"You have nothing to wear for a date," Ikuno moans staring into my unorganised closet.
"You are aware that my boyfriend is blind?" I ask, rolling my eyes.
"Miki!" She turns to me looking stern, "That is no reason not to look nice."
"Fine, fine," what do you suggest.
"Have any dresses?" she asks hopefully.
"Nope."
"Skirts?" She turns to me open mouthed.
"I don't think so?" I shrug.
"You're impossible," she groans going back to riffling through my limited selection of clothes.
It's Friday night, tomorrow after school Ayumu has organised our first date. He's not even told me where we're going, deciding surprises are fun. For him perhaps. I've tried, and mostly failed to not think about it. With less than a day before the big event I thought it might be wise to ask Ikuno if she had any clothing suggestions, I didn't quite anticipate this reaction.
"Why are all your t-shirts so baggy?" She asks, looking at me incredulously.
"I like them that way, good for running, good for sleeping, what else could you want?"
"I think I might have a blouse you can wear," she sighs. "Have you ever dressed as a girl before?"
"When I was ten I think, I liked dresses and pony's," I grin. "I bet you have a pony somewhere at home." from behind I can see her ears redden.
"I… she's a horse not a pony, plus she belongs to my mum." Ikuno mumbles. I burst out laughing at her embarrassment. Oh how the other half live.
"Right these," She hands me a pair of black jeans. "And I have a blouse in my room, I think it's the best I can do given the time frame and scale of the problem."
"You know," I smirk, "I think Ryouta is rubbing off on you."
— — —
I meet Ayumu outside the gates, happily he's gone for casual clothes as well, jeans and a simple shirt. I notice his nostrils flare as I approach.
"Miki?"
"Hi," I say nervously tucking a bit of lose hair behind my ear, Ikuno insisting I do something with my mess of purple hair braided it, leaving it hanging down my back.
"That's a lovely perfume,"
"Thanks, Ikuno chose it." I say softly. As if I would own fancy perfume.
"The bus will be here soon, then the city awaits."
"We're going to the city?" I ask a little surprised. I didn't even know there was one nearby. He nods, reaching out his hand. Taking it I gently lead him over to the bench's beside the bus stop. It would appear we are not the only students visiting the city today, in fact there is a small crowed, gathered in packs of twos and threes. They pay us little attention as we settle onto the wooden seat.
In short order the bus arrives and we climb on board, the driver must be used to this route because he pays my missing hand and Ayumu's closed eyes little mind. I slide into the window seat, the bus starts with a lurch, making me jump. The sensation of moving is unnerving, with a grimace I remember the brutal impact of the bus from my dream.
"Don't like buses?" my date asks, taking my hand in his.
"Not altogether a fan no," I rest my head on his shoulder, it's a little bony, but warm. I've still not told him about my hand or my dreams, perhaps I should have mentioned it before I asked him out. It's a little late now. He won't mind I'm sure, but it's going to be an awkward conversation. Then again we only have a few months before he graduates. What if I never get around to telling him?
"What are we doing today?" I ask again, I've been asking for almost a week now with nothing but cryptic answers. I don't think I really like surprises, the last few have been awful. Surprise you have no hand! Surprise you're going to a new school! Surprise! We lied to you for years.
"Patience my dear, all will be revealed."
I grumble incoherently, drawing a chuckle from my companion, who gently strokes the back of my hand with his fingers. Closing my eyes I think about the pile of envelopes sitting on my desk. I've still not opened them, cowardice is my only excuse. I'm afraid of what I might find.
"We're here," Ayumu says, startling me slightly. How long did I have my eyes closed? I didn't fall asleep on my first date did I?
We step off of the bus into the bright afternoon sun, summer is still in full effect. People bustle all around us, as if we were stones blocking a white-water rapid. Quickly taking Ayumu's arm I shuffle in closer to him, he gives my hand a gentle reassuring squeeze.
"I'm not a fan of crowds either," He whispers. I was more worried about him being swept away from me than anything else. But it's sweet he cares.
