Thanks for all the nice comments, as well as all the follows and favourites. Really helps to keep me motivated! Anyway, on with the show.
—
"So then what happened?" Ikuno asks excitedly on the other end of the phone, as I take in the morning sunrise from a behind a dusty train window.
"Well, after dad woke up all the doctors and nurses rushed in and did the normal doctor stuff, you know tests." I say, trying to keep my voice down. Not that it really matters. The first train of the day is deserted.
"Is he okay?"
"Not really," I mumble, "He's having a hard time talking, and they said he is going to have to learn to walk again."
"Ah, that sucks," Ikuno says consolingly, "But he's alive right? He can only get better from here, can't he?"
"I hope so," I say stifling a yawn behind my stump.
"So what time are you due in? Ikuno asks, mischief in her voice.
I'm surprised she's this awake and alert at five thirty in the morning, then again with me being away she probably managed to get some peaceful nights. I had texted her to let her know I was on my way back assuming she was asleep, the next thing I know she's ringing me.
"Seven-ish I think, this train stops at like every station." I say a tad grumpily. This last week has been exhausting both emotionally and physically, I want nothing more than to collapse into bed and sleep for a thousand years.
"Oh, the Shanghai opens around then, you wanna grab a drink?"
"I was going to go to bed," I say feebly, guilt washing over me for dashing her eagerness. It's like scolding a puppy.
"You should try and stay awake," she says with authority, "Otherwise your sleep schedule will be ruined for exam week."
I had almost forgotten my reason for returning to school. Tomorrow is the last day allowed for study, then the rest of the week will be filled with grilling exam after grilling exam. All of which I am woefully unprepared for.
"Fine," I grumble, "Why are you awake anyway?"
"Study, you know my brother and sister both aced these tests right?" There's a hint of genuine panic in her voice.
I feel a stab of guilt, I should have remembered Ikuno's determination to prove herself to her highly successful siblings - and by extension her babying parents. I guess in our own ways we both have family problems.
"But neither of them would be there for me like you are," I smile to myself, "Meet you at the station?"
"Sure, we can work on operation keep Miki awake, I have a few ideas."
Uh oh.
"Why am I thinking awful movies might be heading my way."
"… But they are the directors cuts!"
— — —
"See this is why life's unfair, we only get to run for about an hour, but we have to revise for like… a hundred hours." I complain, copying out my English phrases onto test cards; a numbingly mindless task.
"True, but no one said life was going to be fair huh?" Hisao replies, his cards completed and already stacked neatly in front of him. Show off.
My boyfriend and I have spent a lot of time together since I got back yesterday. To my surprise Ryouta had invited him to watch the movie with us, a kind of last hurrah before the exams started. To my delight he was just as incredulous at the on screen action as me, and we passed most of the movie quietly whispering to each other.
However once the end credits started to roll the exams were the only topic of conversation on anyones lips, or more specifically my lack of preparation for the exams. Hence why I'm in Hisao's sparsely decorated bedroom at gone midnight. Not that I mind staying up late with my boyfriend, I just wish it was for something more fun than revision.
Stretching my arms over my head, I marvel at the contrast of my dark skin against his perfectly while bedsheets. Hisao, as it turns out, is a neat freak to a degree I did not think possible for a boy. Every aspect of his room from his wardrobe to his neatly arranged pill bottles is spotless. I feel like I'm making the place untidy with my presence.
Then again his room lacks that authentic lived in feel that Ryouta and I pull off so well with our own organised chaos.
"How are you doing?" Hisao asks in English.
I try to subtly adjust my bra under my school shirt, these things were not meant for extended use. Well not for me anyway.
"Hmm, bad," I answer in my own malformed English, I don't think 'bad' is really the word I should be using, but I can't think of any better ones this late at night.
"Whats up?" he asks, switching back to Japanese.
"This might be too much information, but bras get really uncomfortable when you wear them all day," I say distractedly, trying to find where I got to in my revision card writing.
Hisao is quiet for a long time, I look up in case talk of my underwear broke him.
"Well, if you, you know," he rubs the back of his neck with his hand, blushing bright red, "If you want to take it off, I mean, I don't mind."
