So hey guys, and thanks for tuning into the next chapter of NR! (:

First off, I'd like to apologize for the dry spell of updates in the last few days... the last time I updated was Sunday evening as you all know, and it's Wednesday today. D: My mom dragged me off yesterday for some errands and it was really, really, late when I got home. Anyways, enough about my personal life. Once again, thanks to: Lightarcana, thewhitespirit, GCFarron, OscarMerrinoz96, Mylaervain, Crystal, and H-thar (aha, I did not know that, but that is cute!). And of course, hearts to LadyAlaska. (And I'm sorry! We decided on the kind already though over FB... PB&J~ n_n)

And so yeah, now that I'm back... I can shut up now and let you in on the chapter I know you've been waiting for. I know I promised action last chapter, and there is some of it, but I realized (once again too late) that there's still heavy character development in this chapter. I don't know whether that's good or bad... :/ Anyways, enjoy as always!

Chapter 50: Ash Like Snow

The ground crunched underneath her feet as Lightning pushed herself up the rocky ledges of the hills that were scattered around New Bodhum. Snow was up ahead, muttering away into his pager, and she'd insisted Hope stay ahead of her. Her breath caught on the stitches in her abdomen every few steps or so - it pulled a little, but she thought she could deal with it, as long as they didn't climb too high. It wasn't that she couldn't use the support, it was that she needed some time alone to adjust, to try and wrap her still fuzzy mind around the concept of fighting again. Can I really...

She didn't know anymore. She no longer had any idea about how her actions would affect the future, would affect the people she loved. Once upon a time, the old Lightning might not have cared, might not have stopped to think about what she was doing before she moved in to attack everything that got in her way and everything that upset her. But she could no longer do that... she could no longer think that way and hope that things would be okay. She could no longer fight and think that fighting, that distancing herself from everything that irritated her, would be the solution to everything. Because... I know... I know it's not.

Lightning was as sure of that as she was that she couldn't survive alone. However much she had scorned human relationships, human companionships in the past, however much she insisted she was a one woman army... reality had slapped her in the face when Serah had died. In that one moment, it felt like everything that she'd ever fought for had been severed in one simple snip, like the balloon that floated up into the air when its string that held it to earth was broken. And just like her, it couldn't hold its intangibly beautiful form for long - eventually, the pressure from inside would be too much for the atmosphere and it would pop. Serah's death had helped her realize that. She didn't fight for herself - she fought, ultimately, for the people she cared about. For the people I love. The familiar creep of heat was making its way up her throat and under her cheeks again when those thoughts almost instantly warped into ones of Hope.

What... are we? What are we supposed to be?

She was no closer to that answer than she had been when she had last had the mental capacity to process those thoughts. Even though it had barely been three weeks, it felt like forever since she'd let herself dwell on the topic. And in that time... Everything's changed. There was no Serah to turn to anymore, and in her place was a painful void that had refused to let itself be conquered. Just how easily she'd let Hope in should have bothered her in itself... but Lightning was no longer scared or embarrassed to admit the fact that she needed him. That much... she knew. She would have never dragged herself out of the empty depression that had devoured her in the wake of Serah's death... not without him.

But apart from that, apart from the mutual need they now held for each other, what was there? She'd always seen him as her second chance, her opportunity to get right what she'd done wrong with Serah. That was why she'd mentored him, taken him in, protected him... wasn't it? A nagging hook snagged at her stomach when she knew that that wasn't the whole story to how she felt. I still don't know what else... there could be. The old Lightning would have had no problem snapping at him when he wanted too much comfort and physical contact from her, but the person that had been left behind by her sister's death felt differently. It bothered her when he looked scared - especially when the object of his fear was her - and she found herself both needing and enjoying the warmth that their physical moments provided.

The small smiles he'd given to her tugged at something much, much, deeper than the shallowest of her interior she'd occasionally let show. It was stupid and embarrassing to admit, but Lightning could no longer deny that she wanted to see him happy, that she wanted him to have the life she couldn't. And that was where the warmth twisted itself into doubt and fear. Am I doing the right thing... dumping all of my feelings onto him? That was where the uncertainty started to eat away at her... didn't he mind that he was the outlet for all her feelings? And apart from the warmth... there was still the matter that it was them. He's a kid. Should I be...

