Chapter 14

Bucky was standing in a dark room, unable to see the walls and barely able to detect the shape of his hands. Around him, darker shapes danced in the darkness, pulling at his nerves and making Bucky's hair stand on end, though the man himself gave no reaction to the movement around him. His eyes looked around the room, but there was nothing to see. Only shapes and darkness.

And voices.

What are they saying?

Bucky's eyes narrowed as he listened, and he struggled to hear the words. They floated in and out of hearing, until Bucky managed to piece together the phrase. It repeated over and over, slowly building in volume.

Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get-

Bucky tuned out the noise, slowly turning in a circle, trying to see if there was anything at all in the room besides himself and the shadows. His search turned up nothing, and in the background the noise was growing to a shout, becoming even faster and more difficult to ignore

GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT!

Bucky clamped his hands over his ears to block out the noise but that did nothing as the volume continued to increase, making Bucky's head ache and his pulse increase and he thought he felt blood on his fingers as his eardrums popped and then-

Silence.

Absolute, complete silence, so quiet Bucky could hear his heart beating in his chest like a base drum. His breathing was irregular, and he took a moment to calm down.

What's going on?

Footsteps echoed throughout the dark space, startling Bucky. He looked up, trying to pierce the shadows. A thought crossed his mind and he checked his fingers to see if there actually had been blood. Sure enough, a small amount of crimson coated his fingers, and he could still feel warm drops of blood dripping down from his ears.

It's messing with my hearing.

Then Bucky frowned.

How am I hearing things if my eardrums are popped?

Those thoughts quickly fled as a figure became visible through the darkness, slowly walking towards where Bucky was kneeling on the ground. Immediately, Bucky rose to his feet, preparing himself for a fight. The figure continued walking towards Bucky, his steps slow and measured. Bucky's eyes widened when the man's left arm suddenly flashed, revealing the metal.

Is that . . .?

The person stopped moving about two meters away from Bucky and simply stood there, arms crossed and unmoving. Bucky couldn't even tell if he was breathing, but there was no doubt in Bucky's mind that he was looking at himself. There was some feeling in the back of his mind that told him that, and he knew it was right.

"Why are you here?" Bucky asked, keeping his guard up. If he was seeing himself, it probably wasn't a good thing. Other other Bucky simply stared, at Bucky felt a shiver go down his spine when he saw how cold and hard his own eyes were.

I never noticed . . . When did that happen?

"Why are you just staring at me?" Bucky demanded. "Say something!"

The other Bucky still said nothing, simply regarding his double with something near contempt, but it was somehow emptier than that. Not even personal. It was just there. Suddenly, the other Bucky shifted, dropping his hands to his sides.

"You should know what's going on by now," he said flatly. There was no emotion to his tone, no inflection to his words.

What?

"I don't," I replied in the same tone, seeing if I could get a reaction. There was none.

"You abandoned your mission," the other Bucky continued, his eyes somehow becoming colder. "You never abandon a mission."

"I had to abandon that mission," Bucky growled. "Some orders aren't worth following."

"That's not what you've been taught."

"I don't care. I don't work for HYDRA anymore."

The other Bucky's eyes narrowed.

"Then we are enemies," he stated.

"Well then," Bucky replied, dropping into a defensive crouch, "let's fight."

The other Bucky copied the original Bucky's position and they began circling each other, the darkness swirling around them. Bucky could still see shadows darting in and out of his view, but he forced himself to focus solely on his clone.

Suddenly, the other Bucky went for a straight jab with his left hand, the metal gleaming dully. Bucky quickly dodged, countering with a right hook that would go under the other Bucky's extended arm, but the other Bucky turned and kicked Bucky's legs out from under him.

This is . . . I remember. The Winter Soldier. That must be who I am . . . was?

