Chapter 6- Lana's Holiday
Faron Woods is so peaceful from about 9:30 P.M. to 7:00 A.M. The reason? Lana. 7 in the morning is when Lana wakes from her restful slumber. Since today is Saturday, she wakes up with an exciting dance exercise. Her carry-on radio can also play her music from her MP3 (IPods don't exist in Hyrule… yet.)
Most of the woodland creatures have become tolerate of Lana's Saturday morning excitement. Oddly enough, one of the wisest woodland inhabitants would rather Lana be at the bottom of a pond on Saturday mornings. Not that he (though genderless, the being in question prefers to be addresses as a man) has a concept of time or anything. His species can live for hundreds and hundreds of years, which almost feels like forever. As long as he gets the nutrients he needs, he can survive for pretty much forever.
That one being is the Great Deku Tree.
Lana happily bounces around to her pop music on one of the sturdiest and thickest limbs of the Great Deku Tree, where she lives. One of the perks of being a competent tree is that you can move. You can't relocate, of course, but the movement that takes normal trees years only takes a tree like the Great Deku Tree a minute or so, depending on how big the move is. Taking into account that Lana is jumping, the Great Deku Tree figures that there is a way to solve his problem.
Lana jumps up into the splits. Upon landing, her feet land unevenly on the edge, which causes her to slip. Hitting the ground with such force is extraordinarily uncomfortable, even for someone has resilient as Lana.
"One of these days, Lana, all your energy is going to break me," The Great Deku Tree cautions using a tone identical to a grandfather to his young granddaughter in the same situation.
Lana moves so she is in a sitting position. She looks up at the Great Deku Tree with puppy eyes and quivering lip. She has a feeling that it was the tree which caused her to stumble and fall.
Despite being a tree, the Great Deku Tree can still see, as well as feel emotions. Upon gazing at Lana's pitiful expression, the bark inside the Deku Tree which was hardened and cold with irritation is now starting to soften and warm.
"UM, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would appreciate it if you would be more cautious. I'm not as young as I once was, and time and warn my limbs down. I feel like any day will be the day that I'm eroded to the core. In the future, would you please be cautious on the impact your activities have on me?"
Lana stands up and wipes off her nose. "You know, that's all you had to say."
"We've already talked about this," explains the Great Deku Tree. "Just, maybe today you'll take my words to heart. I would be very grateful if you would."
Lana sighs, letting her shoulders droop in the process. She depressingly mumbles, "Oh, alright."
"Excellent. So no more ju-,"
Lana whips around with as much spring in her step as before. She looks back over her shoulder. "I won't jump as hard next Saturday! See you later!" She runs off, peppy and full of vigor.
The Great Deku Tree can only stand there and hope that Lana will actually think about his request this time. Anybody would agree that the poor guy needs a vacation. At the very least, a vacation from the blue-haired, feminine, energy drink.
…
Hyrule Castle- the home of Princess Zelda and the hero, Link- stands with great purpose and majesty. The jubilant white sorceress runs across the bridge to the front gates. Where there are usually guards, there is nobody. The gate lies completely unguarded, but of course, Lana pays no attention and walks right in.
The only thing audible in the interior of the castle is the echo of Lana's footsteps as she sprints through the vacant castle. Lana makes herself welcome and just strides into Zelda's quarters. Expecting to receive an answer from the princess, she calls, "Good morning, Princess Zelda! It's another wonderful day here in Hyrule."
There is no answer.
"Hey Zelda, you can't still be in bed. There's too much to do."
Still no answer.
Like a boulder, a sudden realization bowls over Lana. Taking a glance at the lifeless bedroom opens a hatch in Lana's brain, releasing important information. There were no guards at the gate. There were no workers in the castle. Not even Link showed himself. Where was everybody?
Gasp! It must have been Ganondorf! Lana should have guessed the second she realized nobody was home, but in fact, she guessed it not a second, but a minute after! Well, what is she doing just standing around like an idiot who's glued his/her feet to the floor? Lana darts out of the room and out the front gate. Leaving the gates wide open was probably not a good idea, but Lana has more important things to worry about.
…
Gerudo Desert- the hottest, driest, and the place where any being is the most susceptible to sunburns- is where Lana searches for the Gerudo King. Like any regular desert, you'd suspect it to be uninhabited, and it is. But, before Lana assumes the worst has happened, she decides that there is one place she should look before making any assumptions. Before she gets a sunburn, she makes haste for her next destination.
