Chapter 31
Three months to go, only three months. Three long months. I feel fat, bloated, and worried. Why isn't the baby kicking yet?
Brea is at work, he'll be home soon. I start dinner. Brea has been pushing me to eat healthier, so I chop up some romaine lettuce and throw it in a salad dish. I chop up carrots and peppers and celery. I throw in onions and tomatoes too. This baby better love vegetables as much as I eat them, I'm not too fond of them to begin with, if I had a choice in what I ate, which I never really did, not much anyway, I would put vegetables on the back burner, but Brea says they are full of vitamins that are good for the baby and will help it develop.
I put the chicken that I have been thawing out in the oven. I throw what Brea calls Italian dressing on the chicken to help flavor it and put the lid over the roaster I have it in. I look at the clock, only an hour left before he will be home, I'll have supper ready in plenty of time.
I sweep the house floors and change the sheets on the bed. I bring in more wood from outside on the porch. I know Brea doesn't like me to carry the wood, but there is no reason why I can't bring in a couple of logs to help keep the house warm. I throw some in the fire and blow on the coals to get it going. It's getting cold with the coming winter. There have been a few snowfalls, not much has fallen, and it all melts away in a few hours, but seeing snow for the first time has been a wonderful experience.
Brea says that it's hunting season for deer. I don't know why you would want to kill deer, but Brea shows an interest in it. He says he's never hunted before, but he wants to try. He says almost everyone at work does it and they love it. For them it is a way of life.
Looking out the window in the mornings, I sometimes see deer cross the stream that runs through our backyard. They are large and gentle looking creatures. I can't see why Brea would ever want to hurt them. They must taste good or something.
Brea's car pulls up and I hear the door slam as he climbs out and shuts the door. His shoes stomp up the stairs, after a long day I'm sure he is tired. I pull the chicken out of the oven, it's fully cooked, all I have to do is chop it up and add it to the salad along with the dressing. The door opens with Brea's arrival and I rush over to kiss him. He responds, his fingers curling in my hair to hold me in place.
He breaks the kiss but keeps his fingers in my hair. "How are you?" He asks, his eyes stare deep into mine, he intimidates me and I don't know why. I love this man, but at the same time he still scares me, he has so much power over me.
"Good, and you?"
"Starving," he says in a way that tells me he's not just hungry for food.
"Well, why don't you go freshen up and I'll have it ready when you come out?" I tell him.
"Okay," he says. He walks back into the bathroom and I hear the water turn on. I cut up the chicken and throw it in the salad, then get out the vinegar and olive oil. I mix them both with a bit of sugar and pour it over the salad as a dressing.
Brea is out of the bathroom and done cleaning himself up when I put the salad on the table. At least if I have to start eating healthier, he does too. I'm not making two separate meals just to please him, he gets what I have to eat, so if I get the short end of the stick, so does he.
I don't even let him get snacks for himself to put in the house. I taunt him saying that if he gets whatever unhealthy food he wants, then I'm going to eat it, making him put it back on the shelf. If I have to suffer, so does he.
"How was your day?" I ask him as I take the salad tongs and scoop some salad onto his plate. I make sure to give him extra chicken, I know how much he likes meat.
"It was good, just another average day. Nothing new to report really. How was your day?"
"Not exciting. You don't really let me do a whole lot you know."
"I know, but it's for the baby's safety. I know you want to do things to help out but cleaners and chemicals are harmful. I need you to be careful, I don't want any risks, I want to make sure it's healthy."
"Well Brea sometimes you can't predict that."
"I know, but I can make sure we do everything we can to try and have a healthy baby."
"I know."
"So what all did you do today?"
"Well I swept the floors and changed the sheets on the bed. I brought some wood in. Took a nap and watched some TV. There's nothing to do around here."
"You brought wood into the house?"
shouldn't have told him that. Damn. "Uh yeah, just a few logs, I ran out."
"Adley, you and I both know that I make sure you have wood to heat the house and that the fire is started before I leave for work every day. You and I both know that I make sure there is enough wood to last you the day and that I'll bring in more wood in the evening when I get home. There is no need for you to be bringing in wood at all."
