Chapter 29

I wake up to the smell of eggs cooking, and it makes me want to throw up. I like eggs, but the smell of them is sickening. Brea stands at the wood stove, the fire already built, eggs on the stove and he is whipping up what looks like batter for homemade pancakes as well. I hope he has syrup.

I yawn and sit up in bed, Brea looks over in my direction and smirks. "Glad to see you're awake," he says taking the pan of eggs and putting them on a plate. He rinses the pan off in the sink and wipes it quickly with a rag before putting it back on the stove and pouring the batter inside the pan.

I get up off the bed and make my way over to Brea, I need to try to make things right again, I'm not really sure how, so I just go for it and wrap my arms around his waist in a hug, squeezing him as hard as I can so it takes his breath away.

"I'm sorry," I say, burying my face in his chest. His muscles tense, then relax.

"It's okay Adley, but if this is going to work you need to promise me you won't do that again. I understand it's hard for you, but it's hard for me too."

"I know Brea, I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you but you've hurt me."

"I know," he sighs. "I've hurt you before now and I've done it again. I don't want to hurt you Adley, and I'm sorry, but you need to cooperate with me a little better. If you weren't pregnant right now I would have taken you across my knee if you tried that shit."

My mind flashes back to Breas basement, when he snapped and went to rough, when he hurt me. I can't let that happen again, I can't make him feel that angry again. I've forgotten what that was like, to be humiliated and punished. To be at his will completely. It's almost painful how fast I've forgotten that in an instant he can snap and make me do things I don't want to do, like that day in the basement.

"I won't do it again," I say not breaking away from him. I don't want to see the look in his eyes. I am betting they are stern, just like the way he sounds right now.

Brea grasps my chin gently with his fingers and lifts it up, forcing my eyes to meet his, and I don't see sternness, I see kindness in his eyes. They are filled with warmth and loving and it makes me feel better. I may be a screw up, but at least he cares for me, maybe not in the way that I expect, but in a way that is more than I deserve, especially right now.

He finishes cooking the pancakes, plops them on a plate, and plants a kiss on my forehead, then travels down to my cheek and then finally places one on my lips. It is long and lingering, subtle yet deep. I have to be good, I have to make it up to him. It's been so long anyways since we've done anything.

Slowly, I slide my hands from where they rest on his face down the length of his body and my fingertips brush against the fabric that covers his groin. His breath catches in his throat for a minute, and he pulls away from the kiss. His eyes are full of wonder, he either doesn't believe this is happening or he doesn't want to believe it.

I smile, and so does Brea. I continue my gentle touch around his most sensitive area. He watches me as I slowly caress him, sliding my hand upwards my fingers slide under the elastic of his pajama bottoms and grip him gently.

I look up to meet Brea's eyes, he is looking down on me, his pupils are dilated, his breath thick with desire. He wants this, he needs this. I go down on my knees and pull down his boxers, releasing his growing erection. Running my tongue along the tip I look up at him, he's pleased. Looking down at me he motions for me to continue. My tongue circles around his head, then I run it along his impressive length. I've missed this so much. My only hope is that this will help get us back to where we were again.

I slide his length into my mouth, as far down as I can go. I can't take in his whole length, I'm afraid that it will trigger my gag reflux, and I don't want an unhappy ending. Going up and down on as much length as I can I suck on him slowly, tentatively, like I know will torture him. I cup his balls lightly and massage them as I slide him in and out of my mouth.

Brea strokes my hair and then lightly pulls up on it, telling me to stand up. I do as he silently commands and rise to my feet. He kisses me passionately, and picks me up by my bottom, making his way over to the couch. It's still pulled out as a bed, we have plenty of room. He stands at the edge of it and smacks my bottom lightly, making me jump. Something that once didn't turn me on at all when done by other men is now so erotic it makes me shiver.

He smacks my left cheek, then my right, then my left again. I moan each time and jump with the impact of his palm on my bare bottom. He throws me down on the cheap mattress and kisses me, hard. I fight back and kiss him harder, my lips parting to allow his tongue to roam with mine. Brea takes the end of the nightgown and lifts it up so it gathers near my neck, and runs his fingers along the length of my body slowly, it tickles, but the sensation is so light that it turns me on as well.

