LYRIUM BLUES

Cullen stared at Anders so intently, and for so long, the mage ducked his head, again. He wasn't sure if the man was angry, or offended, but neither one would bode well for Anders, he was sure.

Cullen's hand was suddenly on his shoulder. He jerked himself into the corner of the loveseat. "...no..."

Cullen pulled his hand back, lifting both slightly. "I'm not going to hurt you... I just..."

Anders badly wanted to leave, but Tigris was still on Cullen's lap. He wouldn't leave her behind. It was his fault. He'd upset the man. He didn't really think Cullen would hurt him, but he couldn't help the impulse to put distance between them.

Anders was yanked up into Fenris' arms.

Fenris had exited the ring in time to see Cullen glare at Anders, then grab him. The elf didn't want to jump to conclusions-this was Eve's husband. But, seeing Anders jerk away in fear, and cower in the corner... it was not to be borne. He held the shaking mage protectively in his arms.

"Why did you touch him?" He tried to keep his voice calm, but he was fresh from a fight, and felt overwhelmingly protective. Cullen stayed where he was, clearly dismayed by the turn of events. Fenris' blade was peacefully secure on his back, but the elf looked angry.

Anders spoke softly into his ear. "It was my fault. I told him about the lyrium withdrawal potion. It upset him. I shouldn't have spoken to him."

Fenris' jaw dropped. "You told him? You spoke to Cullen?" Anders nodded, his face buried against the elf's shoulder. Fenris addressed Cullen, again.

"He found the courage to speak to you, and you grabbed for him? I thought Eve had explained about this." His hands rubbed Anders' back to sooth him.

Cullen was nodding. "She did. I was just so thrown. Anders, I'm sorry. I simply couldn't believe..." His face dropped. He looked down at the kitten on his lap. He picked her up and held her out to Fenris. Fenris took her, and tucked her into the pouch hanging at Anders' hip.

He pulled Anders away with him, and walked him to the pond. Stopping beside the water, he pulled him back into his embrace. He felt Anders' mouth open against his throat.

"It's alright. He didn't mean anything. Cullen's not going to hurt you. You know that?"

He felt Anders nod. He turned his head, and saw Bull was talking to Cullen. Well, that could prove interesting. He caressed the short, honey-blonde hair. "You talked to Cullen. That's big. Maybe, in the future, first contacts should be about the weather, or kittens. Something other than life- changing revelations that can over-excite people."

Anders chuckled against his throat. His mouth left the elf's skin, and moved to his lips, instead. A very heated kiss ensued. Fenris wasn't surprised this was turning amorous. It was becoming their pattern, after one of them needed comfort.

However, Fenris had given enough of public performances, for their lifetime. He gently disengaged from Anders.

"Soon, my mage. Let's go talk to Cullen. I think you scared him as much as he did you."

"I'm sorry I made a scene," Anders said as they walked back toward the gathering space.

"You didn't make a scene. I think I have that distinction."

Cullen was gone when they returned to the clearing.

"He was pretty upset about scaring Chatterbox," Bull explained. "Cullen takes things to heart. For being the commander of forces, he's really a softie. Maybe you can talk to the big guy, make him feel better."

As they walked back to the house-proper, Anders pondered the situation. "How do I make someone feel better? I'm just hoping my throat doesn't close-up when we get there."

"You always make me feel better."

"Thank you, love. But, unless he plans to sit in my lap and give me a love bite on the neck, I'm at a loss."

Fenris chuckled. "Let him know that you don't fear him. Tell him you still wish to help him."

Arriving at Eve and Cullen's suite, they knocked gently on the door. At Cullen's summons, they entered.

He was sitting up from lying on the couch. Anders felt even worse for his panicked reaction, looking at the man. He was truly suffering.

"Anders, forgive me. I feel badly for startling you. I wasn't angry. I was... excited. You don't know what the past four years have been like."

Fenris didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Didn't know what the past four years had been like...

The elf replied, evenly. "We know what our past four years have been like. Which is why some things are so hard for us. You did nothing wrong... just ill-advised."

Cullen sighed, gesturing to the chairs in front of them. "You meant it, though? About the potion?" He looked beseechingly at Anders.

Anders throat threatened to close. He swallowed. He finally nodded.

"What is it? It's not blood magic, is it?"

Anders felt Fenris start to puff-up, and put a calming hand on his arm. After what Cullen had told him, he understood his knee-jerk suspicion. Anders shook his head. He cleared his throat. Holding Fenris' hand tightly, he spoke.

"It's not blood magic. It's just very old."

"What would I need to do?" Cullen looked like he was going to burst.

"Take it. Spend a day or less ill. Go on living."

Cullen's hands covered his face. When he pulled them away, he wiped moisture from his eyes. "I'll wait until we've discussed it with Eve. Maker's mercy. I feel like a dying man, offered life."

They left him to rest until Eve returned. Anders pulled Fenris into their suite, and let Tigris run loose.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?" Fenris asked.

