Okay so I felt bad that the last chapter was a little short so I've thankfully out of the kindness of my heart.. decided to post another chapter. Probably. Maybe. We'll see.

Nice promises there Wolf…

Shush shush I am a busy person with a busy life.

By busy do you mean getting distracted in video games and Netflix?

...Yes ;_;

Well putting that aside *sniffle* Here you guys.. *sniffle* go..

Jesus… pull yourself together

NO. YOU'RE MEAN. ;~;

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You know where a kid and you got mad at your parents for not letting you have a cookie, so you got the damn cookie anyway and got in hell of a lot of trouble for it? Well that was sort of how I felt, amplified times one hundred, also instead of a cookie is was a something sharp, and the cookie they said not to have? Kinda more like "Don't kill yourself or else" situation.

It had been a few days of me lying tied to a bed to finally cool off and be a "good little psycho" but what could I say, I guess I'm just sick that way.

After all that's what everyone else says, so it must be true. Isn't how the world works now? Sure as hell seems like it.

A few hours had passed as I waited for what seemed more like days. The blank white walls were starting to make me uneasy. And honestly, they were sickening.

My head turned slowly as I heard the beep of the door opening, with Levi walking in along with his group of merry men..

"What do you want…" I muttered softly, all anger in my dissipated, filled with.. a big emptiness inside.

"We just got the trial decision." Petra burst out, stepping forward with a small leeward look at Levi.

"And…? As much as it doesn't matter with me as much as it should.. I'd like to know if I'm either going to hell with you or the damn circus."

The comment probably wasn't necessary though I didn't really give a rat's ass. As much as I didn't really care for their little results of the Trial,

I suppose I have to at least pretend like I gave a damn. It is about me after all, how could I not care? Easy, by not giving a fuck. If this was a contest I'd claim myself a winner 'cause damn I didn't give a flying shit. What was this all about again? Oh shit the results.

By the time I'd realized I'd zoned out, Hanji was next to me smiling crazily.

"Well?! Aren't you excited..?!"

I stared at her lost in the conversation that had just happened as I looked at the people behind Levi who looked like they honestly didn't really give a fuck as to why they were here.

"I'm sorry excited for what exactly…?" I whispered, casting a another anxious glance at Levi by habit.

I flinched slightly as Levi sat next to my side on the bed,and started to undo my straps.

"Well brat… If you were listening to the news you obviously haven't give a fuck about.. You'd know that you're coming with us. Everyone go get the van and everything ready, I'll make sure he gets changed without fucking hurting himself."

I rolled my eyes as I sat up from the bed, rubbing my sore wrists after the restraints had been tightened due to the last little… incident.

I watched as the others left in a somewhat hurried matter before I realized the uneasiness growing inside me that I was going to be here with Levi. Alone. Getting changed. While he watches...me.

"Well brat? The clothes you're going to wear are over there in the closet. Take off the clothes you're wearing now and let's go. We don't have all day you know."

I cleared my throat as I took my shirt off, walking over to the closet. Neatly lied a long sleeve white shirt, eggshell jeans, and bleach white boxers. White. Fucking fantastic, my favorite god damn color.

A small snort of disgust came out of me, suddenly followed by a soft whimper as Levi touched my side.

"Does it still hurt..?" He muttered, tracing his finger around the bandages gently, his face unreadable like usual.

I pulled away and picked up the ugly shirt, putting it on slowly. "Hell ya..why the fuck do you want to know. Not like you care." I hissed, knowing the words probably hurt him. Then without a moment to lose I was suddenly pulled in close, his breath hot on my neck.

Without any realization we were suddenly on the bed, as he hovered over me.

"Don't ever…. say that I don't care Eren. I love you way too damn much to keep having you push me away because you don't want fucking help." He spat on me, his expressionless face clearly hiding anger that screamed in his eyes.

"Well maybe it's because I don't want your help. I can take care of my own damn self…" I muttered, turning my head to the side to look at something, anything, just not his eyes. His beautiful grey eyes that burned through me like a painless acid.

"You may not want my help.. but you need it brat. Does taking care of yourself involve killing yourself killed? Because if it is you were doing a hellova job Eren!"

The words he spat out hurt so much that it wa beyond my understanding as to why. Why was he so angry. Why did he care. Why do we keep getting close just to hurt each other again and again. Why.. the question I always ask though I know I'll never have enough in me to actually find out.

Once I finally realized Levi was quiet again as soft cold hand touched my cheek, wiping something off. I looked up at him, feeling my face flush as I suddenly realized I was.. crying.

Why the hell am I crying?

"I'm sorry…" He whispered softly, lowering himself on top, resting his head on my chest.

"I should have been there for you… I should have known something was wrong. This is all my fault.."

