Her body felt wonderful, but little prickles of confusion and anxiety started to force their way into her consciousness. She'd had sex with her husband last night. And it didn't feel angst or had felt perfectly natural, perfectly right, almost more free of self-consciousness than they'd been when they were together.
But nothing else about their relationship was perfectly natural or right. Last night as she lay in bed, sleeping next to a man she previously shared a bed with every night for twelve years everything felt and sounded the same as it had always been. He was Troy. He looked like Troy, smelled like Troy, sounded like Troy.
But something about him now didn't feel like Troy. At least like the not the husband she'd always been married to.
Later that day after the long morning and even longer afternoon Gabriella entered the main hall of the Seymour Manor. With the weekend looming and Sunday being the deadline for staircase, she had to make sure that Sharpay at least close to finished and that there wasn't anything else that would need to be done before investor arrived.
Sharpay had been working early this morning on the balustrade, and it was looking beautiful when Gabriella had check on it earlier. Troy had Chad come by this afternoon to finish up the steps. At first she didn't know if Chad and Sharpay would work well together but now…
Coming in through the front door now her breath quickly escaped her as she admired all the fine detail of the woodwork. Everything looked so amazing. The entry way was shaping together nicely and she was more than positive that they would meet their deadline for Mr. Prescott.
"It just needs a polish," Sharpay said with a sigh as she looked up at Gabriella. "What do you think?"
"It's perfect." Gabriella came up closer to the steps. "It's amazing." She took a deep breath and tried to be happy about this project finishing on time and so well, but she felt also felt a small twitch of sadness. This meant she wouldn't have to be back for some time after this. Which meant she wouldn't see Troy as much.
Without meaning to she glanced out the window to see if Troy's truck was still there.
It was gone. He'd probably left for the day. Evidently, he didn't feel the need to talk to her after last night. Nope. He'd just gotten up before everyone else, went out for breakfast and came back to wake the girls for school as if the whole thing never happened.
"You alright?"
Gabriella nodded. "I'm fine." Deciding it would be smart to keep work for a little while longer, so she wouldn't have to go home and sit down in her empty living room and stare at the spot in the rug where he literally sweep her off her feet or lay in her bed smelling him on her sheets.
Besides the girls had a late school activity on Friday any way. She should be fine if she just killed an hour or two here. Letting out a low breath she decided to help Sharpay polish the balustrade.
"Why don't you head out?" Gabriella said as she watch Sharpay get up and stretch out her back.
"You sure?"
"You've done more than enough," Gabriella said looking around at all the work. "I can finish the polish."
"Alright," Sharpay let out yawn as she stood up and stretched. "I'm not going to ask twice. My back is killing me."
"Any plans for the weekend?" Gabriella said picking up the rag and continuing on with the polish.
"Not much, Chad wants me to go out with him. Apparently he's kid free and he thinks I want to get laid." Sharpay let out a sigh as she began gathering her things. "Which I totally do, I just can't let him figure that out."
Gabriella smiled, "Be nice to him."
"Oh you know me," Sharpay said walking towards the door, "I'm always nice."
Gabriella huffed quietly to herself as she repositioned herself so her back wouldn't hurt so much and wiped vigorously at the wood. She focused on rubbing the beautiful wood with polish and tried to clear mind of everything else.
"There you are."
The voice surprised her so much she gave a violent jerk and dropped the rag to onto the floor.
Taking a deep breath to recover herself, she picked up the rad and started wiping with it again. She didn't need to look to see who was standing at the bottom of stairs. "What does that mean?"
"It means I haven't seen you all day, so I was wondering if you were avoiding me."
"You haven't appeared to make a great effort to find me." She kept her voice light, not wanting him to sense that she was disappointed in the least.
"I was giving you some space."
"Very sensitive of you. But what makes you think I need any space."
Troy had walked along the staircase so now he was standing beside the step where she was sitting looking up at her through the bars of balustrade. "So you're saying you want to be close to me?"