That was where everything started to feel wrong, and she didn't have the willpower to berate and hate herself like she knew she would once she got that part of her thoughts straight. She knew perfectly well that if she got the soldier sense she was trained to have back into her, all of those problems would vanish like water down a storm drain because she could just push him away and feel none the worse for doing so. But the Lightning that had been left when Serah was gone couldn't do that anymore. She couldn't push anyone away like that anymore.

And so... those feelings are better left as they are.

Not sorting them out, letting that part of her doubts and insecurities rest in the back of her mind was the least painful, least effortful solution to take. She could enjoy what they had... and not feel guilty or sick in the moments afterwards. She could let herself accept the comfort she knew he could give and not look back on that with second thoughts and doubts. And with that, Lightning had to be content.

I'll figure this out... right? A part of her really didn't want to. Didn't want to know what she... what they would be, didn't want to know his side of the whole situation. "Look forward... not back." Hope's words were suddenly potent in her mind. Right... She had to keep going, even if she would never understand this part of herself. I've got... more than one promise to keep... and this time, I will keep them.

Snow huffed, resting his right hand on his knee, when he finally reached the top of the rocky hill, the whole town now spread beneath him with a spiderweb of lights. Looking behind him, he could see the distinctive platinum hair of Hope just a dozen feet or so behind him, but he couldn't see Lightning. A brief worry crossed his mind before he pushed it away. Who am I kidding... she'll probably slap me if she knew what I was thinking.

It didn't even take a moment for him to remember that that was something the old Lightning would have done... in the days before Serah had left. He wondered what the new Lightning, the one that had revealed her inner fragility, would do. A small, sad smile crossed his lips for an instant. Finally, finally, he understood why Serah had been so persistent in drawing out 'Claire'. Because believe it or not... under that cold soldier is a person. A person who can cry and laugh... who can feel loved and love someone right back. They'd all seen small slices of 'Claire' before, slivers of the warmer, considerate person that 'Lightning' concealed, but it had been so cruelly ironic that it was only after the one force that had been insistent in pulling that part of her was gone, that 'Claire' had finally been pushed out. She only opened up to us... because she couldn't accept that Serah was gone. She couldn't deal with the fact that her sister was never coming back. And finally, she had let Hope in. He'd seen them hug, he'd seen the effect the teenager had on her.

Serah... can you see her? he wondered briefly. Is this... an outcome that you didn't... or did foresee? There was no answer from the ice cold fire of the stars above, but Snow didn't need one. He knew that wherever she was... if she could see her sister... she would be happy about the fact. Another small smile parted his lips when he thought of her. And you were so concerned when I mentioned teasing her about it. She does it automatically now. It was easier to internalize Serah's death this way, it was easier to live with when the healthier, happy memories filled his mind, rather than letting himself dwell on the sadder parts.

Sure, just like Lightning, there were certain triggers that got to him no matter what he tried to do. Just like her, he couldn't bear going in their room... in fact, he almost couldn't bear living in their house. There were so many memories that there, it was impossible not to think about who was missing. Snow found himself clenching his fists again as he tried to calm the slightly accelerated breathing that accompanied the surge of pain and loss. We have a job to do.

"Ahhh... you must be Mr. Villiers. Col. Rockefeller told me you would be coming." Snow whipped around at the sound of the voice, and he turned to see a middle aged man in a military uniform walking towards him, flanked by several soldiers carrying guns. Cracking his knuckles, he walked towards the man, rearranging his bandanna as he went.

"In the flesh," he replied quietly, holding the amethyst gaze of the brown haired officer. The man looked at him critically for a moment, before extending his hand.

"Cdr. Mateer." Snow took the gloved hand in his own, shaking it, feeling the firm grasp of the commanding officer's fingers. The man continued, his eyes set on the dark horizon from where the rock paths led to Eden. "Intelligence reports that their army is on the road from Eden, and are armed with manadrives. It's impossible to assault from the air with hoverplanes because that would risk destroying our roads to Eden, so we'll have to hold them with force. It's going to be a tough fight in the mountain terrain. You're ready for this... correct?"

Snow felt the surge of determination fuel his next words. "We were never not ready." The words rang as true as they ever had. Serah... we'll finish this. For you. He noticed a grim smile on the officer's face.

