COUGH COUGH IT'S 11:27 LET'S GO.
Bu-
NO
What abou-
NO SHH YOU'RE DISTRACTING MEEEEE
WAIT BU-
NOOOO *DINOSOAUR SCREECHES*
You know dinosaur mean I love you in English…
v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
Anxiety slowly built in my stomach as we passed through the hallways. Every time we dropped down a level it seemed the other patients were less and less…. violent.
Shit and I'm almost at the top floor what the fuck does that mean for me?
I decided to focus on something else rather then notice stupid things as I turned around to ask where we were going, only to be surprised when I saw two different people holding the chair.
"M.. …?" She gave me a wide bubbly smile as I looked to the person next to her.
Who the fu-
"W..what's he doing!" I cranked my head farthest away from him as he started to sniff my hair. That's right, fucking sniff my fucking.. hair…
"Oh that's Mike. Relax, he just likes to sniff ya.. Though I doubt it'll cause any harm!"
I tried moving farther away only to have him come closer each time, making me feel more and more… claustrophobic? No... self-conscious.
He gave one last sniff before giving what seemed to be an approving nod and walking back into step with Hanji.
"Where are we going…" I muttered quietly, looking around as the corridor seemed to be an ever more bleached white than before. "And where'd Levi go?"
She let out a long annoying self-satisfying sigh before actually responding, letting out a jumble of words I barely could understand with her talking so damn fast.
"This is you're trial obviously where members of the council and a few other people who somewhat know you're condition are going to decide you're fate but I guess you can't really call it fate per say but more like where you're going to be getting treatment if any at all.. ANYWAY Darius Zachary the man who's going to be in charge of your trial? Yeah well he's going to decide if you're going to be taken into the care of Stationary Medical Co. ORRR"
She only stopped to take a large inhale of breath before starting again, though I barely understood what she'd said the first time anyway so this was just as rambled with never ending sentences and weird shit that I barely understood.
"You'll go to The Wings Of Freedom Mental Hospital! Which is where Levi, Erwin, Mike and I work of course.." She snorted, giving a split second before continuing.
"Anyway the trial is to determine weather you're mentally fit to go to prison for attempted murder or if you have an actual case that needs to be solved. Basically kind of like either get the help or die in a cage kinda deal" She made a face while saying this, laughing to herself before suddenly going into a straight face.
"Then there are the Titans.. The beasts who run this damn horror show. They are a new type of testing program per say to fight off 'mental sickness'. They use people such as you Eren and make them into someone they're not. They strip them of who they are and they become these.. monster's of science… what was meant to help sickness is making it worse, threatening their emotions and turning them into these violent personas of mass destruction. They're the guinea pigs of the new word my poor boy, and you might have already gone through them.."
What the hell was she talking about? I couldn't understand barely anything other than this was a trial deciding weather I get help or time. Which I admit, I wanted nothing to do with neither.
I opened my mouth about to ask a few questions about the trial and about where Levi had gone when suddenly we're at giant wooden doors.
"Oh too bad, we're already here.. So sorry to take up your time Eren.. Good luck."
She gave me a sad smile which I definitely could have gone without when the doors are suddenly open, and my restraints are being undone.
Shit. What's going to happen. What are they going to believe?
I slowly was led into the middle of the room only wearing my white scrubs and somewhat handcuffs meant probably not for my safety.. but for the others in the room.
I hated every minute of it, the eyes staring, judging me coldly like some wild animal. I felt like a circus animal being booed at because I didn't jump through the damn ring of fire.
To be honest, I wanted to drop dead. Instead of feeling like the tiger I felt like the meat in the middle of the cage, though honestly, I'd rather get fed to the tiger than be kept in a cage as one to be gawked at and judged.
I stood there in the middle of the room as I look around slightly, the church was behind us, along with what I presumed was the Stationary Medical.. people to my right and the Mental Hospital to my left, seeing as I could see Levi and Erwin in the front row.
I looked behind me to the left side when I caught the glimpse of a red scarf and froze.
Fuck. No..
Mikasa and Armin were sitting in the witnesses booth, looking at me hopefully. I didn't want them to see my like this, with bandaged wrists and lost eyes, so I quickly looked away from the two of them and starred at the judge.
I presumed he was the Zachery guy Hanji was talking about when he suddenly looked at me dead in the eyes.
