Author's note: The song for this chapter is Don Henley - Dirty Laundry, and is told from Mei's POV because we needed a break from Elle and Harkness.

Agricultural Phenomenon

Mei

When I came down to breakfast the next day, the marketplace was aflutter with whispers about Chief Harkness and Elle, and to a lesser extent, Angela and Diego. Speculation dripped from every tongue about whether the Chief and the Lone Wanderer were shacking up, and about whether Angela had gone 'all the way' with Diego to get him to propose. I knew that the Chief and Elle had both chickened out, but I was the only one who knew for sure. Snippets of various conversations reached my ears as I strolled through the market, feeling much more confident with my new .32 pistol strapped to my hip.

"She's such a slut," I overheard Trinnie say to Tammy Hargrave, both of whom looked to be nursing mega hangovers after a night of pounding back drinks at the Muddy Rudder. "I've been trying to get Chief Harkness to go for me since I got on this damned boat. Life would be so much easier if I could just give him a blow job on the house once in a while and he'd look the other way when I'm trying to score, but no, he won't have anything to do with me. Then that purple haired skank comes on board and he's chasing after her like a dog in heat." She grimaced nastily. "What's Elle got that I don't?" she complained.

"A life, apparently," Tammy replied, only semi sympathetic to Trinnie's bitching, "and better looking tits." She got to hear complaints in this vein every time a new woman came to Rivet City, and I guessed she must be tired of hearing Trinnie whine all the time.

"What was wrong with Chief Harkness last night?" Christie Young asked her husband, Henry. "He looked rather flustered when we came in to use the sauna, and he didn't even say goodnight when he left. He looked like his head was going to explode. Was it something I said?"

"It wasn't you, honey," Henry told his wife, patting her hand reassuringly. "The Chief's just having a midlife crisis. First it's a woman half his age, next thing you know, he'll be getting a tattoo and buying a beach house in Point Lookout."

I laughed to myself at this; Chief Harkness was only three years older than Henry himself, not the doddering old fool Henry made him out to be. He was also one of the steadiest people I knew, and didn't seem likely to suffer from problems like that. Henry knew what was up with the Chief and he didn't want to tell his wife.

"…Did you hear about the new girl and Chief Harkness in the bath house last night?"

"…He acted like he'd never seen a naked woman before…"

"…Heard she's here looking for her father…"

"…melons, man, out to here…"

"…and an ass that just won't quit…"

"…oh man what I would have given to be a fly on that wall…"

"…you woulda passed out from the heat…"

"…Agriculture, what the hell did you think I was talking about?"

"…Three Dog talks about her all the time, said she disarmed the bomb in Megaton…"

"…saw them kissing when I came in this morning…"

"…Angela finally grew a pair when it came to Diego…"

I reached the counter of the Galley and before I could open my mouth to order, Gary Staley cut me off.

"I don't want to know what happened between Diego and my daughter," he said with the air of a man who had heard it all before. "I'm just glad he's doing the honorable thing and marrying my little girl."

"I was just going to order some breakfast," I said mildly.

"Sorry, Miss Wong," he apologized. "It's just, everyone in the whole damned city has come to tell me about what went on in the bath house last night, and I thought you were here to do the same. What can I get you?"

"I'll have a bowl of noodles and a mutfruit," I said. "Are you happy that Angela's marrying Diego?"

"Of course," he said. "She's been pining after him for I don't know how long. I'm glad my daughter is finally getting the happiness she deserves."

I got my food and went over to one of the tables to eat. I heard a door slam open and a string of curses drifted through it.

"I don't wanna clean it up," came the petulant voice of Ted Strayer. "It took me a long time to paint, and it's the coolest thing this boat has ever seen."

"You're done being a feckless troublemaker, young man." That was Mister Lopez, who came in dragging the protesting Ted by the ear. "No more drugs, no more pranks, and starting this afternoon, you're going to learn how to read. But for now, you're going to clean up this mess you made on the wall." He gestured to a brilliantly colored blob on the wall that looked like some of the art I had seen raiders mark their territory with. Ted struggled to no avail to get free of Mister Lopez's grip on his ear, and I heard Trinnie and Angela giggle at his plight.

