Chapter 17- All Those Babies
"Ha! You all might as well be babies, because that was pathetic,"- this was Volga yesterday evening.
If Volga knew that some mysterious power would literally turn all of the warriors but him into babies, he probably would have curved his tongue. Today, Volga is the only adult of the 15 warriors. He literally flew through all of the lands and eras, finding that each and every one of the warriors are now anywhere from about two weeks of age to about two years of age.
Currently, Volga watches Baby Cia play with a rattle. To pacify her crying, he had to get the rattle off a rattle snake and attach it to a stick. Cia is quiet with the exception of the rattle noise and a laugh from her every once in a while.
"This is bad. This is very, very bad," Volga talks to himself aloud. What is he supposed to do now? All of his possible opponents are in their infancy. Babies aren't fun to fight. You flick them in the nose and they cry. Plus, Volga is a fair fighter. If he has to fight, he wants his opponent to at least have a chance against him.
There has to be an answer. Could someone have done this? Is there someone he can talk to? Could he reason with someone to fix everything? Perhaps a musical instrument to reverse time? Magical hair that can heal people, as well as make people younger? (Well, actually, if he made some of the warriors any younger, they would cease to exist.) A magical pool that when bathed in can restore you to your prime? Example; if you're just a ghostly blob that can fly, the pool can restore you back to a time when you had a body. That might not be as helpful in this situation, either. But, if that existed, it would be worth a try.
It takes a while, but Volga finally goes to see a great fairy. He takes Baby Cia with him.
"Great Fairy, I need to speak with you," Volga calls to the fairy at the Valley of Seers.
The Great Fairy appears, laughing as per the usual. "Why hello there. You're Volga the dragon knight, right? Ha ha ha! Knight, and right—they rhyme. See?" Volga starts to question how desperate he really is, considering that he came to see this crazy lady.
Volga gets down to the point. "I have to consult with you about a peculiar situation." He holds up Baby Cia.
"Aw!" the Great Fairy gawks. "It's a baby! How adorable!"
"Cia, as well as the rest of the warriors, have been turned into infants and toddlers. I don't know how or why, but they must be returned to their proper ages. Who knows what will happen if they are not."
The Great Fairy is almost all-knowing. Not quite all-knowing, but decently close. She laughs and says, "You are lonely, Volga. You want your mistress returned to normal because you are lonely."
"W-well, I want everyone back; not just Cia," Volga says. This statement is true, but he refuses to acknowledge that the Great Fairy might be onto something when she says that he is lonely.
The Great Fairy chuckles to herself. "I can fix this. I can return everything to normal."
Volga smiles. "That would be great. Please, whenever you are ready."
"That is," the Great Fairy states, "if you let yourself show your sensitive side."
"Um… excuse me?" Volga is genuinely confused.
The Great Fairy moves to a position in the air as if she was lying on her stomach. She reaches down and gently takes Baby Cia. With her other hand, she gently strokes Baby Cia's head. "Your sensitive side, Dragon Knight. Nurture these children; be their guardian."
Volga scowls. "I will not stoop so low as to play babysitter. I am a warrior!"
The Great Fairy shrugs; her expression changing from kind to stern. "Very well, then. I will restore the warriors to their appropriate ages. However, each must be properly cared for until I have stored enough magic to do so."
Volga is eager to get this over with. "Fine. Just tell me what I have to do."
"It is your job to feed, shelter, clothe, and other necessary deeds to assure the well-being of each warrior while they are in this state. If just one of them is unwell in any way, I might refuse to restore them to their proper ages."
Volga is stunned. This just got serious. He gently takes Baby Cia from the Great Fairy.
"Good luck," the Great Fairy says, and then makes her departure.
…
So, it is probably in Volga's best interest to round up each of the warriors. His first destination is Hyrule Fields. He created a sling-like object to go around his body so he can carry Baby Cia on his back. It is also in Volga's best interest not to morph into his dragon form. Flying is not an option when you have to carry an infant on your back.
Conveniently, it isn't hard to find Baby Link. Inconveniently though, Baby Link has his hands on the boomerang. He throws it at Epona, who grazes in the field nearby. The child has a good throw. The boomerang hits the horse, causing Epona to start stampeding. Of course this task couldn't be easy.
Quickly, Volga weighs his options. He could perform an awesome barrel roll, grabbing Baby Link and rolling out of the way. But he has to rule that option out because he has Baby Cia on his back. Using fire breath is just a bad idea in general. No morphing allowed. This might be harder than he thought.
