Chapter 9- Just a Date
Proxi isn't exactly what you would call "assistant". She's more of that enthusiastic friend that follows you around and tries their very hardest to get you out of your comfort zone. Don't look at those friends the wrong way; they simply care about you and want you to live life to the fullest. For a while, Proxi has been studying Link's interaction with Zelda, and she thinks it's time to take their relationship to the next level.
Like always, Link is up at 6 in the morning, ready to start the day with vigorous training. If his previous carnations were more like him, perhaps they'd get more done in their lives. Proxi doesn't wake up until about 8:15 every morning, but then again, she goes to bed three hours after Link does. Well, normally she goes to bed three hours after Link. Sometimes there is a party, in which the warriors all just party hard until they crash. Once it gets really late, they start a contest to see who can stay up the latest. At the last party, Ruto was the last warrior standing. She just barely outlast Darunia, who finally crashed after eating the last of his candied-rocks. The highlight of that party was definitely when Midna was riding on Link's shoulders, both of them fell asleep, and when Link fell over, Midna landed in the punch bowl. Proxi got a kick out of that.
Proxi enters the courtyard. Link trains with a Hylian Captain. "Hey Link, come here!" Proxi commands. She receives a glare from Link, and he then resumes his training.
"Link! Gah! Ok, please take a break from that crazy maneuver you're practicing and come talk to me for a moment." Link has been trying to teach Proxi some manners. He's a person too, you know.
Link puts his sword away and walks over to Proxi.
"Ok Link," Proxi starts to explain. "I have decided to help you."
Link is automatically confused.
"Don't look so confused. I'm going to give you guidance so you can effectively ask Zelda on a date!"
Link flinches, caught by surprise. He wasn't planning on asking Zelda on a date, not today, and not anytime soon. He prefers not to say anything, so to respond to Proxi, he just shakes his head.
Proxi is determined. "What do you mean 'no'? You know you want to. I mean, seriously, your conversations with Zelda are becoming awkward, which means it's time to level up."
Sigh. Proxi and her goofy gaming references. It's like she thinks they're all video game characters. Then Link remembers that they live in medieval times, so technically, video games don't exist. Speaking of that, the strange technologies that keep appearing in their kingdom are seriously confusing the warriors. Zelda nearly jumped out of her skin when Ganondorf's voice came through a cell phone. Thinking that Ganondorf was in the cell phone, Impa took it from Zelda flung it out the window. Poor, unsuspecting Link got hit in the head with it. But that is beside the point.
"Link, focus," Proxi calls Link back to the matter at hand. "Today is the day I help you ask Zelda on a date."
Once again, Link just shakes his head. However, there is a slightly more desperate feel to his head-shaking this time.
Proxi knows that going against Link's wishes would be a very jerk thing to do, so she resorts to pleading. Maybe he'll give her idea a shot. She starts to become whiney and says, "But Link, I've thought about this forever! I know this will work. Just give it a shot. Don't do it for yourself or Zelda, just do it for me."
Considering that all of Proxi's plans go awry, Link figures that her plan will fail, and the absolute worst that could happen is Zelda gets the wrong message and becomes incredible confused. The same thing happened when Proxi tried to turn Zelda and her forces against Wizzro. According to Proxi's confession after the whole scenario, she and Wizzro had a quarrel, and Proxi was determined to get an army on her side, but nobody would take her seriously. How awful her plan went has to be one of the funniest misunderstandings Link ever had the pleasure of witnessing. That's a story for another time. In the present day, though, Link agrees to go along with Proxi's plan. Humiliation is totally worth not having to listen to Proxi complain for the next three days straight.
"You're the best, Link! You're going to have the best date with Zelda, I'm sure of it. Now c'mon! I can't wait!" She flies off cheerfully. This is the best mood she's been in since witnessing Ganondorf get his just desserts. Literally. That is also a story for another time.
…
Zelda takes a stroll outside the castle. The morning breeze is perfect.
"Good morning! Princess Zelda, wait up for us!" Proxi calls from behind.
