"Morning," I yawn, falling into step beside Hisao, who is both more awake and decidedly more punctual than I am. In my defence I'm still not sleeping properly and with Ikuno spending so much time with Ryouta after school hours, I'm trapped all alone at night.
I could invite Hisao over for a perfectly innocent sleepover?
"You're late again," he says, raising an eyebrow as he checks the time on his phone.
"S… sorry," I yawn, doing a reasonable impression of Suzu. "I bet you're one of these people who are really cheerful in the mornings."
We join the stream of people winding their way through the already warm morning air to the main building, it's been unbearably hot the last few days, summer - a distant dream at the start of the year - is now well and truly upon us.
"I try to be cheerful all the time," Hisao says, hoisting his satchel a little higher onto his shoulder. "But to be honest I didn't sleep well last night... It's too hot."
How Ryouta and Ikuno are managing to share a bed I have no idea, mine is so hot and sticky that I'm tempted some nights to go and sleep under a cool shower; I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea. But knowing my luck I would drown halfway through the night.
"Well, join the club." I grimace.
"Well I'm already an honorary member of the anti feminist defence league or whatever it is."
Oh goodie, another hallmate story. With Ikuno distracted by her boyfriend for the past week I've been walking to school with Hisao. I still have no idea how she manages to sneak out of the boys dorms and beat me to class. Normally our morning walks involve him regaling me with funny tales of his apparently mad hallmate, though this morning his voice is tinged with frustration.
"What's he done this time?" I ask innocently, as if I really don't care if he tells me or not. Though I think he sees right through me.
"He went on a secret supply run," he groans, "At four in the mourning."
"Well, it's hardly secret if you do it mid-afternoon," I say reasonably.
"It was hardly top secret after his bag split and he woke me up to help him clear up."
I start to chuckle, "Well, at least he trusts you with his important secrets."
"I wish he wouldn't," my running partner complains
We cut across the yellowing grass making straight for the main building. It's amazing how much I've started to take its unique western style for granted; there's probably nowhere else like Yamaku in the whole of Japan.
"You know," I say as we step into the lobby, sunlit and clinically clean as always, "I want to meet this hallmate of yours, he sounds fun."
"Firstly," Hiaso replies, wary of the hurrying crowd. "He is not mine, and secondly he might not leave his room for weeks if he finds out I hang around with a girl."
"So I'm just some girl am I?" I gasp, in mock outrage as we hit the stairs.
"You're one of them," he says without batting an eyelid. Well played Hisao, well played.
"Well, just remember which of your female admirers is going to run you into the ground."
He snorts in laughter, the change in his demeanour seems to have happened as subtly as the seasons, yet with no less drastic results. Though still prone to bouts of dreamy middle distance staring he's started to care, to take interest in school and the people who inhabit it. It would be childish of me to claim full credit - I'm happy with eighty percent.
"I just hope you remember who's tutoring you,' he grins as we slowly wander up the next flight. Even here he's improving. Before he would be red faced and wheezing, now he takes the stairs in his stride.
"If you ever escape the student council." I try and keep the annoyance out of my voice, I'm not sure it worked.
"Yeah, sorry about that, I hope things quiet down soon," he grimaces, "Ikuno being away so much doesn't help."
Can't say that I blame her, I would take Ryouta over Shizune any day of the week.
I shrug, "She will be back when she's ready."
Ikuno is in her seat when we enter the classroom, already feeling stuffy despite the windows being thrown wide open; the heat today is going to be murderous.
I say my farewells to Hisao. Regardless of the fact we are in the same class, once he's with Shizune she will cling on to him for as long as she can. We share a contemptuous look across the heads of our classmates, before I drop down at my desk, very purposely showing her my back.
"She's not so bad you know," Ikuno observes, looking up from her open textbook. Studying before a teacher has even arrived has to be some kind of crime.
"Have you seen the way she looks at me?" I ask, folding my arms on the desk to form a makeshift pillow.
"You mean the same way you look at her?" My best friend grins, marking her place and closing the book.
"Yeah, well, she started it."
We both share a laugh. It's great to see her so happy again, even if it's at the expense of her company. Though, I can't imagine I'm the most attentive friend at the moment. I like Hisao, I like him enough for something more than friendship. The problem is how to tell him.
Before I can think any more on the subject, Miss Mizushima walks into the room, her high heels clicking on the hard wooden floor. Gah, maths first thing, now that has to be against the law. Unfortunately unlike dreamy Mutou our mathematics teacher is keen and alert - a downside if you want to try and hold a conversation.
Still, no harm in trying.
— — —
"I can't believe she kept me behind!" I complain, sitting down beneath the pastel green leaves of my favourite tree, it's still unbearably hot despite the shade the branches provide.
"Well you had it coming to be fair."
"I agree," adds Ryouta, his arms wrapped around Ikuno, as they nestle in my spot against the trunk. How those two can cuddle in this heat staggers me, then again I suppose they are used to being hot and sticky at night. No, dirty mind, stop that.
"You weren't even there," I grumble, loosening my tie and undoing the top few buttons of my shirt, not an altogether easy operation with one hand.
