Chapter 22
"How could this happen?" I cry. "I thought you were taking pills to keep this from happening, Brea what did you do?"
"I don't know, look Adley, let me get another test, sometimes they are..defective. Maybe you aren't, just wait a minute. I'm going to run to the store and pick one up, then I'll come back and you can take this one, and then we'll see."
"What are you going to do, you have to mail it back to them, they're going to come and get me if you don't bring me back yourself!" Tears run down my face, my voice is sore and cracks when I speak. I can't believe that he has done this.
"They're not coming to get you, I'll make sure of it, look just give me some time to figure things out, let me go and pick up another test, we'll just take that one and see what it says, like I said, sometimes they are wrong, don't panic yet."
"How can I not panic? You're going to have to send me back once they get the results, they are going to come and take me, then I'm going to be stuck in that place until I die. I thought you loved me, I thought you wanted to be with me," I yell.
"I do want to be with you, look whatever happened I didn't mean to happen. Those pills aren't one hundred percent effective. They are pretty good at preventing it, but there is always a small chance they won't. I'm leaving to go get another test, stay here until I get back and don't panic yet, it could have been a fluke thing."
"Yeah, don't panic. Like that's even possible!" I yell at him as he walks down the stairs. The front door opens and shuts without another word from him. I'm left in silence to deal with the threat of a child. If I am, I will go back and I'll never see him again. If I'm not then he might send me back anyway, there's always that possibility.
I wait for an eternity, Brea comes back what feels like hours later. In the meantime, I drink water. I drink lots and lots of water to assure that I'm able to go again for this test. Finally Brea opens the door. He is back with the test in a plastic bag. Without saying a word he hands it to me, I know what to do. I go into the bathroom, place it between my legs and wait.
Once I'm done I wait with Brea for the results, wide and teary eyed, I wait with me. He is like stone, rock hard and giving no emotion away. There is no sadness, no happiness, he is just a body, he is just here. He doesn't comfort me, he just stands there while I wrap my arms around him and sob.
When the time is up and his watch buzzes he walks into the bathroom like a zombie, slowly looking down at the test his shoulders sag slightly, and I know the result is the same as the first. Fresh tears run down my face, I lay on his bed and sob. I sob and sob until I have nothing left. Brea gives me a single kiss on the forehead and disappears into his office. He stays in there for hours, he doesn't come out for the rest of the evening, and I know I'm going to be forced to sleep in my own room, alone.
I slowly walk to the other end of the hall. It's such a long way away from him, longer than what I remember. I haven't slept in this room in ages, Brea has let me find comfort in his bed. Not tonight, things have changed and he doesn't want me anymore, who would?
I cry myself to sleep in the bed I was first made to sleep in, it's not as comfortable as I once believed it to be, I find it hard to get comfortable and fall asleep. When I finally do fall asleep, it is restless, I am up constantly. Finally the rays of the rising sun shine through the curtains of my room, it's a new day that brings new challenges, like the challenge of facing Brea after last night. The challenge of facing the fact that I'm going to have to go back.
With no more tears left to cry, I rise from my bed and make my way downstairs. I pour a glass of orange juice and take a sip before rummaging in the cabinets for breakfast. I find the cereal I like and pour myself a bowl as Brea makes his way downstairs. He enters the kitchen with the test that he has to mail today. And I know my time is nearly up.
He grabs the mailing pouch from the counter and holds the test up to me to look at it before he puts it in, he has an odd smirk on his face. "What is it?" I ask. He continues to hold the test up for me to see, I know it's positive, but he's apparently trying to rub it in my face.
"Take a closer look," he tells me. I take a few steps forward towards him. The test that used to have two lines only has one now. I give him a questioning look.
"This will keep them at bay," he says with his smirk still on his face.
"How did you?"