Zelda turns around and watches Link casually stroll up to her. Proxi comes out of his hat, which is unusual. Zelda greets them. "Good morning Link. Good morning Proxi. How are you?"
"I am wonderful. Thank you for asking."
Zelda nods once with a pleasant smile.
Proxi can't wait any longer. She sets the scene. "So, Zelda, just between you and me, Link can't stop thinking about you. You're such an honor to fight for." Link starts to blush. This wasn't what he was expecting Proxi to do.
Zelda starts to blush, too. "Well Link, it's an honor to have you fighting alongside me."
Perfect! This is exactly what Proxi had planned so far. She continues, "And, you know, Link isn't much of a talker, but if he was, I can't help but feel as if he would talk to you for hours."
Zelda giggles. "I'm sure. He probably has a lot of great stories to tell."
"Uh huh," Proxi agrees. Now down to the point; "So Zelda, on Link's behalf, I would like to-,"
Link uses his scarf to smother Proxi. If he knew that she would set him up like this, he would have smothered her a long time ago.
Zelda is shocked, but she thinks she knows what's going on. "UM, Link, is Proxi trying to set you up on a date with me?"
Link has Proxi pinned to the ground under his scarf. He looks up at Zelda, giving her an expression which communicates that he's sorry for the inconvenience.
Zelda smiles, "Well, Link, I'd be honored to go on a date with you. I'm free tonight, if that's alright."
Link's heart stops. She just accepted an invitation to a date that he didn't give. Proxi wriggles her way out from under the scarf. "That's wonderful! How's about dinner at Lake Hylia around sunset? Dinner's on Link."
"That's perfect," Zelda confirms. After saying bye, Zelda blissfully continues her walk, now with plans for dinner tonight.
Link scrambles to his feet. That stupid fairy is going to get it for that!
"See Link, I told you my plan would work. Now you have a date with Zelda. Level up!" Proxi now feels accomplished in life. Unfortunately, now she also feels her adrenaline pumping. She has to flee before Link rips her wings off.
…
Cia waters the flowers at the East Garden Keep at the Temple of Souls. Her favorite flowers are the roses with the poisonous thorns. They remind her of herself; gorgeous, but dangerous.
Volga and Wizzro enter the keep. Volga interrupts Cia's quiet moment by asking, "Shall we plan our next assault on Hyrule?"
Cia ponders this for a moment, but then says, "Planning is so much work. Perhaps this time we should just freelance an attack. Both of you seem to perform better by just following your instincts."
"UH… great," Volga responds. "My instincts are telling me that tonight is perfect for an attack."
"Mine as well, Volga. Mine as well."
Wizzro shakes his head with a few 'tsk's here and there.
Cia faces Wizzro. "Is there are problem?"
"What fun is attacking Hyrule when the princess and the hero are busy elsewhere?"
Cia is confused. "What do you mean by that?"
Wizzro shrugs. "Eh, never mind. I understand that both of them are nuisances, and that having them away will make it much easier to overrun the castle." He turns to Volga. "Got any strategies?"
"Wizzro, what do you know that I don't?" Cia isn't suggesting that Wizzro spill the beans; she's commanding him to.
Wizzro decides to divulge before things get ugly. "It might interest you to know that Link and Zelda will be away on a date tonight at Lake Hylia. I must say, the weather will be perfect, and the sunset will be breathtaking."
"WHAT?!" Cia is aghast. Her screech causes a ringing in Volga's ears. He is pretty sure his hearing his slowly deteriorating.
"Ugh. Do I really need to repeat myself? I mean seriously, just pay attention the first time," Wizzro states. He has a knack for saying things that make angry people even angrier, and aggravating people to the core is fun! It's especially funny making Ghirahim mad. Ghirahim's facial expressions are the best.
"Wizzro, how long have you known that Zelda was going on a date with Link?" Just the sheer intimidating tone of Cia's voice makes the flowers whither with fear. When Cia uses a name with that tone, you know that you're in for a terrible beating. Wizzro is just glad she was asking a question about Zelda and not him with that tone.
