Don't own nothin but Amilee, blah, blah, blah.

This chapter was so much fun to make, you have no idea! Read and review.

***Revised 4/12/17***

"Restless, I've been losing sleep, but I don't feel awake, I've been living in a dream, you woke my demons, now there's poison rain running through my veins, I still see your face as I'm dragged away..." -Demons by Paris Blohm

In the end, Varric, Cole, The Iron Bull, and the new mage Dorian agreed to track down Amilee.

Solas had mentioned something about needing to stay, waiting to see if the Herald showed up. Sera didn't want to get involved with more 'magic shite' and Vivienne and Blackwall couldn't be bothered, neither willing to trust any of the lot.

Their Tevinter companion though, was more than happy to help, having already met the 'charming young lady' in passing. He was very... talkative. And while the others weren't quite ready to trust him, they knew they would need a mage to help in case of said 'magic shite.'

It was late into the next morning when they finally reached the outskirts of a destroyed Haven.

"You're... not possessing a human body, Cole. You actually look like that?" Dorian asked as they backtracked along the snowed over mountain range.

"Yes"

"But a spirit's true form is always monstrous, or at least unnatural."

"The world doesn't make sense to them. It's too real. That's why they look wrong."

"And... this is how you want to look?"

"I want to help. Looking doesn't matter." The young man stopped and looked beyond the trees where the valley opened to the edge of a lake. "She's there, I think." He pointed across to the other side as though the others could tell where exactly he was directing them.

"Can you change you're form? If you wanted to look like something else."

Sighing in almost exasperation, the young man raised an incredulous eyebrow at the mage. "I don't want to look like something else."

"Hmm. There are magisters that would be ecstatic if they could summon a demon that could pass for human."

"They would use it to hurt people," Cole groused back.

"You're right about that. They would." Dorian conceded.

The boy slowed, his face pinched with concern. "It's... it's wrong."

"I know it is."

"Not that," Cole shot back, shaking his head.

"What's wrong, kid." Varric asked.

Tilting his head to the side, as if listening for something, a sudden look of horror came to Cole's face. "No, no, no, no," he murmured in fear, as he dashed ahead of the group and with a puff of smoke, disappearing.

"Kid, wait!" Varric yelled, as he and the others ran in the direction he had gone.

Minutes later, as they reached the other side of the lake, there was a sudden shift and pull in the air. Overwhelmed by vertigo, Varric stumbled and caught himself before he hit the ground. When he looked back up, as did the others, there was a collective cry of shock and cursing.

The scene that lay before them was so foreign and so terrifying, it took Cole appearing to speak for them to snap out of their stupor. "Fear and Despair fight for dominance. Weakened, a butterfly caught in the spider's web, but she hides. They want to find her. Prowling, preying to pervert and possess." He look down at the dwarf with determination. "We have to get to her first."

Varric swallowed down his consternation and stood back up. "Andraste's tits, how am I supposed to write about this... This must be what her world looks like."

All around them, there were giant gleaming towers, dozens buildings of all sizes and shapes with hundreds of windows, thousands of lights in those windows, flickering eerily in the unnatural darkness. The building in the center was the only structure that was a single story. The sky above was swirling, blue and black, casting shadows that warped and writhed around them.

"What do you mean, what her world looks like?" The Iron Bull asked, disturbed. "And nobody mentioned anything about demons beyond this one!" He pointed to Cole for emphasis.

Sighing, the dwarf walked up next to the spirit, looking up to see his friend lost in concentration. "Where's Amilee, Kid?"

"The warmth is muted by their magic. But I am certain she is in there."

He pointed to the central building, at what they could only guess was an institution for children. A strange stone plaque sat to the side of the walkway, some kind of writing on it's surface, the foreign letters engraved with unnatural precision. There were smaller structures that looked designed to be played upon, as well as swings that moved slowly back and forth, on their own. Fake, oddly colored horses that sat upon thick winding metal springs, rocking to and fro, all bunched together inside a metal fenced in area. The building itself was a brown stone with a flat roof, it's many large windows plastered with crude flowers and animal shapes.

The Iron Bull shrugged his shoulders, obviously uncomfortable with the idea of entering such an unfamiliar place. "Alright. Let's get this shit over with."

