I'm sorry for the delay. Too much work going on. I like my job, but it requires so much energy, sometimes, that there is almost nothing left for writing.
Hope you're still enjoying this. I know I am!
More than a woman
Chapter 13: Words – Part 1
Maxwell Sheffield may be the man with some corny plays on his curriculum, but Niles felt like the specialist in plot twists.
For some years, when he envisioned his future, it was easy to foresee some constants: he would surely be a butler, probably the Sheffield's; he would remain single, while still nurturing those sick passionate feelings for Miss Babcock; his great pleasures in life would be to follow the developments of the family he served/cared for, and to stay around his witch as much as he could, in order to pretend they had a life in common.
(Oh, well, they had a life in common: they sought the other often just for the pleasure of trading zingers, share information and enjoy each other's company; they had a number of preferred topics, familiar enough for one to be able to predict what got the other engaged; they had created a list of very peculiar and unique nicknames that had turned into inner jokes.
It was all thrilling and stimulating; however, inside Niles' head they did so much more – from being openly affectionate to having wild sex – that what they had in real life paled in comparison to the creations of his mind.)
Niles considered himself head-levered and sensitive, but he was just a human being, and a lonely one; it was a matter of time for him to do something foolish regarding his feelings. Even with the huge social gap between him and Miss Babcock, and her very clear opinions on servants in general, every small moment they shared was enough for him to be hopeful that she enjoyed their connection, and he couldn't help but hoping to be closer, physically and emotionally, to her.
He sincerely believed that spending the days together would help him to keep his desire at bay, but soon he realized his mistake: being side by side with Babcock in a daily basis made him aware of her in new and surprisingly endearing ways.
(It didn't mean he was innocent regarding his farfetched fantasies and troubling emotions; however, it was her type of awesomeness that fitted exactly in his dreams and desires, and made him act foolishly.
He had been witched, after all. What could he really do?)
And now Niles was wondering if it was himself who provoked the plot twist that changed a good part of the things he had envisioned and brought him to his current situation.
(His current situation: waiting for the elevator in the lobby of a five-star hotel in Beverly Hills.)
The butler looked at the very pregnant and hormone-unbalanced Jewish woman at his side and gave her a reassuring smile.
In the long trip from East to the West Coast he had had time enough to cool off and realize they had overreacted when they speculated on Maxwell and CC having an affair. Why would the business partners use a, well, business trip to cheat on them? They had had plenty of opportunities for it in more than a decade of association, and still it never happened.
Even when Babcock lived in a parallel reality and Maxwell was a widower, it never happened.
Why would it happen now?
When Fran smiled back at him, taking his hand to press it in thanks, Niles had a deja vu very similar to the one he had had in the airplane, when she had fallen asleep and rested her head (her hair, in fact) on his shoulder: here she was, the street smart woman who had turned into his friend, in spite of their radically different cultural backgrounds; the bubbly brunette he had envisioned as the much needed freshness in the Sheffields' life; the woman who could transform any day in a sitcom plot; the wife of Maxwell Sheffield, winning the man over after a five year courtship.
She was all of that, and now was pregnant, what has raised a very unstable temper in her.
Fran was, surely, not the person whose train of thought Niles should follow, if he wanted to take a rational approach on any situation.
It was not the first time he did things that she suggested, and he asked himself why he kept doing them, if her ideas usually put his life in motion in the most convoluted ways.
For instance, when he shared his feelings about Miss Babcock with the former nanny, and Fran said he must find a way to tell the woman, he felt so hopeful he blurted a hurried I love you while passing by the blonde, in the kitchen. He didn't regret saying the words, but it may have started a tradition of blurting his feelings in chaotic ways – which lead to his ill-timed marriage proposals.
And when he said he wanted to impress Miss Babcock before he told her anything, and Fran suggested mounting a musical: how was it he didn't realize it was stupid and even offensive, once producing requires a lot of work, connections and experience, and believing he and Fran could do it was like depreciating Maxwell and CC's area of expertise?