His fingers pinch and pull on one of my nipples and I break the kiss to yell out in ecstasy. Everything feels so much better, so much more...intense. Brea grins and continues working on me, kissing my cheek, then sucking and biting on my neck before moving down to my other nipple, sucking on it harshly and even lightly grazing his teeth on it. I yell louder, it hurts, but it feels so good. I've missed this so much.

He moves to the other nipple and does the same, when I'm positive I'm nearing my limit, when everything starts to feel too good, he stops, holding his body over top of mine he looks at me in the eyes, glaring at me, trying to read my reactions, my thoughts.

"Tell me," he says in a husky voice, panting with want and desire. He looks so primal, like he's not even human, like he's some kind of carnivorous animal that's looking for a piece of meat, and he's just found his prey.

"What? Tell you what?" I answer back. I don't know what he wants me to tell him. I don't know what there is to say, all I know is that this is going well, he wants this, and this will get us a step closer to being in love again.

"I need you to tell me that you want this Adley, I don't want to do this if you don't," he pants.

"Yes, Brea I want you, I need you Brea. I don't need to tell you, isn't it obvious?" Something inside him snaps, he doesn't answer me back, he doesn't even acknowledge that I said anything, instead he quickly positions himself at the end of the bed, his tongue dangerously close to my most intimate area. My legs were parted to begin with to accommodate him settling his body weight between them earlier, but it's not enough for Brea. He grabs my legs and spreads them even wider apart, looking down at me hungrily. He grabs my thighs and jerks them forward, my feet in the air, my knees are so close to my shoulders I can hardly stand it. I wasn't very flexible before, but with a little extra weight on my tummy, it doesn't make bending them any easier.

He licks his lips hungrily and flicks my clitoris with his tongue. The sensation is so intense that I almost come right there. God what's wrong with me? It's like everything has been amped up and this is even more pleasurable. He flicks it again and I yell out incoherently, I can't take it, it's so intense.

He strokes it lightly with his tongue and I swear I'm so close to losing it. He licks and sucks on my clitoris until I find myself crashing. I come, hard. Yelling out incoherently, my body shaking, my breathing erratic. It's so heavenly. I don't think I've ever come this hard before, not ever.

As I come down from my high, I open my eyes and see Brea staring at me, he's looking at me with a sort of wonder in his eyes. "What?" I pant. His expression turns into a smile, he grins from ear to ear, his face blushed.

"I don't think I've ever heard you yell that loud before. I didn't think you would be able to come that hard."

"Well I did, keep going!" I yell at him. He doesn't argue, just smiles and continues. Darting his tongue in and out of me, circling it, it's a wonderful feeling. He gives me one last lick and then uses his finger instead, inserting one and curling it upwards, hitting a spot inside me I never knew existed. I writhe in the bed, I can't control myself, i grip the sheets in a desperate attempt to hang on.

Brea inserts another finger, curls them up again and hits the spot repeatedly, it sparks something inside of me. It's intense, but strange it almost feels like a different pressure. It feels like I have to pee.

"Brea, stop. I gotta go to the bathroom!" I yell. Brea looks up from what he is doing, surprised at my need to use the toilet now of all moments.

"It's okay Adley, just go," he says, continuing to ram that spot inside me that triggers the need to pee.

"What? Are you crazy? I'm not gonna pee on you. I need to use the bathroom, now."

"Adley, I promise it's not pee, just let it go."

"No, Brea I can't, let me up please, I can't hold it much longer!"

"Just fucking do it Adley, come on baby, let go." He speeds up his motions, it makes it hard to hold it. I can't hold it for much longer. But I can't let go, I don't want to pee on him, it's gross. Who in their right mind would want someone to pee on them.

"Adley, let go, just stop fighting it, let it all go." I moan incoherently. I can hold it, I can do this, I can't do this. "Adley!" he yells. "Let it the fuck go, come on baby, let me have it." I couldn't hold it anymore even if I wanted to. I let go, it gushes out of me, it feels weird, odd, but kind of...good. I'm panting, as if I had just orgasmed, but I know I didn't. I sudden blush of shame washes over me, Brea's mouth is on me once again, licking and sucking at what I just released. I'm repulsed, I never knew that he was this weird.

