Thanks to my lovely beta- Mischief Managed33, and all the people who have the patience of a saint and putting up with my erratic updates. Love you all.
The usual disclaimers apply.
Alive
Severus sat silently in the kitchen of twelve, Grimmauld Place patiently waiting for the tea Molly was currently making for everybody in attendance. Everyone meaning himself, Albus, Minerva, Hagrid, Black and the whole of Weasley brood. Lupin was yet to make an appearance. Tonks and Shacklebolt were due anytime now. Moody should have been here by now, as should Mundungus Fletcher.
Molly had said that their duty for the day was did not know what their duty was. He intended to find out.
He glanced again at the occupants of the ornate room. It was, for lack of a better term, opulent. Fully and pompously furnished, in colors that Severus liked best, it was the very definition of magnificence. In stark contrast were the occupants, sober, poor or Black(ahem, no I will not apologize Albus) , with the exception of the merry man that looked like the proverbial elephant in the room(NOT talking about his waist size, of course) but then again, Dumbledore was more of an outlandish kind of magnificent.
The floo flared green and the expected arrivals made their appearance. Chairs were shifted, new ones summoned from other rooms, and in Moody's case, transfigured from his boots. He did not trust anyone, not even Albus Dumbledore.
"I tell you, Albus, this is a useless task. We are wasting time and resources on it." Was Moody's opening statement. Everyone in attendance turned their heads to him in deferential attention. You do not ignore a senior Auror, retired though he might be, with the exceptional track record of populating the loathsome island of Azkaban, right?
Wrong.
Tonks shielded her tea protectively and mock glared at him. "This is perfectly good tea made by Molly, Alastor, and most certainly NOT a waste of time or resources. If you don't want to drink it, I will."
Molly did not know whether to thank her for the compliment or admonish her for the disrespect. Kingsley rolled his eyes. He'd gotten used to the fact that the punk (ahem, PINK) haired witch was the unofficial daughter of the Auror. She had rights, privileges and of course the guts to mock him in his face and call on him if he got too grumpy. Kingsley did not feel jealous. He just envied her. But then again, he too considered the young Auror as his sister, so he only felt secretive amusement at her flamboyant behavior.
"You shut up Tonks! I am serious!" he said grumpily.
"No, you're not. That's Sirius." She smirked pointing to Black. "Aren't you, cousin?" she asked.
"Yass!" Black barked with all his doggy rambunctiousness. Molly glared at him, while the others rolled their eyes indulgently or irritated. But Severus frowned. He frowned because, in spite of the air headed demeanor Black projected, there was a glimmer of restlessness that Severus had come to associate with trouble. He wanted to shout and call out on Black and expose his double-faced façade that the charismatic villain had. He had offered his home as the Head Quarters for the Order meetings, painting himself as a martyr, while in reality, there was something sinister in his mind. Severus still did not believe that Black was completely innocent in the whole Secret Keeper charade. There was something about the story that wasn't right. How the brilliant and sensible Lily had consented to appoint Black as the Godfather to Harry, Severus would never know. He vowed to himself that he would find out about this and put an end to whatever harebrained scheme Black was plotting. He had decided to keep Harry safe, and he would! Even if it meant protecting the boy from his own Godfather.
His inner musings were cut short suddenly as Black turned to look at him with a weird expression on his face. He gazed at Severus, who scowled firmly and raised his Occlumency barriers as if challenging him to play his parlor tricks. Black looked away and refilled his tea. That was the last time Severus thought of Black for the evening. But had he noticed, he would've seen Black throwing him discreet glances throughout the meeting.
The meeting started ceremoniously with Albus's opening speech, welcoming all the rejoined members and greeting all the newly joined ones. He retold bits and parts of Harry's account of Voldemort's resurrection. Even though Severus knew it was a highly abridged version, and that the actual tale was even more harrowing, seeing that it was told and retold by the world's two biggest down players, glossing over gory details, he was still incensed by it. His hand clenched the tea cup and was saved only by Moody's timely intervention.
