Chapter 23- Strictly Business
Dear Darunia:
This letter is strictly business, and therefore, I used a colon instead of a coma for the greeting. I am writing to inform you of a serious issue. My people have recently suffered some near-death accidents, which I believe are being caused by your people. Just last week, a young Zora boy no older than 12 was struck by a small boulder while swimming for exercise. How was the rock pushed you ask? My theory is that it was never sitting still to begin with. I theorize that the boulder was released from the top of your mountain and rolled to Lake Hylia. I humbly request that measures are taken to prevent this sort of thing from happening again. Thank you- Princess Ruto
Two days later
Dear Princess Ruto,
This letter is my humble response to your request, so notice how I used a coma instead of a colon. There are a few notes I would like to point out on the matter. I cannot help but wonder why you automatically assume that my people are the cause of falling boulders. Nature will decide when rocks erode and break. In addition, I noticed how you claimed that your people (meaning more than one Zora) have recently suffered some accidents. I can't help but wonder if you were exaggerating. Furthermore, the chances of more than one Zora being crushed by boulders while swimming is pretty slim. I'm afraid that there is nothing we can do besides suggest that you advise your people to wear hardhats. I hope you have a wonderful day- Chieftain Darunia
Three days later
Dear Darunia:
I couldn't help but feel as if you were mocking me in your response. I didn't appreciate it. I am utterly serious about this situation, and I honestly believe that your people have something to do with the cascading stones. My officials have reported seeing Gorons bashing into the sides of the mountain during what appeared to them to be races. And you are completely right; the erosion makes matters worse. What I'm saying is stop bashing into the mountain, and maybe it won't fall apart. Just saying. And no, I wasn't exaggerating. An elderly woman was pinned to the lake bottom by one the boulders that came speeding into the lake like a bowling ball. You can't tell me that isn't a hazard. Maybe now I've struck you with the importance of the situation- Princess Ruto
Four days later
Dear Ruto,
The only part of my previous response that I was mocking you was at the very beginning, and I just simply said the opposite of what you said your first letter. The rest was just me responding to you as if I was talking to your face and letting someone else transcribe it. This is not my handwriting, by the way. Back to the matter at hand, I am taking the matter just as seriously as you are. Yes, Gorons like to race. So what? It's all just for fun and completely safe. And… now that I think about it, I don't appreciate you Zoras spying on us. Our business is our business alone. We don't watch you guys do synchronized swimming. About the woman stuck at bottom of the lake, I'm pretty sure you guys have gills. She wasn't in danger of suffocating. I'm not a rocket scientist, but I'm pretty sure rocks are slowed in water. The boulder couldn't have hit her that hard. My point is, you are definitely exaggerating. I regret to say that the only thing you've struck is my disinterest. Now, if I may return to my meal- Chieftain Darunia
Five days later
Darunia!
Why I outta-! I don't even have words for this. This is absurd! Your apathy is absurd! And you say that we spy on you!? That's such a hypocrite thing to say considering that you're spying on our synchronized swimming. I'll have you know that I take the well-being of my people so deadly serious that I am writing these letters myself. Ugh! I'm so angry that my handwriting is a mess! I suggest that you get off that stony chair of yours, swallow that rock in your mouth, and start giving a care about my people. I tried to be civilized, really, I did. But, you've left me no choice but to talk to you like your mother. Now see if you can do anything about your crumbling mountain- Princess Ruto
Darunia's mouth dropped to the floor. Six days later
Ahem, Ruto,
I'm not saying this to be rude, but I think your furiously sloppy handwriting is the least of your concerns. Wait- you guys actually do synchronized swimming? I swear, I did not know that until I read your angry letter. On another note, I think I will stay in my comfortable upholstery (not stone) chair and chew my gourmet rocks as long as I please. I have kept my cool, unlike you, which is ironic considering that you live in a lake and I in a mountain. …You don't know how my mother talks to me! Point is, I'm not going to do anything about your little dilemma. And yes, now I'm mocking you- the proud Chieftain Darunia
The messenger, Tingle, has just about had enough of this running back and forth with letters that are only making matters worse. He decides to compose a couple letters of his own.
The next day
Dear Darunia,
I took your suggestion and cooled down a little bit. I have also come to a rational decision, which is to declare war on you. I am sick and tired of you and your rocks. There, I said it. I finally said what I actually feel about you. It feels so good. I feel like a bold, new woman. Now, ready your people for war, that is, if you're not scared of us gilled Zoras- Oh you know who it is
On the same day
Dear Ruto,
Fine. You know what? New plan. I've conversed with my people, and they say war. Who am I to disappoint the people? War sounds like a rational way to solve our differences, so let's do that. You seem mad enough to put on a pretty good fight. But, you can't expect a Zora to opt for the road of action. If you are really serious, however, you'll declare war back- your great and powerful king of the mountain.
And you'll never guess what happened next.
Author's Notes- It is amazing what you can learn about a character just by their dialogue (or letters in this case). The poll for the favorite chapter from 11 to 19 is still open, if you have yet to vote. I'm also still taking questions. The more questions I get, the longer chapter 30 is going to be.