"Excellent." The man walked away, promising to update him with further orders as needed. Snow turned to see both Hope and Lightning standing behind him, an apprehensive expression on Hope's face and an unreadable one on Lightning's.

It was Hope who spoke first. "You're sure... we're ready?" Snow cracked his knuckles again, tightening the black leather into fists. Stalking past the pair, he walked to the edge of the rocky hillside that they were standing on, looking down over New Bodhum and into the distance at the softly shimmering blue shell of Cocoon.

"We took on the world... right? We'll finish this." Taking a breath, he looked up at the expanse of brightly sparkling stars above. "For her." Turning again, he caught the look on Lightning's face. Great... she's not...

"Right..." The familiar phrase sounded so right for the situation that for a moment, Snow thought that the old Lightning was back. It was something she'd say - for a moment, she sounded like the person he had known before Serah's death. That was before he caught the unsettled look in her cerulean eyes, and the hand that was trembling as she slowly clenched it into a fist, carefully moving it away from her weapon.

"Light... are you okay?" She didn't reply to Hope's query, deliberately turning away to face the rocky face of the hillside. Snow moved towards her until he was right in front of her, until he could look down at her.

Forming the words in his mind was easier than saying them aloud to her. "Sis... you're not..."

"I'm not." The words held a bit more potency than her last sentence, but Snow still wasn't convinced. "I know... okay?" She took a breath, and he saw her forcibly control her breathing. He had been about to congratulate her before the shouts began, and all three of them turned to look up.

An explosion of rock and earth rained down on their heads, pushing the choking particulates into the air, turning the night air into one of earth and death. Feeling the explosions rock the ground beneath his feet, Snow tried to keep himself standing in the storm of earthen elements that was being expelled into the night sky. The sudden blast of flame near him, scorching the rock wall, made him turn his head as black cloaked figures began to jump down from the ledge above. The sound of gunfire and yells was now the only prominent sound in the area, and Snow barely had time to curse to himself before another spell was thrown at him. How the hell did they get here from Eden so fast?

Blocking the attack with a Steelguard, he threw himself forward, kicking aside one with a manadrive on its wrist, and gripping the black blade of a scythe that was swung at him. Instinct and rage fueled his motions, and he imagined each blow he sent would drive Yorun one step away from his goal. You'll pay... for what you did. Sinking his boot into the chest of another, he ripped off the manadrive of one that was trying to cast before an Aeroga whipped it away.

Whipping around, he saw that Hope had pulled out his boomerang, but Lightning...

She's just standing there! Even from where he was, over a dozen feet away from them, he could see the look in her eyes. A surge of frustration and anger began to boil in his chest. What the hell happened to 'I'll try?' She was a sitting duck if she wasn't going to fight back and he knew that the soldier part of her knew that.

"Sis, if you can't fight back then get the hell outta here!" She flinched at the sound of the words, but it was the undeniable truth - all she was doing was getting in the way and the last thing they - and especially Hope - needed was for her to end up in the hospital again. Any more words he might have shouted at her, any more replied she might have replied to him with were cut off when a large slab of rock from one of the above ledges smashed into their ledge, cracking the earth and stone underneath their feet, and sending Snow to his knees as the violent tremor threw him to the ground. The Waterga that had left his hand pushed several enemies entirely off the ledge, and he heard fading shouts before the shaking stopped enough for him to stand up again.

He had barely clambered to his feet before a shower of earth and stone chips rained down around him, and, thinking fast, he set up his Mediguard, hoping against hope that it would be enough to protect him and heal whatever small injuries the rock was capable of giving him. The second tremor made the first look like a small wobble next to an earthquake as it ripped through the earth. He could have sworn he heard the rocks themselves groan, as brown, grey, and black became all the visible horizon could hold.

For a long time, an expanse that might have only lasted a few seconds in reality, or one that might have lasted hours, that was all that could fill Snow's consciousness as the earth and stone pressed down around him, almost replacing the atmospheric pressure as time dragged on. It was only after the rumbling and choking presence of dust had gone did Snow stand up from his kneeling position that he had maintained, and opened his eyes.

He met the cold crimson eyes of a scythe wielding clone instantly, and he heard the distilling scrape of metal on rock as it approached him. He had no idea where Hope and Lightning were, if they were indeed alright, and there wasn't time to dwell on the fact. He would just have to hope that they were out there still somewhere.

Bring it on, creep.