The four men drew out their weapons in anticipation of an assault as they stepped carefully up to the blue metal doors. It took a moment to figure out how to open them.

"Ah. You just squeeze the latch down," Varric noted, as he did so and swung the door out wide.

The Qunari entered first, having to duck and angle his horns to get inside, followed by Cole who did not seem as overly distracted by the new environment they'd entered. Dorian and Varric looked at each other with trepidation as they wandered down a large corridor, the air thick and stagnating.

The hall was dark and quiet, strange metal casings lining the walls, painted blue with oddly marked knobs on each panel above their latch. The walls were painted every few feet with creepy depictions of children chasing each other with knives, dead animals and dead people, each scene more frightful than the last. The lights set in the ceiling were rectangular, their glow subdued, some flickering, some broken.

When they passed the first door, a child's voice sing-songed in a strange language from within, "Little bunny foo foo, walking through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head."

"Vashedan!" The Iron Bull cursed as he shied away from the door.

Cole had no such inclination. He gently pulled the door open and stuck his head inside. "I don't think we want to go in there," he said as he closed the door once more, frowning and wide eyed with fear.

Varric scowled, using one of Amilee's curses, "So where the hell is she?"

"A child, but a rabbit too, hacking with an axe at other children dressed as mice. Rabbits shouldn't be that," Cole whispered to himself, as if speaking aloud what he witnessed would free his mind of it. "The rooms are her memories, but some are not of her life."

The Iron Bull scowled, "The fuck does that mean?"

Dorian threw up his arms and exclaimed, "What in Andraste's name are we supposed to do? Search every sodding room?"

"Yes? Maybe."

"Can't we just find the demons doing this and send them packing?" Varric reasoned.

"Fear maybe, but Despair hides."

"Fucking fuck."

"Well, I'm not going to just stand around waiting to have some creepy little girl chopping at my knees." The Iron Bull turned about face, took three steps, and opened the next door, charging through.

The other three, a bit shocked by their companion's initiative, didn't even make it to the door before they heard an eerie howl, followed by The Iron Bull hollering at the top of his lungs accompanied with the sound of something being smashed again and again. He came back out quickly, sweaty and pale. "Alright," he started, trying to catch his breath. "I hate dogs now. Sodding yappers can all die!"

"Seriously? Dogs?" the Tevinter mage smirked.

"The face was there, then just teeth, a gaping maw, oozing with blood and black. It's alright, it wasn't real."

Shuddering and shaking the sweat from himself, The Iron Bull growled, "Seemed pretty real when I smashed it, Kid."

"How are these her memories?" Dorian asked as they walked on, the question directed at Cole.

"Memories recorded for watching, to play over and over. A story, a tale, only not from a book. They were made to look real, too real. Fear and Despair can't tell the difference."

"How would you know that?" Dorian griped.

Cole cocked an eyebrow, not understanding why the mage was perturbed. "Because she told me. We were talking about her stories and she described what she called 'movies'. She didn't like these ones, but her sister made her watch them."

A guttural, clicking sound came from behind them, and they turned to see a bloodless face with black eyes half covered by long, black hair staring our at them from a mass of darkness on the ceiling. As it crawled toward them, it opened its mouth impossibly wide and screamed like a woman in great pain.

"Maferath's ball's!" Varric shouted as he pulled Bianca up and shot the thing in it's face. "Well so far all I'm seein' is fear, fear, and more fear! Let's find the sonofabitch and kill it."

"Despair is closer to her. He is winning with words that wind, wound, wither her spirit. She's still hidden, I think, but she's on his side."

"Well, misery loves company," Dorian quipped nervously.

"Why would she be rooting for either demon?" The Iron Bull questioned impatiently.

Varric took a moment to decipher Cole's words. "Wait... As in his side of the building?"

As if it should have been obvious, the young man replied, "Yes."

"Then get us there, please?" Dorian urged condescendingly.

Every few feet they went further in, the more horrors from Amilee's mind took shape, attacking. A person in a strange mask with a tube protruding out, making gurgling noises as if choking on blood. An eyeless, bloodied torso that crawled on the ground almost too fast to hit. A lanky black creature that seemed to bleed acid, it's tongue a separate mouth that screeched at them, skeletal tail whipping about.