"It's not hard to imagine you as a troublemaker Miki," Ryouta grins, "That and my sweetie told me."
"Your what?" I glower at the pair of them, pet names? Really?
"Ryouta!" Ikuno squeals, her cheeks reddening. I've made an awful mistake, these two being depressed was far less cringe worthy. At least he's not started calling her Ikuchan.
"Sorry Miki, my loudmouth boyfriend was just leaving to get us lunch," she wiggles forward, waiting for him to extricate himself from behind her.
"I was?" He asks, getting confusedly to his feet.
"Yes, now shoo and don't come back until you find us something tasty!" Ikuno giggles, winking at me as without complaint Ryouta trudges toward the cafeteria. I feel a little bad making a one armed boy fetch three lunches, but then I remember who that boy is and suddenly I'm fine with it.
"So, when's he meeting the parents?" I ask, vamoosing Ikuno from my spot.
Far from complaining, she just sits cross legged in the hot grass, awkwardly quiet. Oh what on earth has she done now. How can one of the smartest people I know give off the constant impression she has no clue what she's doing?
"Please tell me you've at least told him they want to meet him?" I plead exasperatedly.
"I want to, I do," she replies defensively. "It's just I have no idea how to set up a meeting that isn't going to be super awkward."
Just have your boyfriend show up uninvited at your parents house and insist you share a bed, worked for me.
"Hmm, how well did not telling him go last time?"
"I know, I know," she sighs, slackening the black ribbon around her neck and loosening her collar. Her face is red, though from heat or embarrassment I can't be sure.
"Can't you just invite him over sometime during summer?" I ask, picking at my bandages. In this heat it feels like wearing a woollen sock on my stump, making the skin itchy and uncomfortable. I suppose I could go without them, but that's a scary thought and not a welcome one in a head already full of worry.
"Just tell him you want to show him your pony or something," I grin, a thought suddenly springing to the forefront of my mind, "You could get an extra one for him, then go on romantic pony rides on the beach."
"Miki, you're a genius" Ikuno cries excitedly.
"I know," I grin, "You could call them moon and stars, or magic and mischief, those are good pony names."
"No, not with the ponies," she scoffs, "About Ryouta and summer."
An image of the two of them spending the summer in one of her family's opulent homes flashes across my mind, sending a bolt of jealousy to stab at my gut, which is ridiculous given I suggested it. I guess I just don't want to lose her, not on top of Ayumu.
"So when are you asking Hisao out?" She asks conversationally, withdrawing the small black case containing her blood test supplies, from her satchel.
"How did you know about that?" I sit up a little straighter, trying to give off the impression that this is a throwaway question of no real significance; judging by her smile I don't think its working.
"Ryouta told me," she replies simply.
"Oh." I try and think back to the clearing in the woods, the day after the disastrous festival, I wonder if he told her everything that was said across the silver flowers.
"Did he say anything else?" I ask.
Ikuno focusses an undue amount of attention on her blood sampling device, her cheeks reddening slightly. "He said you told him I loved him," she says softly.
I gulp. Okay, well if she was mad about this she would have said something before right? Either that or she's been sitting on it, waiting for the perfect moment to rip the rug out from under my feet. Who could blame her. I bite my bottom lip, trying desperately to find the appropriate response.
"I'm sorry?" I try tentatively.
Ikuno nods thoughtfully, though whether it's at the result on her device or my statement its hard to tell. "I'm glad you told him, I'm not sure I would have had the courage to tell him myself."
"I'm sure you would have…" trailing off before I dig a hole I might not be able to climb out of, "I'm not sure I have the courage to ask Hisao," I admit.
"You asked Ayumu though?"
"Well, yeah," I wince, his name stings, "But that was before Ayumu."
I don't think I could survive another betrayal like that, as pathetically melodramatic as that sounds. His actions should be secondary to the death I caused, but the accident seems so far away, half healed and faded; Ayumu feels more real. Am I a bad person for feeling this way? I would be deceiving myself if I said no.
"It will be okay Miki, Hisao's sweet and you'll be leaving school together this time right?"
"Right, I guess, it's just-"
"Food time!" Ryouta cuts me off, carrying a staggering variety of drinks and snacks in his mismatched arms. I don't think any of it really counts as food, but it looks tasty.
"So," he says, sitting down on the grass with the grace of a baby elephant, "What were you girls talking about?"
"Oh nothing," Ikuno and I say together, bursting into giggles as we tuck in to our lunchtime feast.
— — —
"You're getting better," I say as Hisao and I complete our sixth lap under the sinking sun, we don't normally run this late, but Hisao had student council business; I would be lying if I said the time spent waiting for his text didn't drag.
"T.. thanks," he pants, his cheeks flushed.
"Think you can handle two more laps?" I ask with a grin, not yet out of breath.
He nods in return, putting on a small burst of speed that I'm quick to catch up with.
I'm surprised by how much I enjoy running with him, far from being a burden his presence has made me more committed than ever to keeping up a steady routine and being able to see his improvement with each passing day is its own reward. This is something I never could have shared with Ayumu.
"One more to go!" I announce as our shoes thud across the astroturf, the only sound in the still air.
