Chapter 22- Thinking About Her
Ganondorf's forces and Zelda's forces are in the midst of a heated battle, and it's not just heated because they are in Gerudo Desert at one in the afternoon during the hottest time of the year. Zelda recruited Midna and Fi for this battle, which is convenient considering that Ganondorf brought Zant and Ghirahim to this quarrel.
Zant takes the Oasis keep, mostly because he thought he saw a tub of ice water waiting for him there. Ganondorf asked him if he really wanted to wear heavy, dark robes to the desert. Though the answer at the time was "yes", he now wishes he had said "no". He is pretty sure the entire water content of his cup of grape juice this morning is now perspiration, either in his armpits or on his forehead. For that matter, even his butt is sweating.
There is a moment of peace, and Zant seizes it. He retracts his helmet and breathes the dry, dusty, desert air. He proceeds to cough out his parched lungs.
Once Zant's coughing fit is over, he takes a glimpse at the competition. To his left, Midna is battling Lord Ganondorf's forces for control of a keep; not strikingly entertaining or important. So, moving on, on Zant's right, two flying swords duel it out. Wait, two flying swords?
Fi and Ghirahim are in their true forms, dueling it out like civilized people… or, spirits and demons. They clash and stagger back after a few good swings. As if they were having the same thought, Ghirahim assumes his more humanoid form, clashing his sword with Fi's leg, as she too undertook her humanoid form. Her leg doesn't appear to be severed in any way, despite colliding with Ghirahim's sword, as most would expect.
Zant witnesses as Ghirahim's patience is evaporated by the heat of the sun and the battle. He focuses his spirit, taking his final form; a stronger, darker-skinned version of himself. Zant has never actually had a chance to simply examine Ghirahim in this form. Besides the fact that Ghirahim now looks like Ganondorf in Volga's body (without any armor on), Zant makes a completely different observation; the crisscross line pattern on Ghirahim's skin is identical to the pattern on Fi's tights. Or, are they her legs? Huh… that's two similarities between Ghirahim and Fi that Zant has chalked up, the first being that they are both shape-shifting, living swords.
When it comes to ruining the moment, Midna comes out on top. Her hair fist collides with Zant's left side, and he is launched a few meters in that general direction. Midna enters the Oasis. "Yeah! Feel the burn!" She flexes her arms as if she was a body-builder. Oh gosh…
…
So, Zelda led her forces successfully against Ganondorf and his forces. After the battle, Zant assumed the persona of a 5-year-old and asked Ganondorf if they could go get ice cream. Ganondorf responded, "Ice cream is for winners." Zant remained warm and ice cream-less.
Back at Ganondorf's headquarters, or in other words, his living residences, he and his minions cool off. Ganondorf wasn't hot in the desert sun, but his temper is boiling.
Ghirahim sits on a wooden box, leaning up against the wall. He studies the bags under his eyes with a small, circular, closable mirror. Zant left to change into some pants that were not soaked with sweat.
Zant returns with dry clothes. He stops to study Ghirahim. How is it that Ghirahim isn't sweaty? That dark red cape had to be warm in the desert sun.
The rest of Ghirahim's attire is examined by Zant. Ghirahim wears a white leotard that acts like a skin-tight onesie from the waist down. Zant isn't sure if Ghirahim is wearing shoes or not, but if he isn't, then his leotard is feet-in. Ghirahim also sports an orange sash with a red diamond positioned on his right hip. Sashes were so ten thousand years ago.
Suddenly, a light bulb lights up somewhere in the depths of Zant's brain. His brain connected the diamond on Ghirahim's sash to the blue gem on Fi's chest. Though the color is different, the shape is identical!
Zant says the first thing that pops into his brain- "You are just like Fi." Perhaps it would have been better if Zant had not said the first thing that came to mind. Slowly, Ghirahim turns his head towards Zant, processing a response.
"Is that how you compliment your love interests? I cannot begin to fathom why you are still single," Ghirahim responds caustically. He can only smile uncomfortably in the awkwardness of the situation.
"What? No. Girls are for losers. I would never compliment a girl," replies Zant defensively.
Ghirahim stands up, leaning forward into Zant's personal space. "Your claims do not match up to your actions, my hideous acquaintance. I seem to remember you insisting on dueling with Lana when you clearly could have faced against Link if you so desired. That is a preference to women, no?"
"Hey, Lana is a force to be reckoned with. I would have let you handle her if I was certain you could best her. I simply didn't want to risk it."
Ghirahim nods, knowing differently. "Sure." He puts away his mirror.
Ganondorf storms by looking as raged as he did when Midna's wolf bit his backside in the midst of an important battle.
Ghirahim follows behind and calls out to him, attempting to get his attention. "Lord Ganondorf. I have an important matter to discuss with you."
Ganondorf stops. He grumbles, "Make it quick, clown."
"I fear Zant is coming down with a terrible brain illness."
"I am?" Zant asks, checking the temperature of his forehead.
"Indeed you are," Ghirahim confirms. "And I have the evidence to prove it. Mere moments ago, he mistook me for Fi."
"What?!" Zant wails. "I did not! I just said you looked like her."
Ghirahim shakes his head and says, "That is not what you said." The two start to talk over each other, resulting in a hodgepodge of sound that gradually gets louder.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" bellows the mighty Ganondorf.