Wizzro replies, "J-just since this morning, Cia. I was doing a little spy work, and I happened to overhear Zelda and Link's conversation."
Cia asks, "Wait, so Link actually talks to her?"
"No. He didn't say a word. That irritating fairy of his did all the talking for him."
Volga then thinks of a way to insult his colleague. "You really get your strings pulled by that fairy. If you two argued all the time, I'd think there was something between you two."
For once, Wizzro is aggravated by Volga. He narrows his one red eye at Volga and says, "If you don't shut up right now, I'll-," His threat is cut off by Cia walking up to them, turning them around, and pushing them out of the keep.
"W-where are we going?" Volga asks.
"I won't stand for that hollow princess receiving all of Link's attention. This date has to be stopped, and you two are going to help me stop it."
…
Faron Woods has a faithful protector, and that faithful protector so cheerfully patrols the forest. She is stopped when her other half comes for a visit. She looks completely miffed.
"Hi Cia. What's up?"
"The worst event since when I resurrected Wizzro."
"Excuse me, I'm right here." Volga and Wizzro were forced to follow Cia here. What's worse is that they are forced to follow Cia regardless.
Lana can't help but chuckle a little. "Resurrecting is a little bit of an exaggeration. You just simply freed him from his ring imprisonment again. By the way, Wizzro, you make a beautiful piece of jewelry." Lana is in such a good mood today. She wants to spread her joy to the world, even to people like the twisted wizard. It's like nothing can ruin her day.
"Lana, this is serious!" Cia yells. "Link has a date with Zelda tonight!"
Lana's happiness is crushed like a bug under Darunia's foot. "Link and Zelda are going on a date?" Her child-like innocence combined with the sudden breaking of her heart would make anybody feel bad for her.
"Cia, you just tore her innocent heart into a billion pieces. What is wrong with you?" Wizzro states.
"And we thought we were heartless," Volga adds. The two are feeling very uncharacteristic today. Cia looks back at them over her shoulder, very confused.
Cia then turns her attention back to Lana. "Lana, we have to stop this."
"But, why? If they want to go on a date, let them."
Cia growls. "You just don't get it. It should be one of us going on a date with Link. You know that you want to be the one that Link adores. You know that you want to be the one to have Link's kids. You know that-,"
"Please stop. We get the big picture," Volga interrupts. The thought of love makes him sick.
Lana shakes her head. "Cia, I thought we went over this before you died. Remember?"
"Some of us wish you were still dead," Wizzro mumbles to himself. Cia heard and whips her head around. "I didn't just say that!" Wizzro throws his hands over his mouth. Volga bursts into hysterical laughter. Feeling as if there are more important matters at hand than turning Wizzro back into jewelry, Cia turns her attention back to Lana.
Lana says, "Cia, let him go. There is nothing we can do about it."
"Yes there is," Cia refuses to give up. "If Link doesn't choose us, then we can at least make sure he doesn't get another girl." With that, Cia whips around and storms out of Faron Woods.
Volga says to Wizzro as they follow Cia, "You know, if Cia was still dead, you would be stuck as a ring."
"Not if Ganondorf got a hold of me. You would take me to Ganondorf if Cia was dead and I was a ring, right?"
"No."
…
Now, Proxi prides herself in keeping in touch. If Hyrule had computers and the internet, Proxi would have a blog. Since Hyrule doesn't have computers, and Proxi's blog is non-existent, she shares her gossip another way. All of the fairies believe communication is the key to keeping peace, so therefore, they are at the center of everything. Proxi gathers her fairy friends, and a game of telephone starts.
The most popular of the fairies is Navi, and she takes the gossip to Darunia. Darunia then relays the news to the goron news team, who is more than happy to post anything on the daily newspaper. Meanwhile, another fairy takes news to the Twilight Realm. Normally, Agitha is the first to hear, but of course, Zant tries to get a sneak peak every once in a while. Finally, one last fairy takes Proxi's gossip to Skyloft, where Fi and Ghirahim always get the inside scoop.
