Dear readers: lots of things happened in real life, and I couldn't update this story as often as I wanted to. I'm deeply sorry for that.
More than a woman
Chapter 6: I started a joke
CC woke and immediately glared at the general direction of the door, ready to find out who had the gall to take her out of her dream world.
(She felt relaxed, happy and safe – what gave her plenty of energy and disposition to make the person pay.)
To her chagrin, she soon discovered that, whoever it was, was gone: the bedroom door was closed and the mansion, silent.
She turned her head to look at Niles.
Luckily, she shrugged mentally, this feels suspiciously alike my dream world.
She lowered the arm extended over her head since she had settled for sleep, changing her position to turn her whole body towards the man still asleep by her side.
The gesture dislodged her partner in bed, and his reaction was to straighten the grip of the arm he had thrown over her waist. It seemed he intended to pull her closer, in a gesture that CC didn't know if should be read as protective or possessive.
She found out that she would enjoy any of the possibilities.
Maybe even more the notion that the answer could be both.
Of course, she didn't need someone to protect her, and even less needed a master, but the fact Niles wanted to be there for her, whatever his reasons were, made a huge difference.
She felt specially excited at the prospect she would have to deal with the things he, being her nemesis/best friend and living by her side for years and years, had to offer: she already had a number of funny, surprising and highly enjoyable experiences related to ambiguous Niles– the unpredictability of his behavior had engaged her since forever –, and now the same uncertainty that had made her wary of him had become one of the most thrilling aspects of their relationship.
She moved again, to be closer and seize the opportunity of observing him more properly.
CC ran her fingers along Niles' strong arm, that still held her firmly through the covers, enjoying the strength of the muscles she found there.
The hand went up to the enticing curve of his right shoulder, glad she had guessed correctly about how large and strong those shoulders were. It had been obvious by how well he fitted his shirts and t-shirts, but it was nice finally being able to see and touch it.
She proceeded to the curve of his jaw, that she always found very attractive, and reached his ear – one of his distinctively small ears that she, for some reason, found endearing.
Then, her hand reached out for his dark blond hair, soft under her fingers, and his forehead, with lines but not creased, showing how relaxed and happy he was, thanks to the fact they had been able to solve their situation.
The hand went down to his right cheek, traced his chin and, finally, rested on his chest.
The lines of his face and body made CC savor a sweet familiar feeling.
A feeling suspiciously similar to success.
That flirted alarmingly with ownership.
And that was definitively related to tenderness.
CC recognized some of it – the success part, at least – from those moments when she conquered something she had fought hard for: the moments soon after the realization that she had been right all along and deserved all the praise and war spoils she could get.
Well, I have been right all along – she thought, resting her hand over Niles' heart – There is someone who finds me not just intriguing, but loveable.
She stayed still, just sensing the comforting rhythm under her palm, in contrast with her own accelerated beating at the possibility that Niles related her, in some way, to love.
This man has been my personal challenge for more than a decade, and stayed around while I pretended he was not the most thrilling person I have ever met. I always knew it meant something, even if I had no idea how to deal with it.
CC sighed, leaving just her fingertips on his chest to tick him slightly – mirroring the delicate approach she wanted to adopt on their situation, while still keeping the teasing.
She didn't know exactly what was it that Niles had seen in her, but now she could admit how awesome she thought he was – among many reasons, because he thought she was awesome – and it was something she intended on pursuing, understanding and taking advantage of.
Now that we know we're in the same wavelength, we'll be finally able to...
Her musings were interrupted by her stomach, that grumbled loudly.
CC didn't know what startled her more: the annoying sound or the fact that Niles smiled.
I should have known better than to think he was still sleeping, 'What's the stupid face about, Hazel?'
The smile turned into a grin, 'I knew there was a monster inside you'.
And I should have known better than to expect him to refrain from getting back at me, 'Shut up or I'll let it devour you'.
He opened his eyes, 'What a promising way to wake up'.
It was impossible to know if it was sarcasm or sincerity, but there was so much joy in those blues when he looked at her that CC just smiled and touched his lips with hers in a sweet greeting.
The arm over her waist moved instinctively to pull her even closer.
The hand on his chest caressed his skin tenderly.
Her stomach made itself known again.
Niles looked at her with concern, 'Are you that hungry?'
CC was not sure how to explain it, but she felt warmed by the fact he could have done a million zingers on her not much ladylike body sounds, but would not do it – and not because he wanted to preserve her from a jab at her gender, but because when he was being sincere he was naturally cordial and attentive to her.