His mouth on my lips feels good, but I'm having a hard time focusing on that with what he has just done. Brea looks up at me with a questioning look, as if to ask why did I stop. He shrugs it off and keeps licking and when he's done, he makes his next move.

He rises so his face is near mine, he grabs himself and places it at my entrance. He tries kissing my lips but I refuse. I don't want to kiss his lips when they've just licked up my urine. The embarrassment has not worn off, and I'm a little disgusted with Brea over it. He moves to my neck instead, kissing, licking, sucking on it. I'll have hickeys tomorrow, no doubt.

He kisses my neck for so long that I forget about his member close to mine until he slams into me. I yell out in surprise and he wastes no time thrusting in and out of me. Going slowly the first few pumps and then picking up the pace until I'm sure he's going to break me. He thrusts in and out at a rapid pace, so fast and hard that I can't handle it. I yell out, my mixed feelings making my head spin more than usual. Brea continues at his unforgiving speed, crashing into me over and over again.

"Please Brea," I beg, for what I don't know. It sets him over the edge and I feel his warm seed spill into me. He crashes on top of me, his whole weight resting on top of me. It's hard to breathe, but it feels nice too.

We lay there, both of us panting, covered in each others arousal and my urine. "Why did you make me pee on you?" I ask him.

"It wasn't pee," he laughs. "You just squirted that's all. It's female ejaculation, not pee."

"Then why did it feel like I was peeing?"

"That's just how it works Adley. It's not pee though, it tastes sugary, sweet. It's not pee, it's just like how I come inside you, it comes out of the same hole as your ejaculate does, it's different I know, but it's sexy."

"It's weird for me. I never knew about that, I didn't know it was possible."

"Well it is baby, and it's oh so good. You really exceeded all of my expectations. I never thought I'd be able to get you to do this the first time I figured out how you operate. You were a hard one to get to come around, but I got you there, and further than I ever thought before. When I first met you, you had never had an orgasm at all, now I've got you squirting in the palm of my hand."

"Well I'm glad you're proud of yourself," I say. I'm still not on board with the whole "squirting" thing. I don't believe him, there is no way that isn't pee. But if Brea is convinced otherwise, I wouldn't mind doing it again. Not comfortably, but I'll do it.

"It's more erotic than you think Adley, the idea will grow on you," he says and rolls off of me. I sit up and look at him. I can't imagine the idea growing on me at all, but whatever he thinks. I know he's going to try again, and I probably won't be able to hold it either.

"I have to get ready to go, I'm going to go build my resume, and start applying for jobs. I'll be back in the late afternoon," he tells me. He grabs a pancake and flops it onto a plate along with a spoonful of eggs. He eats his meal hungrily, scarfing it down before getting dressed in a nice button down shirt and some slacks, he grabs his laptop and puts it in the case along with a few papers and zips it shut and he's out the door. I watch from the window as he starts his car and heads off in search of new jobs.

I take my turn with breakfast and eat a pancake and a small portion of eggs. I'm not terribly hungry. When I'm finished with my meal I wash up the dishes and put them away, then look around for something to do. I'm not tired, I want to do something. I pace around the house, finding nothing to do or clean since the dishes are done, and there isn't a way to wash clothes without a washing machine, except to maybe wash them in the stream, but that doesn't seem very sanitary either.

Defeated, I decide to go for another walk while I wait for Brea's return. I start out along the stream again so I won't get lost. I walk until I come across a tree that Brea had cut down. It's long log lay dead the branches stripped from it. There is a messy pile of wood that has been cut, just thrown together in a clump. Brea means to bring it to the house, so I might as well. I turn around and head back to the house to get the wheelbarrow that we had just purchased and start loading up the firewood in it. I take several full loads back to the house, stacking some by the wood stove for easy grabs and then stacking a larger pile on the porch so we wont have to go as far next time we need wood. I take seven loads in total, and then I decide to quit. It's hurting my back, and I ache all over. My feet are swollen, but nothing else is new.