The surrounding area is so quiet that you could hear a cockroach's heart break.
Ganondorf rubs his temples. He asks, "Ghirahim, why is it so important that Zant called you Fi? You know Zant has issues, and nothing he says means anything anyways. Just ignore him, and you won't have your feelings hurt."
Ghirahim is utterly speechless. Zant wants to run away. Maybe Zelda would have compassion on him.
Ganondorf leaves the company of his minions.
Ghirahim turns to Zant. "Zant, it has just dawned on me how pathetic we are. I feel… like an idiot."
"Welcome to my world."
…
Curse you, Zant!
Ghirahim tried to sleep, but thanks to Zant, Fi has been on his mind, haunting his thoughts. To clear his mind, Ghirahim decides to take a midnight stroll to wherever, he doesn't care.
During his stroll, he tries to understand Zant's thought process when he said that he and Fi looked alike. After some thought, Ghirahim does notice some similarities between him and Fi. They are both swords, have spirit-esque forms, and they both sport a diamond of the same shape, but different colors. Ghirahim figures that the diamonds were intention by their masters. Fi's mistress…
Ghirahim bumps into a wall, staggering back, (which is why you should never walk and think at the same time). It takes him a moment, but he eventually realizes that he has wandered into the Goddess Statue. Great Hylia, I might need some help.
…
Ganondorf got no sleep what-so-ever, which is probably why his coffee made its way into the floor instead of his mouth. Zant does a handstand on the other side of the room.
Ghirahim runs in frantically. "Quick! Someone knock some sense into me!"
Zant gets on his feet. Ganondorf's face falls onto the table. It's too early for nonsense. Zant walks over to Ghirahim. "Do you sense from the bottom or the top?"
"I just want someone to hit me. Not my face, though. I'm too pretty," Ghirahim explains. He is not as frantic as he was when he ran in. He turns his lesser cheek to Zant, tightening his abs (just in case Zant decides to punch his gut).
Zant is much obliged. He decides to do his worst; something he has always wanted to do to Ghirahim. With as much force as he can muster, he winds up his dominant foot and swings in forward. He drastically misses his target, hitting Ghirahim's shin instead. Ghirahim staggers back in utter pain, falling on his back. The dirt around Ghirahim is agitated, creating a puff around him.
Zant flinches and says, "OH. I didn't mean to do that. It hurt though, right?"
Ghirahim grumbles, "Does the Great Fairy have pink hair?"
Zant about answers the question, but then realizes that the question was rhetorical meant to be compared to his question. His question is answered in the process. He proceeds to inquire, "So, why did you want someone to knock some sense into you?"
Ghirahim stands up, limps towards Zant, and utters furiously, "Because a certain someone got another certain someone stuck in my head."
Zant smirks under his helmet. He points at Ghirahim. "I knew something was happening there."
Ghirahim's knee meets Zant's gut in a gory display.
…
Later on that day, Ghirahim decides to lead an army into Skyloft in order to tear it to the ground. Ganondorf, in support of Ghirahim's uncontrollable rage, lends a faction of his army to the demon lord. After lunch and tea, Ghirahim sets out to wreak havoc on the peaceful land of Skyloft.
A Skyloft Captain is the first to hear word of Ghirahim's assault. He rushes to inform Skyloft's protector immediately. Skyloft's protector, Fi, prepares to defend Skyloft.
It doesn't take long for the residents of Skyloft to start fleeing for their lives. Seeing the carnage unfold eases Ghirahim's restless mind. Everything is back to the way it should be.
Then Fi crosses paths with him.
"You have got to be kidding me," is all Ghirahim can say.
"I am incapable of jesting," is Fi's simple response.
Fi is suddenly incapable of decision. She witnesses Ghirahim turn around and pull out a small blade. He told himself before the battle that he wouldn't think about Fi, or else he would lose what's most important to him. Even Fi gasps as Ghirahim grabs his hair, bringing the knife to it. He hesitates.
"What is wrong with you?!" Fi blurts out. This is perhaps the first and the last time Fi will ever use those words in any context. She says it was such emotion; emotion that she should not be able to generate.
Nostalgia courses through Ghirahim's bones. Fi was not Fi, but rather, she was someone much bigger than both of them. For a moment, it seemed as if all was as it once was, back before-
No! Ghirahim refuses to play this game any longer. He is not self-disciplined enough to chop off his hair, but he is experienced in the art of collapsing on the ground. He goes limp and collapses, falling backwards. He was a thumb's width away from his backside landing on his knife, but he doesn't care.
Fi assumes Ghirahim has surrendered. It dawns on her that neither of them are swallow, but deep with backstory that has made them who they are. It appears that maybe, she isn't the only one affected by the past.
Ganondorf and Zant watched the whole thing from afar.
"UM… my lord, what just happened?"
Ganondorf shrugs. He says, "I wouldn't be surprised if Ghirahim's hormones were acting up. After we gather up my army, do you want to go get some ice cream?"
Zant gasps in utter delight.
Author's Notes- This one took a strange turn. I just rolled with it, writing whatever came to mind, and I think this one was more drama than humor. I'm not sure what happened; it was all fun and games when I started. Anyways, I'm still taking question for the Q & A coming up. Ask the warriors anything. Also, vote for your favorite chapter (11-19) on the poll or in the reviews. I will tally up the results at the end.