And then he was looking at Babcock from a distance in the opening party, keeping his old (and safe) voyeuristic habit. This time, however, he had his insides on fire, wondering if she would come to him and finally admit he had done something right.
Fran said he must not keep waiting, but tell her already, because Carpe Diem, and he did it – even if he knew very well that Carpe Diem meant more Take your time than Hurry.
(He has an education, after all.)
Still, for some reason, he did what the former nanny told him to, without even figuring out a Plan B in case the irascible blonde decided to ignore his efforts and mock him as usual.
(She did mock him, but while making clear she was aware of what he had accomplished, and put his emotions in overdrive and made him blurt out the first of a long line of proposals.)
Niles was in awe at the number of times he had followed Fran's misguided advices, and even more in awe at the fact they had provoked his current situation.
(His current situation, in this case: having a happy and fulfilling relationship with Miss Babcock.)
Not forgetting that horrible dinner date Fran sent him and the blonde. In the occasion, he seriously thought they would never even be able to be back to their old terms.
It began with them uncharacteristically quiet and unbearably uncomfortable for what seemed a century, and then Niles' started looking at her hand on the table and wished he had the guts to take it in his.
It seemed a nice way to break the ice and hint at a new attitude, in fact. Maybe she was just waiting for him to do it.
He straightened his back slowly and noticed he had been so tense his fists were bailed.
He extended his fingers on the table, preparing his move cautiously, and had to make a conscious effort to control the trembling in his now open left hand.
Being nervous in front of Babcock was a rare occurrence for him; being nervous because he wanted desperately to be sincere and show how much he cared for her was unprecedented.
His feelings ran deep, and he felt overwhelmed by the importance of what he was planning to do: it was not just a touch; it was, after years of pretense, finally permitting himself to be open about how he felt for CC Babcock.
Niles realized he would not have the nerve to reach out for her, and closed his hand again.
Afraid he was missing the opportunity of a lifetime, he decided that, if he couldn't make any gesture, he would use words.
He was good with words. He has been making CC pay attention to him through words, for years.
He surely would be able to find the ones that would enter that thick head of hers.
Niles opened his mouth to say something, anything, and again he didn't have a Plan B, and suddenly more marriage proposals seemed the only way his brain could convey the idea of how hopelessly devoted to that woman he was.
Babcock had her eyes down when he spoke, adjusting the napkin on her lap for the hundredth time, and she froze for what seemed another century at his 'Marry me?'.
When she answered, she did so with a glare directed to the glass of water she was reaching out for, and spoke through clenched teeth, 'Stop it. I'm here just because Nanny Fine blackmailed me'.
Her words felt like a punch.
He had finally said the truth to her – that the deepest desire of his heart was to have her as his wife, with the complete package of loving and respecting and taking care of forever – and she didn't even want to hear it.
He turned clenched jaw and complete silence until their food arrived, not because he didn't know what to say, but because his heart was beating so loudly, his throat was so constricted and his eyes so misty he was afraid he would start sobbing the moment he opened his mouth again.
She had just dashed his hopes that they had been in the same wavelength for years, and Niles focused all his energies in not showing her how destroyed he felt inside. He had the impression that, if he let any of his real pain show, it would hurt so much he would never be able to get over it.
And he had to get over it someway, or he would loose even the crumbs she threw at him in a daily basis.
Later in that same damned dinner, after a new long silence that was not unbearable to Niles because he didn't have the energy to react to anything going around him, he noticed her moving abruptly.
She was rummaging her purse in search for something.
She looked so beautiful with her forehead frowned in concentration that it reminded Niles of how much he adored her fierce and goal-oriented personality, of how much he wanted that wonderful creature to pay attention to him because he was worth it, of how much he needed her to give him a chance to show how much he loved her.
He felt again like he had to say something, anything.
And he had proposed.
(In a recent conversation about that unfortunate event, CC explained she had taken her purse to have something to do, and in hopes of finding something that would inspire her for a zinger to break that oppressive silence. She found out her tape recorder and decided to turn it on, to be prepared in case he said something she could use later to aggravate him. She wanted to wake Niles up from whatever had possessed him in the last days.