Ruto makes her way to Death Mountain. Recently, the gorons have been coming down from the mountain to bathe in a river which leads right into Zora's Domain. Ruto's trip to the mountain is personal; she really doesn't want to swim in mud-infested waters.
As Ruto approaches, Darunia starts his trip down the mountain. Their paths cross. "Excuse me, Darunia, but can you tell your people to find another place to bathe? When they bathe in the river, the dirt all over them flows down the river and into my domain."
"Can this wait, Ruto? I'm kind of busy," Darunia hastily explains. He walks around Ruto and continues on his way.
Ruto is aghast. "UM, excuse me, but you are going to stay here and listen to me. I am a princess."
Darunia stops and faces the Zora princess. "I'm a chieftain. Your point is?"
Ruto stomps over to Darunia, entering his personal space. She asks, "What is so important that you just waltz past me like I'm not even here? I wanna know."
"Haven't you heard?" Darunia inquires. "Link's got a date."
Ruto gives Darunia a look that implies that she is mortally shocked.
Darunia waves his hand in front of Ruto's face. She frowns at him and says, "I can see you just fine. You know, the hero of my time took my stone; he owes me a marriage."
"Wait, you're engaged to Link?" This is new information to Darunia. Personally, he doesn't think that relationship will last.
"Yes I am," Ruto states in a matter-of-factly manner. "Our Link didn't marry me, and that I allowed. However, I'm not going to let him get past me twice. I'm taking this Link for myself."
Darunia smiles in amusement. He asks, "And how are you going to do that?"
"Isn't it obvious? He won't be able to resist me!"
Oh boy, this is going to be a long day.
…
Zant proudly strides into Twilight Palace with a bit of information up his sleeve. Working in the castle for some time before he actually took over, he knows where all the guards are placed and how to get past them. When he does accidentally bump into a guard, he just bribes them. This Twili has got the swag.
Midna happily floats above the throne. It is a casual day, so Midna is being… well, casual. That is, until Zant strides into the throne room like he owns the place. First Midna wonders how Zant got past all the guards. Next, she just scowls and decides to take care of this the old fashion way.
"What do you want, and how can I get you to leave?" Midna questions with a tone that makes her words sting like poison.
Zant chuckles. "Oh, I'm not here to partake in rash actions. I merely have some… intriguing information, and I thought I'd share it with you."
Midna sighs. "I don't want to play badminton with you and Ghirahim. You guys play worse than Fi, and she doesn't even have hands."
"What? No! No more badminton!" Zant exclaims, scaring Midna a little. "I just heard that Link and Zelda are going on a late."
Midna is confused. "Going on a late? What are they late for?"
"Did I say 'late'? Sorry, I meant to say 'date'. I really need to see an orthodontist or something. Volga might have broken my jaw." Zant corrects himself. He then proceeds to adjust his jawline after his helmet retracts.
Midna now realizes the seriousness of the situation. Why Zant wanted to tell her this, she has no clue, but if Link is going on a date with Zelda, then this is serious. She needs to find a way to lift her curse and use her charm to woo Link. Link would make the perfect Twilight King. But first, he needs to see how awesome she is.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you Zant," Midna says. She flies as fast as she can towards the door. Zant turns towards her and admits that he's awesome. Midna responds with, "You're not awesome, but you may have just opened up the first step to giving our kingdom a new king. If you do anything to my castle, I'll kill you." With that, Midna teleports away.
It takes a moment, but then Zant realizes what Midna just so obscurely claimed. "WHAT?! Link can't be the king! I'M THE KING!" He may not be related to the royal family, but he's earned the throne fair and square. He's got to do something, quick!
…
Cia and Wizzro sneak past the corner, careful not to let Zelda see them. Zelda could have sworn she saw something purple out of the corner of her eye, but she dismisses it, going into her room. Just moments ago, Cia and Wizzro disposed of Zelda's dresses. Cia knows that all women want to look their best on dates, and if Zelda has nothing to wear, then she won't want to go on the date.
"It's brilliant!" Cia exclaims, thinking about her plan. Wizzro shushes her, which normally would earn him a one-way ticket to pain. The only difference is that this time, they need to be quiet.
