Arthur looked at Merlin before speaking, he knew he needed to broach the subject but was unsure what reaction it would get. "Merlin what's going on?…..with you and the army"

Merlin's face closed down "What do you mean?" he demanded

Arthur took his husbands hand "I know you have met with your commanding officer. I would just like to know what is happening. Is that too much to ask?"

Merlin pulled his hand from Arthur's and stood up and went to the window. He was silent for a time then said brokenly "I don't know, they say I have P.T.S.D., I was asked what I wanted to do" he turned and Arthur saw tears in the other man's eyes. "I have done everything they wanted me to do!" his voice started to rise. "He suggested a desk job! The army is my life Arthur! I'm a soldier not a clerk" Merlin was clearly angry, something that had been happening a lot since his return

Arthur stood and walked to Merlin's side and wrapped his arms around the other man, he kept silent waiting to see if Merlin would say anymore. He did after a while. "I don't know what to do, that's all I know, and I'm nothing without the army"

Arthur turned Merlin to face him "You will never be nothing Merlin, you are a brave and wonderful man who happens to serve in the Army. You are loved and wanted by so many people. Would you really want to go back into a war zone after what happened? Just be honest, don't punish yourself for what happened it wasn't your fault but there is no guarantee something similar wouldn't happen again." Arthur paused and looked deep into Merlin's eyes "I for one couldn't live through that again. I thought I was going to lose you!"

He pulled Merlin into a hug waiting for Merlin to start to relax, at the same time letting himself break a bit "I can't lose you Merlin you mean more to me than my own life."

Merlin hugged Arthur back "I'm sorry…I didn't think…." His anger gone as quickly as it had come.

Arthur looked at Merlin "Love I know you went through hell, I understand how much your men mean to you. But your mother and I we also went through hell not knowing. So did your friends. But if you were to leave on active service again, if I had to watch you walk away, not knowing if you would come back…." Arthur hesitated "I can't ask you not to do what you need to…..whatever. I knew you were a soldier when I married you. But don't think it's the end, even if you decide to leave the army. We could start up something together. After all I am unemployed"

They held each other until Arthur moved with Merlin to the sofa and sat down, he held onto Merlin "We could spend more time together love, we don't even need to work if we don't want to. I want you to get stronger, give yourself time to get over everything, me as well. I feel like I have been through a ringer these past months. Let's give yourselves time then we can think things through." He snorted "I can't see you behind a desk either."

They just sat together and then Arthur realized that the emotionally drained Merlin had fallen asleep. Carefully making them as comfortable as he could Arthur relaxed into Merlin making sure the younger man's head was rested on his shoulder. Then he to drifted off to sleep knowing that at least they had been able to be honest with each other. Arthur woke up stiff and uncomfortable. Realizing they had been asleep for a couple of hours he tried to get up without waking Merlin but was unsuccessful. Merlin groaned and opened his eyes.

"Hello sleepyhead, I'm going to make us a drink and get supper on" Arthur told Merlin as he looked up.

"I need a pee" Merlin said getting up and walking out. When he came back he walked into the kitchen and grabbing his mug of coffee Merlin took a swig, then putting it down on the table walked up to Arthur who was preparing some vegetables and put his hands around Arthur's waist. "I'm sorry Arthur I never thought about what you and Mum went through, not properly. I was so lost in my own problems"

Arthur stopped what he was doing and turned in Merlin's arms "I know love, I didn't mean it that way, I just don't want you to go fighting again. I know I said I could cope but I can't not now"

Merlin looked at Arthur "Then I won't try, it was selfish of me. I love you to much to hurt you. But I can't sit behind a desk, it would drive me nuts, how you do it I don't know" he admitted

"I'm not sure now, Father's expectations I suppose, I so wanted to make him proud. But when I handed in my notice it was like a weight had been lifted." Arthur smiled "Now let me finish this and then we will talk more."

As they ate that's what they did, this time Arthur was more honest realizing he had to be. They decided to go on a long holiday as soon as Merlin had worked of any notice and then decide what to do. They decided on an early night.

The next morning Arthur rang Lance "I want to take Merlin away on holiday, we need the time away together, to have a break. We both have things we need to decide about our futures"

Two hours later Lance rang back "That's fine as long as you don't go for longer than three weeks. I have also spoken to the doctors who would like to see Merlin before you go. Everyone seems to think it will do you both good. Please let me know where you are going and get in touch should you need to"

Within a week Arthur and Merlin were off to the continent intending to travel around some of their favorite haunts, starting with Paris. Arthur decided it would be best if they remained closer to home in case they needed to return. So after telling Hunith and Morgana the two men set off. They both knew they had a long way to go before they could come to terms with what had happened but it was something they would do together.

...

Part two the couples return and how they cope with the changes and start of their new lives to follow in 'Together as One'