Before Baby Link is trampled by Epona, Volga jumps in front, stopping the horse with his hands. Thankfully, the force doesn't knock Volga back. The loud noises of the horse scare Baby Link, and he starts to cry. Epona trots off. Volga scoops Baby Link up into his arms and lifts Baby Link over his shoulder and into the carrier with Baby Cia. The warmth of Baby Cia calms Baby Link, and his crying slowly decreases until it ceases completely. That's one baby down, three more to go; that is, in Hyrule.
Volga finds Baby Impa in the kitchen of the castle. Of course she's on the counter crawling towards the knives. Volga figures that the longer he sits and watches, the closer she'll crawl to catastrophe, so he gets Impa out of there quickly. Two down, two to go. Also while at the castle, Volga snatches up Baby Zelda before she gets too close to the stairs. The satchel of kids is becoming heavy.
There is one baby left to find, and more than likely save from a disaster. It appears that Baby Lana is nowhere to be found in the castle, so Volga goes searching elsewhere. Just as he is about to give up searching in Hyrule Fields, there is a rustle in the tall flowers. A tiny head with short, blue hair pops out. Classic Lana. Volga reaches down to pick her up. Toddler Lana retreats into the flowers, running out from the other side, giggling all the way. Volga chases after her, eventually catching her. Getting Toddler Lana was fairly easy. That's all four children from Hyrule Fields and the castle. Next stop—Skyloft.
…
Who knew that Fi could be a toddler? Volga finds Toddler Fi giving statistics to a honey bee. "Your lifespan is exactly 2 weeks. You will actually die tomorrow, little bee." Fi is giving statistics at one-and-a-half years old. Carrying several kids on his back, Volga trudges over to Fi.
"Greetings. There is a stroller in that building, if that serves any assistance," Fi informs. Some people never change, no matter how old they are. Volga uses this information to his advantage; he takes the stroller, dumps all the babies in it, and grabs Fi along the way.
A few minutes later, Volga isn't surprised to see Baby Ghirahim taking a nap on top of a hand mirror. Once again, some people never change. Next stop—the Twilight Realm.
…
Unfortunately, an elevator to the top floor of the palace does not exist. Volga has to carry Toddlers Lana and Fi on his back and the stroller of babies with his biceps up three flights of stairs. By the time he reaches the top floor, his buttocks are burning.
"Yay! Again!" cheers Toddler Lana. Toddler Fi informs Toddler Lana that Volga is very tired, but Lana has no idea what Fi is saying. For a toddler, Fi uses big words.
Baby Midna floats in the air around the room. To grab her, Volga has to reveal his wings and delicately fly up to Baby Midna. Toddler Lana and Toddler Fi stare in astonishment. Baby Midna begins to bawl, which wakes Baby Ghirahim from his nap. He realizes that his hand mirror isn't there, so he starts bawling too. Then all the babies start bawling because sadness is contagious. Toddler Lana looks over the side of the stroller. Her eyes can barely peek over the edge. She asks in her small, sweet voice, "What's the matter, little babies?"
"Lana, I feel I must inform you that you are pushing the stroller towards the stairs," Fi informs. Lana ignores her.
The stroller does reach the stairs, and thus hops down. Miraculously, it hits the wall at the end of the first flight, and stops. None of the babies are injured. Volga stands at the top of the stairs, his jaw agape.
"Oops," Lana murmurs. The look of guilt on her face accompanies the tone of her voice very well.
…
The remaining babies are decently easy to find. Baby Zant took Baby Agitha's bottle, so Volga returned the bottle to Agitha and picked up the kids on the way. Baby Darunia weighs more than the average infant should, and Volga resorts to carrying Baby Darunia in the sling on his back. The stroller is almost full, anyway. Baby Ruto happily splashes in a puddle, so Volga picks her up and dries her with a towel before placing her in the stroller with the others. In Gerudo Desert, Toddler Ganondorf tackles a bokoblin. Volga has a feeling that Ganondorf will be okay by himself. Ultimately, Fi predicts that Ganondorf's aggression is going to lead him into deep trouble, so Volga decides to watch Ganondorf, too. Ganondorf refuses to come along willingly, so Volga finds a vine and uses it as a leash around Ganondorf's waist, connecting it to the stroller. Surprisingly, this works.
Back at the Valley of Seers, Volga counts the children. He does a few recounts, coming up short one each time. It takes a while, but he eventually realizes that it is his co-minion that is missing. Who knows where Wizzro is, or if he is okay?