She had entered the small group of people he showed affection openly, and she felt like it was not a favor or a concession: it was the direct result of them being sincere with each other.
They had been pretending hate for so much time she had never thought being nice would feel so natural.
CC decided not to mention those things now, 'Between us fighting in front of the yenta squadron and our reconciliation, I may have grown an appetite'.
The word reconciliation put a tender smile on his face, and Niles moved his arm to put it under the covers, so he would be able to rest his hand on that spot he seemed to like, on her hip, and reinforce how much he wanted her with him, 'I can fetch something for you. For us, in fact'.
'That would be really nice', she spoke through a grin of her own, 'I appreciate you care enough to move your lazy bones for me'.
'There's nothing lazy on me when you're around'.
CC pressed her lips to hide a grin at the exaggerated sexiness on his voice.
Niles smirked, glad for the humorous effect he had achieved, and pecked her lips.
His touch pulled out the grin she had tried to conceal.
He pressed his hand on her hip one last time and moved to get out of bed, 'I'm going to the kitchen, sweetie'.
CC stayed frozen for a moment, stricken by that same feeling she had when they ganged up on Nanny Fine and Niles would toss her way all kinds of endearments. She often had asked herself why he would do that, once they were not starting a relationship, just being a team against a common enemy. She played along because it felt good, and decided not to overthink it.
Now she had proof that he liked to be verbally affectionate with her.
Well, d'oh, what a surprise! As if I didn't know he enjoys assaulting me verbally.
She smiled: he would hide endearments with sarcasm, as she would with despise; however, deep inside, both knew the nicknames forged intimacy. Couples had meaningful nicknames for each other, and theirs were really meaningful: every Bell Boy and Witch served to expose their understanding about a relationship that was built, in any other way, through silent clues, discreet gestures and ambiguous stares.
So, at any opportunity that presented itself, Niles would exchange his usual teasing nicknames for loving ones, proving their name calling meant something deeper than what the appearances suggested.
How similar we are, when you really think of it, the blonde realized, We don't get affectionate easily; and, when we do, we play hide-and-seek instead of showing it openly.
CC sat on the bed and observed while Niles opened an internal door, revealing his adjoined bathroom, and walked into it.
He washed his face and hands quickly, what made her very aware of what they had done earlier, how intense and intimate it had been, and that he seemed not to mind that he had fallen asleep with a variety of fluids on him.
She hadn't minded, either, what pointed out again at their similarities and synchronicity.
But what does it mean? That we got close because we are alike, or that we gravitated around each other for so much time that we reached a point where we're so similar we need the other to feel whole?
CC thanked the Heavens for Niles not to look at her that moment, because she surely had her nerves at those sudden thoughts written all over her face.
She sat with her back to the headboard, folded a leg to support her head on her knee, and decided to watch him, once the open door permitted her to see his nude body moving.
(Maybe she would be able to put aside those metaphysical questions if she dedicated her brain to contemplate his physical presence.)
Niles was all bulky and strong, with beautiful muscles on his back, defined rear, chest and arms, and great legs.
His stomach was not like the chorus boys' she saw everyday, obviously, but it didn't speak of decay or weakness; as the lines of his face, it spoke of maturity.
CC always had a thing for older men, but got often annoyed at their patronizing attitude; at the same time, she couldn't develop strong emotional bonds with men who lacked experience or sensibility. It seemed Niles had the best of the two worlds: he was cultured and refined in his gestures and senses, but still kept a boyish behavior with the bolts of energy, the open mind and the precious teasing sense of humor that kept her intrigued and aroused to no end.
He exited the bathroom already putting on a robe, 'Any requests, my dear?'
This accent doesn't make things easy for me, either.
'Grab anything you find and come back here as quick as you can'.
He raised his brows, finishing the tying, 'So, you're that hungry'.
'Can't you tell?'
Her face showed clearly what kind of hungriness she was referring to, and Niles had his eyes wide for a moment.
Then he smiled, walked to the bed and sat on the edge, leaning to kiss her.
CC responded in kind, feeling curiously relieved that he had decided to spend more time with her before getting out of the room.
'Thank you', he whispered against her lips.
'For what?'
'For coming back tonight'.
She smiled, 'Don't blame me for the bad taste of finding you sexy enough to be worth a last visit'.
He ignored her attempt at a joke, 'I mean it. You wanted to clarify things, and it changed everything for the better'.
'I meant what I said, too: I couldn't go away without talking to you one more time'.