She tensed at the sexy timbre of his voice. "Don't be ridiculous."
She heard him sigh, "You're upset."
Since that was the last thing she wanted him to believe, she turned to meet his eyes for a moment. "I'm not upset."
"Yes, you are."
"I think I'm the best judge of whether or not I'm upset."
"Of course, but that assumes you'll tell me the truth about it."
"I'm telling you the truth. I'm not upset."
"It was just sex."
"We didn't even use any protection?" Gabriella said quietly.
"So?" Troy said with shrug, "We don't normally worry about it."
"What if I get pregnant?"
Troy stared at her for a moment, a small smile on his lips. "I'd be okay with it."
"But we're not fixed yet."
"But we are married. We do love each other, and it's not like this baby won't be taken care of."
"That's not the point." She was getting frustrated, but she tried to keep her tone from reflecting that fact.
"So, you're upset because I didn't use a condom?"
"It's not about the condom. I'm not upset about the sex."
"Well, I don't believe you."
"That's your problem. You can believe whatever make believe nonsense you want. It doesn't change reality."
"And you can tell whatever lies you want and act all casual and pulled-together till your heart's content. It might fool the rest of the world. It doesn't fool me."
Gabriella shook her head, "You're really full of it. You can ask anyone I've talked to today and they will tell you, I'm not upset."
"That's because you fool them with your nonchalant act."
"I do not have a nonchalant act."
"Yes you do." He gave her an adorable little smile. "You want the world to believe you're completely confident and composed all the time, and most of them are fooled by your act. But I'm not. I can see all the little signs that no one else sees."
"What little signs?" suddenly she was terrified.
"I'm your husband. You may have changed somethings about yourself but let's face it your still my wife. I still notice when you won't meet my eyes for more than four seconds in a row. The fact that your smile never reaches your eyes. The fact that your holding onto that rag like you want to strangle it to death."
Her breath hitched and she dropped the rag without even thinking.
"Why are you upset?"
"I- I just didn't expect this to happen. We're not fixed yet. We're not better. We can't let that happen again."
"You didn't expect last night to happen?" His tone held no particular resonance so it was nearly impossible to figure out what he was thinking.
"No. I mean, I hadn't thought…"
"I had."
She gasped audibly, "What?"
Troy shrugged his shoulders as his blue eyes held hers. "I've been wanting this for a long time. I've never stopped hopping it would happen. I don't want to wait until our six months are over. I want to try again now."
He said it so directly it caught her completely off guard. "What?"
Troy let out an exasperated breath as he placed a hand on his hip. "You heard me. I don't want to wait until the end of the month. I want to try again now. Right now."
Gabriella gulped, forcing back a surge of excitement and emotion and bone deep fear. "I know you want to save our marriage, but that's not-"
"It's not just about saving the marriage, Gabriella. It's about you. I want you. I love you. I've never stopped."
"Neither have I, but that's not what any of this is about," Gabriella stood up. "This about our vows, the promises we made to each other. The struggle we were having to work through our differences."
She couldn't be foolish. She couldn't melt into compliance just because she wanted too much to be loved by him. She'd done that before, and their marriage simply hadn't worked. It wasn't likely to work now any better unless they were both genuinely hearing each other, understanding each other, in a way they hadn't done before.
"It's not that easy to just jump back into this. Not after everything that has happened." Gabriella let out a breath, "Maybe I was avoiding you just a little bit." She said with defeat. "Because I didn't want to talk to you."
"Well we need to talk."
She gave a shrug. "Maybe. But I'm not ready to yet."
"When will you be ready?"
"I don't know," she said bringing a hand up to her temple.
"Damn it Gabriella. I'm tired of waiting," he said, rubbing his chin. He looked more tired. He looked battered and worn.
"Well I'm sorry you're tired, but you're not the only one involved in this, and you don't necessarily get everything exactly as you want it."
"There's no reason to be upset about what we did."