"But I was just trying to help. Besides what is so harmful about bringing in a couple of logs?"
"Adley, looking at that pile, I can you brought in more than a couple. You brought enough to last tonight and all through the next day."
"I have nothing to do, give me something to do so that I don't go crazy. Brea i need to do something, I can't sit and watch TV all day. It's killing me. I need to get up and do something."
"Adley, I know you're frustrated, but you can't do anything that risks your life or the baby's. Carrying wood is a laborous activity, what if you lost your balance and fell? You don't exactly have the same balance you used to with the extra weight you've had to put on. Things are all a little riskier for you now. Cleaners can be harmful, that's why I don't let you clean."
"What about going on a walk? Can I do that?"
"You can when I'm here, but I don't want you going out there alone. You don't know what's out there. There are too many animals that could attack you and potentially kill you. I don't want that happening."
"I understand Brea, but most of them hunt at night and sleep during the day. Please, let me at least go for a walk every day, a small one. Something to let me stretch my legs, get them moving again. Maybe if I move, my ankles won't be so swollen."
"Newsflash baby, that's what happens when you're pregnant. Your ankles swell, your belly gets bigger, things get harder to reach. It's a difficult time and it gets more and more difficult at each stage, I don't want you getting hurt, and I really don't want the baby getting hurt. I'm only doing what's best for you."
"But Brea please?" He looks at me, as if he's trying to decide. He's torn between two sides, the side where he lets me do something, and the side where all I get to do is watch TV and nap.
He tilts his head from one side to the other, trying to come to a conclusion. "Fine, you can go for a walk, but I'm going to mark how far you can go. I don't want to put you in any more danger that I have to. I'm against it, but I understand you need something to do too. I'll paint a red X on the trees, that will mark that you do not go past that point, got it?"
"Yes, I got it. Thank you so much Brea."
"You're welcome," he says wiping his face. He's done eating, he's finished it so quickly. "I'm going to go out and cut some wood, do you mind doing the dishes?"
"Of course not," I say. He usually helps me with them, but it's not a big deal. There aren't many of them.
He kisses me passionately. "Be ready when I get back. I want you cleaned up with that little pink silk robe that I got for you." His eyes are dark with desire, but he pulls away and grabs his chainsaw, and heads out the door. I watch him walk into the soon to be dark forest. I turn away from the window and start to pick up the dishes, gathering them, washing them in the warm soapy water, and then drying them and putting them away. God I miss our dishwasher that Brea had in his old house. I miss a lot about that place.
When the dishes are cleaned up I get myself in the tub, washing up every inch of me quickly, I don't know when Brea will be back. I wash my hair and dry it with the hair dryer, then slip on the robe that Brea had requested. It's hard to look sexy when you're pregnant, but I think this is the closest I can get with a stomach as big as mine.
I'm all ready when Brea comes back into the house. He looks tired, rugged, but there is still the small hint of desire in his eyes. His blue eyes stare into mine from across the room, I can see it. He wants me, but he's going to need to wait a little bit. He needs cleaned up too.
I walk over and take his hand, leading him into the bathroom, I turn on the water, letting it run at a warm temperature. I get a towel and washcloth ready for him. I place the soap and shampoo where he can get it easily.
"I can take it from here, Adley," Brea tells me as finishes undressing. His erection is already present, I know this is killing him as he opens the door to the bathroom and gently pushes me towards the door. I step out and allow him to get cleaned up. I turn on the Tv to try to distract myself while I wait. It doesn't work. Brea is taking achingly long to do such a minimal task. It doesn't take long to get cleaned up, and the TV is doing nothing towards distracting me from the strong ache that I feel in my stomach.
Brea won't mind if I touch myself will he? He's taking so long, I can't bear to wait anymore. Can I even reach far enough to give myself pleasure?
I snake my hand down between my legs. My fingers part my lips, they are soaking wet with my desire. I don't know what Brea will do if he finds me like this. Will he like it? Or will he be angry?