It was a very long time before Hope felt the ground beneath him stabilize enough for him to open his eyes. Looking up, he could see the familiar expanse of stars above his head, but that was where the similarities ended from the world he had closed his eyes to and the world he was now looking at. The strong, tall, rock faces were gone, and he couldn't see a single soldier or clone in sight. It was eerily quiet, and it was a few moments before he realized that the beige bulk that was Snow was not in sight. The thought should have made him panic, before one that was even more unsettling crept into his mind.

He couldn't see Lightning either.

That more desperate, more all consuming panic lasted for the duration of several heartbeats until he spotted her, uniform smeared with dust, kneeling on the ground. Crawling over to her, she looked up the same moment he got into the range of contact. One look at her and he knew that the panic and fear that she had allowed to take over when they'd gotten attacked wasn't gone. She still hadn't reached for her weapon, her hands flat against the smooth stone beneath them.

"Are you okay?" The question slipped out before he could stop himself... and that was when Hope realized that he was reacting, involuntarily, to the way the old Lightning might have reacted. He didn't see the familiar flare of irritation or anger sweep across her blue eyes as she took several breaths.

"I...I'll be okay." Slowly pushing herself into a standing position, she allowed him to help her up. A small flicker of concern crossed her face. "You're okay... right?"

Her concern startled him for a moment, surprised him into silence, before Hope allowed the question to warm him. She cares... doesn't she? The thought was comforting, and she didn't push him away when he reached for her, his hand finding hers limp at her side. "I'm alright." The words sounded more confident than he felt, and he knew it was a good thing that it did when he saw it clear some of the lingering doubt in her eyes. He heard her make an audible sound of relief before she pulled away from him, slowly looking around.

The steep face of the hillside beneath them was still there, cut away from the rock, and he could still see the bright web of lights that was spread in a mazelike fashion across Bodhum. That hadn't changed. But there was now a strong breeze that lifted the ends of his platinum hair and toyed with the edges of his teal scarf, and that was because the entire higher levels of the cliff had been blown apart. By what, he didn't know, but he could see jagged spires of rock that had once supported a higher level of the hills, and the ravaged path that had led through the mountains to Eden. Snow was still nowhere to be seen, but Hope had faith in the big man - it was like Lightning had said: he was too stubborn to die like that.

Hearing her pick through the scattered remnants of rock, Hope turned to follow her, wincing when he saw the forms of various soldiers and clones alike caught in the same grotesque grip of death; some flattened beneath bigger chunks of rock and others who lay in lower ledges, clearly having fallen from some height. Thank the Maker... that wasn't us.

The quiet that had settled in the area was disturbing. It's almost... too quiet. Did the battle really only last that little time? That thought was almost too immense to comprehend. He knew that they had what seemed like an almost unlimited supply of clones... and at that, the unnerving memory arose in his mind. Lightning had told them that she'd been saved by one of the clones back in Oerba, and she'd recalled for them his reason for saving her. "Clones of a creator, a single origin, that I will never meet." There had to be something... someone out there, that was the source of all of them, and he could only hope that they would be able to find it. The unrelenting armies that had invaded them... Hope knew they were replaceable, that they, to Yorun, were simply numbers that could be replenished at the thought, whereas... Whereas the more soldiers we lose... the closer we are to losing this fight.

He didn't know how many soldiers had been stationed here, but it was safe to assume that most of them had been wiped out by the explosions and the subsequent landslide. Not paying attention to his surroundings, he bumped into Lightning, and had been about to open his mouth to apologize when he realized she wasn't even looking back at him. The sight just in front of him gave him the reason why.

No... not now!

Lightning felt fear and panic root her to the spot, freezing every single muscle she owned, when the single black wing touched the ground in front of her. The sadistic smile sent every single emotion she tried to control into overdrive, as she fought the dire urge to sink to her knees. There was no way to disassociate any of her memories from the sight in front of her, as Yorun's presence brought every single painful memory into the forefront of her mind, and it was only her own shock and fear that prevented her from crashing onto the ground. She couldn't even react when Hope bumped into her from behind, and she heard his sharp intake of breath at the sight in front of them.