"Yes, there is. Do you think I like letting myself be an idiot again? Letting you take advantage o-"
"I didn't take advantage of anything," he snapped. "I know all the mistakes I made during our marriage. You have no idea how often I've rehashed them over the past months. When you left me, I was… devastated. I was angry, and I felt betrayed. You know I didn't want that to happen, and I didn't understand it at all. I didn't understand you. I didn't even really try. I was only thinking about myself, what I thought I needed and what I expected from you. It took me a long time to get through that. But I've been working on myself. I know the only way to get my family back was to change and be a better husband and father. I know how much I hurt you and betray any trust you ever had in me. I knew it would take time. That's why I've let you have your space let you keep this up but we're coming to end of your space. Times up! What have you done?"
"What have I done?" Gabriella voice grew tight as her temper shot up. She began descending the stairs as she bunched up the towel she picked up from the step. "I have been raising our daughters while you've been having a meltdown, I've been in the workforce working my ass off to afford the rent and food for table while convincing them every night that their daddy does indeed still love them. I have working on myself trying to forgive you for what you've done, to somehow understand what made it okay in your twisted head to just abandon us, you family-"
Troy rounded to the bottom of the stairs. "You kno-"
"Just because you screwed me doesn't mean you can read my mind. You have no idea what I'm feeling or thinking or going through." With that she tossed the rag she held at him, a thoughtless, instinctive act of protection.
He batted the rag away automatically so it wouldn't hit him in the face, but he must have swatted pretty hard because it went flying towards the front door. The very front door that opened without either of them noticing and the rag hit the man who was entering square in the face.
Gabriella had only seen the man once before when they first met, seven weeks ago. He was tall and well-built with dark hair and lovely chocolate brown eyes. He was handsome and expensively dressed in dark trousers and a button up shirt.
Peterson Prescott. The sole investor in Seymour Manor. The man her client wanted to impress this weekend. He wasn't supposed to be here until Sunday, but he'd obviously come early. Just in time to hear her and Troy screaming at each other and get swatted in the face with a rag.
She was so taken aback and overwhelmed with embarrassment she couldn't do anything but stare speechlessly.
Mr. Prescott rubbed at his face and stepped aside letting Jason and Steve walk in behind him.
No one seemed to know what to say.
"Oh no," Gabriella said, covering her mouth as the reality finally caught up to her. "We're so sorry."
"We didn't know anyone else was here," Troy said, stepping forward as he obviously found his voice too.
Mr. Prescott raised his brow. "That is more than evident."
He didn't even look angry, but Prescott had a reputation for being very professional, putting a high stock in civility. Even in his causal clothes, he excluded authority.
Gabriella couldn't remember ever being so embarrassed in her life. She'd been shouting about how Troy had screwed her. All three of them must have heard.
"It was so unprofessional," she said, trying to think of something appropriate to say, some way to smoot this over. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"
Mr. Prescott had been looking from her to Troy, but now he almost smiled. "I don't think a rag is going to do any serious damage." He nodded over towards Troy, "And he was the one who through it over towards me anyway."
"I did," Troy admitted, finally managing to regain his characteristic confidence and charm. "I should have let it hit me. I deserved it."
"I have no doubt about that."
Gabriella let out a sigh of relief when she saw the amusement on Mr. Prescott's face. He wasn't angry. She hadn't just single handily tanked the entire Seymour deal. Glancing over at Troy she saw that he was looking at her. There was an intense expression in his eyes, like he was forcing himself to rein in some sort of explosive emotion.
It scared her. It looked so un-Troy-like. When he looked like he was going to say something to her, she shook her head. Not now. It wasn't the time.
"You're the married couple aren't you," Mr. Prescott said with a smile.
"Yes sir," Gabriella nodded.
Mr. Prescott chuckled, "My wife and I were once arguing about where to place a couch once. Damn thing ended up in the bathroom." His eyes crinkled at the corners. "Falling in love makes you do all sorts of embarrassing things."
"Amen," Troy and Steve said in unison.