The Winter Soldier tried to follow up on his advantage but Bucky rolled out of the way and punched him while standing up, using the extra power from the extension to send the Winter Soldier flying into the dark. For a moment, Bucky thought about following, but the darkness seemed to thicken, blocking off where the Winter Soldier had landed.

What? What's-

Bucky suddenly ducked as a fist passed over his head, missing him by centimeters. Before Bucky could put more distance between him and his attacker, a foot connected with his back and sent Bucky sprawling, but he was quickly back on his feet. The Winter Soldier was staring at Bucky, somehow having managed to sneak up behind him. However, he wasn't in an attack position anymore.

I'm fighting myself.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Bucky asked, straightening as well.

Where am I, anyway? I don't recognize this place.

"You need to follow orders," the Winter Soldier repeated. Bucky realized that the darkness that had pervaded the space previously was beginning to lift, albeit slowly.

"I don't," Bucky replied stubbornly. That idea was solidly planted in his mind now; the way Steve acted, the way he was independent and still commanded respect; it all led to the belief that orders that were not appropriate should not be followed.

"You do." The Winter Soldier made a slight gesture and the darkness lifted completely, revealing three massive gates wrought of a thick, heavy-looking metal that stretched up to infinity. Bucky, originally having dropped into a crouch at the darkness lifting, stood back up. His eyes immediately went to one of the gates, which had a massive hole in the metal bars, the bars shredded and ugly where they were broken.

"What . . . are those?" Bucky breathed, taking a split second to examine each gate, while keeping an eye on his clone in case he tried to attack while Bucky was distracted.

"What do you think?" The Winter Soldier responded, showing more personality than he had the entire time. Bucky mentally filed through his memories, trying to figure out what the gates were.

"It would really help if I knew where I was," he muttered under his breath. The Winter Soldier heard him, however.

"You are unconscious," he stated. "Currently, your mental activity is being directed to this . . . dream."

The way he said "dream" made Bucky think that whatever he was experiencing was slightly more than just a dream.

"If I'm unconscious," he mused, "and I'm in my own head . . . knowing what happened to me . . ." he involuntarily winced at one of the memories, and he could've sworn that the broken gate shuddered when he did. " . . . these are the blocks that HDYRA put up in my head," Bucky finished, his eyes narrowing. He was filled with the urge to rip the gates to pieces.

"Yes." The Winter Soldier didn't sound too excited about that. "They are what keeps you from remembering and experiencing everything."

"What do you mean?"

"You still aren't feeling emotion as you were before. The gates block it."

Bucky looked at the gates with new feelings of hatred. The structures looked less appealing now, more menacing. Bucky could see now where the "floor" was cracked around the gates, as if the structures had been forced into position. Even now, he was getting a headache.

I'm getting a headache . . . while in my own head. Wonderful. I bet Steve never had to deal with this.

"I want to get rid of them," Bucky declared, his hands tightening into fists.

"I can't let you do that," the Winter Soldier immediately replied. Both men tensed, knowing that another fight was inevitable.

They launched themselves at each other simultaneously, raining down a fury of blows that didn't seem to affect either fighter. Both were evenly matched, matching the other blow for blow. Both took damage, being more offensive based than defensive. Each time Bucky was hit, the largest, golden gate would shake violently. On the other hand, every time Bucky managed to land a punch or kick on the Winter Soldier, the other two gates cracked and groaned.

The Winter Soldier managed to get in a hard punch to Bucky's stomach, forcing Bucky to bend over automatically, putting his head in the perfect position for the Winter Soldier to knee him in the face and send him skidding over to one of the gates.

He's . . . as strong as I am. Maybe even stronger, if that's possible.

Bucky staggered to his feet, feeling a chill coming from the gate. There was something about the structure that put Bucky on edge, something that made him angry just by standing near it.

When the Winter Soldier got close enough, Bucky went back to fighting, managing to push the Winter Soldier back with a flurry of attacks before the Winter Soldier could recover his defenses. Even then, Bucky pushed harder, forcing himself to fight harder than he had before. If he was going to bring the gates down, he would need to take down the man in front of him, no matter how skilled he was.