She never expected him to propose again.
She said it had been with a mix of regret and curiosity that she used the recording to torment him, in the Sheffield's living room. She had to make it obvious he should move on, but kept wondering which was the price to pay for an eventual change of heart, on his part.
As if I could change my heart about her.
God knows I have tried.
Now they knew it had almost cost them their relationship, because Niles had snapped and told her every fear he had about her life choices, not minding if it sounded like he was cursing her and that Maxwell and Fran were there to witness it, shocking her into silence and deciding he had to go away 'first thing in the morning'.
Luckily, now they were together and had the chance to sort those things out, forgive each other and make out properly.)
Getting back to the point: even with Fran's recent track record of giving him disastrous advise; even with the wonderful time he had been having with Babcock; even with the blonde's discreet but tender words and gestures in public; even with some really... heartfelt moves in private, Niles still had embarked with Fran in Insecurity Express.
He had believed every terrified word Fran had uttered, and had jumped in an airplane to prevent his dream life from reverting back into a Dark Age of solitude.
(Pondering of a Dark Age without his witch was an absurd notion, really. He must be out of himself with jealousy and stupidity for even considering it for anything but a joke.
CC Babcock had come to him when he thought she couldn't care less; she had showed him a body she thought he would not want, when he had already faced it had been, somehow, in his fantasies.
They were obviously made for each other.)
Niles knew better than to expect predictability from his woman; however, he was not prepared to the bad omens when, after hearing of Fran's psychic visions, he saw CC walk through the Sheffield's living room with her bag, a contented grin on her face and Chester under her arm.
What did it mean?!
After the emotional episode when he had to travel to England, missed Miss Margareth's wedding and thought both would go crazy while separated, she was joyful at the idea of being away from him and didn't consider him worth even of taking care of her dog?!
He didn't know what to do of it.
And it didn't get a lot better when he confronted her for a reasonable explanation.
Niles had run after the parting Babcock and met her just out of the Sheffield's front door. The taxi that was going to take the business partners to the airport was already waiting, and Maxwell and Fran were saying their farewells outside.
They had just a few moments, and the butler intended on making the best he could of them, asking why she had not told him about the trip, since when she knew about it and why in blazes she was taking her dog with her.
(Being chosen as Chester's guardian was a point of honor.)
He closed the door behind him in a hurry, calling out just loud enough for her to hear him, 'Miss Babcock?'
She turned to him and, in a movement he was not expecting, grabbed his tie and pulled him to the side, out of sight for the people on the street.
She kissed him long and deep, pouring into it a regret he hadn't suspected she was feeling.
Chester, as he uses to do to show he considers himself neglected, growled in protest, and it brought the pair out of their lip-lock.
Niles was too dazed to remember exactly what he had to ask, but he knew there was something he needed to clarify.
CC caressed his cheek, 'I'll miss you like crazy'.
He saw the immense sadness in her eyes and touched her forehead with his, 'Me too, kiddo'.
They kissed amorously, Chester growled again and Niles rested a reassuring hand on the dog's back, attaining the expected calming effect.
'It's unfair, you know?', he sighed when their mouths separated, 'I could have prepared myself better if I knew you were going away'.
She opened her eyes and blinked, surprised, 'But you knew it. I've told you'.
'When?'
'Almost a week ago'.
He frowned in confusion, 'I have no idea what you are talking about'.
'Last Sunday'.
He didn't react.
'When we had sex'.
He raised his brows, indicating he needed a better clue.
'We had tested a new position'.
He rolled his eyes.
She smiled, agreeing it was still too vague, 'I commented on the possibility of going to California in the next week, to tie up some loose ends for the sitcom'.
'I really don't remember that', he shook his head, 'And the afterglow is not the best moment to break important news'.
