Chapter 3: Do-It-Yourself Guy
Princess Ruto drives off a bunch of those pesky Bokoblins shortly after the end of a small brawl. The Demon Lord appears only a few feet behind. He means business, considering he is standing in a pose; the pose where his head hangs down with his hand close to his face in a dramatic sort of fashion. Ruto brushes the dust off her arm with a confident victory smile.
"I must say, your performance was impressive. Not as impressive as mine, but much more impressive than my dimwitted comrade, Zant," Ghirahim smugly and confidently states.
Ruto rolls her eyes. Ugh, this guy again. Can't this guy take a hint? She turns to face him. "Is that how you compliment women; by reminding them that you're better than them?"
"Hey, I did say you were impressive, didn't I?" Ah, the joy of annoying women.
The ground starts to rumble. Before anybody can react to the rumbling, Darunia rolls right into Ghirahim, bowling over the unsuspecting demon. The attack was done in such a heroic fashion.
Ruto smiles, saying, "Thanks, you spared me a long and dreadful conversation with that pale moron."
"Wait, you were just having a conversation? I thought he was going to battle you," Darunia says, rubbing the back of his head, slightly embarrassed. He makes a lot of rash decisions.
Ruto laughs. "Well hey, now that we've taken care of that ugly infestation, how's about carrying me to Hyrule Castle. What are my chances of getting a ride? They better be pretty high."
Darunia slings his hammer over his shoulder and responds, "You aren't going to give me a choice." He holds out his arm. The spoiled Zora princess hops onto his arm, and he carries her away.
Ghirahim, who is just barely thicker than a pancake now, lies motionless on the ground. Fi levitates into the keep to retrieve her temporary battle comrade. She almost doesn't see Ghirahim. The only reason she notices him is because he groans in unbearable pain. Fi's gaze shifts down. For a moment, she believes she is experiencing the feeling called amusement.
Ghirahim slowly regains his shape. As he does, he wishes Darunia didn't closely resemble a talking boulder. He also wonders why Ruto seems to enjoy the presence of the talking boulder. What does the talking boulder have that he doesn't? Certainly not charm. Because weighing as much as a mountain is totally attractive. (If Ghirahim were to relay this sarcasm to Zant, Zant probably wouldn't instantly recognize the sarcasm unless he was paying close attention.) Ghirahim will never understand Ruto.
…
Link runs across the battlefield as fast as he can, slashing through all the remaining enemies in his path. The reason for the excessive speed is because Zelda was just injured, and Link wants to be the one to help the princess.
Zelda sits on the ground, holding her ankle. She must have sprained it or something. Normally, she'd walk off the pain, but she literally cannot stand on her right foot.
When Link gets to the keep, Darunia is already helping Zelda up. When she stumbles back down, Darunia gently places her on his shoulder. Zelda smiles, impressed. Link only stares, irritated to the core. He knows he could have heroically helped Zelda, too.
…
It is a peaceful day at Lake Hylia. The women enjoy a picnic to celebrate all their recent wins. Ruto defeated Ghirahim's forces. Zelda defeated Volga's forces. Midna and Agitha defeated Zant's forces. These women were showing the men who's boss. Zelda is the one hosting the picnic, and all the girls she invited came; Ruto, Midna, Impa, Agitha, Lana, and Fi are all there.
"OOO! I brought treats!" exclaims Lana after finishing her lunch.
Fi watches as Lana passes out sweet treats. Midna secret snags a few extras, but Fi decides to leave that unnoticed. Then, she picks up another presence. "Princess Zelda, there is a 100% chance we have a visitor."
"Really? Who?" Agitha asks, immediately switch targets for her focus.
"Hello ladies," Darunia greets as he strolls along past.
All the women wave to the goron chieftain. Zelda says, "Good afternoon, Darunia. Would you like to join us?"
Ruto swallows her bite and says, "But this is supposed to be girl's picnic."
"Well, he did help us win our battles. We owe him our thanks."
