Chapter 11- The Great Horse
"And so, with his sword held high, he bravely charges into battle on his noble stead!" Link narrates. He isn't narrating to anybody in particular. He's actually just entertaining himself as he practices swinging his sword recklessly while riding his horse, Epona. About a week before, he realized during the battle that he was too slow on his feet. To fix this, he figured that he could ride Epona into battle. This way he'll be able destroy enemies and ride to Zelda's aid in half the time. That leaves him extra time to do more fighting! Score!
Link halts Epona and raises his sword high, expecting Epona to epically stand on her hind legs and whinny. Instead, Epona literally falls over on her side like Lana does when she faints. Link's leg gets caught under Epona. He manages to wiggle free, but that still doesn't change the fact that his horse literally just fell over for no reason. He's almost certain she did that just to spite him.
…
That evening, Impa takes a stroll behind the castle, like she always does. As usual, she stops by the stables. Epona, being the only horse at the stables, gets the treat that Impa brought. Impa brought a red delicious apple for Link's noble stead. Epona is more than happy to except Impa's gracious gift.
…
"We're under attack!" Zelda calls. She is calling for troops. A very familiar duo of nasty minions has paid the castle an early morning visit.
Link is awoken by the smell of burning castle walls. He is further alerted of danger when his fellow soldiers all start screaming. He figures he should grab his sword, shield, and scarf and jump into action.
Just outside the soldier dorms, Impa rallies the troops. She stops Link before he goes by. "Link, we can't let them capture Zelda! Keep her safe!" Link rushes off to do just that; keep Zelda safe.
Zelda rushes through the castle, hoping to evade the sight of-,
"There you are," says a familiar wicked-sounding voice. In defense, Zelda uses magic to create a flash of light, covering her escape. Just as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, a large knight in red armor blocks her path. This knight is definitely not one of her troops. Link manages to swoop in and move the knight out of the way so Zelda can flee.
Zelda runs to the stables. She was in bed when the raid started, so she feels completely indecent in her night clothes. She managed to throw on her robe before the owner of the wicked voice burst in, aiming to seize her. Link catches up to her, having distracted the knight long enough to get away. The other castle soldiers should be holding the invaders off. They will as long as they can.
Link rushes to untie Epona inside the stables. Zelda waits outside patiently. Unfortunately, the castle guards weren't able to stop one of the invaders from making his way out of the castle to pursue Zelda. Bursting through the ground like a zombie in the horror movies, the dark wizard appears behind Zelda. "Hiya ha ha! Did you really believe you could run, princess?" Shortly after Zelda whips around in horror, the castle defense units fall to the flame of the dragon knight. He runs to the wizard's side.
Epona wiggles her reins out of Link's grasp. She charges for the exit. Link calls her name, alerting Zelda. Zelda ducks. Epona daringly jumps over the princess, not holding back even for a second. The dragon knight, Volga, didn't expect to be smashed to the ground by a horse. The dark wizard, Wizzro, didn't expect it either, although he did have a dream about a horse and a dragon a few nights ago.
After knocking Volga to the ground, Epona lands on the ground and slows herself. Wizzro sends a one-eyed, purple piranha at the horse. Epona simply dodges it and charges at Wizzro. Wizzro blocks in defense. Epona stops on her front legs, using them as an axle. She does a complete turnaround, but stops. This leaves Wizzro clueless and with a horse's backside about an arm's length away. Epona knew exactly what she was doing.
Farmers know to be careful when milking a cow, because getting kicked by a cow isn't fun. Getting kicked by a horse isn't fun either, as Wizzro can tell you. Zelda puts both hands over her mouth in shock as Epona stands on her front legs and uses her back legs to kick Wizzro into next Tuesday. A time warp actually appears with the force of Epona's kick, and Wizzro finds himself going about his business on Tuesday of next week. He's a little overwhelmed, having no idea what he's supposed to be doing. He tries to remember, but he has no memory of the past four days. He might as well just go take a nap. Maybe that will help with the monstrous headache he's got.
Next, Link and Zelda are treated to the sight of Epona happily bounding all over Volga, smashing him further and further into the ground. Zelda figures that she has no reason to flee from harm anymore.
The very next day, Epona is awarded the Medal of Outstanding Bravery. This award is only awarded to Hyrulean soldiers… and now, Hyrulean horses. As you can imagine, Cia wasn't happy with the results of the raid. They didn't get Zelda, and on top of that, both of her top officers are pretty beat up. Not to mention that one of them is four days into the future. When Cia finally brings Wizzro back, she asks what it was that crushed them in battle like this. They respond with the same, humiliating answer- "A horse."
Author's Notes- Link's horse. There. You can tell a lot about a character by their dialogue alone, but since Epona is a horse, and cannot speak, it's not as easy to give her personality. I know this chapter is short, but I'm satisfied with it. I'm open to suggestions, and the poll is up and running.