I go inside and peel off my jacket, I'm a sweaty mess. I start to boil the water for a bath. I need one, I'm sure I smell atrocious. Brea might enjoy one when he gets back too if the water is still warm by then.

I grab a towel, a wash cloth and soap and heat the water, and finally when it's cooled down enough for me to stand it, I slowly sink into the water, it feels so nice.

I wash my sweaty skin and pat it dry with a towel. Brea will be pleased when he sees what I have accomplished today. I may not have done much, but it's a start. I don't have really anything to clean the house. I have a broom, but no dustpan. I suppose I can just sweep it all out onto the porch and then sweep it out over the side. I have tracked in a lot of mud and wood chips from bringing in the firewood.

Once I'm dry and put clothes back on I do just that. I start sweeping the whole house, half of it isn't dirty, just the main area around the wood stove and a little bit by the couch, but I sweep everything anyway, just to give me something to do.

I finish the task and by then I'm tired. I lay down on the couch and daydream about this new life. A life that I don't have to hide behind trash cans and a life that I won't be taken control over. I can do what I want, when I want. Theoretically. I can make my own money, I can be whatever I want and I won't have to worry about being caught or used or raped ever again. The only one I have to worry about is Brea, I am tied to him for life, and although he controls me, I bet he would let me get a job if I wanted to. I bet he would let me.

I drift into a slumber that is so light I think I'm awake. It's one of those naps where you hear everything that is going on, but aren't awake enough to respond to anything. You just lay there and sleep, peacefully aware of your surroundings.

I hear the sound of Brea's car pulling into the driveway and the slam of the door as he gets out. I hear his footsteps as he climbs the stairs, pauses for a moment, and keeps climbing. It's only when I hear him fumbling with the key do I actually wake up. I open my eyes sleepily, trying to hold them open for more than a few seconds, but it's difficult. I just want to sleep.

Brea walks in the door and shuts it a little harder than needed. I open my eyes and turn to look at him, waving hello with my hand. He waves back, a questioning look on his face. "Did you bring in all that firewood?" he asks. I nod my head yes, and I see his temper flare. Why is he angry?

"Adley, I don't want you doing that, it's too hard on you. That must have been ten loads of firewood that you brought back to the cabin. You can't over exert yourself like that, you're going to get hurt."

"I'm fine Brea, I just wanted to do something for you, I wanted to help out, and that was the only way that I saw how. Well that and sweeping the floors."

"I don't mind, you can sweep the floors all you want, but you're not bringing in firewood. You're going to hurt yourself or the baby. I don't want to lose either of you."

"I know Brea, but it's okay, I didn't over exert myself, I laid down when I got tired I promise. I just had a little jolt of energy, I wanted to put it to good use instead of sitting around the cabin all day doing nothing. Besides what do you expect me to do? Stare at a wall all day?"

"No, but I don't expect you to be hauling in firewood, that is my job and I'll gladly do that. I was planning on it when I came back home. I expect you to eat your breakfast and your lunch and- you didn't even eat lunch did you?"

I shake my head no. "I wasn't hungry," I tell him.

"That's bullshit Adley, you can't tell me you're not hungry after all that you did today."

"I am a little now that I woke up but honestly no, I wasn't when I laid down for a nap."

"Well then I'll make you something. How about some vegetable soup? Sound good?"

"Anything is fine," I say and he goes to work, getting a pot out and opening up cans of vegetable soup that we got from the store. He waits for it to boil, he doesn't talk to me. I didn't think that me bringing in firewood would make him upset at all, but I guess I was wrong.

When the soup gets to boiling Brea pours it into two separate bowls and we eat together, how it's supposed to be.

"So did you find any jobs?" I ask.

"It's not that simple Adley," Brea says shaking his head. "I have to create a resume, which is a document that states what you are qualified to do, and then apply for jobs. It can take weeks to months to get one. I'm not going to find one in a day."

"Oh." I didn't know that it would take that long. My anxiety increases, what if we run out of money before then? What if we can't afford food or anything? We're living tight enough as it is, granted it's still a lot more than what I had when I was out on the streets, but I've become accustomed to Brea's stable life, what if we never get some of that stability back?