Finally, they reached a set of black iron doors.

Each heard a different voice emit from beyond and each paled, knowing full well the greatest fear lay beyond.

"Such is their fate to die in darkness, the lights going out as you free them. A glimmer of life behind the eyes as they see you, but you take it and you're real again. It made you happy."

"Take me in. Take me in and be free, most powerful in all of Tevinter, you will rise to glory. He will smile at you once more."

"Varric, you heard the song too. It took me back to them. Why don't you join us? You're meant to be with us."

"Make them stop screaming," The Iron Bull yelled as he covered his ears, bent over before he rushed the door with a great battle cry.

The fight against Fear itself paled in comparison to the others, most likley because of the amount of energy it had expended making so many monsters. It fell within moments of the four men descending upon it, it's pathetic screams echoing throughout the halls.

Still shaken by their encounters, they grimly pressed forward to continue their search for the Guardian. By the time they reached the halls of Despair, Dorian, The Iron Bull and Varric were exhausted, while Cole was simply quiet in contemplation.

Varric shivered, the temperature around them steadily dropping. "Aren't you able to hear her thoughts, Cole?"

"No. The demons got in when her guard was down. They heard enough to shape the cage, trap her inside. I've... I've never been able to hear her, just feel when she's close."

This gained Dorian's interest once more, "So, you can hear everyone except her?"

The boy slowed and his face fell, "Yes. I reach for her but there's a wall, too dark to see through," This gave Cole reason to pause. "Varric, you knew her before. Doted and dancing, darling and daring, doing what dolls do best. So much energy, such wonder for life, but Blondie broke her, the porcelain shattered and scattered, too scared to be put back together. You could show me how to help her."

"I don't know if I can. That girl has a lot of baggage even I can't sift through and I've known her longer than most," the dwarf admitted. "For her though, I'm willing to try. Let's just get her back first."

Cole moved quickly and as they traveled on, the vast hallways seemed to crumble away, little by little, until the rooms were exposed. Dark foliage grew along the walls remaining, emitting a fog that became thicker the farther in they went. Graves littered the floor, with names in both her language and theirs. After fighting off a horde of very fast, very intelligent undead, Varric stopped when he found his name.

"Maker... So this is why she holds herself back."

"What are you on about?" Dorian asked.

As he pointed, the dwarf explained quietly, "Because of her power, Amilee is... immortal. How would you feel if you knew you had to watch everyone you ever cared for die, while you live on? She's been distant ever since we met up at Haven and I'm pretty sure this is a big reason why. Gonna have to talk to her when this is over."

They huddled close together as they weaved through the tombstones, until suddenly, the pale blonde halted to kneel near a large grate at the end of a long metallic aqueduct, exposed from a thick gap between two decrepit rooms. After peering in carefully, Cole dug his fingers under the lip of the cover and pulled until it released. He threw the metal piece up on it's hinges, uncaring of the shrill sound it made.

"It's alright, Amilee," he said softly, reaching his arms inside. "We're here now."

A soft whimper echoed from within as a small child slowly crawled out and into the spirit's arms. "Cole," she cried tearfully, as she clutched to him, burying her face in his neck with muted sobs. He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her tiny body, and stood to face the others.

The little girl looked around at them timidly, her large reddened eyes brimmed with tears. She wore a dress colored lilac with little flowers bordering the hem, and her tawny hair was short, the length barely touching her shoulders. She was barely six at most.

"And I thought you couldn't get any cuter, Doll," Varric joked affectionately.

Her bottom lip stuck out as she sniffed and looked up at Cole. "I can't get out," she whined, as she pulled at his shirt. "The screams hurts my ears and I can't make the bad guys disappear."

"Hey," The Iron Bull rumbled soothingly behind Varric. "Don't worry. We'll kill him and then we'll get you better."

"They will not possess you as long as we have you," Cole promised, brushing her hair back tenderly like the real Cole's mother did when he was small. Abruptly, he stiffened and tucked her in closer to his chest, glaring off into the distance.

"There you are," a deep voice purred. A large clouded mass appeared beyond them, at the far end of the hall. A tall man with blond hair pulled back, glowing red eyes, and wearing Tevinter robes with feathered pauldrons walked into view.