Gabriella's cheeks burned as she tried to avoid meeting anyone's eyes. She cleared her throat and tried to sound natural as she could manage. "Anyway, we've almost got the stairs done. Did you want to see them?"
"Yes," Jason finally spoke up. "We were actually hopping to catch one of you to get a tour."
"Well," Troy said with a smirk, "How about that, a two for one special." After that, the conversation turned to the house and they showed Mr. Prescott all the work they'd done.
The whole time Gabriella was just waiting for the moment she could get away. She needed some time by herself. Just a moment to sort all of this out in her mind.
Later that night Gabriella made her way back to the apartment with both girls. She was shaking with emotion, trying to figure out what was happening, what she wanted to happen. She felt that deep, familiar exhaustion at the idea of plunging headlong into all the old pain of their marriage.
There was a knock on her door and Gabriella felt her shoulders slump in exhaustion.
"I'll get it!" Hailey ran towards the door at full speed.
"Ask who it is first!" Gabriella rolled her eyes as she pushed herself up into a standing position. She was slammed with waves of confusion, guilt, and fear and she had to get her bearings. She was more than positive who was at the door, which was why the wind rushed right out of her when she walked into the living room and saw Hailey frowning up at Jason.
"Mr. Cross?"
"Gabriella," he smile softened as he looked up from his conversation with Hailey.
"I don't understand?" Gabriella looked down as Hailey made her way over to her mother side. "What are doing it here at this hour?" she looked up at the clock. It was well past their business hours.
"I wanted to see if you were alright," he said coming inside and closing the door behind him. "I was worried."
"Hailey," Gabriella patted her daughter's head, "Why don't you go pay go fish with your sister."
For a moment she looked like she might protest and Gabriella silently pleaded for the strength to handle this.
"Okay," she said quietly before walking off down the hall.
Gabriella sent up a silent thank you and turned back to Jason. "Mr. Cross, everything-"
"Jason," he said with a smile as he began removing his jacket.
"Mr. Cross." Gabriella said more sternly as she clasped her hands together. "Everything as you can see is fine. What's not fine is you showing up past businesses hours unannounced in my home. It sends the wrong message to my girls. A message I will not allow."
"I know, I know." Jason let out a long sigh, "you just seemed so upset earlier and I just thought maybe you would want to talk about it."
"No." Gabriella shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it. Jason-"
"I know," he said, interrupting with another wry smile. "You're still married. I might want it to be different, but it's not."
Something loosened in her chest and she let out a low sigh. "I don't want things to get weird."
"I just don't get it? He ignores you, he never puts you first, he doesn't spend any time with the girls and yet he's the one you want to be with?"
Gabriella opened her mouth, then shut it.
Jason took a step forward and Gabriella took one back.
"Jason. I'm sorry if I led you to believe differently, but I love my husband. I need to work on my marriage and deal with whatever this maybe before I can handle anything else. And if there was going to be anything else that wouldn't be for a very, very long time."
Jason nodded, "Fine then." He shifted for moment, as if not sure what to do next. "I'll just go then."
"I hope this doesn't affect our work relationship."
Jason let out a huff as he shrugged back on his jacket and made his way to the door. "You women are all the same."
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Troy's voice was sharp as it cut through the silence in the room.
Gabriella felt her shoulder slump as she placed a hand on her temple. "He was just leaving."
"I didn't ask you." Troy was breathing hard as he was now face to face with Jason. "I asked you."
"I was checking on her, she seemed upset." Jason reasoned as he slipped his hands back into his pockets. "She is one of my better employees."
"And she's also my wife."
"Could have fool me," Jason said with on a sigh, "Young woman living all alone in an apartment with her little girls. Seems a little abandoned don't you think?"
Troy fist came up and made a sharp, cracking, contact with Jason nose.
"Troy!" Gabriella darted forward grabbing onto Troy's arm and pulling him back as she stared wide eyed at Jason whose nose was gushing blood.
"Oh," Jason snarled. "Now you've really gone and done it."
Troy leaned forward shrugging out of Gabriella grasp. "Let's go."