"Ha, I think you need to take me on at least one date before you get me out of my underwear, don't you?" I place my hands, well hand, on my hips trying to look stern. The effect is rather ruined by my stump making it look like my arm has disappeared into my side.
"No. no!" he protests quickly, panic in his voice, "I meant if you wanted to be more comfortable."
"I know," I laugh softly, he really is sweet. Though I can't help but watch his eyes drift down from my face. Boys.
I finish up my last two cards. English isn't my worst subject, but I'm not exactly good at it. It would be easier if we just made all the English speakers learn Japanese.
We spend the next half hour reading phrases back and forth between us, the reader being marked on their pronunciation and the listener trying to translate the often scrambled messages. I wouldn't call it fun, but it rounds the day off in at least a semi-enjoyable way.
I put down my last card with a smile. I did better than I thought I would.
"You're getting better," Hisao says, covering his mouth as he yawns.
"You're not so bad yourself," I say, delighting at the dimples that materialise as he grins at me.
"Thanks." With a large effort he gets to his feet, grunting with the strain. He sounds like an old man. "You want me to walk you back?" He offers me his right hand, before realising I can't hold on with my left and swapping, an embarrassed blush on his face.
"Nah, you get some sleep." I smirk, letting him help me up. "You look like you need it."
I hold onto his hand a little longer than is really necessary, enjoying the feeling of his soft hand in mine.
"You sure?" He says, regretfully parting his warm hand with mine.
"I've walked around more dangerous places than Yamaku on my own at night, I can handle it."
"Really?" his sleepy eyes seem to reawaken with curiosity.
"Umm hmm," I reply, not sure if this is the right time to bring up my past. I'm not sure there is a right time for a past as messed up and confusing as mine. I've been trying to build up the courage to tell him more about myself. It hasn't been going well.
"I'll tell you all about it when each other is the only thing we have to worry about." I say, impressed by my own quick thinking.
Though I'm not sure when in my life I'm expecting to have only Hisao to worry about.
"Deal," he replies approvingly, eyeing his bed.
"Well, goodnight." I say, moving slowly towards the door.
"Oh goodnight," he says as we awkwardly face each other.
Touch was such an essential part of being with Ayumu, but with Hisao it's different. I don't know what level of physical contact he's comfortable with, and I don't think that will be changing anytime soon. He's not exactly forward about his feelings. I mean he becomes flustered and blushes enough to assure me he is interested in more than hand holding, but he's not going to be the one to insinuate anything more intimate.
Before I can embarrass myself any further I fumble with his door, stepping out into the much cooler corridor. Hisao's smiling face is the last thing I see before his door clicks shut. Catching movement in the corner of my eye I turn, coming face to face with a very strange sight.
A boy, a little shorter than me stands frozen in the corridor, a pair of thick glasses balanced on his nose and a thick scarf wrapped around his neck; though it's hardly the weather for it. Long moments seem to tick by as we stare at each other, he stands frozen like a deer in a headlight, while I look on awkwardly.
This is insane.
"Good evening," I say softly, mindful not to disturb my boyfriend. He's told me enough to know these two don't get on.
"Is he dead?" the boy - who I assume is Hisao's hallmate - asks, not bothering to lower his voice.
"What?" I ask, surprised.
"Well, I won't go down without a fight, I knew this day would come!" Suddenly he hops backwards, raising one knee like a ninja he holds a book above his head while a plastic bag swings madly from his other arm, its contents clinking. Hisao never said he was violent.
"I haven't killed Hisao!" I say quickly, suddenly feeling afraid. That book looks heavy. "I'm his girlfriend, we were just studying."
"Ah, so you lured him in with the promise of love, before killing him in cold blood! That's the oldest feminist trick in the book."
I suddenly feel very sorry for Hisao having to live next to this.
"Look I'm not a feminist," I say, "Or a killer!" I add as an afterthought, though it isn't strictly true. Not helping brain.
"What is going on?" Hisao says opening his door behind me.
Oh thank goodness.
"Sup' man, you're alive?"
"Kenji, what the hell are you doing?"
