Chapter 24- Road Trip!
Finally, the time has come again. Since the original Super Smash Bros., it has been a tradition of Nintendo characters to join together in the great realm of Smash Bros. to discuss how they will prepare for future successes. This year, Link went the extra mile.
By bus, the trip from Hyrule to the realm of Smash Bros. is about three days total, including stopping overnight. By foot, the journey is twice as long, so Link is thankful for vehicle transportation. In the past, he, Zelda, and Ganondorf have been the only representatives for their respective series to ever attend this annual event. But Link refuses to be bested by Mario, who stated the previous year that he would bring everyone from Prince Dreambert to Count Bleck to this great event. This year, Link rented a bus.
It is a small bus, with maximum capacity of about 17 persons, including the driver. It is a white activity bus, with singular seats. Link took into consideration luggage; there shouldn't be a bunch of luggage. Zelda owns a castle, but Wizzro owns only the robes on his back. Fi literally has no belongings, and with that said, one seat should be enough space to hold everyone's luggage. One driver, 14 passengers (and a half if you count Proxi), and one spot for luggage- just enough room for everyone.
Ganondorf and Zelda are the first two ready to go, besides Link. They are followed by Fi, Volga, Agitha, Impa, Lana, Ruto, Zant, Darunia, Ghirahim, Cia, Wizzro, and Midna in that order. For a while, the crew argues over who will drive, but eventually, they all agree to let Impa drive. Ruto screamed for a minute in fury that she wasn't picked to drive, but her anger subsided. A last minute restroom break is called, and the crew is ready to take off.
Day 1- 30 minutes driving
The bus has been silent for thirty minutes straight. By that time, Agitha can no longer stand it. She engages in conversation with Zelda, who sits on her left. "So, how are you, Zelda?"
Zelda smiles, charmed by Agitha's politeness. She replies, "I am doing just fine. How about you?"
"The awkward silence was getting to me," Agitha responds truthfully. "But I'm fine now."
Ganondorf groans, "And you had to ruin the wonderful silence."
"You make it sound like silence is a rare treat for you," Link comments.
Zant sits up. "Ah, the hero clad in green speaks."
"Every once in a while, he does," Midna confirms. She sits sideways with her back against the wall of the bus, same as Ghirahim.
Ganondorf nods, looking at Link. "A moment of peace is a gift from Hylia in my world. Someone is always whispering right in my ear or babbling nonsensically."
Ghirahim stops shuffling his playing cards. He smirks and says, "You make it sound like Zant and I are the bane of your existence."
"That's Link; he's the bane of my existence," Ganondorf explains. "You and Zant are the equivalent of having in-laws." This comment generates some laughs from Midna and Wizzro.
Lana comments to no one in particular, "That's kind of rude."
Cia looks back at Ganondorf and says, "Then you know my pain." Wizzro instantly stops laughing.
Volga's attention is taken by the conversation. "In-law; is that what I am to you, Cia?"
Cia is left speechless. Now that she thinks about it, Volga isn't nearly as bad as Wizzro. Whereas Wizzro will correct every decision she makes, Volga just stands quietly and listens. It is a rare treat for a woman to find a man that will quietly listen without a comment to add.
"Are you going to say anything to the man?" Ruto asks nosily.
Darunia, taking Cia's side, says to Ruto, "Ah c'mon, Ruto, give them some space."
"Oh dear. I just wanted to have a friendly conversation. I didn't intend for this to turn into hateful banter," Agitha worriedly states.
The softer side of Cia makes her say, "I-I guess saying you two are like in-laws is inaccurate. Heck, if Wizzro was more like you, Volga, life would be so much easier."
"…Ouch, Cia. I'm sitting right over here."
Midna laughs.
Wizzro scowls at Midna, who sits across from him. "So, you think this is funny, huh?"
"Hey, am I not allowed to think that's funny?"
Just then, Impa scolds, "Hey! We're only thirty-five minutes into the ride, and we've already hurt someone's feelings. Perhaps we should drop this subject all together."
"What?!" Wizzro is appalled that Impa even suggested that his feelings were hurt. Midna laughs even more. Why she gets so much enjoyment from his misfortune, he'll never know.
Day 1- 3 hours and 35 minutes driving
"Impa!" Proxi screams in the midst of the silence. Impa jumps, and the bus swerves. Zant's head hits the window hard enough to give him a concussion. His helmet was off, too. Impa releases her breath once she steadies the bus.
"Great Hylia, Proxi!" Volga scolds. "What are you trying to do? Kill us all?"
Proxi makes herself seen. She says, "No, I just want her to pull into that rest stop."
"Gees," Impa says, shaking her head. "You could have just asked in an inside voice."
Ghirahim comments, "She could have, but it wouldn't have been as exciting that way."
Impa pulls into the rest stop.