While Volga sorts out this dilemma in his head, Toddler Lana discovers something. She waddles over to Volga, pulling on the leg of his pants. "There is a creepy pile of rags with two sticks behind the couch." Curious as to what this means exactly, Volga goes to investigate. Sure enough, there is a small pile of purple cloth with two stick arms sleeping in a puddle of drool behind the couch. This pile is otherwise known as Baby Wizzro.
…
Eventually, Volga situates all of the babies on the couch. Volga tried very hard not to wake Baby Wizzro by moving him to the couch, but accidently does wake the baby wizard. Luckily, Baby Wizzro goes back to sleep without a fuss. It takes an hour or two, but finally, all of the babies go to sleep on the couch. Volga can't help but grin at the sight of Baby Ghirahim sleeping on top of Baby Zant.
Toddler Lana is on the opposite side of the room, lying on a small bed on the floor. Fi is sleeping beside her. Ganondorf fell asleep standing in the corner of the room.
"I'm not tired."
Volga looks back at Lana, who now sits up in bed. He says, "It's late, Lana. You need to sleep."
Lana shakes her head, stating, "I can't. I'm scared."
Volga considers telling her to suck it up, but reminds himself that emotional well-being is included in all-around well-being. He quietly walks over to the side of the small pallet of blankets and sits down. He asks, "Does it help if I sit beside you?"
Lana shrugs and gently nods. She lies back down, pulling the covers up over her shoulder. After a moment of silence, Lana asks, "Can you tell me a story?"
Volga lowers his shoulders, annoyed. Really? Now he has to tell a story? This is unbelievable. How does a story put people to sleep? In response, he tells Lana no.
"Please?" Lana's bottom lip quivers. She gives Volga the puppy-dog eyes. Not even Volga can say no to the puppy-dog eyes. He finally gives in and asks what kind of story Lana wants to hear. She tells him that she wants a story with action and romance. She wants a story with a happy ending. Those are Volga's least favorite stories because there are no happy endings in real life.
"Lana, those stories are all fake," he bluntly tells her.
Lana gives him a quizzical look. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that there are no happy endings in real life."
Lana asks, "How do you know?" This leaves Volga at a blank. He can't think of a good reason off the top of his head. He decides to go with what he knows for certain; his life has been rough. He answers, "Because I've experienced it. There have been no happy endings in my life."
Quietly, Lana gets up and hugs Volga's arm. Her tiny limbs barely reach all the way around his biceps. With her sweet, quiet voice, she tells Volga that she hopes he has a happy ending. Then and there, something happens. Volga can't identify the feeling he has, but it feels like his heart is floating in outer space. He regurgitates some of his lunch, but keeps it inside of his mouth.
Lana looks up at him and releases. He holds up and finger and rushes out of the room. Lana doesn't know what she did, but at least she knows that she wished the best for Volga, and that makes her happy.
…
The next morning, Volga checks in on the warriors. Most of the babies are still asleep. Impa lies awake, very quiet. She studies her hands. Ganondorf chases Fi around the room, and Lana sleeps peacefully. A strong odor wafts through the air. The unpleasant odor stings Volga's eyes. "Where is that coming from?"
Fi asks, "That stench?"
Volga nods.
Fi points to the babies. Oh dear. The following events would be best forgotten.
By eleven in the morning, all of the babies are awake. They all seem content until Baby Wizzro commences crying. Baby Link and Baby Darunia don't appear to care. Link is too busy playing with Darunia's feet to notice, and Darunia chews on his fist. He glances at Zelda, but does nothing. Baby Ruto is next to cry. The rest follow.
"Grah! Stop it!" Ganondorf yells.
Lana complains, "I'm hungry!"
This gives Volga an idea, but first, he needs to figure out what all of these warriors eat, especially at this age. He knows that Darunia eats rocks, which are easy to find. He hands Darunia a pebble, and Darunia immediately eats it. Volga considers that a success because Darunia didn't choke. He figures that since zoras live in the water, Ruto must eat fish. She seems to be satisfied with the leftover fried catfish. Fi questions this, but doesn't say anything. The remaining babies are content with baby bottles of cow milk. This is good because they needed to use the milk before it spoiled.
All of the babies but Wizzro eat. He continues to wail. Lana asks, "What's wrong?" Both she and Baby Wizzro sit on the ground. He falls over; the sobbing perpetuates. Each time Lana sits him up straight, he just falls over again, usually to his right. Volga doesn't quite know what to think of this.