He put a hand on her cheek, still very serious, 'You probably could feel it when you got here, maybe you somehow know it, but I don't think you can fully understand how lost I was, tonight. I really had thought you wanted me as I wanted you, and that was why I proposed. When you made clear you didn't, I felt like I had nothing to go on'.
CC was taken aback by the shimmer in his eyes, surprised by how emotional he was about the situation.
She needed time to deal with it.
'Don't be a Drama Queen', she raised a hand to rest it over his, on her face, and cautiously avoided looking into his eyes, 'I never said I didn't want you'.
'No, you didn't', he whispered, his eyes never leaving her face.
'I just was not prepared to change things between us in such a radical way'.
'Now I get it', he spoke softly.
She gave up looking away and glared at him, 'Don't forget you were the one who resigned'.
'I thought that was the right thing to do'.
'How could leaving be the right thing to do after you proposed?'
'You didn't accept'.
'The world wouldn't stop revolving just because I...', she noticed his bashful face and stopped herself, 'Oh'.
CC was going to argue that their lives could have gone on, but it hit her that no, that nothing would ever be the same again.
He had hoped too much that they belonged together.
She had grew too much used to counting on their partnership everyday.
Both had invested too much in the notion that they had some kind of intimate agreement.
The idea of what had almost happened because she had said no – never again ringing the bell just to make Niles open the door for her, never again throwing a stupid remark just to hear his voice saying something creative related to her, never again following him to the kitchen pretending she had anything to do there – made CC understand his side for the first time.
Suddenly, she felt a knot in her throat and her eyes moisten.
(It was like when you realize how dangerous a situation was just after it is solved, and all the panic you didn't feel then comes crashing on you.)
He noticed her distress and broke the moment, turning his hand from her face to grab her hand and take it to his lips, to kiss it, 'May I go now, to find something suitable to feed the loveliest beast of all?'
CC smiled, moved that he understood her need of some time and space, while still being his charming teasing self.
Niles smiled back.
It almost broke her façade.
At least, broke enough that she had to sniff before she could speak, 'I can't promise you we're going to talk about sentimentalities any soon'.
'That's all right with me, witch', he nodded, approaching to kiss her.
(And making it last in a gesture of tenderness that brought a new knot to her throat and made her hands reach out for his shoulders, under the robe, by their own volition.)
'I'm serious about you being quick', CC said when they parted, her hands settling on the sides of his neck, 'I'm developing some kind of bizarre attachment to you. Feels like an addiction. And I don't deal well with my cravings'.
He kissed her cheek and stayed near her, to graze her cheek with his nose, 'I wouldn't mind taking the place of any addictions you currently have and do nothing but harm you'.
She closed her eyes at his proximity, 'I know what you're referring to, and don't worry, I wouldn't dare smoking a cigarette after sex with you. I know you're allergic and don't like the scent'.
'I appreciate that', he breathed deeply into her hair to make his point, 'but you shouldn't stop doing things because I'm around; you should stop doing them because you know they are bad to you'.
'Some habits are difficult to break', she turned her face to kiss him on the lips, 'But I promise to ponder over things with more care'.
'I hope so', Niles tilted his head to kiss her shoulder, then pulled her against him by the waist with unexpected force, 'You have no right to do any harm to this body, anymore'.
CC moaned and bit at his neck in an uncontrolled gesture of possessiveness.
Niles grunted.
(How could she dream of the kinds of Maxwell, with his eternal gentleness and eventual obtuseness, when she craved for the bold gestures Niles' behavior and sense of humor hinted at?)
'Let's see if you'll help me through it', she said, licking the pain away from his neck, 'There are things that sooth my nerves…', she spoke with a low sensual voice, close to his ear, '…I'm sure you can offer something with the same effect…'
'Say no more', Niles let go of her after a last peck on the lips, raised from the bed and adjusted his robe in a decisive movement, 'I'll bring some food, and I'll do it so quickly I'll be back before you have time to miss me'.
'I doubt it, once I already miss you, sexy'.
The blonde spoke and bit her lower lip.
The butler opened his mouth in surprise.
(It seemed she was not the only one who was having trouble at dealing with these feelings they brought up in each other when they were sincere.)
Niles puffed his chest and visibly had to control an urge to do something – jump? Yell? Dance? Sing? –, grinned like a fool at her and turned in a hurry to get out of the bedroom.
She understood completely what he was going through: when the door closed behind him, she jumped out of bed feeling full of energy, as if electrically charged.
CC went to the adjoined bathroom, washed her face and looked at herself in the big mirror.
She felt beautiful and empowered; she had an enormous grin on her face and shiny eyes.