"Last night when I went to go get another test, I bought two, thinking three for three would be pretty accurate, but when the second one was positive as well I was distraught. After being up all night, I had a breakthrough idea, they just need a test. So I took the third one, I used it, obviously it was negative since I'm a guy I can't produce those hormones, I'll just send that one to them and we'll throw away the positive ones. That will give us some time to think about what we want to do. "
"You want to stay with me?" I ask bewildered.
"Yeah, we can figure out what to do about this situation later, I would like more time with you." I'm so shocked I have to sit down. Never would I have guessed that he's willing to look past the point of me being pregnant. I thought for sure he would send me back to that god awful place to be alone.
"You okay Adley?" he asks. I nod my head yes and continue to eat my cereal, I don't want to say anything stupid that will make him change his mind.
"Okay, well I have to go to work, I'll see you this evening," he tells me planting a kiss on my cheek and grabbing his brief case before heading out the door. It becomes another long and boring day. I spend the majority of it looking through and practicing the alphabet book that Brea left for me.
When the front door finally opens and Brea is home I'm sitting there, reading through that book for the thousandth time. I'm sick of it. We spend a good two hours after dinner of him teaching me small words and teaching me to sound them out. Then he disappears into his office to work on editing papers. I don't wait up for him, instead I fall asleep in his bed, he must still love me if he wants to keep me for a little bit longer.
In the morning I wake up to Brea's body lying next to me, I don't know what time he came to bed last night, but it must have been late. He stirs beside me and turns to face me, his eyes are open, he is awake.
"Good morning," I greet him, planting a kiss on his forehead.
"Good morning," he says back. "I might have found where we're going to go."
"Where? Did you find a job there?"
"No, not yet. I doubt I will without actually living there, but it's a nice place. I found a little cottage in the woods, it's far from town, but not too far that it would be impossible to drive to work. It's something I can actually afford without having to save up anything.
"Okay, so where is this place?"
"It's in Sweden," he says. "You'll have your freedom there, you'll be able to go out without being hunted, you'll be able to go shopping, get a job, you can be free, actually free."
After all this time, I can't imagine not living my life looking over my shoulder, wondering when they will come for me, when I'll be captured again. I can't even imagine a country that doesn't work the way this one does, and now I'm going to live in one. Until a few months ago, this was the only world I knew, and now it's all going to change.
"I know it will be a big adjustment Adley, but you'll learn to live with it, and you'll be happier too," Brea coaxes.
"I'm sure, it's just hard to imagine."
"I know, but it's for the better. You'll like it, I promise."
"So when will we move to this place?"
"It's going to take a while, I have to put a bid on it first and see if I get it. Then if I do, then we will have to pack up most of these things, minus the furniture and larger items, we will have to buy all new of that, I won't be able to take it on the plane. I'll have to close up things here, change my mailing address."
"Oh, I didn't realize there was that much to do, I will help in any way that I can," I tell him.
"Well the only thing you can really help with is packing. That's going to take the longest, and once we're done with that, then we'll be able to get plane tickets and move there, but I'm not going to make a deadline where we have to have everything packed and ready to go by a certain date, that's too stressful, too overwhelming."
"Okay," I say. I really don't even know what he's talking about. What is a plane and why can't we just drive?
"Okay? Let's get some breakfast," he says rising from the bed and making his way downstairs. I follow close behind him and he begins in the kitchen, cracking eggs, frying bacon and whipping up pancake batter. It's the smell of the bacon that does it. It's so strong. I can't handle it. I run into the bathroom downstairs, just barely making it to the toilet before emptying the contents of my stomach. I heave everything I have left out, Brea rushes into the bathroom, throwing open the door and grabbing my hair in an attempt to hold it back.
After what feels like an eternity, I stop, my nausea has passed for the time being, and I'm sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. Brea is still holding my hair, and I wave him off with a signal that I'm okay.
His eyes are filled with pity, as if he feels bad for what he's done to me. "Need a glass of water?" he asks. I nod my head yes and he goes into the kitchen to get one for me, bringing it back he waits for me to take a few sips. "Do you want to go and lay on the couch?" I nod again and he offers me his hand and helps me up off the floor. Leading me over to the couch he lets me lay down and drapes a blanket over me. "I'll go get you a bucket that way you don't have to move much if you have to throw up again.