"You can't make me clean it if I don't want to," Ted asserted, finally breaking free of Mister Lopez.

"Oh yes I can," Mister Lopez replied fiercely.

"You and what army, old man?" Ted rounded on Mister Lopez and charged at him, aggravated enough to attack his tormentor. Mister Lopez calmly stepped out of the way of Ted's wild charge, then just as calmly stuck out a leg and cut Ted's feet out from under him. Ted fell on his ass and Mister Lopez sat on his midsection as Ted fought to get upright.

"I still have a few tricks left in me, you young punk, and until you can stop me from putting you on your ass, you'll do what I say." He stood up and offered Ted a hand up. "Now go ask Mister Staley for a bucket and scrub brush. The sooner you clean up your mess, the sooner you can have some breakfast." Ted looked like he wanted to attack Mister Lopez again, but thought better of it and slunk off to get the cleaning implements amongst the outright laughter of everyone in the marketplace.

Elle came to sit with me, still laughing at Ted's misfortune. She gave Mister Lopez the high sign when Ted's back was turned, and he smiled at her, the first real smile I had ever seen on the man's face.

"Why do I have the feeling that you're responsible for bringing Ted Strayer to Mister Lopez's…less than patient attentions?" I asked.

"Because I am," she replied around her laughter. "I just had no idea that Mister Lopez would be so prompt in turning Ted into a productive member of society, or so capable of dealing with Ted's rebellious tendencies." She sobered up for a moment. "I hope Mister Lopez really can curb Ted's behavior. Harkness is about ready to kill him for the pranks he's been pulling around here. I'm surprised Ted hasn't already gotten a one way ticket off of Rivet City. Harkness seems like he has very little tolerance for that sort of thing."

"Yeah, Ted's a riot," I said, "but on to more interesting news. I heard that you were seen kissing Chief Harkness a few minutes ago, right here in this very room. Did you finally decide to go next door to his room last night and try him out?"

"His room was next to mine?"

"Sure, it's the one to the right of yours," I said. "I saw him going in last night when we went to your room to get your clothes." For some reason, Elle blushed bright crimson when I imparted this information. "What's the matter?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's nothing," she muttered, "and, no, I didn't go 'try him out' as you so crudely put it. And we weren't kissing this morning. We had to kill some bloatflies that got into the marketplace. I tripped; he caught me, end of story." From the look on her face, that was definitely not the end of the story, but I sensed I wasn't going to get the rest of it out of her until she was good and ready.

Just then I sensed another presence by our table. It was C.J. Young, followed closely by her erstwhile playmate, James Hargrave.

"Hey lady, I like your hair," C.J. said. "Is it real? Can I touch it?"

"Yes, it's real," Elle replied, bending down so C.J. could reach the purple locks. "My parents had me genetically engineered with purple hair, so it never washes out in the bath."

C.J. giggled as she touched Elle's hair. "You're a funny lady. Where are your mommy and daddy?"

"My mom died when I was born," Elle said, "and my dad's missing. I came here looking for him, but he's not here."

"Where is he?" C.J. asked.

"That's what I'm trying to find out," Elle muttered.

"Enough of this girly crap," came the annoying voice of James Hargrave, who was a little shit at the best of times. "I'm bored! Can I play with your gun?"

"No you cannot 'play' with my gun," Elle scowled at him. "Guns aren't toys. Maybe if you're very good and your mom says yes, I'll teach you how to shoot someday."

"Whatever," James sneered. "I'm still bored right now."

Elle leaned forward conspiratorially. "Have you guys ever played…tag?"

"Sure we have," James scoffed, then quick as lightning, slapped her on the arm. "You're it!" He took off running, followed closely by C.J.

"Oh, you're gonna get it!" Elle shrieked, and tore after the kids like a shot, almost knocking down Lana Danvers, who had just come in for breakfast.

"Sorry!" Elle threw over her shoulder as she dashed through the marketplace in hot pursuit of the two kids. Lana muttered something about barbarian hordes and headed back the way she came. I shook my head as I finished my breakfast and proceeded out to the shooting range for some more practice. Never a dull moment in Rivet City.