"Time is not separate to space but in fact part of it, we call this space-time and like everything around us it is relative," Mutou drones, he has one thing right. In this classroom, in the blistering stuffy heat of summer time is moving relatively slowly. Even Ikuno looks bored by this latest bit of useless information.
The bell rings at last, freeing us to enjoy our Saturday. Chairs scrap back against the polished wooden floor, even the ever sleepy blue haired girl to my left looks ready to sprint from this sauna of a classroom. Mutou stands with a sigh. Did he expect us to boil so we could hear the last of his space ramblings?
"I hope everyone has a safe and productive weekend. Oh and…" He looks down at something on his desk. "Wish Miura good luck at the track meet, she might be the only hope we have against that speed machine from 2:4" He looks dreamily out of the window as fifteen eyes turn on me.
"Oh," he seems to come back to reailty. "You are dismissed."
People nod at me as they file passed, my cheeks burn with all the attention. At last me and Ikuno leave the room, heading for the large oak in the grounds. The past few weeks since the festival have flown by. Ikuno and Ryouta have developed in to an appalling soppy couple, spending much of our movie nights with their tongues down each others throats. It's cute and sickening at the same time, like watching a baby lion eat a gazelle.
Ayumu and I on the other hand have been taking things much slower, gentle touches stolen when we can find the time to be alone. Everything about us seems so deeply private I've not even introduced him to my friends.
I know it's just a boy touching my face. It's nothing intimate and yet under his fingers I feel naked; exposed. None of this is helped by the fact that we are let to define our relationship, the way he makes me feel I would say I was his girlfriend. But I have no idea what he's feeling.
He speaks so much bullshit sometimes, it's one of the reasons I like him, a wordsmith trying to find the perfect mix of words to express how he feels. Unfortunately a lot of the time this just makes him completely unreadable.
I feel stuck at a cross roads, my dreams are not showing me anything new. But like Dr Ueda says they are not a scheduled television show, where each week I will get an existing new episode packed with infomation. I wonder if I can just pre-order the box set?
A small push, that's all it would take for my life to go in one direction or another. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen, but I have no idea what. Can I go back to when my biggest problem was missing a hand? Those were simpler times.
— — —
"I can't do this Emi, there are too many people!" I stand off to the side of the track with the rest of the team. It's Sunday, it's hot and the grandstands are packed to bursting with people.
"Sure you can!" Emi is jubilant, bouncing with anticipation for the races to begin. How did I get roped into this? I'm sure it must be Emi's fault somehow, she's always spurring me on to do things, it's like her superpower.
I stare across at the visiting track team, I assumed that we would be facing off against a normal school that felt sorry for us. In fact the opposing school is one just like ours, I guess it was pretty naive to assume that Yakamu was alone in providing for the disabled.
"Right everyone, get ready," the track team captain announces. "Girls 100 metre sprint, Emi, Miki you're up."
Eyes fixed to the astroturf of the track I walk out to tumultuous applause. Somewhere in the stands Ikuno and Ryouta are watching. Oh no! Ryouta is going to see me in these tiny damn shorts, i'm never going to hear the last of this. We take our positions on the start line. Great, now I get to stick my arse in the air. Who on earth planed this? Someone with a dirty mind, clearly.
Come on Miki, come on. I need to focus up. one hundred metres ahead of me a white tape flutters in the breeze, this is my goal, I will not stop until I reach it, nothing else matters. The noise of the crowd seems to dim.
"On your marks…"
"Get set…" Six bodies tense. Wait, is that girl wearing leggings? You mean I had a choice?
BANG!
The starter's pistol echoes around the grounds, all around me girls burst forth from their crouched positions. Damn it! Distracted I'm slow off the mark. It will be an uphill battle from here, surprisingly though I pull ahead of the first girl I come across with ease and pass the second just as I cross the line.
Forth, that isn't bad. Not for my first race. Not considering my distraction. With a longer track I might have placed higher, I simply run out of time to overtake. Emi won of coarse, she looks delighted and I don't blame her. Panting I stride off the track to join the rest of the team, the captain winks at me.
"You did well, bit of a slow start though," He grins at me leaning in conspiratorially. "No one can blame you for checking out the other girls, but can you save the stares for the shower room?"
I don't think he's joking.
