It was midmorning before anyone was up the next day. Hunith was first and at ten thirty bought everyone tea in bed before going downstairs to make breakfast. Once more the men all went down stairs in their sleep clothes, in Arthur and Merlin's case after putting them on, as they slept nude. After breakfast they went up to dress and it was them that Arthur suggested they visit the families and the graves

"Your mum says they know you are going to be here, you need to face this and move one Merl, and I'll be with you every step of the way"

To his surprise Merlin didn't argue but nodded sadly "You're right" he paused and Arthur could see him biting his lower lip before he spoke again "It terrifies me, more than facing the Afghan army. I let them down and got men killed"

Arthur tool Merlin's hands in his "You did everything and more Merlin, you let no one down"

Merlin squared his shoulder and went to his suitcase and lifted it onto the bed, Opening it he took out his uniform. Looking up at Arthur "I bought it, I knew I had to do this, I just need to run an iron over it"

Arthur gave a smile of encouragement "Well I'll give your shoes and extra polish" he offered.

Within the hour Merlin was dressed in this captain's uniform and with Arthur went to the door His Mum hugged him and as he went to leave Gwaine stopped Merlin "I've been already, they understand and they will appreciate this. There are some flowers in the outhouse for the graves"

Merlin nodded his thanks and waked out to the car and got in silently. Arthur got in and started the car and they drove in silence after Merlin told Arthur "Families first them graves please"

Arthur had directions form Hunith and they were soon at the first house. It was the home of Pellinore's widow and children. "Stay in the car Arthur please" Merlin got out and walked up the path. It was the longest walk of his life. His hands were sweaty and he wanted to run but he raised his hand and rang the bell. As the door opened he saw his dead comrades widow and tears threatened to flow but seeing who it was she gave him a weak smile "Captain it's good to see you come in"

It was an hour before the door opened and Merlin came out, the widow followed him and looked into the car "I am sorry Arthur you would have been welcome had I known you were here"

"I know, but better I kept out of the way" Arthur said. He had got to know the woman well whilst they had waited for news of the men.

"Merlin please keep in touch and remember we don't blame you, and thank you for being with him at the end." Lucy Pellinore said. Both she and Merlin had clearly shed a tear together.

"I'm just sorry it has taken me so long" Merlin said "And thank you" he said no more but it was clear they had made some sort of peace. He gave her a hug. "I will visit the graves once I have seen Mr. and Mrs. Evans"

Arthur looked across "We will be in touch and don't forget anything we can do"

The woman nodded and then went back inside her house. Arthur looked at Merlin "You OK"

Merlin nodded "It was hard, especially the kids. But you were right they understood, they are tougher than me. I will keep in touch now" he looked at Arthur "I don't know about the Evan's Mordred was their only child, no parent expects to live longer than their child"

"They'll understand Merlin" Arthur hoped as he said it that they would. With that they drove down the road a mile before once more Merlin got out of the car. "You sure you don't want me to come?" Arthur asked

"No you stay here" Merlin disappeared once more.

The talk with Mr. and Mrs. Evans was also hard on Merlin but they also realized that their son's death had not been down to Merlin. They had a small shrine of photos and his campaign medals on display. "We weren't keen on him enlisting but what else was there around here for him, we knew it might come down to this one day. But he wouldn't be dissuaded. Gwaine told us you did everything even offering your own life in exchange" Mr. Evan's told Merlin. "Tell us, we know you were with him at the end did he know?"

Merlin steadied his breathing "He knew he was going to die yes, but like me I think he thought he was going to be shot. In fact I don't think he ever knew how he died, it was very quick he couldn't have felt a thing. He asked me to say he loved you both. I have never met such a brave young man it was an honour to serve with him"

Mordred's mother was crying at this point. "He was our only child you know. If it hadn't been for the other families support…." Her voice tailed off.

"If there is anything I can ever help you with just call me" Merlin handed them a card with his contact details on. "I am truly very sorry"

Mr. Evans looked at Merlin "You didn't get away with it either did you lad? This will live with you forever. But please we don't blame you, the army maybe for sending you lads out to that god forsaken place but not you. Our son died doing what he loved and thinking he made a difference. Thank you for visiting us"

"I just wish I hadn't had to" Merlin said "I will visit the grave, I have seen Mrs Drew already"

"Ai that poor lass has two young uns. We see her sometimes, in fact we know several of the families who had dead or injured from the crash as well. Most of the lads came from this area. I know your mother well." Mrs. Evans paused "Don't blame yourself, please live for the boys who didn't make it. Make your survival worthwhile, I told Gwaine the same thing."

Merlin went back to the car feeling drained and exhausted. He had one more thing to do. Arthur drove silently up to the grave yard. It was easy to see where the new graves were, Not only Mordred and Pellinore buried there but also three of the men who died in the crash. The Welsh regiment had so many men in from the local area it wasn't surprising. Merlin removed a couple of flowers from the wreaths for the other men and promised to return with more. He stood at each of the headstones for a few minutes before moving on to the next one. At Mordred and Pellinore's he placed the wreaths. In each man's case he remembered them but with the last to he couldn't help but remember how they died. As he stood there his husband walked to his side and offered silent support. After a time Arthur spoke "Come on Merl time to get you back, your mum will be worried."

For the rest of the day Merlin was silent and clearly affected. But at the same time Arthur couldn't help but think the visits had done Merlin good, allowed him to have some sort of closure, even if he would never forget what happened and still had a long way to go before he could fully cope with what had happened. The rest of the time at Hunith's was quiet but gradually Merlin started to open up more.

They were all going back to London for the New Year at Morganas request, although Merlin didn't want to go to the party he went. It would have upset everyone if he had refused. He even managed to reasonably cheerful, it was his first big event since his return. Merlin wasn't fooling everyone especially Arthur who continued to worry about his husband. In the weeks that followed Merlin had several sessions with his councilor and also met up with his commanding officer. It was after this meeting that Arthur sat Merlin down for a talk.