

"Well as you know all paths into the city were order to be either blocked up or destroyed. The mines we laid around that relay thing and the orbital guns not only softened up the invaders but gave us time to accomplish our task. Unfortunately it wasn't enough because one of the bridges is still up. They've got it heavily reinforced and a conga line of troops and equipment movin across."

"And you want me to destroy it."

"Of course. And after you do that the aliens will be more inclined to take the sewer entrances we 'accidentally' left open where they'll run into a whole mess of troops already conveniently dug in."

"Why just waste troops defending the sewers? Can't we just fill the place up with proximity mines."

"I'll be honest with you Jake. I do not like proximity mines. A guerrilla that doesn't like mines! They just seem to... messy for me. I'm one of the more subtle guerrillas. I prefer sniper rifles or silenced guns. Proximity mines seemed to extreme and messy for me it is also bad for business. We waste one good very expensive mine to kill a single soldier and one have one hell of a mess to clean up. When the battle ends we may end up forgetting where we put all of em and some poor sewer worker ends up gettin his dick blown off. That is who I work for Mason. The poor dickless people out there."

"I'm sure they'll be very thankful" Mason wryly said. "Will I be getting some support because no matter what planet you're from a single enemy soldier doesn't present that much of a threat."

"A squad of troopers will go with and provide covering fire while you set the charges."

"A squad? I thought the point was to look threatening."

"Unless you like getting bombed from orbit I suggest you deal with it. Any thing bigger than a single squad is liable to get bombed, but don't you worry just one bit cuz I radioed some Heavy Troopers to meet ya there. Now get out there do your commando thing and take care of business."

"Alright I better get a move on then." Jake then turned a left the room. After walking down the hall a bit he heard SIRI call him from his wrist pad. "Jake... you knew Bobby on a personal level... was he serious about the whole Carrie thing?"

"No matter what comes out Bass' mouth it's most likely true SIRI..."

"Oh God... that poor shotgun..."

Guerrilla Handbook

Red Faction Guerrillas- Unlike the more frontline oriented Troopers, Heavy Troopers or Commandos. Guerrillas tend to avoid overall combat focusing on sabotage and assassination. Architecture and engineering are required studies for Guerrillas. Knowledge on how buildings are held up are valuable skills in there demolition duties. When the Red Faction learned of the galaxy at large Anti Espionage was added to their list of duties. After the Battle of Kepler Salarian STG agents tried to infiltrate Mars and other UMS planets. Rumor has it that the bodies of the agents were sent to the Salarian Embassy on the Citadel in a trunk with a note saying 'From the Guerrillas with Love'. These rumors are false. They sent there in a shipping crate..

Motto: Given enough explosives any moron can blow up a building. WE are those morons.