"The potion? Yes. I researched it. I am a healer, after all." He was somewhat indignant.

Fenris shook his head, smiling. "No, not that. What you're truly doing for Cullen. You've just given a man hope where there had been none."

Anders thought about it. "I suppose so."

Fenris pulled him to him. "You're amazing. And, beautiful. And, mine."

Anders smiled. "Well, the last one's true, at least." He resumed the kiss he'd started by the pond.

As Anders revisited the soul-stealing kiss, and pressed more tightly against the elf, Fenris felt himself heating. His mage... his brilliant, caring mage. He backed Anders against the wall. Pulling his gauntlets from his hands, he pinned the mage against him.

"My mage," he muttered gruffly against his lips. Anders jerked his hips forward. Fenris groaned happily. His lusty mage. Anders undid the elf's leggings, and reached inside to stroke his hardening shaft. Fenris gasped into their kiss. He felt heat pooling in his groin. Anders' mouth moved to give open-mouthed, sucking kisses to the lyrium lines on his neck. He heard the mage's enthusiastic moans. Fenris loved it that just his skin and lyrium could so affect Anders. His mage desired him.

Fenris opened Anders' breeches, found his arousal, and stroked his turgid flesh. Anders groaned ecstatically against his skin. Fenris pulled the mage's mouth back up to his. Hands working each other's flesh, they shared a blistering, wet kiss; tongues entwining, teeth nipping. Fenris gazed at Anders. His mage panted, lips swollen from their kiss, eyes lowered to watch as they stroked each other.

"My mage is beautiful," he whispered. His breath caught as Anders brought him closer to his peak. Leaning their foreheads together, they watched themselves pleasure the other.

Anders whispered harshly, "Fenris... I'm coming..."

"Yes, my mage..." Anders jerked in his hand, spilling over his fingers. Fenris thrust into Anders' hand, breath gasping. "Mine... mine..." and shuddered into completion. They leaned against each other, catching their breath.

Anders murmured against the elf's neck. "Always yours."

A knock at the door in the late afternoon brought Cullen and Eve into their suite. Eve was jittering with excitement. It was much easier for Anders to describe the potion to Eve, with Cullen present, than to Cullen, alone.

Anders handed her the recipe, so that she could reassure herself as to its properties. She nodded. "Tell me about it," she encouraged.

"Mages are more efficient at metabolizing and excreting lyrium than non-mages. Lyrium's ingestion results in waste-products being left behind in the systems of someone like Cullen. The waste is likened to "incomplete" lyrium. Its presence causes a craving for complete lyrium. That's the addiction, and what causes the withdrawal symptoms. It also causes delirium, after a sufficient build-up. Long ago, mages seeking greater power used large quantities of lyrium. Even the mage metabolism can't handle such copious amounts. So, this potion was developed. It will attach to the lyrium waste, and allow it to be purged from the body."

Cullen's brows were drawn. "Why is it no longer known?"

Anders sighed. "Such large amounts of lyrium is cost-prohibitive to many. It's also inconvenient and uncomfortable to use this potion. So, blood magic grew in popularity. It's cheaper than lyrium, and doesn't require a purge."

Cullen was appalled. "People are killed to fuel magic, because those in power want a cheaper, convenient alternative to lyrium?"

"It looks that way."

"You said I'd be ill."

"When your body purges the waste, it's uncomfortable. The literature didn't go into detail. I imagine it'll be gastrointestinal distress; vomiting, diarrhea, possibly excessive urination. For a day, or less."

Eve nodded in agreement. "Cullen, if you want to try it, I agree. When do you want to start?"

Cullen looked relieved. "As soon as possible."

Eve looked at Anders. "I'm not sure how much help he's going to need during the cleanse. I'm not sure if one hand will be enough."

Cullen looked at her, uncomfortably. "Eve, I'd rather you weren't here, for this."

The look she gave him must have been the one that dropped demons. "Why not? You're my husband... I'm a healer."

Fenris stood abruptly. "We need... something." He grabbed Anders and dragged him into the hall.

"Did you just run in terror from our own room?"

"I will face many foes, Anders, but I will not stand in melee distance of a marital dispute." Bull walked out of Dorian's suite just then.

"Smart man. Why do you think the Qun forbids marriage?"

Dorian followed behind Bull. "For that matter, why do you think I left my country to avoid it?"

Eventually, Eve came to the door. "I'm sorry for the fuss. You can come back in your suite, now."

They tentatively sat, again.

"I won't be here for the process," Eve sighed. "Would you be able to help him through it?"

Anders frowned. "I don't know how able I'll be. I can barely talk to Cullen on my own, let alone touch him."

"I'll be with you," Fenris said. "If Cullen's willing, I can help."

Cullen shrugged, and gave a resigned sigh. "I'm hoping I can simply get up and down to the loo, myself, and be done with it. If it's so much worse that I actually need help... I imagine I won't care who's providing it."

"Let's start in the morning, then," Eve said. "Everyone will be rested."