After a few moments of quiet contemplation he asks me to confirm the street name and a few seconds of thinking later he gives me directions. We set off at a leisurely pace, on his request I start to describe what's around us. I don't think I'm doing the sights justice. Our path leads us to a wide pedestrianised street lined on either side with shops, everything from clothing to electronic boutiques. I slow as we pass a sportswear shop nestled in the shadow of one of the many overhead concrete walkways.
"See something you like?" My date asks, noticing my change of pace.
"It doesn't matter," I smile, intending to walk on.
"We have time for a little retail therapy, I believe."
"Sounds more fun than real therapy," I say not thinking. Oh great tell him you're in therapy, boys just love that, stupid, stupid, stupid.
He gives me a odd sideways look, as if trying to work out if I'm joking or not. Desperately I try and save the conversation, hurrying to describe the brightly decorated shop as accurately as possible. Walking through the door I guide him through the racks of clothing to the women's section.
"Oh I forgot to congratulate you on your success at the track meet," he says, frowning a little.
"Thanks, I'm sorry I didn't…," I busy my hands trying to find three quarter length leggings in my size. "I didn't tell you about it."
"Shall we conclude that it was because you wanted to keep me your scandalous secret?"
"I think that sounds right." But it's not the reason, I didn't want to make him sit in the hot sun with nothing to do out of some kind of misguided loyalty to me. "What do you think of these?" I ask, placing the materiel of the black leggings under his fingers.
"They feel divine, will I get the chance to see you in them?" What? That makes no sense, unless he's going to use his- oh. Oh. I blush intensely, imagining his warm fingertips running over my legs.
"I don't know," I stammer, cheeks burning as he laughs at my flustered state.
Paying for my legging's takes a little more of my grandfathers allowance than I had anticipated, but anything is better than those shorts. With my purchase happily swinging from my elbow I walk hand in hand with Ayumu down the street.
Delving deeper into the downtown area of the city, we come across a large square. On three of its sides are restaurants and on the forth a large cinema, the entire area is covered by a large canvas roof supported by tall white metal beams. Street vendors pedal their unhealthy treats as pigeons swoop down to collect any dropped scraps.
"Our destination should be directly across from us, assuming my sense of direction has not failed me."
"A cinema?" I ask, a little confused.
"Yes, is that okay? Your friends mentioned you liked movies." A tinge of worry underlines his voice.
"I do but, is it something you can enjoy?" I don't want him to be bored.
"Miki," he smiles at me softly, "I don't ask much from you, or anyone for that matter. But please let me decided what I can and cannot enjoy." There's no anger in his voice, just a kind of exasperation.
"Your right, I'm sorry." I sigh, I guess this request also would have extended to the track meet. I should have asked him.
"You are forgiven completely, shall we?"
— — —
The movie turns out to be brilliant. Any concerns I had about Ayumu's enjoyment are quickly slashed, the staff seemed to know him, a bouncy teenage girl lead us to our seats and passed over a pair of bulky headphones. I was a little confused until Ayumu explained what audio description was. Seeing the look on his face at the climax of the movie, I could tell there was no chance he was feigning his excitement.
Night has fallen when we leave the cinema, but thankfully the air is still warm. I should have thought to bring a jacket. It's only a short walk under a light-polluted starless sky to the Italian restaurant that Ayumu picked out for us. He really is a hopeless romantic. I've never eaten anywhere so fancy. I feel decidedly underdressed.
We are lead to a secluded table, complete with white cloth and candle, in the back of the restaurant. Our suited waiter hands us our menus and takes our drinks order, before disappearing into a swirl of gentle voices and soft piano music. My date leaves his menu folded in front of him while I open mine. Why the hell is everything in Italian? English is bad enough.
"Would you like some help deciding?" Ayumu prompts.
"I… yes, please." I mumble, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.
"I suggest the Bruschetta to start followed by… hmmm," He looks to one side, thinking. "Ah, the Pollo Carbonara Is a safe choice."
"Okay, stupid question bu-"
"I looked up the menu online last night," he grins, "I can't remember all of it, but I find three dishes from each course normally serves me well."