"I told . . . that general . . . to get out . . . of my head," Bucky gasped, dodging a punch and responding with a few of his own, only to have to take a step back in order to avoid a kick. "You . . . should follow . . . that advice!"

The Winter Soldier didn't reply, and Bucky planned out his next sequence of motion in his head. He took a few punches for diverting his thoughts, and just as the Winter Soldier tried a right hook, Bucky grabbed his arm and pulled, sending the Winter Soldier crashing into the gate behind Bucky. The metal buckled, making an ominous creaking noise.

The gate's shuddering slowly increased, and the Winter Soldier dove out of the way as it collapsed, the metal screeching as it broke. For a moment, Bucky couldn't see, as he was shielding his eyes from falling debris. Before he could react to the rapidly approaching shadow, the Winter Soldier had tackled him, but Bucky managed to throw him off and regain his feet. Behind him, the gate was nothing more than a shattered wreck of metal. The Winter Soldier stared at the broken gate, something unidentifiable flickering behind his eyes. Bucky felt it too; a faint pulsing in his brain, like something had just been removed.

Bucky wasn't sure what he was doing as he staggered over to the Winter Soldier, his body becoming less and less coordinated. The Winter Soldier seemed to be having the same problem, but he wasn't moving at all.

With a gasp, Bucky tackled the Winter Soldier and both men fell to the ground, but Bucky had one advantage: a knife in one hand. It had been jammed in his belt the entire time, but he had never even noticed or thought to use the weapon.

Bucky took a deep, shuddering breath, preparing for what he was about to do. Suddenly, the Winter Soldier groaned.

"Do it," he gasped, a small amount of blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. The gate's collapse had evidently affected him far more than Bucky had realized. "Just . . . do it."

The Winter Soldier grabbed Bucky's wrist and directed the knife over his heart. The tip rested against his chest, moving slightly up and down with each heart beat.

"Do it," the Winter Soldier repeated, a pain behind his eyes so intense it made Bucky want to end his life.

"I can't," Bucky growled, moving the knife away. He stood up shakily. "I can't end your life."

"Why . . . not?"

"Because you don't deserve to die," Bucky said with a certainty he didn't feel.

Steve wouldn't kill him. I know that.

Bucky turned away from the Winter Soldier and heaved a sigh, sliding the knife back into his belt and staring at the wreckage of the gate. Even now, it was beginning to disappear, fading into the background as Bucky watched.

Just before Bucky could actually react, he heard a sickening sound from behind him. He whirled around to see the Winter Soldier's hand fall back to his side, limp and lifeless. The knife was buried deep in his chest, up to the hilt if not farther. There was no point in saying anything; Bucky could clearly see that the Winter Soldier's death had been instant.

Why? He thought, crouching next to himself. Why do this?

Suddenly, the ground began to quake. Bucky's head shot up and he watched as the remaining two gates - even the one that was already torn - began to crumble, falling apart like a puzzle in reverse. The shattered pieces crashed to the ground, and Bucky could feeleach large piece in his mind. They were pulses of pain echoing in his head.

Bucky slowly collapsed, his body no longer responding at all. His eyes closed, and he felt himself drifting away.

. . .

All was quiet, except for the soft beeping of machines. Bucky groaned, shifting slightly, but stopping when he felt the straps on his wrists. With painful slowness, Bucky opened his eyes, squinting slightly from the light.

"Welcome back, Bucky," a quiet voice said.

Sitting next to the bed was none other than Steve Rogers.

Sorry about how long this one took me, but school got a little bit hectic and I had to help a friend with her fanfic and it was just crazy but anyway I thought I would just do a bit of screwing around in Bucky's head with the HYDRA blocks and stuff and this is what happened. I hope you guys enjoyed and feel free to review!

Until next time,

-RoR

P.S. REVIEW!