Despite the scare from our first run his heart hasn't given him any problems, something i'm immensely grateful for. Even with the first aid book Dr Udea lent me, i'm not sure I could handle that situation. Plus mouth to mouth recitation is scarily close to kissing.
Hisao cheers as we cross the line, perhaps a little sarcastically, but hey this is the first time he has run six laps; so it might be genuine.
"Right, sprint time", I say, as he slows to a walk. He goes to say something, but the sudden rush of being able to throw everything into the simple act of moving forward renders me oblivious.
It's nice to let go.
I don't know if he can perceive a difference between when I run at his pace and when I truly let go, I kinda hope he does. I don't think I mind him seeing all of me. Though I doubt he would understand, the only one who might is Emi - and even that's only a suspicion.
After a few hard sprints I slow to walking pace beside him, breathing hard but with a grin plastered all over my reddened face, my joy seems to be infectious, because he grins too.
"Have fun?" He asks.
"A… always!" I wheeze.
We walk in a comfortable silence, interrupted only occasionally by bursts of birdsong. I wish we had more interesting birds than pigeons at home.
"Did you hear what I said before?" Hiaso asks, his face falling slightly.
"That you can't wait to have a shower then come hang out with us for movie night?" I ask hopefully, guessing this probably isn't the answer. Our plans for movie night were far from concrete, I asked him on the spur of the moment at the end of class, but he wouldn't turn a sweaty girl down right?
I mean, what could be more fun than sitting in a hot dark room watching some awful American action movie with a girl who secretly likes you?
"I would if I could, but Shizune says she needs me back at the student council, we have a lot on."
"Oh," I say, crestfallen. If he had homework that would have been fine, hell even if he just wanted to get an early night that's understandable. But to go back to that bitch time and time again, he must be going out with her, she must have already asked him. And I bet he said yes, or wrote it down at least, the bastard.
My heart starts to thunder in my chest, screw him if it's her he wants, it's her he gets.
"Fine," I snap, starting to walk away at a brisk pace. I'm an idiot, my only boyfriend was blind, that should have told me something.
"Hey!" he calls after me, and I hear his trainers in the grass as he runs to keep up, "What's your problem?" he demands, just feet behind me, his voice heavy with sudden frustration.
"Nothing," I grunt, not slowing down.
"Stop!" He grabs my arm, spinning me around to face him, his face flushed and his eyes wide. "What the hell did I do?"
"Nothing," I insist, wishing I could just teleport back to my room and not have to deal with any of this.
"Then why the heck are you acting like this?" There's a note of desperation in his voice. How can he not understand what's going on here?
"Because I like you!" I shout.
The hand gripping my upper arm relaxes a little, but he still looks very confused, like a deer caught in a headlight not quite able to comprehend what's going to happen next.
"I like you too?" he says startled, "We're friends aren't we?"
"No, you idiot, I like you like you, like I want to be with you like you!" I'm not sure if what I just said made sense, it seems so obvious to me, but he acts like he hasn't got a clue.
His eyes grow nearly as wide as Ikuno's, "Really?"
"Yeah," I say forlornly; defeat in my voice.
"Oh," he blushes a little, "I like you too, like, well like that."
He does? Ah, but there's always a but.
"But," I say, feeling the corners of my eyes growing wet, "Shizune asked you first, and now you're with her"
"What?" he lets go of my arm, taking a step back in shock. "No, I'm not with anyone like that."
He's not?
"But I thought, you spend so much time with her?"
"I'm on the council, I kind of have to spend a lot of time with her!" he cries exasperatedly.
"So…" I trail off biting my lip, "Would you like to, you know, with me?"
He rubs the back of his neck with his hand, his cheeks becoming almost the same shade as his chestnut eyes, "I, yeah, yeah I would."
It's hardly the most romantic beginning to a relationship, but then when is life ever perfect?
"What do we do now?" I ask awkwardly.
"A date?" he suggests meekly, rubbing his chest absentmindedly. Oh please don't die on me right now.
"Are you okay?" I ask, taking a worried step forward.
"Oh, yeah I'm fine, just gotta a little worked up I suppose," a pair of dimples appear as he smiles warmly, "Nothing to worry about."
I wonder if he would tell me the truth? I know from personal experience the truth about ourselves is sometimes hard to face and even harder to express; but that doesn't matter now, he's mine, I've won, we can sort out the facts about ourselves later.
"Does Saturday night work for you?" Hisao asks, his voice snapping me back to the track.
"Huh?" I say dazedly. Normal people can think without getting distracted by it right?
"For a date? Does Saturday work?" He's still rubbing his chest, but it seems to more out of habit than pain.
"Sure," I say happily, "Sorry, sometimes I kind of get lost in my own head, I'm a little crazy."
Putting his hands on his hips he laughs, causing a fresh wave of heat to my cheeks.
"It's okay, I do that too sometimes and," he smirks, "I like crazy."
With our plans settled we walk together under the last moments of the glorious summer sun, what surprises me is how little things have changed, we still laugh and joke like we always have. But now it's somehow freer, innocent, not some carefully laid game of find the subtext.
I like him, and now I know, he likes me.