Midna chuckles. "It's been a while since I've battled alongside Darunia."
Zelda turns to Impa. "What do you think, Impa?" Impa, who sits Indian style meditating in the warm sun, simply shrugs. She really doesn't care, so long as Ganondorf doesn't show up.
Lana holds up a cookie, silently offering it to Darunia. Darunia politely declines the cookie, but does decide to sit down with the girls.
Ruto asks, "So, how was your trip back to Death Mountain?"
"Well," Darunia starts to explain while resting his hammer on the ground. "I had a small feast with my brothers. I checked on the production of the latest wave of Bombchus. I also said hello to my son, whom I sat beside at the feast, and-,"
Darunia is interrupted when Ruto asks, "Wait, you have a son?"
Darunia hesitates, but then responds by saying, "UH… yeah. I named him after the hero of my time. My son, Link."
"OH phew!" says Midna. "I would have been really confused if you said his name was Link and you didn't explain that you named him after the hero of your time." She unveils another cookie and starts munching on it.
Agitha puts her hands together, smiling. "Are you and your son close?" she asks.
Darunia shrugs. He responds, "Whenever we do hang out, we always have a good time. I often teach him how to dance."
"So he's a daddy's boy. I'd bet his mother is jealous," Ruto adds.
There is a moment of awkward silence.
Zelda decides to break the silence by saying, "I'm sure Link's mother and him are just as close as he and Darunia."
"I have a feeling that's not it," Lana whispers to herself.
Darunia says, "You know, I've never stopped to ask what happened to his mother, or even who his mother is. He just kind of appeared one day, and my advisors said he was mine. I just went along with it."
Impa stands. She asks, "So you are raising him on your own?"
"With the help of my advisors."
Lana frowns and states proudly, "You know, he should have a motherly influence."
"It is proven that children with a healthy influence from both a motherly and a fatherly figure mature with more emotional stability, and in adulthood, they are more likely to make more responsible decisions," Fi adds.
Darunia stands up. He shifts his hammer on his shoulder with a sudden uncomfortable feeling. He asks, "What are you all suggesting?"
Zelda smiles. "If I'm not mistaken, I believe we're all suggesting you find your son a mother," she responds.
Darunia is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. Would this mean a change to his lifestyle? Link seems to be maturing just fine without a mother. These women don't have the first-hand goron experience. Ha! Real men don't need motherly figures. He turned out just fine in adulthood and as the Goron Chieftain. Now he just needs to remember how he became chieftain. …Oh yeah. Mom.
All the women stand up, if they aren't already standing or floating. With an almost telepathic power, the same thought runs through each and every one of their heads; help Darunia find a wife! Impa only thinks this because she wonders what is running through the head of the rest of her colleagues. Her thoughts take a different direction. She knows for a fact that men will be men, and unless there is one special woman, then they never think about marrying or falling in love for that matter. There is no possible way that Zelda, Lana, Fi, Agitha, Midna, and Ruto will find Darunia a wife a force him to marry. However, for the sake of Zelda, she decides that instead of stopping the princess, she will simply follow and wait for Zelda and co to realize that Darunia is fine just how he is. She already takes pity on the goron chieftain.
…
The girls split up into two groups-
Zelda, Lana, and Agitha decide that the best place to look for a wife suitable for a goron is where almost all gorons reside; Death Mountain. Death Mountain is Darunia's domain to begin with, so finding a wife in his own clan seems extremely logical.
Eventually, with a little persuasion, the group gets in. Impa comes along, acting as Zelda's bodyguard. The city under the mountain is bustling. Most gorons have just returned from battle, and most others are still preparing the military for future battles.
Agitha notices one vital detail; "They all look the exact same!"
Lana agrees, pushing aside the fact that the gorons vary in size. Perhaps this was going to be harder than they thought.
