Sorry for the delay in posting. I was working a lot, the Holidays came (SpoirDio's calendar was a priority), and I got back to work.
Before giving you the new chapter, I'd like to answer the following review, which came from an unregistered reader, on chapter 19: 'Do you really think c.c. has a penis or is this a personal fantasy?'
My answer: when I watched The Finale – Part 1 for the first time, even if I found the dancing scene really sweet and got the joke in the 'Dip me', I found it curious that whoever wrote the scene thought it was important to show Niles jokingly making an invitation for CC 'to be the man' in their relationship. He does it as an answer to a zinger of hers about really despising him through the years, and it felt like he was saying 'Yeah, I know I said horrible things, but I'm changed now, and I don't think you being in command is manly or pejorative, anymore. Come on, do it in front of everyone'.
I found it cute that we see Niles on screen contradicting some of his most terrible comments, but I kept asking myself why use that specific idea, once he and CC had so few scenes as an official couple. In fact, that tidbit may be the only moment of real dialogue we get that doesn't involve fighting, proposing or marrying, with the exception of that very last exchange in the series, when they exit the mansion for the last time.
I started wondering what kind of discussion our favorite couple must have had at that point, that they were comfortable with the idea of reversed gender roles, after CC mocking Niles for being 'Maxwell's housewife' and Niles calling CC a man for more than a decade. It must have been an issue for the both of them, and the subject of gender expectations is something that interests me a lot – so much that it has already appeared in one of my stories, The Marriage.
The idea of gender expectations being a relevant point between them made me think that Niles' zingers could have hit the mark because there was something no one knew about CC's body identity. Based on that, and having in mind that the show makes us believe their sex life is mind-blowing for them, the strip-tease scene for this story popped up in my mind and I knew it was a matter of time until I had to write down the rest of the story, showing a confident CC and a more than accepting Niles.
So, dear reviewer, your answer is: canon doesn't exclude the possibility of CC being an hermaphrodite, and even hints at something like that, as I have been trying to show in this story; I thought about it, liked the idea, and it became a personal fantasy of mine.
More than a Woman
Chapter 20: Nights on Broadway – Part 4
CC didn't get too upset at being separated from Niles so soon after she finally said yes to his proposal: as much as the butler in him, the businesswoman in her came alive the moment Maxwell barked clear orders to do something, and they got in motion without a second thought.
Besides, anywhere she went would be a huge improvement from moments before, when she had been stuck in an elevator with a pregnant woman. Nothing can stand on CC's path when she has a goal, and her goal at that moment was to make sure said pregnant woman and her crazy family got away from her. If it meant letting go of Niles to make sure everybody reached the hospital safe, sound and as quick as possible, just be it.
The high of accomplishing things distracted her enough from her own situation, and she was able to not be furious at being apart from her now fiancé, not feel upset at being brushed aside for Fran's needs, and almost not remember she had been nauseous.
However, the moment she could stop and breathe, just inside the hospital reception's doors, the weight of it all hit her again, the nausea was back, and with it a strong annoyance directed at Nanny Fine.
(Yes, in her mind Maxwell's wife would turn back into the Nanny every time she interfered in her plans.)
CC was not a religious person, but she may start believing in karma or Jewish curses: when she still had hope that Maxwell would look her way and that fending off Niles' derisive comments was her main problem in her quest, Fran Fine appeared out of nowhere and made obvious CC didn't stand a chance with her business partner. Now the blonde had come to terms with that, but it had been a real nightmare to watch such a stereotypical piece of meat, with her socially acclaimed perfect body and nice personality sweeping Maxwell off his feet and making everybody love every stupid thing about her.
After a lifetime of feeling insecure about her own body and style, CC couldn't stomach that woman, who ended up standing for everything she was not. Hating her was necessary to keep some of her sanity.
(Well, her breakdown had happened exactly when it seemed that not even business was free from blessed Nanny's interventions that, no matter what, always ended up miraculously well.)
And, to top insult with injury, Fran Fine was sometimes witty and consistently funny; even if it was not the sarcastic humor Niles enjoyed, it was enough to make him turn into her best friend and loyal protector in a blink of an eye. CC was not sure if she had any subconscious romantic plans towards the butler at the time, but he had been her toy since forever, and she felt the blow when he surrendered to that woman's charms.