So his name Kenji, until now I thought it was something much ruder.
"Defending you man, she was here to kill you!" He speaks as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, still in his ridiculous ninja stance.
"You're insane, she's not trying to kill anyone. Wait." Hisao looks at him as if seeing him for the first time, "Were you going to attack her?"
"A man has to defend himself, man… it was her or me!"
"Can I just repeat I'm not a feminist assassin or whatever the hell you think I am?" I say, my voice shaking softly as blood thunders through my veins. I hadn't realised how scared I was until Hisao intervened.
"Thats sounds like a feminist assassin lie to me man, you need to be more careful about the kind of girls you're taking to bed dude, didn't you get my vetted list?"
"Yes," Hisao says darkly, 'I did."
I've never heard Hisao like this before, he is a steaming pot of anger ready to burst at any second. So much for not being forward with his feelings. I have no idea how to resolve this situation, I mean I'm not completely opposed to Hisao fighting Kenji in a kind of gladiatorial display for my love. But with his heart condition It's really out of the question. I know Kenji has poor vision, but I don't fancy my chances of sneaking past him.
"She says she studying man, what kinda crazy excuse is that?" Kenji says, looking in my general direction with a look like he's just won something.
"We have exams," Hisao growls.
"What!" Kenji exclaims, dropping the book to thud loudly on the floor. Standing normally again he turns in my boyfriend direction, his face red.
"How could you have not have known?" I ask, stepping a little closer to Hisao incase I need to break up a fight.
"You didn't tell me man! You cruel mean hearted bastard."
I don't know if I should laugh or not as Hisao pushes his face into his upturned palms. I can't believe this, it's almost beyond all reason - I've found someone more loud and insane than Misha.
"Well haven't you been to class?" Hisao says, looking up at Kenji with a frown.
"No, dude I'm busy."
"With what?" I ask curiously.
"Don't-" Hisao warns, but is cut off by a bust of sound from his hall mate.
"Preparing for the summer holidays of course! what else? The enemy knows I will be staying at school, so that's when they will strike!" He shakes his plastic bag again, producing another glass on glass clink. "I've been gathering supplies so I won't have to leave my room for the entire vacation."
Ewww, this guy isn't going to shower for four weeks?
"Whatever, exams are tomorrow, can I trust you not to attack Miki?" Hisao says, his patience at an end. There are, in my experience, two types of sleepy people. The zombie, sluggish and dead to the world like me and grump, extremely irritable and prone to explode if unable to get to bed. Hisao is definitely a grump when he's extremely tired.
"Sure man, if you trust her." There's something in his voice, a kind of shyness that wasn't there before.
Hisao watches us for a few moments, before wishing me a goodnight and retreating to his room. I stare at his door for a few moments, I didn't know he could get that angry. I'm not so sure I like it. I could never claim not to be a hot head on occasion, but my anger is more like gunpowder quick to ignite and quick to extinguish. Hisao though, he's like a pressure tank being slowly filled, a devastating bomb of anger if he's pushed too far. Has he always been like this? Or has the dark mood he came to Yamaku with mutated?
The scrap of a bottle lid being unscrewed withdraws me from my reverie. I turn to face the direction of the noise, only to find Kenji with a bottle of whisky pressed to his lips. I wasn't expecting that. Now I realise what was clinking in his plastic bag, questions suddenly fill my mind.
"Where did you get that?"
Kenji lowers his bottle. I can smell the strong liquor from across the hall, it reminds me forcibly of home.
"Ah! thats top secret! I will take the knowledge to my grave!" Kenji splutters defiantly.
"Well, you have no car, neither the bus or the train run this late and the only open store in town is the Aura mart." I say with a grin, impressed with my own deductions. I should be a detective.
Kenji stares at me, or at least in my rough direction.
"Did you steal it?" I ask hesitantly, unable to take my eyes of the amber liquid. How can something that's done so much damage look so tempting?
"No! I have comrades in the field willing to hook me up!"
"So someone sells it to you?" I ask, trying to work my way through his cryptic way of speaking.