…
The Valley of Seers- home of Lana's other half and her minions- stands as lifeless as Gerudo Desert. Lana searches around every corner in desperation. There is nobody. When Lana is thinking 'nobody', she is including those who reside here as well. Ganondorf is not here, meaning that Zelda and Link are obviously not here. In addition, Cia, Wizzro, and Volga are not here either. Now the knots in Lana's stomach are starting to tighten. However, at the same time, she refuses to quit searching. Even finding Zant or Ghirahim will ease her soul at this point.
…
Eldin Caves, Temple of Souls, Temple of the Sacred Sword, Skyloft, The Sealed Grounds, Twilight Field, Twilight Palace, Death Mountain, and Lake Hylia are abandon. Each and every one of them; Lana cannot find a soul she recognizes. Heck, she can't find even a soul which can speak in an audible language. She can't find a Goron, Zora, or Hylian anywhere. It is as if a widespread disease killed the entire population of their world except for her.
Lana wanders through the Temple of Souls one last time, just to confirm that nobody is there. Right in the middle, she collapses on her knees. This world has officially died off, and fate has decided that she would be alone for the remainder of her days.
Despite the seriousness of the sorrow, Lana is not the type of person to wallow in sadness and grovel at the feet of hardship. Slowly gaining a newfound sense of determination, Lana climbs onto her feet and straightens her back. She states aloud to herself, "Though all my friends… and enemies, may be gone, I will not let this loss destroy me. All of them would want me to be strong and live my life happily. Well, all except maybe Ganondorf… and Zant. Ghirahim and Wizzro... but Cia would still want be to live the rest of my life happy. And I promise to keep their memory alive. They shall not disappear in vain!"
…
Lana promised herself that she would keep the memory of her friends alive, and that is a promise she plans to keep. With a majestic stride, Lana rides imaginary Epona through the halls of Hyrule Castle. Just to get in the spirit, she found one of Link's backup scarves and put it on. Heroically, she hops off imaginary Epona (only to stumble and fall), and stands as if she was wielding the Master Sword. She can't help but giggle. So this is what Link feels like. It's neat!
Link isn't the only spirit that Lana keeps alive. She uses a really heavy, long rock to fling her body weight around as if she was Impa. It gives her butterflies in her stomach, and she has to stop after three flips. The next day, she recreates a conversation she once overheard Midna and Agitha having. To do so, she gets on her knees and holds an ordinary umbrella over her shoulder to impersonate Agitha. Once she finishes Agitha's sentence, she stands up, puts the umbrella down, gets on her knees on a box, and puts on the weirdest mask she could find in Cia's collection to impersonate Midna. She thinks she may be slightly taller than Midna, but not everything can be perfect. Lana attempts to swim with as much grace as Ruto, but ends up flailing in the water like a fish with a cramp. She also attempts to eat rocks like Darunia. She stops when a painful crack is heard. Now she's missing a tooth, but whatever.
…
It's been a week since Lana woke up that Saturday morning only to find that she is now forever alone in the world. Unfortunately, time has made Lana realize that no matter how hard she tries, she can't recreate the lives of her friends. Each of her friends are all just too precious and irreplaceable.
Like always, The Great Deku Tree is awoken by the white sorceress. He watches as she sulks down the side of his and simply strolls off with her head down. At first, the Great Deku Tree is thankful for the peace, but then his good nature inflicts the feeling of concern on him. Lana's behavior is unusual, especially for Saturday morning. Last Saturday, she came to him saying that everybody was gone, but she wasn't going to let that dampen her spirits. Now, he knows she wasn't joking about the first part. Only the second part was a lie. For once, he wishes that Lana was dances on his branches with a spring in her step and smile in her heart.
Lana sulked off to Hyrule Field. She solemnly stares at the castle, which probably has cobwebs all over the place by now.
Just before she can tell nobody in particular about her sorrow, a large portal similar to the Gate of Souls opens up right behind her. A horde of people pour through the portal. If water was pouring from the portal, Lana probably would have drowned.
Lana's fellow warriors, friends and enemies alike, stand in a circle around her. Lana, who fell over from the flood, stares in disbelief. Her eyes dart from Link to Ganondorf, to Darunia, to Agitha, and so on. Zelda steps forward and helps the baffled sorceress onto her feet. Lana continues to stare, dumbfounded.