Jason jerked back. "You're going to hear from my attorney Bolton."
"Stay away from my wife."
When the door shut with a loud thud Gabriella flinched and quickly turned to make sure the girls hadn't been lurking in the hall. She was relieved to see they were alone. Then filled with an overwhelming sadness and exhaustion.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said turning around to face him.
"Me?" Troy motioned to the door. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"You may have broken his nose."
"I hope I broke his nose."
"He's my boss."
"Not anymore."
"Troy!"
"What?" he looked up at her with frustration.
"You can't just come into my home and bulldoze over me." Gabriella said so frustrated herself, her vision was beginning to blur through the tears. "You always do this."
"No, this wouldn't happen if you were at home where you're supposed to be. What do you expect to happen when you're living across town in this apartment like some kind of divorced woman who's open for business?"
"I expect you to trust me and expect that I can handle myself."
"Because you're my wife. Because I'm right here. Because you shouldn't have to God damn it!" Troy shouted.
"I want my own independence."
"Too bad you're married." Troy tossed his arms out in annoyance. "Honestly, am I ever going to be good enough for you? We depend on each other, we help each other, and we need each other, Gabriella we're supposed to be partners."
"I don't feel like a partner."
"So what? That's it. We just give up? I know what happened between us as well as you do. But we've both changed. We both had things about our past to overcome, and I'm not the only one who took this time to figure things out."
She was shaking with emotion, trying to figure out what was happening, what she wanted to happen, when she glanced back at the hall way and seen a flash of hair. "Oh no."
Without another word to Troy, she hurried towards the bedroom. Gabriella fears were confirmed when she heard the familiar sound from the girls room. With a gurgle in her throat, Gabriella made her way down the hall, nearly leveled with guilt at the sound of one of her daughter's crying.
"Hailey? Hannah?" she said hurrying inside to find both girls huddled on Hailey's bed. Hannah hugged her twin sister as she little body shook and sobbed. "It's all right sweetie, you don't have to cry."
Hailey lifted her head. Her hair a tangled mess as she reached her arms out to wrap around her mother. Gabriella had to stifle a sob herself as she gathered her little girl into her arms. "Sweetie, I'm sorry you're so upset. Everything's all right."
"But you and Daddy are having a bad fight," Hannah mumbled. "We heard you."
Rocking Hailey against her, Gabriella let out a sigh, "We were having a serious discussion about some things, but it's nothing for you to worry about."
Hailey clung to her mother and said in a muffled voice, "I thought you didn't fight with Daddy anymore."
Gabriella's chest hurt so much she could barely stand it. And she hated herself for letting the girls overhear the conversation with Troy. For not having sense to stop it before it became so intense. Taking a few deep breaths Gabriella thought of the best way to handle this. "Daddy and I use to fight a lot. Didn't we?"
This question must have surprised both girls, they seemed the pause for moment be for nodded soberly.
"We get along better now. But occasionally even grown-ups disagree about things. It doesn't mean we're angry with one another."
"So Daddy isn't going to go away?"
"Never." Troy voice made her jump and she turned to see him standing in the doorway. "You girls now better than that."
Gabriella felt a ridiculous flood of relief at his presence and his words.
As he entered the room he came to sit beside Gabriella. "You girls are my special girls, I could never go away."
When Hailey reached for him Gabriella shifted so that Troy could take her. "We just want to live with you and Mommy. Like how it use to be."
Troy stroked her messy brown hair as she leaned against him. "I know you do, sweetheart. But we have a good time anyway, don't we?"
"Yeah," Hannah sounded resigned rather than content, but it was better than both girls being upset. "So what is going to happen?"
Gabriella let out a long sigh as she looked at her daughter. "We're not sure just yet. We're still taking things slow."
"No matter what else happens," Troy said reaching a hand over to hold on to Hannah small hand. "I'm always going to be here for you guys. Even Mommy." He added that last part his blue eyes resting on her, his voice certain and warm.