It was most illogical for CC to be jealous of Niles of all people, but every time he sided with Fran instead of his traditional nemesis, the most imaginative ways to kill the Nanny popped up in her mind.
(When she ended up in The Place and he went to visit her every damn day, it helped her to believe that, maybe, his disinterest was just a façade. Before that, pushing the Whining Queen in front of a bus still seemed necessary for CC to snatch the focus of the men of the house.)
Well, now Fran was married to Maxwell and giving birth, CC had admitted her feelings for Niles and finally accepted his marriage proposal, and still she couldn't even enjoy some private moments with her Butler Boy without some bizarre occurrence related to the brunette disrupting their lives.
Wasn't it punishment enough that CC felt like crap when she should be at her happiest, in Niles' arms and in peace with herself?
As if CC had summoned him, the butler appeared by her side and rested a hand on the small of her back, 'Hi, there'.
He had the sweetest face ever, and she knew it was thanks to her.
She gulped down and made an effort to reciprocate, 'Hi, lover'.
CC was confident she could fake emotions in social situations. She would not be so good at smooching backers if he couldn't.
However, it seemed Niles had a sixth sense about her.
As always, he saw right through her pretense.
His eyes turned worried and he enveloped her in his arms.
She melt gratefully in his embrace, loving him even more because he had no idea of what was bothering her and came closer to try to help her anyway.
They stayed together for a while, one of his arms enlacing her waist and a hand caressing her hair.
She breathed deeply in his neck, her need of his scent in contrast with the regular calming breathes he was doing, probably for her sake.
CC didn't want to scare Niles with her whirling mind, but a lot had happened, and she pondered on how to explain it to him.
She had been utterly happy in the party, enjoying their first social event as an official couple; he proposed, she was stricken by panic and fled; she got stuck in a lift with a crazy pregnant woman whom she hadn't still really forgiven for putting her through Hell so many times since entering their lives; she was forced to discuss him with that crazy pregnant woman who was his best friend but didn't really understand his merits; the crazy pregnant woman went in labor while stuck with her; CC had an epiphany on why she should marry Niles; she accepted his proposal and he heroically forced open the elevator's doors to reach her; before they had any time to properly celebrate their engagement, they had to part ways and do things for the crazy pregnant woman who had gone into labor while stuck with CC in the elevator and about whom she must confess she had just totally forgotten about, because she couldn't care less for such a creature when she had so many beautiful things happening in her own life.
And through all of that, she fought against bolts of nausea.
Realizing she had no strength to explain so many things, CC stayed silent, just her grip on Niles getting tighter.
He tensed as if her gesture had told him something, and spoke as delicately as he could, 'Are you bothered by the hospital?', his voice gained a saddened inflection, 'Did it remind you of the late Mrs Sheffield? Or the things that happened when you were a child? Or The Place?', she felt him stretching his neck to look around, 'Do you want to go away? I can make up an excuse. I'm good at it'.
She straightened enough to look into his face, and now smiled easily, 'No need to. It may just be the adrenaline rush going away suddenly'.
His eyes studied her face, 'Are you sure?'
'Yeah', she got to her full height, in front of him, and rested her hands on his chest, 'We're here for good news, tonight', she blinked innocently at him, 'Isn't it? Something related to babies?'
He rolled his eyes, not quite hiding his relief as he obviously intended, and grabbed her hand, 'Yes, and now I realize I have to keep an eye on you to make sure you won't eat any of them'.
'Them?!', she asked as if in shock, 'Is she delivering more than one?!'
Niles squinted, and CC found it really funny that he must do it to be sure she was just kidding.
(At least one good thing about Fran's pregnancy: CC still could mess with Niles' head about the Sheffield children, now that there would be a new generation of them.)
They followed the commotion of Sheffields and Fines hand in hand and, to CC's chagrin, the more they walked inside the building, the more she felt the familiar hospital scents and imagined those people inconsiderately filling all spots they could in Niles and CC's lives, and her stomach churned again at both things.
Niles turned to her at some point, and she had to make an effort to focus on what he was saying, 'I still can't believe it: Miss Fine got the man of her dreams, and now I got the man of mine'.