"Proxi doesn't have an inside voice," Link comments as Impa puts the bus in park. "I should know."
Impa stands up, facing the passengers. "Ok, everyone, I want to be back on the road in 15 minutes." She exits the bus in need of a break herself. The passengers follow her.
Ganondorf watches everyone go by. He states to nobody in particular, "15 minutes will definitely not be enough time."
Zant rubs his temples, trying to relieve himself of the headache he now has. "Why's that?" he asks.
Ganondorf smiles, amused by his next comment. "There are 15-and-a-half bladders on this bus. You do the math."
Fi doesn't get the joke, but she does make a calculation. "I believe you are mistaken. There are assumingly 14-and-a-half bladders between all fifteen of us."
Zant thinks about that. He realizes that Fi is a spirit, so she does not possess a body. "Wait," he interjects. "Assumingly?"
Fi explains, "It is possible, but not probable, that one of us does not possess an abdomen."
Zant snaps once and points once at Fi. "I know her size can be deceiving, but Midna has a full body."
"I was not referring to Midna. The warrior in question is Wizzro."
Wizzro, who is also still on the bus, turns his attention to the conversation once he hears his name.
"Oh. That makes sense," Zant confirms.
Fi makes another analysis and shares it. "We have spent approximately 17% of our given rest time in this one conversation."
"Do all that math in your head, did you?" Ganondorf mocks.
Fi nods once and states, "That was grammatically incorrect."
Zant guffaws. "Now she's an English teacher!"
"Are you going to get off this bus or not?!" screams Fi. Ganondorf and Zant are left speechless. All they can do is leave the bus.
Wizzro isn't quite sure what he witnessed, but he knows it wasn't normal. Fi's featureless eyes meet his one eye, and he scurries off the bus himself.
Day 2- 15 hours and 12 minutes driving
(In song)"65 fairies in the fountain! 65 fairies! Link takes one, gains some health! 64 fairies in the fountain!"
"Will you stop that monotonous song already?!" Cia screams at Agitha. You can't blame her; Agitha started at 200.
The singing ceases. A few warriors sigh in relief.
"Aw," Ghirahim coos. "Why must you make Agitha stop there? Only 64 more fairies to go, and Link will have none left. That is when we start singing the second verse. (in song to the tune of Bah Bah Black Sheep) One by one Link's hearts go down. Then he falls and hits the ground."
Zelda says with feigned admiration, "That is lovely, Ghirahim, but perhaps a moment of silence would do us all some good."
"In all sincerity, though," Lana adds. "I didn't know Ghirahim could sing."
Zant nods and says, "Oh, he can sing. As loud as he wants." Ganondorf laughs.
"So, he has good volume control?" Lana questions.
Zant replies, "More like volume out-of-control. Ganondorf and I can hear Ghirahim singing in the shower from headquarters. Sometimes I even recognize the tunes he sings."
"It is just like you to tell everyone that," mutters Ghirahim. He processed his humiliation as irritation through his words and facial expression.
Agitha gasps with a twinkle in her eyes as a result of the idea that just struck her head. "Guys! We could all play Truth of Dare!"
The passengers exchange glances for a moment before turning back to Agitha. They all agree.
Proxi shows herself. "I'll start. Zelda, truth or dare?"
Zelda shrugs. "UM… truth?"
Proxi carefully selects a personal question from her mind files. "In your opinion, which one of the four evil minions on this bus is the best at villainy?"
Zant chuckles to himself arrogantly, knowing the answer.
"Wizzro, definitely."
Zant is aghast. "What?!" That wasn't what he guessed at all!
Proxi asks for an explanation as to why Zelda thinks that. Zelda responds, "During battles, I often find Cia on the field and Wizzro telling the minions where to go. It makes me wonder if he's the tactician behind Cia's attacks."
"Someone recognizes me. It's about time."
Cia interrupts, "Hey, listen, I'm the puppeteer, here. Wizzro is like an in-law. They give you advice that you don't really ask for, but you end up using in the end." Several warriors experience Deja-vu.
Midna comments to nobody in particular, "I would laugh, but what she said rings true. No pun intended." She laughs at her own pun. "Get it? Because Wizzro is a ring? Ha! Classic."
"Ok, my turn," Zelda declares loudly before things escalate. "Lana, truth or dare."
"Dare!" She sits up on the edge of her seat, focused and ready.
Zelda giggles like a naughty kindergarten girl. "I dare you to… tell Zant how much you like his robes."
Lana loses her smile. "Hey, how did you know I think his robes are trendy?" She sits back in her seat, pouting. A few warriors snicker. A combination of hearing the snickers and the uplifting compliment turn Zant's cheeks rosy red. It's a good thing he's wearing a helmet.
"Hey, it's your turn, Lana," Proxi 'helpfully' points out.