"Albus, if whatever you're saying is true, then we'll have to round up on the known Death Eaters and interrogate them. We'll have to discuss battle strategies. We'll have to train and recruit more Aurors. The ministry needs to be informed. We got a lot of work and instead of preparing ourselves; you're sitting here on these pretty chairs and taking shifts to guard the fourteen-year-old kid!"
Severus understood what duties the order members were doing day in day out. He had thought that Dumbledore was sending people to check on Harry from time to time. Instead, he found that they were standing like dementors outside his home guarding him like he was the criminal.
"Unfortunately Alastor, the minister refuses to believe that Voldemort has come back. He is happy to live in his own little world and contest in the next elections with a good majority. That is why we have no choice but to…."
"No choice? No choice? You say Albus Dumbledore! So what if the minister does not believe you? You have more power than him…you influence him. You are the head of the Wizengamot." Moody barked. Severus vehemently agreed with him, though he did not speak out.
"I don't want to misuse the power I …."
Moody snorted. "Spare me. We both know how many manipulations…."
Hagrid, the worshipper of all things that had the initials A.P.W.B.D came to his rescue. "Now now, Auror Moody, I know you're a good friend of the Headmaster, and have all sorts of things b'tween ya, but tha' soen't mean ya can make fun of him. I won't stand it. P'fesser Dumbledore is the wisest, kindest…."
Surprisingly, it was Black that cut him off this time. "Yes, yes Hagrid, we all agree with you. Now, let us discuss Harry's situation, okay?"
"O'course!"
Albus cleared his throat. "I believe that it would be prudent for Harry to remain with his relatives for the summer. He will be protected by the blood wards there. They helped him immensely in his first year…"
"But Headmaster, that was before You-know-who took his blood to resurrect himself. How can they protect him now?" Minerva asked the intelligent question.
"Yes, he resurrected himself using Harry's blood Minerva, but there is more. The protection is because of the love Lily had for her son, the love which flowed through her blood. Voldemort does not understand love…and he is quite proud of the fact."
"I don't think there is a lot of love lost between the boy and his relatives Albus." Moody started again.
"Alastor, it is not up to us to judge Harry's relatives. They are family. Of course, they love each other!" Albus said.
Severus had the flashback to his own childhood. He felt the sharp sting of his father's hand across his face and closed his eyes. No Albus, they don't love each other, just because of blood.
"Headmaster, I think Moody is right. I don't think they accept Harry into their family." Black said softly.
Dumbledore smiled. "Has Harry ever said anything like that Sirius?"
"No sir, but there were references…odd comments and I have this feeling that…."
"Ah, then there is nothing to worry about. You are merely overreacting to the situation and reading into things more than necessary. Harry will be fine Sirius. Don't worry."
"Well, at least we can write to him and keep him updated on things. Harry doesn't like to be kept in the dark." Molly said in a motherly way.
"I also think we should limit writing letters to Harry Molly. There are chances that they may be intercepted by unfriendly people. It is better if you kept the letters short and did not reveal anything about the Order." Dumbledore said gravely.
Severus looked at him surprised. Was he mistaken, or was the Headmaster isolating the lonely and depressed boy even more by cutting off his communication? Was the Headmaster actually aware of what he was doing? Was he actually afraid of Harry?
Black just sighed. Severus sneered. Really? Is that all you can do Black? He thought grimly. Some twinkling old fool tells you to stop writing to your godson and keep him at a place of dubious safety and you just agree? Without asking any questions? You are a very immature, selfish and dependent man Black. You have no backbone. If it were MY son….
Severus stopped thinking abruptly. If it were my SON? Whoa! Where did that come from?
But thinking again, Severus did not feel the same embarrassment. What was wrong with him thinking of Harry as his son? He had promised to look after him…take care of him…teach him to survive. That is what fathers are supposed to do. Right?
Severus took a deep breath. Yes. Harry was his son. And he would prepare the boy for what was to come. He would contact the boy and sort out the differences they had. Maybe if he told the boy that he was his mother's best friend…..?
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Severus apparated to Surrey that evening with a single thought in his mind. He would contact Harry and talk to him. He would tell the boy why he treated him so bad and apologize. He would offer to teach the boy proper Defense. He would….