"Well lucky one of us is prepared," I smile as our drinks arrive.
"Are sir and madam ready to order?" the waiter inquires.
I let Ayumu handle ordering for both of us, partly because he seems so confident. But mostly because I have already forgotten the foreign names. With our thanks and the waiters low bow the menu's are whisked away.
"Akiyama" he says out of the blue once the waiter is out of ear shot.
"What?" I ask surprised.
"That's my surname, as I said it's quite forgettable. But I thought you deserve to know it."
"Right" I say nervously. I need to do this now, if I wait until after I've eaten I might throw up. You can do this. "I'm missing my left hand," I say simply.
"If you are trying to one up my revelation, then I'm afraid I'm forced to concede to you."
"I'm being serious," I groan, but a smile plays about my lips. I don't know how he can make me smile when talking about my arm, but he does.
"I did wonder why you never used it," he ponders for a moment, "Why didn't you tell me when we first met?"
"I don't know, I don't like to talk about it."
"Ah, I suppose most people spot it quite quickly?"
"Yes," I say looking down at my knees, "Are you mad?"
"No… No I would say I was curious."
"Curious?" I ask.
"Did you enjoy me not knowing?" his tone is hard to read.
"I didn't like lying to you," I say. I must not ruin this.
"But, and you'll forgive the crude term, you enjoyed being normal around me," his eyebrow raises slightly.
"I did," I say quietly. "Is that wrong?"
"I think we all want to believe we are normal, accepted and valued by everyone around us." He shrugs slightly, "However I believe that sometimes people can spend so much time chasing an impossible ideal that they lose themselves."
"I just get sick of people staring at it, it's like the stump is all I am now." I admit. Where did that come from?
"Fools will always read a book by its cover, a smart man is blind to first impressions." He grins. "Luckily, that makes me a genius." I laugh as he breaks the tension. I guess he's right, about the fools not him being a genius. We spend some time discussing the movie until our food arrives.
Watching him eat is fascinating, the care and dexterity with which he eats is amazing. Using his cutlery in the same way master sculptor uses his chisel. I go back to concentrating on my own meal, cutting the soft bread of the Bruschetta using a twisting motion with my fork is effective, though the well presented dish is destroyed in the process. Luckily despite its mangled look it tastes delicious.
"Do you have any plans for after school? Will you attend university?" Ayumu enquires, dabbing at his lips with a napkin.
"Not really," I answer, not entirely truthfully. A career path has been on my mind, but that thought is not ready for the light of day. "I'm not really one for making plans, you?"
"Hmmm, either music or literature, assuming my grades are good enough," he smiles softly.
"You play an instrument?" I ask?
"The piano, a bit of a cliché I know," sighing he continues. "I was a very noisy child, a lot of blind kids are, my mother liked the piano because it kept me in one place and I could make all the noise I want through personal headphones."
I giggle, "I spent most of my childhood running off in every direction, according to my mum, I guess that's why I still run today."
Our small talk continues until our mains arrive, luckily my dish turns out to be pasta. It's like they designed it for one handed people. savouring the delicious flavours I smile softly, who would have thought when I woke up in the hospital that I would be able to enjoy a date. You can lead a relatively normal life.
"How is it?" Ayumu asks, sensing my quietness.
"Its perfect, thank you for all of this."
"Your pleasure is all the thanks I need," he smiles softly.
— — —
"You didn't need to walk me back," my companion says as we stand outside his bedroom door. Having left the restaurant after one of the best meals I've ever had we caught a quiet bus back to Yamaku, it felt only right to escort him back to his room.
"It's okay, gives me a little more time with you." I say softly as he fumbles with his key, with a soft click the door swings open.
"Would you like to come inside for a bit?" his cheeks redden.
I bite my bottom lip. This has to be against school rules. "O… Okay."
He disappears into his dark room, I blink after him a little confused. Oh right. He has no need to turn on the light. I follow him inside, gently gliding my fingertips up the walls looking for the switch. His hand gently catches my elbow.