Once the girls were settled and asleep Troy followed Gabriella out into the kitchen. "I'm not going to let this go."
"Obviously."
"Hey," his hand reached for hers and he pulled her too him, her body coming against his with a soft thud. "I'm fighting for us you know? The least you could do is try not to seem so disappointed."
Gabriella lips parted. She wasn't sure of the exact moment, but she became vaguely aware of a tightening in his body. "You're the reason why I became stronger, yet you are still my weakness." She mumbled as she felt her body already begin to respond to the feel of him.
"I've never met anyone as strong as you are," he tilted his head, and he buried his face in her hair, nuzzling his way down the crook of her neck. "Or as stubborn." He hummed against her skin and adjusted slightly so she was braced against the kitchen counter and him.
"You're just as stubborn," she said as his hands slid under her t-shirt and he stroked the bare skin of her belly until he'd reached and cupped her breast.
Flooded with warmth and sensual pleasure, Gabriella arched up into his hands and eagerly took his head between her palms. She pulled him into an open-mouthed kiss, her tongue tangling with his in an attempt to feel him more deeply.
They both moaned as the kiss became more urgent. It felt right. He was her husband. And he wanted them to be together. She wanted that too.
It felt so right.
But it had felt right before too, when she'd given herself to him, trusted him to love and respect her and support her. When she believed he would never hurt her. When he'd believed the same thing about her.
And they had been wrong. They had been broken. They had both felt not good enough, over and over again.
"Not yet," she murmured against his lips.
Troy broke the kiss as he gently pushed himself back from her body putting as much space between them as he could while holding firmly onto her hips. "We have to start thinking about how we want this to end babe."
Something about his careful tone gave her shivers. "What do mean?"
"I mean there are three weeks left to this year. You tell me? You figured out what you want or not?"
Her blood seemed to freeze in her veins and then slowly drain out of her face. "I thought we were taking it slow."
"We were," he said softly, "but now I'm just not so sure."
She tried to speak but couldn't.
"It's like you don't want to fight for us."
"I am."
"Are you?" Troy shrugged his shoulders, "You want to go back to therapy? I'll do it. You wanted to work for that sleazy bag and well… I won't say I handle it well because quite frankly I probably didn't. Bottom line is you wanted more of my time. It's yours. You wanted me to make time for the girls. I've never been so close to those two and I'm ashamed of myself not doing it sooner. But what about me? What about what I need from you? All I'm asking is for you to be there and you can't seem to answer the question."
"I think you should go."
"No," Troy said lifting his hands and dragging them though his hair. Troy expression was changing, like he had a sudden sense of what was about to happen. "Gabriella. No."
She took a shaky breath. "I think you should go home."
Troy froze, staring at her blankly.
"I'm sorry," she continued, gripping the edge of the counter. "I'm really sorry."
"Okay," he replied slowly. "I can go home if you want. But can I please just ask that you just think about all this before you just decide. It wouldn't be like it was before. We've talked about this. It's going to be bet-"
"I don't know if it will be better or not, but that's not really the point. It's me. I'm the problem. I just don't think I can do this again."
"Baby please," he said quietly. "I pushed you away before because I wasn't sure you needed me anymore. I am so, so sorry for that. I held on to that for a long time, but I've let it go. I've been trying to show you how much I love you. I don't know what else I can do to show you how much I've changed, how much I love you."
She had to turn away from him. From his pained expression, from the way his voice cracked on the last few words. "It's not you. I'm not expecting you to prove anything to me. This isn't some kind of test Troy. It's me. I'm the one that's broken."
"You're not broken."
"Yes I am!" she choked on emotion, and she felt herself losing the last of any resolve she had left. "Please, can you just leave? I'm really sorry. I know it's not fair. I know it's hurting you. I know you deserve better. But can you please leave now?"
She heard a brief sound, like a choking, strangled noise, but he didn't anything else. Then she heard him leave the kitchen, out of her little apartment and then she listened in the quiet as the sound of his car drove off.