The moment he said those words, everything that I had been keeping in for so long poured out, as I let out a small whimper, turning into a quiet sob. He maneuvered gently, causing me to sit in his lap as I simply sat there and cried my heart out.

He just kept soothingly whispering I was going to be okay as he rubbed my head softly.

"It hurts…" I choked in between sobs, holding tightly as his clothes. The wanting feeling in my chest starting to go away, along with the loneliness and the pain. I felt safe for once since I had met Levi.

"It hurt so much..!" I sobbed slightly louder, as I let it all out, letting it all pour out. Every bit of anguish, every stab of anger, and the river of helplessness which flowed so strongly within me.

I started to quiet down as I continued with a few whimpers, still holding tightly though my grip was getting loose as I started to feel tired. Before I knew it, I was already asleep in his arms, waking up now and then lightly to see Levi.. sort of.. change me (if you call a grumpy short man yelling at pants to get on another person's legs A+), then a glimpse of getting carried to the van.

When I had waken up we were pulling up to a giant old/new looking building.

"Mm.. Where are we.." I muttered, rubbing my eyes, though opening them to see Hanji's face close up to mine.

"Okay No…." I whispered, quickly moving away as she laughed to herself before whispered,

"Sorry I'm just so excited! It's not every day we get a new patient.. Well we do but not under our group of handlers personally.." She snorted at her own "joke" (If you call it that) before sitting down and grinning, falling asleep a moment after.

Petra and the somewhat older funny looking gentleman were looking through cook books together next to her, while blondie and cone hair sat beside me on both sides. Blondie was staring intently at the wall probably thinking about how to handle me while cone hair was passed out drooling on himself like a fool.

"Are we almost there..?" I mumbled, still tired from exhausting myself. I could see Levi's eyes in the mirror up front before I turned to Petra,who suddenly started talking.

"Oh you're awake? We're on our way to the Wings Of Freedom Mental Hospital.." She softly mused giving a sad smile toward my direction.

I didn't want her pity so I focused on something else, looking outside the only window in the back. When they said van.. I didn't expect a damn generic rape van.

I sighed, resting my head back and closing my eyes. When did everything go wrong? How did everything get so fucked up? I started to think back in school when I first was in school. I remembered when Levi helped me after getting in a fight with Reiner.

I smiled thinking of how he helped me.

How he saw your cuts.

How he took Grisha out of my life.

With his so called "connections"

How he stopped me from fighting Reiner back..

Stopped you from being a danger to others ring a bell?

When he held me tight, and told me everything was going to be okay.

Ever heard of stalling? You were close to the edge and you know it.

I clenched my fists tightly on my legs as I cleared my throat slightly, all my memories starting to taint in my head. I was losing myself, I could feel it, the darkness that was starting to shroud me.

My eyes flung opened as a hand touched my leg gently. I looked at Petra who was giving me a worried glance as she smiled. "Eren.. Calm down okay? We're almost there."

"What do you mean calm down? I am calm. I'm very calm." I muttered, trying to loosen my grip on my legs, though with little success. I suddenly noticed everyone looking at me with half grim faces, including Levi in the front seat who kept glaring through the mirror.

"Alright.. Alright.." I sighed, relaxing slightly, my hands letting go and coming up in a defensive position with my hands up. "See? Perfectly calm.."

My sleeve fell at the perfect fucking moment to see the scabbed traces of slices graced across my wrist. I looked away, quickly pulling my sleeve down roughly, not wanting to see the pitied faces knowing they saw.

Shit... I didn't know he took off the bandages!

Without a moment to lose, the van slowly came to a stop at what looked like an old/newish giant building. It almost looked like one of those old generic loony bins from the movies. Though that definitely wasn't the case when we walked in.

"Well! Here we are!" Hanji smiled, racing past me to go talk to some other doctory looking people. "Guess we are.." I muttered softly, walking in escorted by everyone else.

"Come on... I'll show you to your room." Levi looked over at me, leading the way. "R..right." I called, trying to follow close behind.

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UHGUGHGUHGUGH

So this was supposed to be posted on the 5th but, you see how well that turned out

But.. Here we go, the fifth chapter!

You know this chapter took a little longer than expected, but that's okay..

Couldn't have been from getting distracted every five seconds nooo..

Thanksrat..

Though I do have to warn you it might not be as often. Things have kinda been happening lately so I don't really know if one day I'll just.. stop.

Also you guys should send lots o love cause I literally had to copy and paste out of that weird mofo code and paste back in the right way, which was hard af for me, JUST BECAUSE I started typing in the wrong thing inside copy and paste so it wasn't in the document. So half of this is from that DAMN CODE.

But hopefully it won't happen again SO

I love you guys, Thanks for reading!

Bye..