"Can we leave the light?" he asks softly. "Let me guide you for once?"
"O..okay," a lump rises in my throat as a I place my hand in his. Behind me the door shuts with a soft thud. I slip my shoes off, kicking them softly against the wall. Gently he guides me through the darkness. I feel him gently push me away, until the back of my knees hit something and I fall with a panicked yelp onto his soft bed.
"Sorry," he laughs.
I giggle looking up into the darkness, wondering if my eyes will adjust soon. Stretching my arms above my head reveals the wall isn't as close as I feared. Letting out a gasp I feel the back of his fingers against my knee. But he moves away quickly, I think he just wanted to know where I am. The bed sags a little as he lays down next to me.
"Are you okay? This isn't too much?" he asks, his voice close by.
"I'm okay, just a little nervous I guess." I don't know what he has planned. I hope it's not That. Not that I don't want to experience it, but I don't feel ready. I hope he won't be annoyed with me.
I feel his finger tips on the side of my face. This I like. I smile and move my hand a little clumsily, searching for his face. disentangling my fingers from his hair I locate his cheek, trying to replicate his actions.
"Oh, never been on the receiving end before," he sighs happly, I can feel his smile under my fingers.
"Like it?" I ask a little breathlessly.
"I do," his fingers start to trace down my neck and under my ear. I just focus on not sticking my fingers anywhere inappropriate. His skin feels soft under my touch, I guess this is the only way he knows what I look like. It must be an oddly disjointed view.
Giggling I let my hands fall behind my head as his probing fingers find the edge of my borrowed blouse, tracing the outline he stops for a moment, before quickly undoing the top button in one fluid motion. I let out a gasp, more out of shock than dislike.
Reaching forward I tug his first button open, he laughs at my lack of subtlety. Somehow it turns into a race and in only a few moments later we are both laying with our shirts open. I should have worn a nicer a bra. I look down at the plain white material that seems to glow in the darkened room. I should own a nicer bra, something with lace.
I trace the dark lines of his slightly hairy chest, I'm rewarded with a startled gasp. My victory is short lived as his finger starts to trace down my bra strap, I'm surprised his fingertips don't leave sparks against my skin. He hesitates for a moment before reaching his goal, tracing the line of my bra above my breasts.
Oh my…
Without thinking I reach forward and clutch the side of his face, pulling his lips into mine. He jumps in surprise before kissing back fiercely. What ensues is what can only be described as a kiss wrestling match. I need to work on my subtlety. Before I know what's happening I find myself straddling him, my arms wrapped around his back and my lips locked against his. Not exactly what I had in mind for my first kiss, but it will do, my god it will do.
One of his hands grips my bum tightly, causing me to giggle into his lips. With a tugging he tries to undo my bra, but gives up after an awkwardly long time, deciding instead to cup me through the martial. Perhaps I should have told him it undid at the front?
Apparently boring of my chest his hand creeps down, fumbling with the button on my jeans. I pull away quickly, grabbing his hand with mine. "Sorry," I gasp, "Not yet.
The mood gone I collapse onto my back feeling a little dizzy. I should remember to breathe more when I kiss.
"I'm sorry, are you okay?" His voice is edged with fear. I didn't mean to scare him.
"I'm fine," I say softly, stroking his cheek. "Just not ready for that yet, is that okay?"
"Of course, errm," I can feel the heat of his blush below my fingertips. "Would you like to sleep here tonight?"
"I would like that," his fingers start to trace the shape of my belly button tentatively.
"Not going to sleep in your jeans though are you?" He seems to be regaining some of his confidence. I've been told boy's aren't satisfied unless they go all the way. I just hope what happened was enough for him, it was enough for me. For now.
"Can you keep your hands to yourself?" I ask, slipping the jeans down my legs.
"If you can," he laughs, with sound of his own jeans slithering down his legs.
I find a comfortable spot on his chest to rest my cheek, gently running my fingers over his flesh. Planting a soft kiss on my hair he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. Our clothes slither abandoned to the floor as he draws the covers over us.