'We'll have trouble communicating if I can't use afterglow time', she got closer enough to nose kiss him, 'Or you are suggesting we chat during sex? And I don't mean dirty talk', she tilted her head to speak close to his ear, 'Do you think we can manage important information and the names we call each other while we're at it?'
Their eyes locked, Niles took his hand from Chester's back and rested it on her hip, 'Stop it'.
She gave her throaty laugh, 'Why?'
'Because you're trying to change focus'.
'You're serious?', she asked, an amused smile lingering on her lips, 'How could you forget? It was a pretty remarkable afternoon!'
He huffed impatiently.
She grinned at his scowl, conceding the point, nodded and started moving.
Niles observed while CC turned her upper body to put Chester a bit aside, and reclined towards him to speak lowly, as if she needed to protect the dog's innocent ears.
Curious to what she was going to say that demanded such caution, the butler reclined forward, too.
She licked her lips and whispered, 'I mean the afternoon when we tried the double penetration position. The one I had to get on my back while you were facing the opposite wall, and then...'
The butler had his eyes wide, a blush took his cheeks and he straightened his back nervously, 'I remember. No need to say more'.
'Are you sure you remember it?', the blonde made a fake innocent face, 'We took some time to figure out how to do it but, when things clicked, it was so great you swore like a sailor'.
Niles gulped, and extended his neck enough to glance at the dark-haired couple to make sure they were not eavesdropping. Pacified at seeing them engrossed in each other, he got back to his previous position close to her, 'I was not the only one swearing'.
'No, but I already do it usually. You, on the contrary, is more on the sweet words, during sex', she couldn't contain her grin at his glare, 'It was very out of character. Sexy, but out of character'.
He crossed his arms, 'All right, no need to delve on that, now'.
She smirked, 'So, you remember it?'
'Of course I remember. What kind of question is that?'
She chuckled, 'I mean the news about the trip, not the sex'.
'Oh', he realized the misunderstanding and uncrossed his arms, frustrated, 'No, not really'.
CC pressed her lips, looking at him and pondering on what to say next.
Niles waited. She still owned him and explanation, after all, and he had no hurry to let her go.
She licked her lips and spoke calmly, 'We were in bed. I was lying on my back, and I saw a drop of sweat running by your spine while you moved. I found it beautiful and traced it with my finger. You shivered and swore, I chuckled, you swore a bit more, I said you were really sexy and that now I would fantasize about having raw sex with you in a hot Californian Summer day, and that it was a pity I would probably be going to Beverly Hills for a quick business trip next week, still without you'.
Niles blushed violently again, 'I remember that... It was not in the afterglow. We were still...'
'It was you who mentioned afterglow', she corrected him softly, 'Anyway, I had already finished. Technically, it was my afterglow'.
The butler opened his mouth, intending to say he disagreedviolently on telling news in such circumstances, but Maxwell called out CC's name and that obvious sadness over being separated filled her eyes again.
They approached to kiss softly, doubts and questions forgotten.
She broke the kiss suddenly, turned and walked away hurriedly, without looking back.
Niles went to the front steps and stayed there, forlornly watching her enter the taxi and pointedly not looking at him from inside it.
So, when he went to England, they had called each other several times a day, as if they couldn't stand loosing contact. Now, all of a sudden, she was going to be across the country from him, they had a quick farewell and she didn't even bother to discuss the matter with him previously.
(Not in a situation when he would be able to pay attention and argued back, at least.)
She had been more visibly bothered when she decided to go to Boston in that eye-opening but horrifying Hanukkah episode.
Niles took CC's new reaction to their time apart as a clear sign that her interest in him was weakening.
What if she was seeing the trip with Maxwell as an opportunity to show her business partner she was way more interesting than hormone-crazed Fran? What if she knew the man would never leave Fran, but having an affair with him would be fun and entertaining enough to be worth a shot?
What stopped her from doing it, in fact?
She had said to Niles that they were, no doubt, in a relationship, but they hadn't admitted it openly to the family. They still hid from them when they wanted to be affectionate.
The fact they were together now didn't mean she was interested in a long-term thing. If she had been, she would not have discouraged him from uttering any new marriage proposals.