After a moment of nothing happening, Wizzro can't help but inquire, "Cia, I don't see how this is going to work."
Cia whispers, "Well idiot, think about it this way; if you couldn't find your robes, you wouldn't go into battle, right?" Wizzro would retort, but Cia has a point there. He simply nods.
Another moment passes. Cia asks, "Wait, where's Volga?" Wizzro then starts to search for Volga. He doesn't have to search for long. Zelda screams at a pitch seemingly high enough to break glass, but no windows shatter, thankfully. Then the sounds of things being flung across the room and things shattering start to come from Zelda's room. Cia and Wizzro watch as Volga stumbles out of the room and into the hallway. One of Zelda's shoes hits him in the back of the head as he tries to stand.
Wizzro laughs hysterically. Impa heard the commotion and runs through the castle to aid the princess. Cia makes herself scarce, leaving her minions. Volga dashes around the corner and past Wizzro. He has to stop, having Impa in his way. Without hesitation, Impa starts to attack the minions.
Cia waits ten minutes outside the castle. Finally, she watches Volga launch himself out a castle window, catching himself by morphing into his dragon form. Wizzro escapes Impa's wrath by exiting through the floor and reappearing beside Cia outside the castle. Volga morphs into his humanoid form beside his mistress and fellow minion.
"Volga, you should know better than to watch a girl undress," Cia comments. She doesn't really know what Volga did to make Zelda scream, but that's her best guess.
"What?! I did no such thing!" Volga defends. Wizzro is laughing so hard that he is seemingly going to combust. Volga is hoping confetti will spew from him. Instead of arguing, Cia just walks away. Now it's time to mess with Link.
Wizzro composes himself. He turns to Volga. "You were busted big time, my dimwitted dragon fellow."
"OH, like you're any better. You shouldn't be laughing, because one of these days, I'll be on your end of this situation."
"Hey, I wouldn't be caught dead in Zelda's room."
"That could be arranged." Volga threatens. "Also, that wasn't what I was referring to. Don't think I can't hear you late at night. The day Cia catches you is the day that my life is complete."
Wizzro laughs. "OH please. Your threats don't scare me. I can see right through you."
Unfortunately for Wizzro, Volga knows that Wizzro's confident demeanor is just a fake. He turns around and runs after Cia. "Cia! I've got something to tell you!"
"No! Volga!" Wizzro chases after Volga.
…
That same day at sunset, Link waits at Lake Hylia for Zelda to arrive. Cia tried her very best, but she couldn't stop Link from making dinner for Zelda. Her minions were no help; in the kitchen, Volga actually fixed what Link messed up, and Wizzro just ended up burning himself on the stove. Then they started beating each other up with kitchen utensils. Sometimes Cia swears that the only reason they're still alive is because she watches out for them.
Zelda rushes to meet up with Link at Lake Hylia. Though all of her dresses were missing for some reason, Impa just happened to save the day with a special dress. Impa's grandmother gave Impa her wedding dress, and Impa let Zelda borrow it. Before she put it on, Zelda promised Impa that she'd be extra careful not to get anything on the dress. The flowing garment fits Zelda perfectly, and as Zelda hurries to meet up with Link, the dress dreamily blows in the wind.
Link stands with a basket of food at his feet on the edge of Lake Hylia. Zelda calls to him as she rushes to meet him. At only a few feet away, Zelda trips on a rock, but Link is able to catch her.
Zelda looks up at Link. "Thank you. I'm so clumsy." Link shakes his head in response. He doesn't think Zelda is clumsy. He's the one that's clumsy. One time, he was spinning in battle, and his shield flew off his back hitting poor Agitha in the back of the head. She was out for that battle. Zelda's never done anything so embarrassing, except for maybe the time she turned around thinking Lana was there and instead yelled into Ganondorf's chest. That's a story for another time, perhaps.
Link and Zelda take a seat on the edge of the lake. Zelda makes sure to sit a little ways away from the water for the sake of Impa's dress. Link offers Zelda a bread roll. She politely declines, wanting to catch her breath before eating.