"I wasn't, I don't, not like that." I lose the power of speech. The captain nods at me in understanding.
"Hey, it's okay don't worry I won't tell anyone." He smiles at me, wandering off to talk to Emi, who's looking at my blushing cheeks with a disgruntled pout. What does she think just happened?
Throughly embarrassed I watch the boys events, trying to feign more interest than I really have. The next race is the four hundred metre sprint, my strongest event. I hear my name being called and walk slowly to my mark, my eyes fixed to the floor.
I look up finding the fluttering white tape. That is my goal, I will not stop until I reach it. Nothing else matters. The starters words telling us to get ready sound muffled. I hear the pistol as if its a long way off, bursting off the line I make a good start. Emi is slightly ahead, the rest of the girls somewhere a million miles behind us.
Legs burning I begin to edge closer to Emi's tiny frame. She's so fast. I hear nothing but my own heart beat as I pass her, there's only around fifty meters left now. My whole body burns with the effort to keep up this pace. Only twenty five metres to go. Emi starts to pull ahead again. Come on, there's only ten meters left, come on. I can't dig any deeper and a mere second later I am crossing the line in second place.
I drop to my knees breathing hard. I don't think my legs are ever going to work again. I look up and see with some satisfaction that Emi is laying flat on her back, her modest chest rising and falling quickly. At least I have something she doesn't.
I manage to get to my feet and wander back to the team, only the thousand metres remains, hardly mine nor Emi's best event. Especially after two sprints, my only real goal is not to come last. Might be easier said than done.
The sun is high in the sky as we take our places, with no breeze my sweaty shirt sticks to my back. Just ahead of me Emi takes her place, if she's nervous about the race she doesn't show it. I risk a look at the crowd, to my surprise I see my grandfather sitting in a white suit in the front row. He waves at me.
"On your marks."
I tense, eyes forward and alert.
"Get set." I wonder who invited him to come and watch?
I leave that thought on the start line as I burst into action. This race is more about conserving energy than straight up speed, but it's also a balancing act. I need to keep up with the pack else all the conserved energy in the world will count for nothing.
However all my planning turned out to be for nought. One of the girls that we had been constantly beating all morning had found her forte, bounding past us easily on the last stretch a smile on her face. Ah well fourth, second and third are not bad results if I do say so myself.
Emi pouts unhappily at the back of the winner as she returns to her school team, I pat her on the shoulder.
"Can't win em' all," I shrug. Emi looks like she would like to debate that point, but our collection of friends and family arrive. An older woman and an armless girl for Emi. Ryouta, Ikuno and my grandfather for me.
"You did great!" Ikuno says hugging me.
"Nice shorts," Ryouta adds with a grin, giving me a one armed embrace.
I thank them both, turning to my grandfather with a grin.
"I didn't expect to see you," I say.
"Disappointed?"
"Nope!" I giggle, throwing my arms around him. He's a little surprised but returns the embrace warmly.
"Well now, someone seems to be in a better mood than when I saw her last."
"It's just runners high," I laugh. "I'll be moody again before long."
"Ah, well then best I speak to you now. Will your friends excuse us?"
Ikuno and Ryouta look at each other then back to me, I nod at them and together they stroll away in search of elusive shade. Placing a hand on my shoulder my grandfather leads me in the opposite direction. Heading for a more secluded spot in Yamaku's extensive grounds.
"You did very well" Grandad says as we reach a small square garden sounded by an immaculately pruned square hedge. Benches are cut into well kept flower beds bristling with life, in the centre is a large white stone with water cascading down its flanks into a pool below. I've never been here before.
"Thanks" I say with a grin, bending down to investigate a number of small ornately carved stones scatted in amongst the flowers, each bare a name and a date. These are grave markers. "These are students who have passed away?" I ask my voice a little shaky.
"Yes, I believe so." My grandfather watches for my reaction.
"I didn't realise," I read a few names, but have to stop, a lump rising to my throat.
"Not everyone who attends this school is blessed with a long life Miki," his shoes crunch on the gravel path as he moves behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I can't help but feel that if I was dying I would not waste my limited time at school.
"What did you want to talk about?" I ask, trying to get my head off the subject of death. Not an easy task given our location.
"Your mother told you about your father?" He asks sombrely.