And with that, I zoned out into my own thoughts, not really caring what happened to me or not as I kept my head down most of the time. I didn't want to hear my whole life story about all the shit that'd happened in my own life.
I wanted everything to be done with, when after a while I suddenly heard something that caught my attention.
"Seeing as the boy has no further family anymore with his mother being dead and the father in jail-"
"She's not dead." I interrupted, staring at him evenly square in the eyes.
"Excuse me?" He raised an eyebrow, as if daring me to speak again.
"She's not dead." I simply said again, slightly confused on what the fuck they were talking about. My mother wasn't dead, I watched her leave with my own two eyes. I remember the day clearly too.
Grisha had gotten home late that night from work when I suddenly heard yelling. I'd gone down stairs to see what was the matter and didn't remember much, other than the fact watching her leave us, never returning.
He continued to speak, this time deliberately talking about how she had supposedly died.
"Carla Jaeger age 34 when she died suddenly due to a titan experiment mishap."
I starred at him with somewhat rage starting to bubble, as I suddenly didn't want to hear anymore, feeling sick to my stab wound. (Get it—Stab wound.. heh..)
Anyway, I continued to listen carefully at each word he'd spill painfully slow as if it were a popsicle that was melting before you could even get to it.
"Eren Jaeger, son of Carla age 10 suddenly went on a rampage trying to attack his father Grisha Jaeger after arguing with Carla in a topic that seemed to upset the boy. Boy attacked father causing him to have extensive hemorrhage on various places on body, also knocking the father unconscious. Seemingly right after the father had left to get treatment another Titan experiment broke into the house and murdered Carla Jaeger in front of Eren and his friend Mikasa Ackerman, known to have been practically raised by the family. Eren's memory seemingly to have retained after the incident and has no further recollection of the event. Decision made to have Eren believe the mother had left to prevent further trauma.. end of report. Now, anything else you want to blurt in Mr. Jaeger?"
I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to believe a word he'd just said, in front of everyone. I didn't care that they knew, but I should have been the first to know, I should have had that closure. If she was dead, then why was I still here? Wouldn't I have protected her? I would never have just left her there to die. No wonder Grisha beat me. It was my fault she was gone, and I didn't even know.
"Now.. upon the incident with Carla Ja-"
Rage bubbled over me as I interrupted, the only protection around my wrists rubbing so furiously at my skin, they started to burn the flesh away, as I suddenly interrupted once more.
"SHUT UP!" I screamed with all might. "I'll kill them.. every last fucking one of them! They are the reason everything is fucked up isn't it? Then why the fuck do they still exist! My mother is not dead. There is no way in HELL I'd leave her to just fucking die! Why type of fuck person would I be?! She's not dead and you have no fucking right to speak her name. You bastard of a pig you-" A cough sputtered from my lips as I was suddenly on the ground, not given a second to process what had happened.
I coughed as I heard people gasp behind me, a chair scooting across the floor in a hurry of which I presume was Mikasa getting pissed over something.
I slowly looked up and starred shocked at an emotionless face of Levi, as he lied on top of me, my arms pinned behind my back as he held me by my hair.
"What are y-"
"Shut the fuck up" He hissed whispering, as I lied my head on the cold floor and tried hard as possible to keep from crying.
The whole court was quiet for a while, until the judge (or at least that's what I thought he was) stood, called the meeting to the end, and left without another word as I watched in silence, shaken at the thought of my outburst.
What the hell was I thinking doing something so uncalled for? Then I realized the purpose of the anger in the first place. My mother was not dead. I knew it deep down inside. Or at least I thought I knew, after all, who was I not to protect the only one who had ever truly loved me?
^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^
Okay so I'm like tired AF right now, it is currently 1:41 AM and… fml.
I do have to warn you guys though I am probably going to be gone because of thanksgiving but you never know. I try to stay away from my family anyway so I'll probably see you very soon if something else doesn't pop up. Also I'm sorry I haven't been in touch I had to go to a funeral the other day for a very close friend of mine that had passed, so I'll see you guys next time.
R.I.P
Timothy H. Lewis
June 2, 2000 – October 27 2015
We will always remember you like a brother, a close friend, and someone who always wore a smile.
After all, like you always said: Suicidal People Are Just Those Who Want To Go Back Home.
Don't know where you stole that from you bastard but I fucking loved you.
Bye my friend.