Chapter 9: Clouds

Three pamphlets lay on Jason's bed. Each one represents a completely different path before him. A different distance from home, a different atmosphere, a different program, a different everything. Three different pamphlets with smiling college kids on them, different logos, colors, mascots, alma maters…

Which path will Jason choose? They're so distinct in front of him, but each has as many cons as they have pros. Different for each one, and Jason has to sort out his priorities and figure out what's most important to him. That's been the hardest part of this ordeal.

After visiting each place one last time, Jason's time has run out. Those last visits were his ever-so valuable last chance. Now he has to decide where he felt at home. And the answer's… A little terrifying.

For the first time ever, Jason Hollow is afraid of his gut instinct. He's thinking this over twice, three times, four times, hoping that maybe he'll change his mind. Maybe he'll want to stick to where he feels comfortable. Maybe, if he believes enough. Maybe he can change it. Maybe he can make himself settle for his comfort zone.

Jason picks up a pamphlet, staring at the smiling people and realizing that there's nothing he can do to stop it.

And so he makes the most important decision of his life up to date.

Jason is sure this is where he's supposed to go, and what he's supposed to do.

He's going to a different college than Locke.

Sure, to most people, it's normal to go to a different college than your best friend. Most people don't really think about it. But after all Jason and Locke have been through together, it was hard for Jason to ever imagine them being apart for so long, sharing a room with someone that wasn't Locke, making friends that Locke doesn't know, living his own life… He always knew they'd never be to stay together forever, they're going to live separate lives… But after they traveled through hell together, after confusion and depression of all different sorts… Jason isn't sure how he could've gotten through high school without Locke, let alone college.

He hears a familiar knock on the door and looks up. Locke gives him a smile, his eyes soft and gentle, his eyes looking slightly wistful.

"You've made your decision, haven't you Jason?"

Jason looks up, surprised. "Y-Yeah… I… I think so…" He looks at the pamphlet in his hands. It's farther from home than Jason wanted, farther from Locke, farther from Santana.

Locke sits next to him and gives him a brief bro-hug. "I'm proud of you, Jason."

"Thanks," says Jason, giving him a small smile. "We made it then."

"That we did." Locke reaches for the pocketwatch, winding it up so it plays the song when opened. "Against all the odds, we made it. Thank you for everything, Jason. You've been the best friend I could've ever asked for."

Jason hesitates, then he throws his arms around Locke and gives his friend a big bear hug.

Locke hugs back with a small laugh. "You're gonna do just fine," he says. "I know you are. You've grown and matured, and you're going to be happy."

"We're never gonna stop talking."

"Oh, of course not. There can be lots of time for Skyping and ranting and complaining, plenty of time for visits and hanging out on breaks. Don't think you've gotten rid of me yet." Locke gives him a grin, and Jason returns it.

"What's gonna happen with me and Santana though?" he furrows his brow.

"I think you'll manage. That's up to you and her, I can't help you much."

"True." Jason takes a deep breath, before realizing- "Shit."

"Hm?"

"Prom."

"What about prom?"

"I'm gonna have to ask her to prom… What if she can't come back? It might end up being in the middle of finals week…"

"Then you'll go with someone else?" Locke shrugs. "You should probably try to casually ask what her plans are."

"Yeah… I should probably get on that."

"Who am I gonna ask?" Locke sighs. "A lot of my friends that are girls have dates already."

"Maybe… Abri."

"Hm?"

"Abri. I don't think she has a date yet."

"Oh. Really? I'll have to talk to her."

"Yeah. I'm sure she'd like to go with you."

"Maybe. I mean, she has plenty of other options. But if she doesn't have anyone I'd be willing to take her."

Jason nods, realizing that he just became… A wingman? Since when was Jason the wingman? Apparently, since now.

"Well, I'm excited for you," says Locke, smiling. "And I know that we're both on our paths to the future. I can't wait. I know we can do it. I have faith in us."

"I do too." Jason can say it and mean it. "I really do."

He never thought it possible, but Jason feels like he was able to make the right decision all along, and he did.

And that's the craziest, most horrifying, nerve-wracking, unfamiliar, unknown, energizing, exciting, wonderful feeling.

~.~.

Three bodies lay together in the park.

Kuzey squeezes Abri's hand lightly in a friendly gesture of support, while Pax Whittaker sits with them, looking up at the clouds and seeming so incredibly carefree. Kuzey depends on the support of Abri there for him to calm his nerves. Kuzey is usually nervous around strangers, let alone a stranger that is also very cute and very funny and also somehow manages to make Kuzey's heart jump and pound in his chest…

Pax is peaceful. Like Abri, the flirting comes easily for him. He's social and good at making friends, personable and relatable and sweet. He has no problem sitting here in silence and enjoying the moment. Kuzey wishes he would feel less flustered like Pax.

"Look at that cloud," Pax says, tweaking the square glasses around his gray eyes and pointing up at the sky. "It looks like a bird! See the beak there?"

"Yeah," says Kuzey, smiling slightly.

"Mhm." Abri squeezes Kuzey's hand reassuringly to let him know he's doing just fine. Kuzey appreciates his friend being there for him. "That one over there looks like a turtle, see the head? And the tail?"