She shook her head at how ridiculous it was that she had spent years in therapy trying to convince herself that she couldn't care less if Niles cared, and now that she knew he did, it improved her life a thousand times.
Because he wanted to satisfy her, he enjoyed being with her, he wanted her.
Glad to be alone in his domains for some time, she decided to explore the space.
There was a beautiful set of deep blue towels in his bathroom – one on the wall on the right, over the sink; another one close to the shower place.
CC walked there and opened the glass door.
She stayed there, picturing Niles under the water while it rolled through his hair, on his shoulders and back, and then dripping down his ass and legs.
(She had ogled him when he wore the t-shirt Sylvia had lent him in the Fine's when they were stranded; when she caught him dancing in his underwear, in the mansion, it was the last straw on how much she desired him.)
She imagined him reaching out for the deep red sponge that rested among his bottles of shampoo and conditioner.
CC took the bottles and smelled the products he used, recognizing the scents she had associated with his presence over the years and realizing they were part of what had felt so right when they were really close, earlier tonight.
She had teased Niles many times with the idea that he reeked of cleaning products and yes, sometimes she would detect those fragrances on him; however, she didn't feel disgusted by it – if she did, she wouldn't go to the kitchen so often, or walk after him through the house.
The cleaning products were part of his life – she could bet he knew everything there was to know about them, because he was very good at his job – and because of them she had got used to associate Niles with clean and tidy things.
His bathroom was evidence that he was neat and careful with his body: CC closed the glass door and went back to the sink to discover what the small bottles and flasks on it were, already suspecting they were lotions and perfumes.
She discovered there his aftershave, some very classy colognes, and a hand cream (which explained why his hands are not too rough, even with all the manual labor he does everyday).
CC felt a thrill of joy when the idea of leaving her scented massage oils there, among his things, popped in her mind.
He would probably love using them, as much as she already loved the idea of having his body at her disposition for touching whatever she wished to.
The scene of both dedicating time to sooth each other's muscles with delicious fragrances after a difficult day assaulted her, and CC felt again how perfectly they fitted and how natural taking care of the other's needs would feel.
And how sensual it could be, without any shame of being tender and, eventually, rough.
While giving a last look at the bathroom, CC decided she liked Niles and his choices.
And she liked the fact he had decided he wanted her to be in his life more than she already had been, to the point where he had taken some desperate measures to bring her closer.
CC walked back to the main room, looking around.
It seemed Niles hadn't put his mark, there, as much as he had in the bathroom: she had noticed how few things there were in the room when she arrived, tonight, but now it was clearer, especially in comparison to his bathroom.
There was a discreet writing table at a corner, in dark wood. It was elegant, but obviously chosen for comfort and to not call much attention. She wondered if he used it often, and guessed he did, being the word-game lover and cultured man he was.
There were some photographs on the walls, organized in small framed groups, and CC approached the first one to look closer.
She was immediately relieved that they were not family portraits (she would feel irrationally shy if she knew Niles' parents, or even a bunch of Sheffields, had been watching while they did what they did).
The shots were interesting, showing places she couldn't recognize, but impressed her for the esthetic sense they revealed: here, a balcony under the moon that shone through the trees; there, a lake with some icy parts and delicate flowers; in the other, the blurred image of three women knitting close to a small fire…
She realized they were Shakespearian references: the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet; the lake where Ofelia found her death in Hamlet; the three witches from Macbeth.
CC smiled. It was beautiful in its subtlety and cleverness, like Niles usually was.
She gave some steps to the side, to see the other collection of pictures, and almost tripped on his bag, that he had thrown at the floor when they went to the bed.
The beg had fallen close to the side of the bed, that occupied the center of the room (unmade and currently scented with their love-making), and she leaned in and took it, intending to put it on the armchair.
She realized the bag was empty.
CC frowned.
They had been apart for hours.
He hadn't managed to put a single item in his bag.
His words from earlier, about being really lost, came to her.
CC circled the bed, put the bag on the armchair and sat in front of it, contemplating the emptiness of it.
Would it be possible that, if she hadn't come tonight, Niles would do something crazy?
Crazy like disappearing without taking anything with him, not leaving any contacts and never sending any news?
That surge of panic came again, at the notion of how close to loosing him she had been.
To calm herself, CC pondered that, if Niles was so confused as the evidences suggested, he would give up resigning, wait for her to come in the morning – because he didn't know she had quit – and would ask her to forget what had happened, even if being side by side everyday would certainly subject him to pity from the family and mockery from her.