I slowly stroke myself, allowing one of my fingers to slip inside my soaking wet hole. I never knew how it felt inside until now. It feels, weird, smooth, wet, soft. I spread the wetness around my lower parts, it feels so good. Then, I hit the spot that makes me scream when Brea hits it. It doesn't feel as good when I do it, but it still turns me on.
I rub that spot in a circular motion and it triggers something deep inside me. It makes me feel so good, I close my eyes and imagine it's Brea's hand that's touching it instead of my own.
The door opens to the bathroom and I quickly retract my hand, has he seen me? Did he catch me doing that?
"What were you doing?" Brea asks. Shit. I think he saw me.
"Nothing," I try to play it cool, but my face feels hot. I hope he doesn't notice. Please don't notice.
"Why is your face flushed Adley, you look guilty."
"Nothing, I was just thinking, uh-"
"Just thinking huh? Well I think you might have been acting on those thoughts."
"What are you talking about?"
"Give it up Adley, I saw what you were doing to yourself. I saw you touching yourself, and I don't like it one bit. You're mine Adley, all mine. Only I can please you," he glares at me as he strides closer to me, sexy, confident. I know he's not really mad at me, I know he's just playing, but it's so sexy.
"You know what I think Adley?"
"What? What do you think?" I swallow hard. He's pressuring me, in a good way. He wants to make me squirm.
"I think you've been bad, and you need to be punished." His hands rest on me knees as I sit on the edge of the bed. His eyes bore into mine, a sea of blue glares back at me. He leans in closer and closer, I close my eyes expecting a kiss. He leans in closer, but our lips don't touch. He pulls away at the last second.
"I want you bent over, across my knee, do it now." He sits on the bed and I waste no time trying to arrange myself across his lap. It's a bit difficult, but I find a position in which I'm comfortable. I lay across his lap and he slowly pulls up the tail of the robe to expose my bare naked bottom. He kindly and gently massages me, and I enjoy it up until a crack splits through the air. Brea has spanked me, and I can feel the wind almost being knocked out of my chest. He turns his attention to the other cheek and does the same. Rubbing it tediously, then slapping it. It stings, but it feels so good. I squeal. I've never felt this way about Brea spanking me before. It's never felt this good, I've never felt this good. Well I have, I don't know what has gotten into me lately, but everything is more intense when Brea is doing these things to me.
Another smack, I groan, the pain actually feels good. I never thought it would. He stops rubbing, and for a moment I think he's going to smack me again, but then his fingers part my wet folds, feeling how drenched I am.
"Oh my fucking god," Brea exclaims. "You're so unbelievably wet. I can't believe it." His finger strokes gently back and forth, barely putting it in, and then, with no warning, I feel him shove two fingers into me. I nearly lose it. A string of moans escape from my body. I'm fully convinced I'm not even human anymore.
"Feel that baby? I know you like it. I know you want more," Brea whispers close to my ear. He pumps his fingers in and out of me, and I feel the pressure building again. Brea keeps hitting that same spot inside me, over and over again. It feels so weird, so undesirable, but I know Brea wants me to let it go. Just release everything.
"Come on Adley, I know you want to, just let it go. It's going to be so hot when you drench my hands. I can't help it, I'm still a little uncomfortable with this. Brea pulls his fingers out and grabs me by my hips, standing me up and then pushing me on my back on the bed. He jumps on top of me, like a tiger pouncing on his prey. His fingers are back inside me in an instant, still hitting that spot that makes me feel like I'm going to pee. What is his fascination with this?
He pumps harder and harder, encouraging me to let it go. I hold on until I can't possibly hold on anymore. I release, a spray of water gushes onto Brea's hand. My muscles clench. I don't want to do this, not to him, or anyone. Brea looks down as I release the fluid, his eyes are full of wonder and happiness. I've pleased him.
I cover my hands with my face before I catch him looking back at me. This is so embarrassing. Brea gently rubs my pussy, not in a way to turn me on, in a more relaxing way.
"Adley, why are you covering your face?" he asks in a soothing tone. I don't answer him, I just shake my head. I'm embarrassed of what I just did. I don't want him to see me.