Varric cursed profusely. "Anders."

"What? Who is that?" asked The Iron Bull.

The man in question chuckled and monologued, "Always needing a name for the darkness inside you. But I do not care to answer to your ignorance. I am here to take what has been promised to me. Why do you fight it, Amilee? You will always lose them in the end. Your family, your friends, even the ones you care for most. You'll never get what you want, never find your happy ending. I can help make it all go away. Just let me in."

"You mean make them go away," she corrected, her childish features scrunched in defiance.

"Creating sorrow from guilt, you are Regret," Cole choked out, attempting to convey confidence. "You think to turn her from us, but she is ours and you will fall as Fear had..."

Wraiths began to form around the false Anders, too numerous to count, and the group stepped back quickly in response.

"Why don't we run this time?" Dorian called as he led them away from the red eyed man.

A disembodied laughter filled the hall as they came to the end and turned right, then left, assuming they were going back the way they came. Which was apparently not the case when they veered right again, they found themselves back where they'd started, coming to a screeching halt. Despair had come closer now, the man he embodied more detailed and focused. He brought forth a hand to gesture and Varric, Dorian, and The Iron Bull froze in place.

"It is useless to run. Give me the girl and I'll let you go."

"You won't touch her," Cole growled, eyes glinted in warning and arms shielding his charge. "She doesn't belong to you."

"So then you wish to possess her?" It laughed as if what it'd said was a joke.

"I have no need. This body is my own."

"Hmm... You could have possessed Rhys. He would never have left you, seen you as the monster you really are. Poor, strange creature, trying so hard to be helpful, to be human." Whispers from people who'd said as much to Cole bounced around the halls, further reinforcing Despair's words.

"No."

"Body or no, you aren't human. And certainly not Compassion, not anymore. Compassion doesn't kill."

"Stop!"

"Killed so many at the Spire and more died because of it. A rock drops in the water and the ripples extend, ever outward, touching everything and everyone. A river of red flowing by the sweep of your hand. You continue to do so, even now. Shall I take it?"

The red in Amilee's eyes began to fade away as she reached for the lyrium stone in Cole's jacket.

"No, I'm-I'm helping," Cole whispered, trying to deny it. Trembling, his head lowered until his face was hidden from all but the girl he carried.

A rejuvenating magic emitted from her body as Amilee reached up and cupped Cole's face with a small hand, gaining his attention, her eyes shining bright with determination. "Don't listen, Cole. They're just words. Only you give them power."

"But he's not wrong," Cole lamented, eyes glazed over. "I'm a monster."

She shook her head as she went on, "No, you're not. The mistakes you made in your past may drive the decisions you make now, but they do not define you. You learned from them and took steps to change, to be better. You are helping now, protecting people who can't fight and easing their pain when you can. Human or not, you are good, Cole. Not a monster, never a monster. You just have to believe in yourself. I believe in you."

She hugged him fiercely and the gesture brought tears to his eyes. "You're warm again," he whispered softly in awe.

Hissing in anger, the demon growled, "No! The Elder One said you were mine! I will have you or you will die!"

"Shut. Up!" Amilee bellowed, her voice back to the one they all recognized. She grew in Cole's arms, her legs stretching down till they reached the floor, her hands sliding to rest against his chest. Her eyes darkened, deepened, as they remained fixed to Cole's. "Thank you for coming for me, hun," she said, smiling sweetly as she touched his cheek affectionately.

Despair screeched as it teleported, attempting to catch them by surprise, but she was prepared. Cole stepped back in anticipation as it appeared behind Amilee, but it's cry of outrage became a scream of agony as she whipped around and grasped it by the neck, absorbing it. The lilac dress exploded into dust, her battle wear appearing in its place as the other three companions unfroze.

"Damn demons," she muttered, swinging back around to face her friends.

"I don't believe I ordered a flash freeze," Dorian quipped with annoyance, brushing off the ice from his otherwise pristine outfit as he shivered uncontrolably.

Grinning madly, Amilee cast a wind spell, clearing the area of the fog, revealing they were back in the real world. "Sorry about this guys. Can't say I'm not happy you came though. Now... let's get the hell out of here, shall we?"

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