It wasn't until he reached the wards surrounding Privet Drive that reality hit him. How the hell would he get into the house? His dark mark would activate if he dared to touch it. How would he contact him? Would the boy come out anytime? Even if he did…could he see Severus and not go for his wand first and ask questions later?
And then he came to the crux of the matter. What if Harry didn't even want to talk to him? What if he went straight to Dumbledore and told him? What if Harry resented him so much that he would not be able to learn anything from him?
He looked forlornly at the window with bars on it. He saw the distant silhouette of a frail figure lying on a bed that was far too small. Severus felt the tendrils of doubt creeping in. Why was Harry kept in the room all day? Why was he so frail? Why were there bars on the window? Was he….?
All was not right. But there was nothing he could do about it.
Severus suddenly found himself sympathizing with Black about his resigned sigh. That was surprisingly a weird thought…weird enough for Severus to shake his head and apparate away. He wanted to clear his mind. He needed to distract himself. And the best distraction was to do research.
Potions research.
Speaking of potions….he still hadn't got the rare potions ingredients from the village of that Potter lookalike. What was his name? Harry….no that was Potter….Gryffindor….no that was a house…..Popeye…no that was the muscled friend of the boy….Right, his name was charmer..no that's what his Grandmother called him. Uhm….the name was….the name was….
Dave? No….Judy? No…. Leo….that's right. Leo Evan… Severus gave a wild mental cheer. He had remembered his muggle Slytherin's name.
Bravo Severus! His brain responded to his own cheer with so much sarcasm that Severus blushed red.
He was sure it was the infection that came when one spent too much time with stupid Gryffindors . He'd have to remember to take a bath tonight, and disinfect himself with….Severus cut his insane thoughts again. He hastily charmed his robes to look like muggle shirt and trousers. After transforming into his previous disguise, he apparated to the coffee shop of last time.
This time, Severus did not waste time ordering anything and studying people to play Sherlock Holmes on them. He went straight to the owner and addressed him.
"Excuse me, sir, may I have a moment of your time?"
The man smiled genially.
"I am a florist. I had seen an advertisement in the newspaper about a nursery which had exotic flowers. Would you please direct me to the place?" Severus surprised himself with his charming manners.
"Of course, young man. You have come to the right place. The nursery is run by dear old Eleanor, though it isn't much of a nursery. But she has this knack for growing up things….like her hands have magic or something….."
Or something… Severus reaffirmed his belief that there was a disguised magical family here or a guileless bunch of skilled squibs.
The old man meanwhile was continually singing the praises of the nursery caretaker. "…very talented…if only life was fair to her…she works very hard…gives them for free sometimes…."
"Sir, would it be possible to meet her now?" Severus interrupted him knowing very well that if he continued with this charade, he'd have the whole life history of the woman at his disposal, which would not serve any business.
"Oh alright. She lives close…just go straight on this road. Three lanes from here you'll find a big clock tower although you might not think it is big…you Londoners…anyway…take a right from there and you'll see a pub…nasty place that…don't you ever set foot there….you'll find a nursery not far from there called Toby's. If you don't find her there she'll be at home with her grandson. Ask anyone for Leo's place and they'll show ya!" The old man finished proudly as if he'd just given directions to the Buckingham palace. Severus simply nodded.
The old man beamed. "Now, do you want some coffee lad? We serve the best coffee around and you'll need your energy to search for the place." He said as if doing him a great favor. Severus sneered internally. The old bugger could have simply said she was Leo's Grandmother, and be done with it. He knew his way to that old shack of a house. And how would you explain how you knew about Leo? His brain responded snidely.
"No thank you, sir. I am in a bit of hurry. I am sure I'll have some the next time I come here." He said and trotted off before the man could say anything. The last thing he heard was the old man happily muttering "Such a polite young man…hard to come by these days…"
Severus smirked all through his way to the nursery. He found the sizable board that had a single, hand-written word written in red ink in contrast with the green colored board.
TOBY'S
The placard was covered with a transparent sheet and stapled to the sides to prevent the sketch from wearing away. The place wasn't much, but it was neat and tidy, unlike the overly elaborate greenhouses of Hogwarts that had more style than substance.
