Author's note: The song for this chapter is Foster the People - Houdini.

Shattered Memories

Trielle

I can't even begin to describe the horrifying images still coursing through my brain as I made my way back to Rivet City after our disastrous mission to the Project Purity headquarters at the Jefferson Memorial. It was like I had dropped my mind from a great height and it had shattered into a million tiny pieces. Fragments of memory played across my vision in disjointed flashes.

…Vertibirds touching down outside the memorial, disgorging armored Enclave troops like hideous eggs laid by some monstrous metal animal…

…Colonel Autumn shooting Janice Kaplinsky when my father wouldn't give up the secrets of his life's work…

…Dad sacrificing himself for his work, dying in front of me while I pounded my hands raw on the airlock door, screaming at the top of my lungs for him to stop…

…Doctor Li dragging me away from the glass, all that was keeping me from my father's lifeless body…

…Endless running-and-gunning through the escape tunnels below the memorial, Enclave soldiers at every turn, dragging three useless scientists and a heartsick handyman behind me in a desperate attempt to get to someplace safe…

…Elder Lyons offering his condolences on the death of my father, pity in his eyes for the bedraggled orphan child that fate had washed up on his doorstep…

When all was said and done, I had garnered some help from the Brotherhood, a paltry minimum at best, but better than nothing. Elder Lyons had agreed to give us sanctuary in the Citadel, which we so desperately needed, and had allowed me to trade with their quartermaster and learn the use of power armor. Scribe Rothchild had shown me where to find the Garden of Eden Creation Kit that Dad had been seeking for Project Purity, and I vowed that whatever else I did in the wasteland, I would find the G.E.C.K. and finish what he and my mother had started those long years ago.

After spending a week or so in the Citadel licking my wounds, both physical and emotional, I left the protection of the Brotherhood, intending to get to the vault that contained the prize I sought, but a radio transmission picked up on my Pip Boy soon derailed all my best laid plans. My old home, Vault 101, was in big trouble, the younger crowd having rebelled against the older in a desperate bid to escape the 'born in the vault, die in the vault' mentality. The message was from my former best friend, Amata, begging me to come back and set things to rights. I almost said 'fuck it'; after all, these were the same people who were trying to kill me not so long ago, but I never could resist anything Amata wanted me to do, including not killing her father when I escaped the vault the first time, as much as he deserved it.

So I went back, to play diplomat, of all things, between Amata's rebels and the overseer. I got him to step down in favor of Amata, who said that she would eventually open the vault for outside trading, but asked me to leave and never come back. For the good of the vault, she said, because people still blamed me for what had happened the night Dad ran away, and I found myself being exiled from the only home I had ever known for the second time. It really hurt, having people I'd known my whole life looking at me with fear and disgust in their eyes, but I was a big girl, so I held it together and acted like none of it mattered.

I stopped in Megaton for a few days to repair my gear, wash off the trail dust, and just enjoy the fact that for once, no one was shooting at me. I was going to continue on to Lamplight Caverns from there, the only way to the vault I needed, but something drew me back to Rivet City, an equal mixture of familiar spaces and the lure of a handsome android, and I was so distressed by that point that I didn't fight it. I needed to surround myself with the comfort of friends, needed to talk to someone, anyone, who would understand what I was feeling, though I would never admit it. I was managing not to have a complete hysterical breakdown…until I stepped into the Muddy Rudder for a drink first thing back in the city.

"Heeeey, it's our hero. The girl who opened the vault and let us all out to play in the wasteland." Butch DeLoria would have to be the first thing I saw back in Rivet City. I was already feeling vulnerable and emotionally drained, and here was my chief nemesis, sitting his ass on a barstool in my bar, in my city, acting like he hadn't a care in the world while he invaded my turf. How dare he! I felt my entire body flush with rage, and I snapped.

"Look Butch!" I barked, fighting against the surge of adrenaline that was hitting me so hard my whole body shook. "I may have had to put up with your shit in the vault, but we're out in the real world now, and you're on my turf. I won't let you push me around anymore, so you can just march your ass out of my bar and get out of my city!"

"Whoa, babe." Butch thought he was so slick. "I only gave you so much shit because I was waiting for you to stand up for yourself. I like the new you." He stood up and strutted over to me, eying me up and down in a manner that made my blood boil. "I really like the new you."

My treacherous memory flashed back to a scene from my history, me at age twelve, cornered in yet another unused area of the vault by Butch and Wally. They had finally settled on Tunnel Snakes for the name of their gang, and were intent on proving that they were the biggest, baddest gang ever, never mind that they were the only gang in the vault. I was not long out of the infirmary after the incident with the junkie, and even at normal strength, I couldn't have defended myself against both of them at once. I was just starting to 'blossom into womanhood,' as all the adults put it, and Butch and Wally took it in turns to pin me against the wall and grope me, squeezing my budding breasts and rubbing their hands between my legs. I struggled against the assault, and finally managed to get in a lucky shot and kick Wally in the nuts. That's when they decided that it would be more fun just to beat the shit out of me and leave me to crawl back to the infirmary by myself. Despite my assertions that I had not started the fight, that I was in fact an innocent victim, the overseer chose to believe that I was the only troublemaker, and I found myself on toilet cleaning duty when I had recovered enough to walk again. I had every reason to want Butch dead, had even pulled out the little knife I carried in my sleeve. He wouldn't catch me like that again; I wasn't the bullied little girl anymore, and he would pay with his life this time.

Before I knew what was happening, Butch had grabbed me around the waist and pulled me in close, mashing his lips on mine in an inexperienced kiss while grabbing my butt in a clumsy grope that in no way came close to Harkness' finesse with the same maneuver. I saw red and shoved him hard, breaking his hold on my waist and pushing him away from me. I wanted so badly to stab him with the knife in my clenched fist, but a little voice inside me screamed that stabbing was too good for him. In a heartbeat, I sheathed the knife and instead belted him as hard as I could in the nose with my fist, knocking him ass over teakettle into the barstools.

"You ever lay a lip on me again and I'll strip you naked and drop you into a sewer full of radroaches!" I yelled, so close to the ragged edge of losing control that it scared me "Rivet City is mine, asshole, my territory, not yours, and your precious Tunnel Snakes aren't here to do your dirty work for you this time! I'm the nastiest thing in this wasteland, as far as you're concerned, and you better remember it! If you come within a hundred feet of me again, even your mother won't recognize you when I'm done with you!" As he started to get up, I kicked him hard in the nuts, causing him to collapse back to the floor, writhing in pain and clutching himself. "I don't need this shit! I'm outta here!"

I ran up the stairs like I was being chased by a whole pack of deathclaws, desperate to get out of the city before I disgraced myself. I was panting with rage and gasping rapidly in an attempt to keep back the tears I had yet to shed, so angry with myself and the whole world that I couldn't see more than two feet in front of my face. I had gotten out the main hatch and was striding down the bridge when someone grabbed me by the shoulder, halting my rapid progress. I swung around, fist swishing through the air to punch the asshole who had dared to lay a hand on me. Harkness caught my fist like I was standing still, gripping my wrist with firm but gentle fingers.

"Starting bar fights and taking potshots at people isn't like you," he rasped. "What the hell's the matter with you, Elle?"

I opened my mouth to tell him off, but something inside me broke at that moment.

"Dad's dead!" I wailed, and burst into tears.

Author's note: I wrote this chapter and the next right after replaying The Waters of Life and Trouble on the Homefront, so the emotions were very fresh in my mind. These two quests in particular really hit me in the feels.