"UM, hello? Is anybody home?" Midna asks, directing the sarcastic questions to Lana.
Lana has to shake her head to properly process her words. "But, but, where did you all go?!"
Darunia proudly exclaims, "It was No Lana Day, so we all took a vacation!"
"No Lana Day?"
"UH, yeah," Proxi explains, "It's a whole day in celebration of you."
Lana gets an annoyed look. "I'm not stupid."
One last warrior comes through the portal. Lana's dismay becomes even graver with this fact. The warrior stops in front of Lana, still smiling.
"You too, Cia?" Lana's bottom lip trembles.
"Uh, yeah, totally," Cia explains. "Even I need at least a day without seeing-," She spins around using one foot as a an axis and laughs with a high-pitched giggle as a representation of Lana.
Princess Ruto says, "But hey, don't be sad."
"The holiday celebrates you," Darunia adds.
Then all the villains burst into spontaneous laughter.
Lana wipes her nose and looks at Ganondorf.
Ganondorf stops laughing and asks, "Would it make you happy if we explained what we did while we were gone?" Lana nods. Ganondorf proceeds to tell Lana everything from the start of the celebration to what they did at the end. When they found the perfect place for their celebration, they started No Lana Day with a Lana-Free picnic. Then they all enjoyed the peace by having nobody say anything for five minutes, which Lana is incapable of doing. After silent time, everybody got a piece of paper and a pencil to write down everything that annoys them about Lana. Some of them were able to write ten-page essays. Next, they take the papers and anything they can find to start a bonfire. Just for fun, Agitha and Zelda put their skills together and made a clay model of Lana's face. Zant used his Scimitars to carve Lana's name into a block of wood. Ghirahim tossed mini blades into it just for fun. Both the clay model at that carved block of wood went into the pile. Volga then got the pleasure of setting it ablaze. Everybody told stories of the experiences they had with Lana while the fire was ablaze. (None of them were happy stories, though Zelda did mention that Lana was a big help saving Hyrule.) Once the fire died down, everybody stomped on the ashes.
"Well, almost everybody stomped on the ashes," Ruto adds. Everybody attention turns to Wizzro. He crosses his arms, miffed. He can't help that he only has arms. For the love of Demise, his real form is a ring!
Impa says, "I admit, I was entertained."
"The best day ever," Ruto adds.
"A DAY?!" Lana screams. "You guys were gone for a week!"
Link rubs the back of his head, ashamed. Proxi speaks on his behalf, saying, "I guess we got a little carried away."
Fi attempts to make the situation by adding the facts. "There are good results from this experience. Until this holiday, I have never seen Midna and Zant enjoying themselves within ten feet of each other."
Ghirahim nods in agreement. He adds, "I never thought Link and I would have anything in common, but it seems I was wrong."
Lana looks at all her fellow warriors. Dismissing the bad side of things, at least her friends had a good time, and thinking of her in the process. She gives a weak smile.
Ganondorf completely forgets Lana. He turns to Link and asks, "Hey, don't we have another holiday coming up?" Link nods.
Impa says, "Lana, next we're celebrating No Midna Day."
"Why wait?" You can guess who said that (*cough* Zant *cough*). Right beside him, Ghirahim's expression went from blank to instant joy. It was like a water balloon full of happy launched from an adorableness cannon hit Ghirahim straight in the face.
Within the next few seconds, all but one warrior disappear through the new portal. The mad dash was overwhelming. Midna gets up off the ground. All she can say is "you've got to be kidding me."
Author's Notes- For those of you who watch SpongeBob, the storyline might seem a little familiar. The reason is because this story was based off of SpongeBob. SPOILER: The episode "Gone" has the same storyline idea. SPOILER OVER. That SpongeBob episode is not one of the best in my opinion, but I love the concept of it. And just so nobody is confused or angry with me, I think Lana is a great character and I have nothing against her. To me, she seems like one of those characters that is just too happy to be real. Optimism is always a good thing, but Lana seems a little too happy. Know what I mean? Lana might be smarter and more realistic in future short stories. Who knows? Unfortunately, I'm out of good ideas now. I'd love some suggestions. Who would you like to see focused on?