"Of course, just go after midnight and bring extra cash," he says distractedly, squirting down to try and locate his book with outstretched hands.
"Here," I say retrieving his book for him, a dangerous idea sitting uncomfortably in the back of my head.
"Waaaagah!" he cries as I hand him his discarded book, which interestingly happens to be about commando raids of the second world war. I hope he's not planning to raid the girls' dorms.
"Shhhh," I say, worried he's going to wake Hisao again. "Do you need help getting into your room?"
"Nah, it's cool man, thanks."
He's definitely distracted, like my mother when she was engrossed in some TV show, which in her drunken state, was more important than anything else. I feel a little worried about leaving him to be honest. He's clearly not right in the head, and I doubt very much alcohol will improve things.
"Okay," I say tentatively, "Goodnight."
He doesn't acknowledge me as I walk past him, stopping at the end of the corridor to watch him fumble with his bedroom door before he manages to slip inside, the sound of multiple locks being fastened follow me down the dimly lit stairwell. I should be feeling tired, but my mind is awash with thoughts.
Hisao might not be the stable safe distraction I wanted, the prospect of drinking is terrifyingly tempting, and I don't think I can remember a single English phrase I've meant to have learned. Fuck.
— — —
"You have one and a half hours to complete the exam, there is to be no talking and mobile phones are strictly forbidden," our English teacher announces from the front of the classroom. The faded flag above her head flutters as a light breeze floats through the windows, bringing with it the smell of freshly cut grass.
I wonder how much trouble I would get in if I got up now and left, probably more than it's worth - plus I bet they would still make me sit this stupid test.
Looking around the classroom I catch Ikuno's eye, she gives me a warm confident smile. Though I can tell she's worried. Must be nice to have "not quite aceing the test" as a worry, I'm not convinced I will be able to understand the first question.
Feigning a smile I let my eyes wander further around the room. Misaki is biting the end of her pen, her brace holding her in an upright position that portrays a confidence that I don't think she has. Well at least I'm not the only one. Behind me the newspaper club girls are whispering to each other, while a little way away Hanako hides behind a mop of shiny hair. Making her perform a separate oral test seems a bit cruel, but I suppose she's not the only person at Yamaku with speech problems.
On the other side of the classroom Shizune sits cross legged and looking supremely confident, her pink haired accomplice on the other hand looks like she's about to cry. That's interesting, the class president hasn't helped her best lackey revise? My gaze rests on her for a moment before Hisao catches my eye, he winks across the classroom just as our teacher finishes saying whatever it was she was saying. Hope it wasn't important.
"You may begin."
Right, right. Focus now…
I should have made a run for it when I had the chance.
— — —
"Well I didn't think that was so bad," Hisao says brightly, his barely contained rage from last night appearing to have vanished.
"I think I did okay," I reply softly, "Better than I thought I would anyway.
Together with Ikuno and Ryouta the four of us stride out of the main building, our shadows rendered almost invisible by a glowing sun positioned almost directly overhead. A gentle wind playing at the hem of my skirt and the end of my pony tail, acting to keep the air at a perfect temperature for relaxing. Or revision, which I imagine is more likely to feature in my immediate future.
"Did you see question nine?" Ryouta asks excitedly, stopping a little ahead of us.
I share a look with Hisao. Question nine? All I remember is a lot of English words that started to blur into one unorganised mess around the third page in. Judging by the shrug, my boyfriend is none the wiser.
"Yes!" Ikuno exclaims a bright smile on her face, "They can't have done that on purpose though could they?"
"Nah, I doubt it. But it's cool." Ryouta replies, hooking Ikuno's arm with his stump.
"Either of you want to tell me what the hell you're on about?" I ask as we once again resume our march to my favourite tree. It's not the oldest, it's not the most beautiful and no cherry blossoms grace it's branches. But that's why I like it, it's happy being what it is, it doesn't need to be special.
I jump when Hisao's fingertips touch the side of my palm, forcing the thoughts of trees out of my mind with the force of a cannon.
"Sorry!" He says quickly, rubbing the back of his neck; soft cheeks flushed red.