Even if she had not come to talk to him and clarify things, they still could meet next morning: if she had kept her decision to quit and went back to the mansion to leave her resignation letter, and he had not been able to go away, they would probably try to speak to each other again.
They would certainly be desperate to.
They had always looked for each other, and used the most creative disguises to be close. It would not be different this time. She guessed they would confront each other and fight again and, if they had any luck, they would manage to be alone and finally be sincere and clarify things.
CC frowned one more time, intrigued.
So, maybe there was no other possible outcome for their story?
Maybe the only thing that could solve everything was her decision to give them some closure through the truth?
What had changed things had not been his gestures – even if well intended and brought up by his deep feelings – but hers.
Yes, he had proposed, he had thrown at her face all he had bottled inside, and he had announced he was going away.
However, things just got amended because she had decided to put things in the light.
Now it made sense that Niles, while still asleep, would feel the need to make sure she stayed with him when she moved in the bed; that he wanted to thank her for getting back there; that he had, in hopes of her accepting entering his world, taken care of himself and his living quarters; that he had not been able to prepare his bag to go away and leave her behind.
He had been preparing himself for her.
He had trusted her to take the right decisions.
He had been sure she would understand not just that they belonged together, but that the right moment had arrived.
When she did everything wrong, deciding to treat him and his proposals in a derisive manner, she threw him off balance to the point he had no idea what to do with himself.
CC remembered that she, in fact, had no idea what to do with herself when she got out of the mansion, too. She had been sitting in her car, trying to imagine a future for her, feeling more and more empty inside, and saddened by the idea that there was nothing that could be done about the things that were broken – the things Niles had broken because he didn't know.
And that was when she decided that he deserved, at least, to know the truth.
And that, in fact, she wanted him to know the truth.
She didn't have any hope things would change when he knew, but she expected they could part in good ways.
She had wanted him to understand that there was no one to blame, just Fate.
And now that she had told him everything, she understood that Fate had been by their side, that Niles had sensed it first, and that he had empowered her based on an absurd gut feeling that she was aware of all of it.
CC went back to the middle of the bed, pulling the covers to her waist.
There she could bask completely in the feeling of Niles surrounding her.
It felt like it was in other life that she had decided there was no way they would ever manage to be together.
How he had surprised her!
There were so many things she didn't know about Niles, yet, and to think she had almost missed every chance she could have of...
There was a soft knock on the door and, after a moment, it was opened, and the man who had been occupying her thoughts entered, grinning, with his arms full of the things he had picked for them to eat.
She smiled at his delicate gesture of announcing himself while getting back to his own room, and chuckled when he closed the door with his rear.
He sat besides her covered legs, put the banana and the toppings on the bed, and CC examined the contents.
She selected the banana.
Niles observed her to peel it and take the first bite.
He gulped, licking his lips and giving obvious signs of finding her gestures troubling to his focus, 'I have news'.
'Uhm?', CC asked, offering him the banana.
He hesitated for a second, looking into her eyes, then at her hand, as if pondering on something.
Then, he took her hand in his and brought it closer to him.
She realized he wanted to take a bite of the fruit without taking it out of her hand.
It seemed her epiphany on Niles empowering her was right: in every small gesture, he made sure to show he was not taking anything from her.
CC smirked at the possibilities of such a generous partner.
Seeing the expression on her face, Niles' eyes widened and he reddened.
The blonde blinked, trying to discover what had gone through his mind.
And she realized, by the way he smiled shyly while letting go of her hand, that he thought she was looking at him while thinking of a recent situation quite similar to this – his lips around something banana-shaped, cream-colored and tender like that.
CC moved her free hand to caress his and show him that, yes, she was aware of the double meaning of biting a banana, but was focused more on the tender and intimate feeling of it, not just on the sexual one.
He got her meaning, and grinned cheekly at her, 'I'm surprised you have decided to share some of your food with me'.
'I've shared some very important things with you, tonight', she answered, taking another bite, 'Food is not such a difficult issue'.
'Looking at you, one could not say you have it light'.
CC rolled her eyes at the old joke, 'Oh, really, Niles?'
'Really', he said, picking a can of whipped cream, juggling and opening it.
'Why, you...', she realized he had a smirk on his face while eating some of the cream he had squeezed on his hand, 'Am I wrong or you just tried to see me nude again through a mind game?'
'You're never wrong, Mistress'.
She chuckled in that low tone that brought a fond look to his face, 'I really like the sound of that', she resumed munching, 'But what were the news?'
Again, Niles had to clear his throat to speak, because he really adored her chuckle, and was glad she enjoyed being called that way, 'Yenta squadron was in the kitchen'.