"Thank you," I reply, and he goes and gets a bucket, putting a grocery bag inside of it and wrapping the edges of it around the brim for easier disposal if I would happen to throw up again.
"No problem," he shrugs. "I'm going to head up to my office to see what is happening with my bid on the house and look at flights. You okay?"
"Yeah, don't you have to be at work?"
"It's the weekend, I have off. If you're up for it later, I can teach you how to read a little more. Teach you a few more small words."
"Okay, maybe a little later," I tell him. I'm really not in the mood for learning anything right now, I just want to lay down and rest.
"Alright, do you need any more water, or I can get you some crackers, get a little something in your stomach."
"Okay," I know I'm just going to end up throwing it back up anyway, but I do need to eat. It's necessary and I am a little hungry.
"Here you go," he says handing me a pack of saltine crackers. "I'm going to go up and get started on things in my office. Yell if you need me."
"Okay." He bounds upstairs and I assume walks into his office. I lay on the couch and munch slowly on crackers and sip away at water. Brea is up in his office for hours looking at that house and messing around on his computer. When he finally comes down, he starts preparing lunch. He makes himself a sandwich and asks me if I would like one, I shake my head no.
"Adley, you have to eat, you have another reason to eat besides your health now. Now would you like a sandwich or do you want me to make you some soup?"
"The soup might be easier to throw up," I tell him. I couldn't keep the crackers down, I can't imagine that I'll be able to keep the soup down either.
"Okay, I'll make you a can of soup, I can make you some real home made soup for dinner but that's going to take to long to make for lunch now. What kind do you want?"
"I don't know, whatever you want to make is fine with me," I say. Brea nods and goes to the kitchen to make a bowl of soup for me, also putting a pot of water and chicken broth on the stove and chopping up vegetables and throwing them in. He thaws out some chicken and throws it in a pan to cook. The microwave beeps and my canned soup is hot. He puts it on a tray and hands it to me. I take a sip of it with my spoon and nod at him in approval.
"Thank you," I tell him, he nods and goes back to making the soup. Adding spices and the meat when it is cooked. He gets out a bag of noodles but doesn't put any in. He's waiting for everything else to cook.
"That's going to need to cook for a little while," he says walking over to me and sitting down on the other end of the couch where my feet are. He grabs the remote and turns on the TV turning it to the show he likes. He watches his show and occasionally checks on the soup. When he thinks it's ready he throws in the noodles and lets them cook at little longer, then takes the pot off of the heated burner.
"Would you like some?" he asks. I nod my head yes and he pours me a small bowl and hands it to me. I take a bite and the soup melts in my mouth. It's delicious. Much better than the canned soup that he made me earlier, not that it wasn't good, but this is so much better."
"How is it?" he asks. I'm into my fifth bite already when I realize that I've forgotten to complement him.
"It's the best soup I've ever had," I tell him and he beams with pride. He really is a good cook along with other things. I don't know how I got so lucky that he wants to keep me.
"I guess so," he laughs. "I'm guessing you'll want another bowl?"
"Yes, please. It's so good," I say as I'm scarfing it up like a wild dog. It's delicious, I really hope I can keep this down, it's so delicious.
We spend the rest of the evening with Brea teaching me how to read, I'm able to concentrate on things a lot more now that I have some food in me. He teaches me more on how to sound out words and some exceptions to rules, like how certain letters make different sounds than what you would think. It's odd, but I'm getting the hang of it.
That night, I fall asleep on Brea's chest, listening to his heart beat, I know that he is in fact human, I know that he loves me, in spite of everything, in spite of me getting knocked up, in spite of the world we live in he's still willing to make things work.
I fall asleep in his arms, dreaming of Sweden. What I imagine it to be, what I imagine it will be like to be actually free.