Severus went inside through the small garden gate. A rainbow of colors assaulted his vision blinding him temporarily. When he got his bearings back and took in the scene sedately, he found that he greatly appreciated the woman's skill with plants. She had planted the saplings in such a way that there was no need for a specialized glass house for them. The smallest herbs were planted at the edges followed by bigger plants. Stronger shrubs were seen at a distance from the smaller delicate ones so that they wouldn't hog all the light, water, and air. The texture of the soil, its color, moisture content…everything was perfect. In spite of taking care of the specific needs of each plant, the woman had accomplished the task of making it look like a beautiful color sensitive and eye-catching place and not just a plethora of random colors haphazardly placed. Severus felt a wave of respect for this Muggle old lady who had taken care to grow such delicate plants.
As he was taking in the wide view of the area once again…he noticed a brown figure bending slightly over a three feet high plant as if talking to it. The woman was wearing a hat that looked like a cross between a sun hat and a bonnet. It was a protection hat. Closer inspection showed that it was indeed Leo's grandmother; the pale lady was actually wearing a dark brown dress and a darker apron over it. Her grey hair was tied into a bun and her long hands were caressing the leaves as she applied something to the stem of the shrub.
Severus did not want to startle the woman and hence made sure to thump his feet on the ground as he walked towards her. Sure enough, the woman turned towards him as he neared her. She was wearing a yellow respirator and black sunglasses that were far too large for her frame.
"Don't come closer" her wavery voice warned him.
Severus stopped immediately. He understood that the woman had a pesticide in her gloved hands. He looked towards the poor plant that was suffering from a minor infestation. The paste the woman was applying seemed to work miraculously, as little by little the cancer-ed part of the tender bark fell away and started re-growing. Was it his imagination, or was the plant actually leaning into her touch?
He looked around the surroundings with a close eye. Severus had to hand it to her. The woman was scientific! He saw the nitrogen consuming plants in rows beside the legumes which provided the soil with nitrogen. He saw water thriving plants nearer to the well as compared to the comparatively dry plants. He was struck by the management efficiency and labor efficiency of the nursery. How intelligent! How beautiful! Really? Were daffodils really so radiant? Were lilies supposed to be so fragrant and breathtakingly beautiful? Those flowers were so fair and sweet! Just like…..
Just like Lily!
His thoughts pivoted on the auburn haired witch that had defined so much of his life. The one woman that had gotten past his tenacious exterior besides his mother. The one woman whose death had affected and changed the course of his life as much as his mother's death did.
"What sort of flowers does your lady love like?" The lady's voice cut through his musings.
"What? Lady love?" Severus asked confused.
Severus knew the woman was grinning despite the respirator obstructing his view.
"I have seen my fair share of couples young man. The expression on your face is so sickeningly lovesick that I fear for my plants."
"I…I am not…"
"What? Are you not lovesick? Mmm….so they say…all of them. But I know the signs. I've seen them so long, I think I got them by heart. Half closed eyes, kicked puppy expressions, hopeful smiles, hands in pockets…." She hummed on incoherently.
Severus quickly removed his hands from his pockets and stood ramrod straight and gave her his patented professional look(a la Snape glare).
She smirked. She did not fall for his trick!
"Why young man! Don't you try to intimidate me! My grandson can do a better job of it! He tries to do the same thing when I catch him doing things he thinks I am not supposed to know! But you can't fool someone like me! That poor chap!"She chuckled.
Severus almost wanted to mutter 'And I can totally understand why!' but he refrained. Something must have given him away as she snorted again.
"Oh really? I can almost make a fair guess of your fair maiden. She must be an angel fallen from the heaven, not meant to be compared to other living beings. She is the most sensible, kind and noble-hearted maiden with hair with the colour of tiger lily? That's why you're looking at those poor things so longingly? And judging from your face, the damsel did not accept your proposal? Is that why you're trying to please her with poetry and flowers?" She asked with a growing smile evident from the increasing wrinkles on her cheeks and paling face of Severus.
"I- she-um"
"So I am right!"
"No, you're not. You don't-"
"Aha! Your love is gone with someone else! "She crowed.