The remaining three girls-Midna, Ruto, and Fi- decide to take a different approach. They realize that all of Hyrule harbors women. The time period is not an issue, either. It doesn't matter what race you are, or how you look; all that matters is if there is a click between you and someone else. Since none of them are in the head of their client, they take him along for the ride.
"So, when you imagine the perfect girl, what does she look like? What's her personality? What does she do for fun?" asks Ruto. She's ready to get down to business.
Darunia stands complete still in front of Ruto, almost dumbfounded looking. He is contemplating the questions given to him. Naturally, he tilts his head and shifts his eyes so he is looking up. Almost thirty seconds go by in silence.
"Hello! Testing. One two three. Testing," Midna attempts to call Darunia back to the world of the living.
Darunia holds a hand out in front of him. "Just give me a minute. I've never thought about this before."
"When you say minute, you really mean an entire week, right?" says Ruto in such a moody mood.
Midna shrugs and says, "Hey, these things take time. Zelda had to save my life before I realized that she was my friend."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, Ruto, do realize that you're asking the guy to describe a person he's never met before, or if he has, just doesn't realize that she's his type."
Fi floats over to Darunia's side. She says, "Describe someone you're close to, and perhaps we can pinpoint certain traits to look for."
Darunia smiles. "Well, all of my brothers are boulder-like in appearance and respect me. They are loyal and most enjoy a good rolling race."
Ruto narrows her eyes. "A woman who resembles a boulder? You have really low standards."
Midna rolls her eyes. She then focuses on Darunia and asks, "Do you know anybody who you consider your brother that is not a goron?"
"Well, there is Link, who has proven his worth."
"Which one; your son, or the hero?"
"The hero. You said not a goron."
Ruto says, "I have a question. Have you met any girls in your lifetime?"
Darunia gets an annoyed expression. "Unless you three aren't women, then yes, I have," at this point, Darunia would rather be gorging himself on rocks, so his tone is rather deadpan.
Wait a minute, what is he doing? Is he really going along with these girls who think he needs a wife and his son needs a mother? He is the Goron Chieftain! He doesn't have to agree and go along with these goons. As a matter of fact, he's got a better idea.
"Hey girls, I've got an idea. Let's head to Death Mountain."
…
Zelda, Impa, Agitha, and Lana stand in the middle of the underground city. To their surprise, the other three ladies join them.
"Has your search brought you here?" Lana asks.
Agitha says, "You guys are out of luck. We can't tell which gorons are which."
"Actually," Midna says. "Darunia suggested we come here. He said he had an idea."
They all start to look around for the chieftain. He is nowhere to be seen.
Just then, a smaller goron strolls over to Zelda. "Princess Zelda, our chieftain would like to see you and your company. Please, come this way."
About five minutes of navigating through the underground city later, Zelda and co are led to the door of the chieftain's room. Zelda hesitates to enter, along with the rest of the company. Impa decides to stay outside the room. The door will be open, anyway.
Darunia and his son, Link, wait for Zelda and co to enter. Eventually, Zelda walks in, followed by the rest of the ladies (except for Impa). "Ah, I see you've made it through my city."
"It was bustling," Ruto adds.
Agitha asks, "Is this part of your idea?"
"Yes, it is. I must tell you ladies something."
The ladies wait with an anxious vibe exerting from each and every one of them.
"Through this experience, I learned something very important," Darunia announces. To build suspense, he pauses there.
The room is filled with expectance and anxiousness.
Then, the big announcement- "I realized that I'm the only parent that Link needs. I'll just be his father AND mother."
Author's Notes- Through observation, I noticed that in Hyrule Warriors, after Cia's defeat, everybody returns to their time. Darunia is carrying Ruto on his arm when they leave. Now, just to note, I've never played Ocarina of Time. Actually, my friend has just lent me his copy of Ocarina of Time for the 3DS. I've just started heading to Death Mountain. With that said, forgive me if there is a mistake somewhere in this chapter. Trust me, I did my research on gorons before writing this chapter. I am looking forward to meeting Darunia in Ocarina of Time.