"This is nice, Link. I haven't gotten to spend quality time with you." Zelda says. Link agrees, and then notices how pretty Zelda looks with her hair blowing in the wind. Maybe Proxi knew what she was doing after all.
Zelda looks at Link and quietly says, "I've never had a chance to personally thank you for working so hard to protect Hyrule. You truly are a hero." Link smiles in response. He starts to blush.
Proxi can't wait any longer. What? Did you think she didn't tag along? She wouldn't miss Link's first date with Zelda for anything! But anyways, Proxi can't stand the suspense. If Link isn't going to make a move on his own, she'll just help him out. Proxi rams herself into the back of Link's head, pushing it forward. Link and Zelda's lips meet suddenly, filling them both with an unidentifiable feeling.
They weren't the only people to feel a sudden wave of emotion. Cia was just running to the scene to directly interfere. Instead, she watches in great dismay as Link kisses Zelda. Neither of them jerk away in disgust, so they must like it. Whereas Zelda and Link are filling with a mysterious free feeling, Cia feels as if the weight of the world has just crashed on top of her. Her stomach feels weak, as if she's about to vomit. Behind her, Volga and Wizzro don't have to see her facial expression to tell that she's emotionally crushed. As much as they hate to see Cia happy, seeing her upset is just painful.
Just then, a familiar Zora bursts out of the water with a splash, doing a flip in the air and landing beside the duo on the right. "Link, marry me!" Ruto exclaims. She just completely ruined the moment. Link and Zelda pull away from each other and look at Ruto.
Midna appears on the other side from a Twilight portal. She yells, "Link! I just need more time! I'll be beautiful again, I promise!" Zant comes up behind her and yells, "Link! You can't marry Midna! It'll completely obliterate any chances I have left of conquering my homeland!"
Cia forgets her sorrow. She channels her emotion power into a mixture of little confusion and a lot of anger. "That gives Link a good reason to marry Midna! You're making things worse!" Link and Zelda whip their heads around to see Cia and her minions.
The rest of the warriors enter the area.
Fi explains, "Link, if you marry Zelda, there is a 78.65% chance that Hyrule will fall to a siege attack by Ganondorf."
"You can't marry Zelda! If you do, Ganondorf might decide to rid you of your children before I can!" Ghirahim adds.
"You can't marry Zelda!" Darunia adds. "You're a brother of the gorons, and the goron counsel has to approve before you can be engaged to someone!"
"You can't marry Zelda! You both have pieces of the Triforce, and I need you separated to take the Triforce pieces!" Ganondorf exclaims.
"You can't marry Zelda!" Volga yells. Everybody looks at Volga. Volga shrugs and says, "Sorry, I just wanted to be a part of this. I don't have a reason."
Zelda quickly scrambles to her feet. "What? Why is everybody here? This is kind of private."
"And why does everybody think I'm marrying Zelda?!" With that, everybody looks at Link, the normally mute hero. Link stands up.
Agitha makes her way through the bunch to the front. "Well, isn't it obvious? If you go on a date, then you must be in love."
Zelda looks at Link. "Did you tell everybody about this?" Link rapidly shakes his head. He defends himself by saying that he didn't tell a living soul. Zelda looks at everybody else. "How do you all know about this?"
Lana points at Cia. Cia points at Wizzro. Wizzro tries to point at Volga, but Volga glares at him. Ruto points at Darunia, who states that it was the news fairy. Fi and Ghirahim say the same thing about their news fairy. Midna points at Zant, who blames the news fairy. Then Agitha scolds him for eavesdropping. Ganondorf points fingers at Ghirahim. Impa just says, "You, Zelda." Zelda says that she wasn't referring to Impa.
Zelda asks, "How did the news fairies know about this?"
"I'm sorry!" Proxi can't stand the guilt. She caused a big mess, not meaning to. She floats out to the middle of the warrior circle.
"Proxi?"
"This is all my fault," Proxi confesses. "First it was me who set Link up, and I'm sorry, Link. Then I was so excited that I told my friends. I didn't think they would share it with the world."