"No, no," I say just as fast, reaching out to take his hand while I still have a chance. "You just took me by surprise is all."
I entangle my fingers with his. A warmth speeds to my cheeks as our slightly sweaty palms touch, his soft warm hand is just how I remember it from my dreams. People stare as we walk down the path, but I find myself not caring. I'm used to people's inability to keep their eyes to themselves, at least this time they are transfixed by something that's making me happy.
"See, the love birds weren't even listening!" Ryouta calls happily, looking over his shoulder at us.
"Ohhhh!" Ikuno simpers in delight, spinning around to look at us.
I consider just making a run for it as the blood rushes to my cheeks and by the way Hisao is staring at his feet - cheeks equally flushed - I bet he would join me. Stupid, stupid… how did we end up holding hands anyway? However neither of us make an effort to pull apart, it's such a small thing but my friends reaction shows just how big a step this is in our relationship. And I'm still not entirely sure how we got here.
"We were listening, it's just we got a little distracted is all." I say, much to Ryouta and Ikuno's delight.
"Question nine was a reference to one of the movies we watched a few weeks back Miki," Ikuno adds quickly, keen not to leave me out of the loop.
"You mean to tell me those stupid movies were actually relevant for a test?" I say as we hit the narrow patch of grass before our tree.
"Those movies are not stupid," Ryouta says flopping onto the ground with his normal lack of grace, "They are art."
"A girl running away from a monster in her underwear is not art Ryouta." I say calmly, settling down against the tree.
"Girl's running around in underwear is the purest form of art," Ryouta protests as Hisao sits down between us, looking uncomfortable at the topic of discussion.
"Excuse me?" Ikuno asks, taking a seat beside her boyfriend.
"My sweetie running around in her underwear is the purest form of art."
"And does she often run around in her undies for you?" I ask curiously.
"Well-" Ryouta makes to answer but is cut off by Ikuno's hand being forced over his mouth.
"Answer that and you won't be seeing any of me for the foreseeable future."
Laughing I dig through my bag I pull out my maths textbook, which seems to have grown ten times thicker than when I last saw it. Great.
"Have you decided yet if you're staying with Miki for the first part of the summer vacation, Hisao?" Ikuno asks, releasing her boyfriend with a stern glare.
I look up quickly, truth be told we had not really discussed our plans for summer, other than visiting Ikuno's family. Mostly because with Ryouta and Ikuno there, the whole trip could be passed off as something done as friends. However visiting each others families feel much more intimate, like its the kind of thing only a couple would do - and I don't know if we are at that stage yet.
I would have to trust him enough to show him part of myself, moreover a part that I could never hide nor embellish - it's an unnerving thought.
"Err…" Hisao mumbles, looking to me for help.
"We've not decided yet, it's no big deal." I say, hoping the answer will satisfy them.
"Are you at least taking Miki somewhere nice on your first date?" Ryouta says happy, a stupid smile playing on his lips.
I've missed that smile. Ryouta and I have not spoken of that night a few weeks ago, where he saw how weak and pathetic I am after a 's not the type to think less of me for something like that, but nonetheless I've felt awkward around my pudgy friend since.
"It's a secret," Hisao answers softly, for some reason he shares a knowing glance with Ikuno before opening his textbook.
Blah, I hate surprises - which, if Ikuno has had anything to do with it, would be why I'm getting one.
"Just a friendly word of advice, strip clubs are not the little ladies first choice." Ryouta answers knowingly, trying to keep the smirk off of us face.
"Like they would even let you into a strip club!" I laugh, digging through my textbook. Maths sucks.
"I'll have you know that though I'm graced with a beautiful boyish face I carry myself with the poise and style of a man twice my age."
We continue to bicker for a while longer before Ikuno's irritable glances turn our minds back to revision. It's amazing how fast normal can return. A week ago it felt like my world was ending, that nothing would ever be the same. But I was wrong, life keeps ticking by unperturbed by my presence, like a pebble flung into rapids. If I don't battle the current, find a safe path through the dark water, I will drown.
But for now I'm content to lay in the dappled sun under my favourite tree, trying to understand a textbook that defies comprehension. I really do hate maths.