Severus became paler. Was this woman a seer or something? But the last sentence hurt! What right did the woman have to feel so victorious with his abysmal love life? Did this lady, who hadn't known him even for ten straight minutes, think she had the right to judge him? He stiffened.
"Yes, ma'am. She is gone. She has gone to the Almighty creator and would not accept any more tiger lilies from me." He said coldly.
The change in her countenance was obvious even if he couldn't see very much of her face because of the over large accessories she had on her face.
"I-I am sorry young man. It was not my intention to bring up unpleasant memories. I truly regret my-"
Severus held up his hand to stop her. It was a strange emotion, but Severus felt very uncomfortable and even guilty for making the old woman so regretful, even if he deserved the apologies. He did not like seeing her guilty. Severus did not understand his emotions, so he rushed on to get the aid of his rational and ever alert brain.
"It is alright ma'am. You did not know. Please do not think any more about it."
The woman did not speak for some time. Then she gave him a small smile and nodded. The minutes ticked away as they both now stood in silence. Severus did not know what else to speak.
Finally, the woman relieved him of his dilemma by asking "Oh, forgive me. May I know how can I help you?"
He breathed in relief at the much less uncomfortable topic and regained his eloquence. "Yes, of course! I had seen an advertisement in the newspaper a couple of days ago regarding the sale of some rare species of poison ivy and Indian neem, I assume you must have made. I am a florist but I have a lot of interest in plant species. I was hoping to buy some."
The woman nodded in agreement. "Yes, that was about four days ago. We have a small stock of the species though I do not keep them here. Follow me, I'll show the potted plants to you and you can select from them."
Severus followed her out of the nursery and stood beside her as she closed the green gates and attempted to put on the enormous lock onto it. Severus did not see the need. The gate was hardly any higher than himself and the fences on the other side were not too intimidating. Yet he did not say anything as the woman valiantly tried to turn the rusted key into the lock. He noticed her heavy breathing and moved forward towards her. He was about to offer his help when he heard the definite click that signified the finished task.
She turned around with a pleased expression, jingling the keys a little as she did so and religiously caressed the placard at the entrance.
They walked silently towards the run down shack that Severus had seen a few days ago.
"Those things are not hard to grow, just a little tricky. You just have to know the right way of doing things." She said after a while.
Severus merely nodded.
They reached the house that was currently closed and locked securely. The woman made her way to a smaller gate that Severus assumed, led to the backyard. He stood hesitantly at the entrance as she disappeared beyond the turning.
"Are you coming or not?" She called from somewhere.
Severus made his way towards the gate and walked in. There he saw a miniature version of the nursery he'd just left, except, there were much more dangerous and potentially powerful plants here. Severus found the woman at the far end of the garden and went towards her.
"What other plants do you have here?"
"Oh, you know, common things, useful in homemade remedies. Tulsi, neem, ashwagandha, and the likes. We also have small vegetable patches around here. You don't know the prices of vegetables these days…costlier than perfumes…those things…" she muttered as she led him to where he saw some thick bushes of tulsi plants.
"There you go. Select your plants and bring them to me. I'll put them in temporary pots and package them for you. I'll also tell you the proper way of replanting them too if you wish. I'll be in the tool shed then." She said over her shoulder as she walked away. Severus was left alone with his thoughts. This place…was somehow very inviting, familiar, caring. The garden was almost as good, if not better than the garden he had at home.
The garden that his mother had planted when he was seven.
He shook off the bitter reminders of his parents and looked around. Ten minutes later, Severus had a long list of plants that he wished to whisk away from this place. He did not know how much the woman would charge…but Severus was ready to pay a fortune if need be. Those plants were….
Severus walked towards the tool shed where the woman implied she would be. He saw her, sitting on a rickety wooden chair, looking pensively at some packets filled with seeds of different colours. She was taking a handful of them into her hands and turning them over and over as if scanning the seeds for any defects.
Severus coughed to get her attention. She did not look up. He stood awkwardly for some time, feeling like a teenager waiting at his teacher's desk for their pronouncement of detention. He vaguely understood how his students must have felt when he sat in front of them correcting papers, hardly paying them any mind, while they stood in terrified silence wondering about their upcoming detention.