She tried to smile back at him, to smirk or say anything at his first comment on their new status, but the nausea prevented her.
He detected again that she was troubled and tried a different tactic, offering a teasing smile, 'Sorry. Old dog, new tricks'.
She grimaced and told him the truth, 'I'm sick'.
He was immediately repentant, 'Hey, I was just kidding. You are not having second thoughts, are you?'
CC was surprised he misunderstood her after all they've gone through, and managed a smile to reassure him, 'No, no. I have said yes to the man I love. I am sure'.
It was beautiful to see his pacified face at her words, and she had every intention of telling him he could joke about whatever he wished to, that she would kill him before she permitted their relationship status to change how they interacted and that she didn't regret anything; however, her previous words would have to be enough, by the time being – the battle with the nausea was too much for her to handle right now.
He held her hand tighter and started walking again, and she knew he intended on distracting her from whatever she had in her mind.
CC managed some steps, but the urge to throw up came over again and she halted suddenly, closing her eyes.
Niles' voice sounded concerned, 'What is happening, sweetheart? You're not really feeling well, are you?'
'No', she growled through clenched teeth, 'Must be all this sugary you're submitting me to'.
'It's not my fault the effect of your potion is wearing off and you can already feel the change starting', he answered promptly.
She opened her eyes.
He was looking at her expectantly.
She breathed deeply, 'Thank you'.
'You're welcome', he answered, caressing her forearms soothingly, 'But now I'm worried. What is it you're feeling?'
'I'm... Dear Lord'.
She turned away, reaching for the closest trash bin she could find.
While CC was vomiting she felt Niles holding her hair up and shielding her from view, and it crossed her mind that he must be so surprised she stood a chance that he wouldn't make any joke about her being hangover.
When the nausea subsided, she straightened and prepared to explain herself to him, but he didn't give her the opportunity: he guided her quickly to the closest WC with some bullshit about her refreshing herself while he waited.
She obeyed – her dignity spoke louder than any smartass comment she could formulate on him making such an obvious move to get her out of the way while he asked for help.
CC just realized how worried Niles was when she exited the bathroom to find a nurse standing by his side, listening with raised brows to what must have sounded like a synopsis from The Exorcist, if the wide eyes and paleness of her fiancé were telling signs.
(Someone from the hospital's staff was just finishing the change of the trash bin, by the way.
Now CC was sure Niles had told some horrible story in order to get help as soon as possible.
Well, the butler was known to be very efficient to gather people to do chores for him.)
He stopped speaking as soon as she emerged, looked at her pointedly and made sure the nurse knew she was the one who should be given attention.
The woman had a subtle smile in the corner of her mouth the moment she realized Niles was a lot more panicked than CC herself, asked if the blonde had any other symptom and, at the calm negative, asked them to follow her to see a doctor.
Niles promptly thanked the woman and took CC's hand, as if to make sure she was not fleeing.
'I'm all right, now', she said, even if she accepted to be pulled.
'That's what we're going to see', he mumbled while they walked behind the nurse.
'Stop acting as if I'm dying'.
He flinched as if she had punched him, and she immediately regretted the choice of words: they had been to hospitals together a couple of times through the years, and it had always involved a life and death situation, as Sara's death and his heart attack; now that they were together and things seemed to be finally getting on track, he must be terrified that anything could go wrong.
CC softened her voice, 'There was no need of frightening the professionals, Niles'.
He gulped down, following her hint at lightening the situation, 'They have the right to fear for themselves'.
'I wonder what you have made up'.
'I didn't have to make anything up. They remember you and know that a visit to your family could bring any tropical disease, Kong'.
She made a face at him.
He realized that he had sounded too cranky for the joke to work.
Seeing CC was not amused by his overreacting, Niles made an apologetic expression.
She acknowledged it with a firmer grasp on his hand.
He smiled, grateful for her understanding, and enlaced her waist with his arm, obviously glad to be forgiven.
They arrived to a waiting room suspiciously empty – and for a moment she wondered again if he had really told some story that included an exotic disease – the nurse oriented them to sit down and wait to be called.
CC did so obediently.
The moment the woman disappeared, however, Niles knelt before her, 'Since when are you nauseated?'
'Since I've met you, as I said in the party'.
He didn't move or answered, his eyes searching hers furiously.