"It's nice to see you... Lightning." Strangely, he was unarmed, and he made no move to start towards them. Her right hand felt like ice - she couldn't twitch her tremblings fingers into a fist nor could she reach behind her for the weapon she didn't want to take up. The scene from before everything had gone wrong in the Ice Cliff Palace drummed itself into her brain over and over - how he'd taunted them, how he'd aimed for Serah instead of her, how he'd summoned the flare attack that had ultimately killed her sister.

It was impossible not to draw the parallels from then to now. Again, it was her... only her and someone else she cared about. Even the comforting presence of Hope just beside her left shoulder couldn't dispel the images that rampaged through her mind. She could just as easily lose this as she'd done then... and then Snow would hate her more than he probably already did. And this time... she couldn't even fight back. She saw his smile widen when she made no move for her weapon as he read the conflicting emotions across her face.

"Scared... are we? Such a pity... I was looking forward to a good fight. It looks like you're not going to give me one. In that case... neither of you are worthy of dying by my hand anymore." The black wing extended suddenly as the feathers caught the night breeze as he sent a brilliant flare of flame into the sky, throwing it above his head. The distinct flap of the wing faded into the darkness of the night sky as small flakes of ashes began to drift down, settling onto the ground and on her clothes, sticking almost like wet snow. The loud thump of feet on stone made her look up again, as a large figure took Yorun's place, a large scythe in its hand.

She couldn't move. As hard as she tried, Lightning couldn't force her body into motion as the figure approached her, the blood red blade of the scythe catching the faint moonlight as ashes alike.

"Light, move!" Hope's yell sounded like it had come from a million miles away - distant and meaningless. She tried to focus on his words, but it was like she had suddenly been cut off from the rest of the world by a translucent pane of glass that clouded out sounds and feelings as well as obscure her sight. In the rational, cognitive part of her mind, she knew exactly what it was - her own fear and doubts. But in the new part of her mind, the part that had wedged itself into her consciousness after Serah's death, the one that was ruled by emotion and emotion alone, wouldn't let her go. It held her in its viselike grip, pushing away everything else her soldier instinct might have told her to do otherwise.

The Blizzaga that hit the ground might have been a single snowflake as she struggled to do something that would aid Hope, but even her own magic dissipated in the face of her doubt and insecurities; unfocussed and impotent, unwilling to lend itself to have her focus it in an attack that would actually do something. Her right hand still couldn't let itself close around the handle of her omega weapon. She could only watch, uselessly, as the scene played out in front of her, as her memories merged the present with the past once again.

Just like before... in a world that Serah still existed in, she saw the figure advance on Hope. Just like in the Vile Peaks, she was on the other side, struggling with herself in the question of whether she was going to help him or not. This time, it wasn't her anger and frustration that held her back, that tied her to the spot she was unable to move from. This time, every instinct in her body told her to run, to defend him from harm while her own pathetic feelings chained her back; the hollow, empty fear and doubt rooting her to the spot.

Hope's gasp of fear was what shattered the solid, suffocating barrier that separated her fully from reality. Seeing the scythe above his head, his back pressed against one of the rock faces with nowhere left to run, triggered the deep seated instinct that still existed somewhere inside her. She was running before she was even aware that she was, her mind trying to keep up with the involuntary actions her body was taking. Her right hand reached behind her for the gunblade before she was even conscious that she'd fought past that barrier. Lightning felt her fingers close around the handle and raise the weapon in front of her, suddenly pushing back against the scythe blade that had locked with the end of her omega weapon.

I can't let this... happen again!

*sighs contentedly* Yeah, I know, I know... cliffhanger ending once again, but at least this time it was happy-ish... right? Poor Hope... it took another near death experience for Light to finally realize, in a sense, what was important to her. *pats him and puts ribbons into his hair* You're just too cute.

Anyways, leave love as always!

Update Thursday May 3rd, 2012: So, I originally promised that Chapter 51 was going to be up today... but guess what? My computer crashed on me, losing lots of the stuff on my USB, including... this fic. The older chapters aren't a problem... I mean, they're backed up on this site, but I also lost the 75% of Chapter 51. Wow... wtg computer. That means a lot of retyping for me, and that means I don't know when Chapter 51 will be up. :/ Hopefully by tomorrow, May 4th, but I don't know... it could be the weekend or even Monday - I'm pretty sure I am fairly busy this weekend. *cries* I'm sorry! I'll do my best to get Chapter 51 up asap, and so I'll see you guys then.

Hearts!