He shook his head, amused. "Excuse me, ma'am…"
"Done with your list?"
Severus wanted to laugh at the irony. This sounded suspiciously like something that had happened twenty years ago when he was fifteen.
"Yes. I have made a note of them." He said extending his notepad towards her. Severus saw the bonnet-like hat hanging on what looked like a coat rack. She had evidently removed the glasses as well as the respirator.
The woman finally lifted her head.
Severus froze. His face became pale and his breath came in short gasps. He felt as if someone had punched him in his gut.
No…
No…
It couldn't be…
"Are you alright young man?" The woman asked confused.
"I- yes I am…"
"You don't look too good. Are you sure you're alright?" She got up and started walking towards him. Severus took a step back.
"Did you inhale the scent of Valerian flowers on your way?"
Bewildered, Severus shook his head. The woman, though, took that to be a yes and got up from her seat.
"Young man, that was a stupid thing to do! How could you be so ignorant…so careless! I say it again and again, but do you listen? No!"
"Wha-"
"Don't walk with your head in the clouds, Leo! How many times did I tell you?"
"I am not-"
"Whoever you are! Leo also does the same thing. You young people! You remind me of-"… The woman stopped abruptly and looked at him with a crestfallen expression.
"You remind me of-" tears were forming in her eyes."You remind-" Severus wanted to run away from there. He did not want to know whom he reminded her of. His world was spinning madly. He felt dizzy and on the verge of fainting. He took another step back and stumbled. The motion jerked her back to action.
"Stay here. I'll get something for you." And she strode towards her house at a rapid pace. Severus stared at her receding form with an expression of absolute horror. Familiar words were ringing in his ears.
Sev! That was a stupid thing to do!
He looked back at the garden in the back yard.
Don't walk with your head in the clouds Severus!
Severus stared at the spot the woman was sitting. The seeds were spread all over the table. Some of them were rolling down and falling onto the hard floor.
Severus looked around wildly and disapparated with a resounding crack.
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He reached for the front door as he heard the chiding voice.
Sev! Leave your shoes outside. I don't want any mud tracks in here.
Hands shaking with trepidation he fled inside. He needed to calm down. He needed to think logically. He must not lose control.
Breathe Sev! Don't panic. It is just a small cut. I'll heal you in a jiffy.
He stared wildly at the chesterfield. No. He didn't want to hear that voice. He shouldn't. She was gone. It was all an illusion. He just needed to sleep. He went to the bedroom.
Hush! My child! Close your eyes.
I'll watch over your dreams…I'll keep you safe…
Go to sleep my dear Severus…I'll be here till you wake.
He ran away from the place. He should drink some water. Maybe he was just overstressed. He should just work on it. Occlumency. That's it!
He went to the kitchen to grab some water.
Sev! I made pancakes today. Go wash your hands, or there'll be nothing for you.
He avoided the narrow hallway that led to the dining table and rerouted to his wine cabinet.
Be better than your father, Sev! Keep your wits about you. Don't try to run away from problems, Sev.
He ran from the house. When Severus registered what was happening around him, he sat on the grass where he evidently found himself. He was in the garden.
The garden his mother had planted when he was seven.
Help me with these daffodils Sev!
He walked away from the flowers.
Sev, don't pour too much water there!
He opened the tap and let the water run.
Sev, look at this vegetable patch!
Severus hurried back inside.
Severus! I am so proud of you. You're going to Hogwarts!
Severus, your grades are amazing. You will be a great wizard one day!
Severus…Severus….Sev…
A glass tumbler broke into a thousand pieces as it was hit violently against the wall. He repaired it and threw it again…and again and again. He desperately tried to silence the voice in his head, but it wouldn't. His breath was coming in short bursts, his eyes were seeing double, his hands were shaking horribly.
Sev…are you alright my child?
He closed his eyes with defeat.
"Mother…"
~~~~~~~~tbc~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mother? How? Where? When?
Mystery upon mystery…
What's going to happen? What happened to Severus? Who is his mother? Who will rescue them?
Review, please. I really need your support now. I am as much in turmoil as Severus is.