"Aw, it does! I've always wanted a pet," says Pax dreamily. "Do you have pets?"

"No," says Kuzey, and Abri shakes her head.

They go back to sitting in silence. Pax closes his eyes peacefully. The sun has finally decided to come out, and shines warmly and brightly down on them. Pax lets out a content sigh, causing Kuzey to look over, concerned. Kuzey knows sighs to mean that someone is tired or bored, and he doesn't want Pax to be bored! That would make Kuzey really sad!

"Want to do something else?" he squeaks out, frowning a bit.

Pax glances over. "Hm? I mean, if you want to…"

"Are you bored?" squeaks Kuzey, his big brown eyes sad.

"Me? No, of course not! I'm having a wonderful time!"

"Really? It's okay if-"

"Would you like to do something else?"

Kuzey squeaks and clutches Abri's hand, not sure what to do or say. He doesn't want Pax to have a bad time! "I d-don't care, whatever you want."

Pax seems concerned, but remains calm. "Don't worry. I like sitting here with you. I'm not bored, really."

"Promise?"

"I'll pinky promise." He puts out his pinky. Kuzey links pinkies with the hand that's not holding Abri's, and they lay down again, slightly closer together.

Flirting and charming are easy for Pax. Asking people out and making moves doesn't bother him. He's certainly not shy to make a move. But this situation in particular is unique. Pax is afraid to make a move on Kuzey for fear of making him uncomfortable. Kuzey is shy and quiet, and Pax sometimes struggles to get into his head. He'll try though, because he wants to understand better how Kuzey's mind works so he can be sensitive to it. Until then, though, he doesn't want to overstep his bounds.

Pax isn't letting himself believe this is flirting at all. He's not letting himself believe that this could go anywhere more than friends. Because the moment he does that, he knows that he won't be able to control how deeply and fully he falls in love with him. He doesn't want that to happen if his heart is just being too big, and it's happened to him before. He doesn't want to walk into heartbreak, so he's taking it slow. He wants to be friends first and foremost. He's okay with how they are right now.

Sure, it'd be nice to be stroking his hair and have Kuzey's head on his chest. It'd be nice to feel him breathing, not just see.

Shit, Pax. Snap out of it. He can't be thinking about that. Not now. But… Maybe I could ask… Maybe it wouldn't hurt to ask…

"When's your prom?"

"The thirteenth," says Abri, looking over, interested.

"Ours at Liberty is that Saturday, the 14th."

He has the question on his lips but swallows it back down. Kuzey might not be comfortable going with him alone. Pax wouldn't want to make him go if he wasn't comfortable.

"I see. Do you have a date, Pax?" Abri can't help trying to facilitate the relationship a little, if she can help it. Kuzey's gonna have better luck with Pax than Abri's gonna get with Locke, after all. Of course, though, Abri wouldn't want Kuzey to be uncomfortable either.

"Abri and I are probably gonna go to prom together," says Kuzey, "Unless Locke asks her. Abri really likes Locke."

"Yeah? That'll be fun then."

"Yeah!" Abri says enthusiastically. "We'll probably leave early to go back to either Jason or Kuzey's place to watch movies." She sounds slightly wistful talking about their homes, because she hasn't really got one to call her own.

"You could come, if you wanted. I'm sure that'd be okay with the others, right Kuzey?"

A night spent with a big group and Pax sounds great. Calm, dark, watching movies, blankets, hot chocolate… Maybe even some snuggles from friends.

Kuzey expresses his cheer in a big smile. "Yeah! It's gonna be lots of fun!"

"Let me know the details," Pax says, smiling, "And I'll be there."

"Great!" Now if only we can convince Locke to come, Abri thinks. Even if Jason does, which he very well might, Locke wouldn't want to snuggle with her, probably. Even if she could convince him to, there's no way he'd ever be able to pick up on her feelings unless she told him. Which doesn't really scare her. But she doesn't want to scare him on their prom night. That'd be a memory he'd frown upon. She wouldn't want that for him, that'd be selfish of her.

Abri seems like the kind that knows how to treat herself, but she's actually one of the most selfless people in all of Panem. It comes from how she was raised, what she learned from her older brother, who always gave so freely even when he had nothing. Abri doesn't like to be a hindrance so she keeps her ground and knows when to back off.

It's really just a fancy delusion that Locke Gedeckt would ask her of all people to prom. The boy has his admirers, and surely another girl will ask him first. Surely there's someone he had in mind to ask, he certainly has his choice of the crowd. But it's nice to dream, to hope. Abri's dreams and hopes are what keep her going, what push her forward, what keep her from giving up hope.

Kuzey is smiling now, a relief to Pax. He doesn't want the more sensitive boy to feel out-of-place or uncomfortable. The prospect of movie night instead of staying a long time at prom is exciting to Kuzey. He loves to spend time with his friends, but after a while the lights and pounding bass and loud music make him anxious and jittery.

But now he doesn't have to worry. He has friends that want him to be comfortable, and he doesn't have to pretend in front of them. He has fellow drum majors that support him and are sensitive to his needs without being overbearing or disrespectful or treating him any differently like less than them or anyone else.

Kuzey smiles, and puts an arm up, pointing at the sky.

"Hey," he giggles. "That cloud over there looks like an elephant."