Maybe she was back to that phase of her life when she thought Maxwell Sheffield was the man she had to seduce, even if just because he symbolized being accepted for the most traditional society.
Of course she seemed genuinely happy, and Niles guessed she was experimenting a sweet revenge on having at her feet a man who had been generally a cretin to her for years – and both things seemed to point out at her not looking for a way out. However, no matter how much she was basking in his affections, she was an awesome and fiery woman, and she would, sooner or later, ponder on why she should settle with a man who was poorer and older than her.
Niles wanted to be more than a passing fancy (it sounded kind of ridiculous even in his own head), and he didn't mind working hard to accomplish a commitment with Babcock. He was doing what he felt like doing – giving her all of his attentions and tenderness, now that she was supposed to know how he felt –, and obediently not voicing his deep feelings nor proposing – once she had already made clear it disturbed her.
But it was like blind flying most of the time, and Niles feared he would end up doing something wrong.
Or – what was worst – that, whatever he did, in the end it would not be enough.
That he would not be enough for her.
While he prepared for the trip, he chose some clothes that wouldn't remind her of the suits he wore everyday while working as a servant, and put some of his boss' cologne. His mind had decided it was a good idea to repeat over and over all the lines CC had thrown at him through the years and that made him feel particularly ugly, fat, lazy, old, poor and pathetic, what didn't help him to think clearly.
No wonder I went desperate, Niles thought when the elevator arrived and the doors opened with a ding, I have given her reason to voice some not very high concepts on me.
Niles waited for the people who were exiting to walk away and made a gesture for Fran to enter before him. She gracefully waddled inside, and he positioned himself besides her for the ride.
That conversation in the mansion's kitchen, over greasy Chinese takeout, felt unreal, now. At the time, Niles heard Fran saying how much of a better catch Maxwell was and couldn't help but agreeing with her, as if every word she said echoed the hurtful zingers he had heard from Miss Babcock through the years.
He was just able to disagree with the brunette when she said she was a better catch than CC. He quickly pointed out her voice – Niles couldn't wrap his head over the fact that Maxwell could enjoy Fran's whining on his ear, once Babcock's low voice was one of the things the butler found a huge turn-on about her.
Oh, well, there are so many things about her that turn me on that I would have disagreed with Fran no matter what she chose to mention…
Niles breathed deeply and, in the small space of the elevator, the scent of the cologne he was wearing reached his nostrils.
He usually didn't wear anything too strong – he knew by experience that even the most tasty perfume would end up quite different when mixed with the scent of cleaning products and cooked food. Sometimes he would take a shower in the middle of the day just to have the pleasure of changing his clothes and renew his personal fragrances, confident his scent didn't have delicate notes of onions or the essence of a clean bathroom.
(It hurt him more than he wanted to admit when CC threw that You reek of Tylex line at him. He felt crushed at the notion that the blonde considered him physically distasteful to another of her senses, besides her vision.)
Since they started dating, Niles noticed Miss Babcock often held him close and put her nose on his neck, hair, or other parts of his body, if the location was appropriate for such an intimate gesture…
(Erase that. She doesn't really mind the location, sometimes).
...so, he supposed she enjoys feeling the scent of the person with whom she is intimate. It made sense that she had been so interested in his toiletries, for example.
Every time she got close to feel his scent, Niles wondered why she did it, and wished he knew what she was thinking: did she enjoy it? Would she prefer if he sported a stronger fragrance, besides the creams and shampoos and other products she had seen in his bathroom and had interrogated him about? Was it a fetish? Or her way to feel closer to another person without saying too much?
No matter her reasons, that was why the idea of impressing her whit Maxwell's cologne seemed so good: the woman liked scents; she had liked her business partner for years; thus, wearing Maxwell's scent would surely help CC to like him.
(It sounded stupid, now.)
The elevator arrived at the floor where the rooms were, and Niles parted from Fran, so they could meet their significant others in what they hoped was a nice surprise.