She got restive, 'What are you doing?'
'I'm making sure you won't hide important things from me'.
'Don't be ridiculous'.
'You should have told me'.
'For what, Niles?', she glared, 'Can you make it stop?'
'The magic being here is you, but I would like to know you trust me enough to share your problems with me'.
'I didn't even know it was a problem until now. It was not that strong before...'
She interrupted herself, but it was too late.
Niles' shoulders dropped in understanding, 'I see'.
He got up from the floor and sat on the plastic chair by her side.
She looked at him: he joined his hands on his lap and looked down at them, recoiling from her, assuming the responsibility for her being sick and reading her symptoms as a result of her accepting his proposal.
He was the image of lost and conflicted, and CC wished she could slap him until he stopped being stupid.
However, since she now was a relatively emotionally healthy human being who was learning to express her feelings through gentleness, she called him in what felt a familiar and comforting teasing manner, 'Hazel?'
'That's all right', he didn't raise his eyes, 'I understand you're not comfortable with… us', he cleared his throat as if he should be ashamed of saying it out loud, 'Just tell me what I have to do for you to feel better. I don't care what it is, I'll do it. That's all that matters', his voice came out strangled, 'If you want to take it back, it's all right. I understand. Your wellbeing is above…', he sighed and his voice was full of decision, 'It's above everything'.
He finished speaking and started waiting.
Looking down and waiting.
Moving his shoulders shyly and waiting.
Finally giving up, he looked at her.
Their eyes met.
CC was glowering, 'Stop it'.
Niles blinked, 'Stop what?'
She reached out a hand.
Once it went to his middle, his eyes got wide at the notion that she was going to grab his balls in revenge.
'Doubting our relationship!', she answered, inserting her hand between his, 'The problem is not you. I said I wanted to retch when I looked into your eyes before we got together'.
Niles resumed breathing and turned to CC, taking both her hands in his and asking pleadingly, 'But what is happening, then?'
'I don't know!', she was emphatic and held his hands firmly, 'Maybe I'm allergic to marriage proposals! Maybe I'm overwhelmed, considering you proposed again, I ran away and ended up stuck in a lift with Nanny Fine, who decided to get in labor right in front of me!', she threw him a dirty look, then calmed down, 'Maybe I've got the flu and it's just a big coincidence', she shrugged, 'Or maybe I'm pregnant'.
One of Niles' hands flew to rest over his heart, 'What?!'
'Don't do that', she chastised him about the classic heart-attack gesture, her eyes filling with tears, 'I'm not in any condition to deal with it'.
His mouth formed an O in understanding, and he quickly pulled her into a hug, 'Sorry, love. Here, puck all over me. I deserve it'.
She chuckled between sniffs, 'Idiot'.
He smiled and caressed her hair, 'Whatever you say, darling'.
She nestled on him, basking in his presence and feeling calm enough to speak, 'How would you feel about it?'
'About you pucking on me?'
'Niles...'
'You mean the pregnancy?'
'Yes'.
'How would you feel?'
'I asked first'.
'I don't understand what your doubt is'.
She parted from him enough to look at his face, 'Would you be happy? Would you want it?'
He sounded baffled, 'Conceiving a child with you is a lot more than I could ever dream of'.
She glared, 'This is not what I asked'.
He frowned, 'Are you joking?'
She glared more intensely.
He made a face of surprise, 'So... you really can't see it?'
Now she glared as if she intended on choking him with her mind.
Niles realized she was waiting for him to explain himself, took one of her hands in his, lowered his eyes and spoke in a quiet tone, 'There was a point in my life, soon after I came to the United States, when I thought personal fulfillment was not for me. At the most depressing moments I asked myself if I could say I had a life of my own, once I didn't get to have the career I had dreamed about nor found someone special who would put me in motion. It seemed I was destined to have the same routines every day for the rest of my life, with no hope of any excitement. Worst than that – with no hope of myself being special to anyone'.
His eyes found hers and stayed there.
There was sadness, in them, at the memories of those times he was talking about.
Then, it was replaced by something.
Something warm and sweet, that started in Niles' beautiful blue eyes and reached his mouth, making him smile.
And, obviously, making CC smile in response.