Volga eventually asks Fi for advice. He did ask Ganondorf, but Ganondorf's response was to kill him. Volga immediately chucked that option. Fi's suggestions, however, are extremely helpful. She suggests giving Wizzro some water, which will quench his thirst. Wizzro rejects the water. Fi suggests burping Wizzro. Volga has no idea how to do that. Lana tries patting Wizzro on the back, but nothing happens. Fi suggests giving Wizzro something hard to teethe on. Volga points out that Wizzro's teeth have already grown in, which is unusual. Fi inquires if Wizzro has any health problems. There are none that Volga is aware of. Fi states that Wizzro may just be in discomfort, and that there is really nothing they can do for it.
For the next two hours, Volga waits for the crying to stop. It doesn't. Someone is always crying. Volga did not enjoy this day.
…
For two more days, Volga nurtures the warriors. By the fourth day, the crying and putrid odor doesn't bother him. He often does a head count to make sure someone hasn't wandered off. The third day, Ganondorf ran all the way to the edge of the Valley of Seers before Volga finally realized he had escaped. Baby Zant and Baby Ghirahim got a kick out of slapping each other, once they figured out how to slap. When Zant tried slapping Midna, things got ugly. Wizzro only stopped wailing to sleep, and by lunch of the third day, Volga just put Wizzro in a sound-proof box.
On the last night, Volga finally decided to tell Lana a story. He told of magical worlds where dragons are the wisest and strongest of all creatures. He told Lana about some of the greatest dragons, and how they shaped the realms. Lana went to sleep faster than the previous nights.
…
On the fifth day, the Great Fairy calls Volga to the fairy fountain. He is instructed to bring all of the warriors. He does as instructed. Once he reaches the fairy fountain, his heart aches. He realizes that this journey has come to its end.
"Volga, where are we?" Lana asks. She gazes in awe at the beauty of the fairy fountain.
"We are at the fairy fountain, Lana. Someone wants to see us," Volga responds softly.
The Great Fairy appears, bursting from the water. "Great sandstorms!" Ganondorf exclaims.
The Great Fairy nods in authoritative approval. "Volga, you have done very well. My only complaint is how you handled Wizzro's crying. You put him in a box."
Volga shrugs with a guilty expression. He glances at the stroller. Baby Wizzro sleeps now, but once he wakes, he'll be crying.
There is a moment of silence. The Great Fairy breaks the silence by saying, "You have grown just as much as your fellow warriors have through this experience, Volga. But now, just like I promised, things will return to the way they were." In response, Volga nods.
Lana has a feeling that she might not see Volga again. She asks with concern, "What's going to happen to us?"
Volga looks at Lana. To ease her, he smiles and responds, "Everything will return to the way it should be." Lana beams.
…
With a simple whoosh, the warriors are back to normal. Most of them are stuck in the stroller. The stroller stands for ten seconds before blasting apart from the weight, most of it Darunia's. Ganondorf doesn't know why everyone was in a stroller, but he laughs hysterically. None of them have any memory of what happened. Neither the Great Fairy nor Volga decides to tell them exactly what happened. Eventually, after some mingling, everyone returns to their respective realms.
Returning to the Valley of Seers, Volga and Wizzro walk behind Cia. She is humiliated with the stroller conundrum, but refuses to acknowledge it.
When they are a good ways behind Cia, Volga asks, "Wizzro, can I ask you a question?"
"Technically yes. That was your question for the day."
"Another question."
Wizzro rolls his eye and gestures for Volga to continue.
The dragon knight inquires, "When you were very little, were you always in pain?"
Wizzro is taken back by Volga's strange question. Nevertheless, he responds, "None of the souls I'm made of remember their past lives, let alone their infancies."
Volga shrugs. "I just wondered. You cried a lot, and we couldn't figure out why."
"What are you talking about?! Who is 'we'?!" Wizzro is really confused. Volga is practically talking nonsense. Before things get out of control, Volga drops the subject.
They return to their home base. Cia is aghast at the sight of the couch. There is dirt, spit-up, and unidentifiable substances that reek all over it.
Cia turns to her minions. "Who… did THIS?!"
Volga suddenly has a spark of attitude. "You did, you giant idiot."
And so, the warriors have returned to normal thanks to Volga. To this day, Cia still has her rattlesnake baby rattle.
Author's Notes- This idea brewed in the back of my head for a while, and the Medli forever suggested in the reviews something about Volga. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have done a chapter focusing on Volga. Also, I had a couple movie and game references in this chapter. Most of them at the beginning. I'm just curious to see if anyone finds them. Anyways, vote on the poll if you haven't already, and I guess I'd better start brainstorming for chapter 18.