"She did," I shrug.
"And what do you think?"
"Nothing really, I don't know the man." I gently stand, turning to face him. "She said he wants to meet me?"
"Yes, I imagine he would. I know he cares about you a great deal,"
"You've spoken to him?" I ask.
"We keep correspondence, yes. He is my client as well as my son in law."
"Right…" I shrug, looking away. "Well he's nothing to me." He looks at me thoughtfully for a moment, before turning his attention to the ground at his feet.
"I'm afraid to say your mother and I have not been entirely honest with you." He puts his hand inside his well pressed white suit jacket and withdraws a wad of envelopes bound together with string, wordlessly he passes the bundle to me.
"We thought correspondence with your father would have been too much, on top of everything else." His voice is soft, barely louder than the fountain behind him. Glancing down at the envelopes I see they bare my name, but use my grandfathers address.
"Go…" I say, my voice horse.
"Miki, please."
"Get the hell away from me!" I shout, pushing him away with my stump. He nearly trips into the fountain. How could he do this to me? With a sigh he straightens his suit.
"You may not believe this at the moment, but I did what I was thought was best," He sighs softly. "Can you understand?"
"Yes," I mumble. I don't want to lose him, I learned that lesson from Ikuno. "I'm still really fucking angry at you though." I snarl, Its the first time I've cursed in front of him, he grimaces.
"Watch your language young lad-" I take a threating step towards him. "Ah, but perhaps I earned it. I will take my leave, my train departs soon."
"Will I see you again?" I ask softly.
"You will Miki, you never knew her but you are just like your grandmother." He smiles wistfully
"Did you ever keep things from her you really shouldn't have?" I ask vindictively.
"I'm ashamed to say I did." With that he once again walks out of my life. Why does no one contact me for a social call? I sink onto one of the benches, the envelopes clutched to my chest. There must be letters dating back years in this bundle, he must have wondered why I never wrote back. He never stopped though. The most recent letter bares a date not two weeks ago.
I let sobs take me, my phantom deciding its been ignored too long starts to rip and tear at my hand. Wet tears fall onto my bare legs, I guess I should go and collect my medals. If I go like this people will think I'm a bad loser. The sound of crunching gravel interrupts me thoughts, I look up. Ayumu stands in shorts and t-shirt, his white cane held in front of him.
"Miki?" He calls to the air.
"Here," I sniff.
He stops, turning slightly to face my general direction.
"I overheard your argument?" His voice sounds shaky. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine…" I wipe my eyes on the back of my hand. "I don't really want to talk about it."
"Can I sit beside you?" He asks softly. Carefully I stand, taking his hand and glide him down onto the bench, I sit back down next to him. We don't say anything I close my eyes, listening to the fountains trickle, the wind through the trees, I breathe a sigh.
"Ayumu?"
"Yes?" he replies curiously, I open my eyes slowly.
"Will you go out with me?"
His cheeks redden, as he sits bolt upright.
"I want to, but…"
There's always a but.
"Miki, you know I graduate this year, we won't have much time." As if I hadn't thought of this.
"What if I don't care?" I say. I do, of course I do, but if its a choice between a few mouths and never I know what I would choose. Will he?
"What if I do?" he replies. I get to my feet quickly, this is going to be painful and I can't handle it. Not on top of everything else. At least I know now.
"Then that's your choice," I start to walk forward, tears streaming down my face.
"Miki!" He roughly grabs for me, catching my left arm. I shudder as he continues. "I don't want to lose you."
"So what are you going to do about it?" I ask impatiently, turning to face him, freeing my arm in the process.
"I'm going to take you on a date."
"Somewhere nice?" I say, I was half expecting a kiss. But I think that only happens in Ryouta's stupid movies.
"That I guarantee." He says, a smirk playing at his lips.
I feel like a weight has been lifted, I know Ayumu feels the same way now. Even if it won't last forever, even if what we have has a ticking clock, I don't mind. That's more than what a lot of people in this garden had. I can't see where this road leads, or what I will encounter along the way, but I take my first step off the pavement anyway.
I sit back down, gently taking his hand, he in turn rests his head against my shoulder.
"Miki?"
"Yeah?"
"You really need a shower," I glower at him for a moment, before we both burst into laugher. At least I won something today.