He caressed her hand with his thumb, 'You changed everything. You made me believe I had a reason to keep living that was not to do the same thing day in day out and serve people who always put me in second place', he sighed, 'When I proposed and you rejected me, it seemed the last years had been just an illusion and I had nothing to go on'.
'I should say it's not healthy to center your life in me like that', she smirked, 'But I won't'.
Niles laughed – the same weight being lifted from his shoulders and her heart –, and leaned in to nose kiss her, 'That's what I expected to hear from you since the first time – that you accepted my offer to be officially your slave'.
'They say you must be careful with what you wish', CC pecked his cheek, 'See what you got?'
He kept grinning, enchanted by her.
'But you didn't really answer', she reminded him, lifting a hand to caress the cheek she had just kissed, 'How would you feel about me being pregnant?'
'I want everything that it's all right with you', his grin turned impossibly broader, 'I would be thrilled to be the father of your child'.
Niles spoke and touched her lips with his.
CC shivered, and she was not sure if it happened thanks to the sound of those unbelievable words in his voice or the softness of his mouth on hers.
Her hands went to the sides of his face to show him she wanted to keep him close.
They exchanged tender kisses, and for some crazy reason, she felt her heart getting bigger as if she was the Grinch and it was being filled by the emotion flowing between them.
'I don't even know why I mentioned it', she said when they parted and she nestled on him, 'It's not like it's a real possibility. I mean, it is, but it's quite improbable'.
'It's such a nice thought', he answered, kissing her temple, 'Can you imagine a being that would be a mix of us? A boy or a girl for us to teach things, see growing and love without limits?'
'You would probably spoil it', she smiled.
'Me? You curse so much I bet our baby's first word would be a very bad one, and you would shower it with kisses as a reward for being so alike mommy'.
'Look at the bright side', she chuckled, 'When you teach our baby to cook my favorites I may reward both of you with lots of kisses'.
Niles' voice sounded amused, 'When I teach?'
CC realized what she had implied and pressed her lips to control the stupid grin, 'Oh, you know what I mean'.
'Yes, dearest, I know', he nodded and took her hand to kiss it, 'It means you are not the least against the idea'.
She was silent for some moments, looking at the joined hands.
After some contemplation, she muttered quietly, 'I had given up, too'.
Niles didn't answer.
CC guessed he must have been surprised that she had just admitted to wishing something like that, and that she had translated the feeling of hopelessness in such a manner.
Both of them had spent a huge part of their lives wondering what could have been and lamenting what would probably never be, and now every small miracle seemed possible.
CC lifted her eyes to Niles' face and saw he was fighting tears.
And loosing, obviously.
'And that is why I can't tell you anything!', she chided, getting away from him to dry his cheeks, 'You get emotional over the stupidest things!'
He sniffed, 'Don't you dare call stupid the possibility of... Oh, forget it. Call it whatever you want to'.
'Watch out, or I'll think you are giving me total powers'.
'And I am', he gave her a loapsided grin, 'See what a wonderful husband I'm going to be?'
She chuckled, agreeing, 'I love you, Bell Boy'.
'Love you more, CC'.
She opened her mouth in surprise at the brand new answer, her heart soaring.
Before she could say anything, the doctor appeared, calling her.
Both got up, helping the other to be a bit more composed and not the emotional nutcracks they must look like.
She acknowledged the doctor and turned to Niles to adjust his tie, 'I'll see you later'.
He was surprised, 'You don't want me to come with you?'
'No, you'll embarrass me. I'm probably not pregnant and you're already crying as if you're having sympathetic hormonal imbalance. I don't have to go through this'.
He made a show of how unhappy he was, huffing and stomping his foot.
She pleaded, 'Stay with the Sheffields'.
'W-What?'
She whispered conspiratorially, 'The moron in white will probably ask for exams and I'll need something to entertain myself while I wait for the results. You better have something interesting to tell me when we meet again'.
Her strategy worked, and Niles turned immediately into the man with a mission, 'All right. I can do that'.
'Nobody does it better'.
They looked at each other fondly.
She pecked his lips, 'I promise to update you as soon as I can'.
'Thank you, sweetheart'.
'Thank you'.
CC spoke and turned around, walking away from the butler whose mind was already plotting on how to have the most absurd tales to share with her as soon as they were reunited.