"Adley, what you just did was amazing, there's no need to be embarrassed by it." He gently rubs my belly, and my breasts. "I love what I can make you do, there's no need to feel the way you do. Can I get you to look at me please?" I take my hands away from my eyes. There is still lust and desire in his eyes. He loves what I've done, but I find it humiliating.
"I love you Adley, and I love what you've just done. You have no idea how good it makes me feel that I can get you to do this. Most guys would never dream of being able to do this to a woman. I don't want you to be embarrassed by it.
"But I am," I tell him. My voice cracks.
"Why?" He doesn't understand.
"Well would you be comfortable with peeing on me? Why do you want me to pee on you?"
"Adley, for the last time, it's not pee. It may come from the same hole, it may feel like you have to, but I promise it's not pee. It's totally different. It doesn't smell or taste like pee. It doesn't look like pee. It's not Adley, it's ejaculate fluid. It's just like when I come inside of you. It's the same function, just a little different between men and women."
"It still feels weird," I mutter. It feels a lot like I have to pee. "It makes me uncomfortable."
"Well, let me ask you this, does it feel good at all?" I dip my head from side to side, trying to think. It does feel good, but in a weird way. Like I'm releasing a lot of stress and it makes my whole body shake.
"Well Adley, I'm waiting."
"I guess," I shrug. I had been so lost in thought, I forgot to give him an answer for a moment. I can feel my cheeks heat up. It does feel good to release, but it's just so weird.
"Then what's the problem. Baby if it feels good then there's no reason why you shouldn't do it." He cups my chin in his fingers and plants a kiss on my forehead. "There's nothing to be afraid of," he says, looking into my eyes. I want nothing more than to hide from him, but he's keeping me exposed. He won't let this go. He won't let me feel ashamed.
"I promise you'll get more comfortable with it, it will become normal, I promise. Don't feel ashamed for the wonderful things your body can do baby, not all girls are able to do that, and honestly when I first let you I didn't even know if it would be possible to get you to come, let alone do this."
"I know, it's just weird."
"Because you're not used to it and you didn't know you could do it. It's okay Adley, you'll get used to it." He wraps his arms around me, hugging me tight. I place my arms around his body hugging him back. His hand slides up and his fingers tangle in my hair, massaging my scalp, making me sleepy.
A weird feeling represents itself in my stomach. I've never felt it before. It's unlike any emotion or internal sickness. It's like something is hitting me, steady like a heartbeat, but stronger.
"Oh my God!" I push Brea away, rubbing my hand across my belly.
"What? What is it?" Brea sounds worried, but there's no need. There's no need to worry now. My hand frantically searches, going across my belly, searching for the perfect spot, then I feel it. The vibration from inside me. My baby is kicking. It's kicking.
"It's moving," I say. Brea's eyes widen. It feels like a small tiny hammer, pounding away at my insides. I take his hand and place it right where I felt the last kick. The baby kicks again and Brea feels it. I feel it. It's so amazing that we've created this life together. I'm so excited to feel it kick, yet so afraid for the moment when the baby comes into this world.
"Amazing," Brea whispers. He keeps his hand on my stomach like he'll never let go. Like everything is going to be okay, and I know it will be, because even though things are tough, even though we may not have loved each other at first, even though we may not still love each other like we should, we're growing. We're both learning to love in a world that has none. We're both trying and that's what counts. This baby is a gift, a gift that is teaching us what love really is, and how it should be.
"What do you think it is?" Brea asks, not breaking his stare from my stomach. It's like he's hypnotized.
"I don't know," I say. I want a girl so bad, but I have a feeling it's a boy. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling that it's a boy. "What are we going to name it?"
"I don't know," Brea says. "I like the name Evie for a girl, and Colbyn for a boy."
"I like Halyn or Gail, for a girl and I don't know I haven't come up with a good boy name yet."
"I see, well I guess we'll decide that when the baby comes, maybe it will be easier once we see his or her face."
"Maybe," everything will hopefully be so much easier once this little baby is out.
Once Brea gets to see his son.