Lana makes her way to Link. "Link," Lana begins. "you were forced into asking Zelda on a date?" Link nods in response. Lana can't help but smile in relief.
"So, this was all just a big misunderstanding?" Volga asks. When Link, Lana, and Proxi nod in response, Volga becomes really irritated. "You have got to be kidding me! I was dragged into Zelda's room because of this shenanigan!"
"Wait, what?" Proxi is appalled.
The whole thing was a misunderstanding. For some unknown reason, this fact humbles Cia. Emotionally content (for now), Cia simply turns around and walks away. The usual sassy sway of her hips isn't present as she makes her leave. She uses her scepter as more of a walking stick. The only two who notice Cia's departure are Lana and Wizzro, of all people. Neither of them speak up, and neither of them decide to follow. That weird force that makes you look at someone when they look at you causes the two to exchange glances. Lana half smiles and shrugs, as if to say "oh well". Wizzro shrugs and crosses his arms, non-verbally communicating "I still don't get it". Lana chuckles quietly to herself.
Volga's situation was just explained. "OH! So that explains it," Zelda confirms that she now understands. She proceeds to ask, "But why? Why does Cia care if I go on a date with Link?"
Before Volga can respond, Wizzro interferes, responding, "Cia refuses to share her motives, even with us."
"But, we discussed it and everything," Volga doesn't quite understand when people are trying to avoid sharing information. To prevent Volga from speaking further, Wizzro puts his hand over Volga's mouth. He says, "I think I summed it up, Volga." Some matters, like love, are personal; warriors like Lana and Wizzro understand that. Before Volga decides to bite his hand off, Wizzro creates a portal underneath them for them to quietly make themselves scarce.
With Volga and Wizzro leaving, a gap of time is made for Zelda to think. She reaches a shocking conclusion. "So Link, did you never want to go on a date with me in the first place?" Link… doesn't know how to respond to that. It would be mostly a lie to say that he did want to go on a date, but the honest truth might break Zelda's heart.
Darunia notices the meal Link made (with a little unseen help from Volga). He heroically swoops in to save the day. "Well hey, since you two are already here, and since Link made dinner, why don't you two just finish this the right way. Forget we showed up; start from scratch."
Midna agrees. She says, "Yeah. Zant over here is so rude. I'll just get him out of your hair." Zant responds with an offended/confused facial expression. Midna uses her hair to pick up Zant like an elementary school boy picks up an action figure. She creates a Twilight portal as her door back home. Agitha follows behind.
Ruto disappears under the surface of the lake. Darunia rolls into the distance. Impa and Lana casually stroll away. Ganondorf tries his very best to think of the perfect, dramatic exit, but he can't think of one within thirty seconds, so he just casually strolls away, too. Ghirahim smells dinner rolls, so he asks for one before he departs with Fi. Link and Zelda refuse to grant Ghirahim's request. Ghirahim leaves with an empty stomach.
Proxi, Zelda, and Link are left. Proxi slumps, still ashamed at herself for her rash actions and what chaos they caused. She turns to Zelda and Link. "Guys, I can't express how sorry I am for everything that just happened."
Zelda is a compassionate and understanding soul. She always has been. She is also the keeper of the Triforce of Wisdom, which is a symbol of how pure and humble she is. With a warm smile, she forgives Proxi. Despite how annoying Proxi is, Link can't stay mad at her. She's been his loyal companion since the war started. Link also forgives Proxi. Proxi's very tiny tears are taken away by the gentle breeze. Now that she feels better, Proxi decides to give Zelda and Link some privacy.
That privacy lasts about 50 seconds. Proxi returns. "So Link, have you decided to marry her yet?"
"NO!"
Author's Notes- I will probably get hated on by ZeldaXLink fans, but that's what I get for going in the direction of humor and romance. You see, loyal readers, this is why this collection of one-shots is rated T. Not the romance part, the "Volga and Wizzro are terrible role models" part. I apologize to those who liked these one-shots because they were clean and free of unkind material. Now it's semi-clean! Hooray! Foul language, never. Naughty men, just a little.