Watching Cullen sit opposite Eve, and down the potion, was nearly Fenris' undoing. He pulled Anders to him, buried his face in the crook of his mage's shoulder, and shook. Fenris was, momentarily, back in Danarius' chambers, sitting opposite Anders as he took the Spiritu Dispus. Watching him scream in agony for an eternity.

Anders gentled him through it. Convinced him to open his eyes, to see that Anders was healthy and strong. His tremors subsided, and he saw that even Cullen was unharmed. He stroked a hand over Anders' hair, and tried to smile.

Eve stood, and kissed Cullen. "I'll be in the hall, if you need anything," she said. She left the suite.

Cullen grimaced. "Perhaps it's foolish pride. She's had to act as my caretaker often enough. I'd rather she didn't help me on and off the toilet until we've at least reached our dotage in life."

Anders nodded. Many patients felt that way about spousal involvement.

"How long do you think it will be until..." Cullen's question was cut-off. He slapped his hand over his mouth and sprinted for the toilet. The purge was underway.

Cullen knelt before the bowl for hours. Anders brought him a cushion for his knees, and water to rinse his mouth. Cullen moaned that his mouth tasted like lyrium gone wrong. His back and abdominal muscles cramped from the force of contraction. Anders used healing magic to soothe that discomfort, but the vomiting had to continue on its own.

When the purge expanded to involve both ends of the digestive tract, Anders was glad they were there to help. He was also glad for indoor plumbing. He had seen similar misery when gastrointestinal infections spread through the cramped, filthy settlements in Darktown. This was much more easily handled than with an overflowing chamberpot.

During a lull in his body's distress, Cullen was hesitant to leave the loo to lie on his bed for rest. Anders and Fenris brought blankets and a pillow for him to lie on. He collapsed in exhaustion on the bathroom floor, wrapping his arms around his middle.

Fenris leaned against the wall while Anders got down on the floor with Cullen. His hand hovered over his cheek briefly, then he brought it gently to his skin. Warm, but not feverish. His thumb lifted one eyelid to examine an eye. The whites of his eyes were blood red. Hard vomiting had burst the vessels. He lay his hands over Cullen's eyes and cast healing magic. Cullen opened his eyes and looked at him tiredly.

"Open your mouth." Cullen complied. Yes, his throat was red and raw. More magic to soothe the burned tissues. Anders held a straw to his mouth so he could to take sips of the same weak juice Anders and Fenris had drunk when they first arrived at the estate. "Any blood when you vomit or eliminate?"

Cullen shook his head. "Just lyrium-blue... Maker, I've never felt so sick."

"You're going to live through this, Cullen. I've never seen someone so miserable, who complained so... not at all."

"I asked for this. I'm getting my life back, Anders. I'm not going to complain about that." He sipped some more juice. "You were able to touch me. I'm glad."

When he felt another purge coming on, Fenris helped Anders lift him up, again. Cullen was too weak to manage himself.

Finally, by suppertime, Cullen declared he felt better. They helped him to the couch, and Eve was brought inside. Anders and Fenris smirked when Eve carried in a bowl of the porridge they had eaten as their first meals in the estate. When that stayed down, Eve and Anders tried feeling for lyrium remaining in Cullen's system. They felt nothing.

The lyrium waste, with its addiction, and its withdrawal, was gone. Cullen took Eve into his arms, and wept.

Tears ran down Anders' face, as well. Fenris pulled him close, and whispered in his ear.

"See what a miracle you have wrought, my Anders? This is the beauty of you."

Cullen and Eve didn't reappear until the next afternoon. As they walked onto the lawn, Cullen looked tired, but moved with an easy stride. His face looked remarkably younger, minus its usual furrowed brow and tense expression. Everyone present greeted him, and expressed congratulations for his health. Cullen smiled, but demurred.

He joined Fenris and Anders when Eve sat with Dorian to talk.

"I don't know why I am congratulated for something that was entirely your doing," he said.

Anders shrugged. "You took the stuff. That took guts."

Cullen snorted. "No pun intended?"

The mage shook his head. "How do you feel?"

"Better than I have in years. The fever, pain, headache... all gone. No craving. I have a hard time believing it's real."

Anders nodded. "I understand." The mage was lost in thought for a moment. "I'm sorry I can't help with the rest."

Cullen smiled, softly. "You did. Before the withdrawal, it was less intrusive. It will be, again." The three watched Tigris attack Krem's boot, and be scooped-up by the mercenary.

"I can never repay you, Anders. You've given me control of my life, once again. I have finally broken the chain that sought to bind me."

Anders reached out his hand, and gripped Cullen's arm. "Then, that's payment enough."

tbc...

Author's Notes:

Anders is so damn sweet, it just gives me a toothache.

Sometimes, it's easier to do things in the act of caretaking than elsewhere; like: touch, asking questions, keeping your shit together.

I rather envision Cullen's purge as a non-infectious, short-lasting, blue-tinged, norovirus.