"It's alright Adley, I'll find something," he finishes his soup and takes the bowl to the sink. He washes it and then waits for me to finish, taking my bowl as well and washing it, putting it away. He walks over to the drawer he keeps his clothes in and opens it. discarding his dress shirt and pants he puts an old T-shirt and jeans on. He looks so tired, but I know with that outfit he's not going to sleep.

"I hate to leave you in here, but I gotta go cut wood. Better to do it now before winter comes than try and cut them down in the snow. Try and go back to sleep Adley," he tells me. He grabs a sweatshirt and heads out the door, grabbing the wheelbarrow outside and putting his axe and chainsaw in it. He heads off into the forest, in search of a nice tree to cut down.

After several minutes I hear the whining of a chainsaw, he's found one. In minutes the cracking of the wood is heard and I know that the tree has come down, Brea spends hours cutting at it until it becomes dark. He quits then, bringing a load of wood back with him along with his tools, he stacks it on the porch before coming inside. I have dinner made for him, which is just a can of chicken gumbo soup. I made two for him, and one for myself, there's no way he isn't starving after all of the work he's just accomplished.

Brea is sweaty and rugged looking as he comes inside, it's sexy and it makes me want to jump on him, but I need to get him fed. He needs to keep his strength up. He eats his dinner hungrily, he scoops the food up so fast I doubt he's chewing it. I tell him to slow down, he just looks at me and laughs, and slows down for me. If he continues to eat fast he's going to throw it back up.

He finishes eating and I draw up a bath for him. The water I used is cold, so I heat up new water and help him into the tub, gingerly taking off his clothes for him. He at least lets me do that.

I get him into the tub and have him sit down. I grab the cloth and lather it with soap and lean towards Brea to wash him, but he stops me with his hand.

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because you have had a long day, you over exerted yourself, and I can wash myself Adley. It's nothing against you, I just need you to rest. I can wash myself, it's not a big deal, you got the water ready, that's good enough."

"But I don't understand why you won't let me wash you! It's not like I'm running a marathon Brea, it's not hard or even exercise. My feet aren't going to get swollen, they are already there, I can do this one thing for you."

"I said no Adley, it's okay. I'll do it myself." I stare at him, wondering what he's become. "Look I just need to do this myself, I know I've let you before but you weren't with a child then, it's clear you're pregnant now, I don't want you bending around and risking you getting hurt."

"I'm not going to get hurt." I shake my head, "I just want to do this one thing for you."

"What if you slip and fall in the water, what if you fall and it harms the baby. I don't want you doing anything that risks that Adley, if I would have known you were hauling wood up to the house I would have made you stop. I you could have gotten hurt. You're already at risk for complications because of how small you are, I don't want anything to happen to you that induces more risks. You may be fresh into the pregnancy, but you are almost out of your first trimester, things aren't going to get any easier. Please just help me help you. I don't want you to get hurt or for anything to happen to you or the baby, bathing me puts you at risk for falling, it may sound stupid, but just do as your told and go to bed, please. I'll be there in a few minutes to tuck you in."

Defeated and annoyed, I walk away. He's not going to let me do it. It's so stupid, I'm not going to fall bathing him, why is he so protective? Brea splashes around the bath and washes himself, I hear him get out and dry off. He walks out of the bathroom bare naked and it makes me want him. He saunters over to the kitchen and pulls out a pair of boxers and puts them on, clearly sex is not on his mind like it is mine.

He crawls into bed and lays beside me, throwing his arm around me he rests it on my stomach, right where the baby is growing. "What do you think it will be?" he asks.

"I don't know," I say. I have no way of knowing. I hope it's a girl, but I'll never know until it gets here.

"I hope it's a boy," he says cuddling closer to me. At opposites again, as always we always want something different.

"Me too," I say, just to make him happy. To avoid causing an argument, who knows if gender preference would or not, but if it does I don't want to be a part of this argument. I can't control what it will be, he can't make me have one or the other, so why worry about it.

His heavy breathing tells me that he has fallen asleep in mere minutes. l find myself drifting off myself. I don't know why, I took a long enough nap today, but still I'm tired, exhausted. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep, waiting to find out what will become of our lives.