Once in Selly Oak it was several hours before Arthur was allowed to be alone with Merlin. First all the paperwork and admission process had to be got through by the time that happened Merlin was exhausted and fell asleep. Arthur sat by him holding his hand and just soaking in the fact that he could look down at Merlin and he was back in a safe place. Merlin was in a shared room with another soldier, also back from Afghanistan. Although James had been back for several weeks, after having lost both legs to an I.E.D., he knew who Merlin was and about the incident. As Merlin slept James talked to Arthur.
"Glad they got him back mate, we were all praying for them"
Arthur nodded "Not all of them though, Merlin blames himself"
"That's stupid but understandable, get him to talk to the shrinks, they do help. Mind you I wouldn't at the beginning, macho thing and all" he gave a sheepish grin. "From what I heard he's a good officer, came through the ranks didn't he?"
Arthur nodded but was unwilling to discuss too much with what was after all a stranger. But James seemed to take no offence and kept talking "He's a brave one coming out like he did, there is still a lot of homophobia in the forces. All tough men don't you know. Me I don't care, but that took guts, I know one of the men from his troop, he was injured in the copter crash, he was so pleased he was instead of being captured. He reckons your man is the best Lieutenant in the army"
"Thank you, tell him that if you get the chance" Arthur said with a feeling of pride, he knew deep down that Merlin had faced some problems since coming out, even if the army had a policy to prevent problems. After all it took time to change people's perceptions. He only had to think of Terry's parents to realise that. But Merlin had never discussed it with him. Then James seemed to realise that Arthur didn't want to talk and put his television on headphones.
Later that evening Arthur got kicked of the ward and sent to the relative's accommodation. He was sharing a room with another man, the husband of a man in intensive care. The room was clean but basic. There was a shared shower for three double rooms and a small kitchen with a microwave, fridge, toaster and the means to make a drink. There was also a phone linked to the wards which he had been asked to answer if he heard it. He had been told "If you or any of the relatives are needed we ring that phone and let you know the room number and name of who we need. We would rather that than individual mobile numbers."
Arthur got into bed feeling exhausted but happier now he had seen Merlin, he knew they had a long way to go before things were right but he was determined to help Merlin in any way he could to cope with the aftermath.
It was in the early hours that he woke hearing a phone ringing, then there was a knock on the door "Mr Pendragon…phone for you" came a sleepy voice.
Arthur got out of bed and went to the phone mumbling thanks to the sleepy person returning to their room. At the same time worried sick as to why they needed him. "Mr Pendragon would you mind returning to the ward. Your husband has had a nightmare and we can't calm him, he won't let us get near enough to sedate him. Hopefully he will respond to you"
Not even waiting to get dressed he slung a jacket over his sleeping trousers and t shirt and practically ran to the ward. When he got there he was let in by a nurse. "Sorry to disturb you Sir" she started to say
"No problem" Arthur went into the double room to see Merlin on the floor in the corner, with another nurse calmly talking to Merlin. Who clearly wasn't listening to her. He looked angry and confused, seeing Arthur she moved away and spoke calmly to Arthur. The other patient was looking on sleepily.
"We have been trying to get him to get back into bed, or take this sedative, but he won't. He doesn't seem to understand where he is, we hoped you might be able to get through to him" she gave Arthur a reassuring look. "It's no problem if he wants to stay where he is, but he won't even let us cover him and he will get cold."
Merlin went towards Merlin and got down on his haunches speaking softly "Merlin it's me Arthur, you are safe Merl, you are in hospital." Gently reaching out a hand to Merlin as the raven haired man looked at him with a puzzled expression. "You're back in Britain Merl." Arthur moved slowly closer.
Merlin seemed to see Arthur and spoke "A….thur?"
"Yes love it's me" Arthur by now was at Merlin's side and he sank down on the floor beside him very slowly and gently took him in his arms "You must have had a nightmare Merl, you're safe, you're safe"
Merlin seemed to sink into Arthur's arms and let the blonde hold him and rub circles in his back to calm him. Arthur could feel Merlin's heart it was beating fast and the slighter man was shaking. The Nurse gently covered the pair with a blanket "I will get you both a drink, when you're ready we can get Merlin back into bed"
As the nurse spoke Arthur could feel Merlin tensing up in his arms so he carded his hand through Merlin's hair and kissed him gently on the forehead. After a while Merlin spoke brokenly "I saw their heads, I couldn't stop it" tears were running down his face and he was trembling.
Arthur had no idea what to say, after all the dream had a basis in reality and Arthur had never been good with emotions. He looked Merlin in the eye "You did all you could love, no one could have done more"
The nurse handed Arthur a glass of water and two small tablets Arthur took them silently "Here love take these and have a drink, it will help"
Merlin did as Arthur asked, almost allowing Arthur to take control. Arthur marvelled once more at the trust Merlin had always had in him. He might be an officer at work but he had always seemed to accept Arthur as the boss at home, that wasn't to say he would agree with everything but he had no problem allowing Arthur to take the lead. Gwaine had always teased Merlin saying the raven haired man wanted to be able to turn off completely when not at work, that he wanted to be looked after.
It was twenty minutes before Merlin stopped shaking. Arthur then got up and gently eased Merlin onto his feet, being careful of his chest, Merlin was soon back in bed. But he wouldn't let Arthur go, not even after the sedatives had sent him to sleep. Arthur sat on the bed with Merlin's head in his lap, resting back against the pillows the nurses let him stay so Merlin would rest.
James was clearly awake and had witnessed Merlin's breakdown, but said nothing, he had had several roommates since his own injury and had also had nightmares himself. So he understood.
The next morning the doctors prescribed sleeping tablets for Merlin so he would get a goodnight's sleep and asked him again about speaking to someone, Merlin was reluctant but when the army doctors came to see him they insisted he speak to their man and made the arrangements. Merlin was clearly ashamed at what happened and nothing Arthur said to reassure him worked. Merlin was assigned an army psychologist who would look after him once he was back in London. Until then Arthur managed to talk the hospital in allowing him to sleep in a chair beside Merlin at night. It was only a couple more nights before it was decided that Merlin could go back home. The sutures were removed from his face before he left and the wound left exposed. This made Merlin feel even more self-conscious about it, but he advised it would be better not dressed.
The army insisted Merlin be transported back in an ambulance due to his chest wound and the need to wear a seat belt in the car. So Arthur arranged for Leon to collect his car and went back with Merlin. Once at the barracks Merlin was discharged home, although he would have regular appointments with the army doctors and psychologists.
As the taxi with the two men arrived outside their flat Merlin looked at Arthur "It's good to be home, there were times I thought I wouldn't see it again"
Arthur kissed Merlin chastely, conscious that they were not alone. "Come on love lets go in your mum will be anxious to see you."
Arthur carried Merlin's bag and placed his other hand in the small of Merlin's back in gentle support. He had already paid the driver. They went up in the lift and just before opening the door Arthur turned to Merlin "I love you so much Merls, it's been hell without you. Just take it easy please, it will take you time to sort everything out"
Merlin nodded but said nothing he had seen the strain in both his mother and Arthur and knew that he had not been the only one suffering. He put his hand on Arthur's as the blonde went to open the door "You haven't got a surprise party for me have you?"
Arthur shock his head "Christ no! I have threatened everyone including Morgana that today is our day, Your Mum and Gwaine are here but that is all. Although I can't promise that your mum hasn't been cooking all day!"