Lana sits up. "Oh yeah! I forgot. So Ganondorf, truth or dare?"
Ganondorf is taken aback. "Wait, me?" Lana nods. Ganondorf laughs and proclaims that he can handle any dare that Lana has to throw his way.
"I dare you to do a tango with Cia."
Ganondorf shrugs. He stands up, takes Cia's hand, and starts doing the tango in the middle lane of the bus. He and Cia make a few turns before Impa yells at them to sit down.
It is Ganondorf's turn. "Link, truth or dare." Link chooses dare. Ganondorf carefully selects what he wants Link to do. He says, "Now, recite your favorite poem to us." Ganondorf has never heard Link speak more than a few sentences. He just wanted to see what Link does.
Link clears his throat.
Be vigilant
The sun will soon rise
A new day dawns as we speak
For the new challenges overpower the weak
Be prepared
For the sun does not wait for you
When it is time to rise, be well rested
As soon as the sun breeches the horizon,
You will be tested.
Be mindful
These words have a greater meaning
This advice is not just for this day's strife
It applies to all of life
"One of my former life's companions wrote this, and I guess it has been passed down from generation to generation", Link explains. Everyone is left speechless.
"It's um…" Cia mumbles, "You're turn, Link."
"Oh yeah. UM…" Link shrugs. "Ghirahim. Truth or dare?"
Everyone is zapped out of their trance. Ghirahim chuckles. "Truth."
Lana rolls her eyes. "You just had to play it safe."
Link expected him to say that. "What's your type of girl?"
Everyone is suddenly interested, except for Ruto, who wonders how Darunia can sleep through all of this.
Ghirahim has to think about that one for a minute. "Do you wish for me to simply describe my dream woman, or do you need me to point out the closest match?"
Link shrugs. "Just describe her."
"How can I describe whom I have not met yet? You'd be surprised, Link, how you don't know what type of woman your heart desires until your eyes lock with hers. Imagine, you're going about your everyday business. Maybe you're taking a walk with Zant while he describes his unfortunate trip to the restroom. You don't want to know. Just as you're wishing he would leave you be, you bump into someone, not paying attention to where you are going. They barely manage to grab onto the collar of your cape to keep themselves from falling over. You adjust your feet in a desperate attempt to balance your weight and theirs. You open your eyes to quite a sight. The gentle gaze of a young woman's eyes is the entire world. Time seems to stop as your body tries to make sense of what you are witnessing. Unsure of how to react, your stomach gets the strangest sensation known as butterflies. Your heart races as if you were running from Gohma on steroids. Your mind goes blank like a television being turned off. If your mouth isn't closed, before long, saliva will start dripping down your chin. After a timeless moment, it is she that apologizes. Her voice is muffled, but understandable. Finally, your brain has something to react to, but all you know how to do is breathe. Gibberish is your response, but only because your brain is still trying to make sense of what just happened. She steps away; your brain turns back on like the television. Suddenly, you are able to form sentences. You apologize to her, feeling responsible. What happens next varies for each individual, but there will always be small talk before she turns around with a smile to head back the way she came. As she walks away, you realize that you didn't get her name, but you are too dazed to ask."
"That's when Zant says something stupid, and life returns as usual. But from then on, your heart will always feel empty, not until that woman is back in your arms," Ghirahim finishes. Zant slumps in his seat, feeling picked on today.
Midna comments, "You describe that as if it has happened to you before." She smirks, knowing that she is invading personal space.
"That is how I've heard it to happen. There is no doubt in my mind that is how it happens."
"Except for the parts about Zant and the cape," Midna laughs.
Ghirahim takes his turn. His target is Ruto. Ruto picks dare. Ghirahim dares her to wear Link's boots outside on the next rest stop. She agrees.
Ruto decides to pick on Volga, who hasn't said a word for a long time now. "Yo, Volga, you awake?" Volga looks at Ruto, fully attentive. "Truth or dare?"
Volga doesn't feel like doing anything stupid, which he is sure Ruto is bound to tell him to do if he picks dare. He decides to play it safe. "Truth."
As Ruto carefully formulates a question, Fi does some analyzing. She concludes, "There is a 95% chance that Ruto is going ask Volga a question he'd rather not answer." Suddenly, Volga is beginning to regret his decision to play this game.
"Have you ever-," Suddenly, her eyes wander over to Link. He is eating a bag of chips. Ruto absentmindedly says, "Spilled a bag of chips?" She flinches, registering what she just said. "No wait! What?" This gets a laugh from several warriors.
Volga gives a half-smile, amused. "UH, no. Is that all you can come up with?"
Wizzro corrects, "No, you spilled a bag of chips the other day. I watched you."
"That was you, you lying pile of rags!" Volga bellows, angered at the wizard's nerve to tell fibs about him. Wizzro laughs.
Impa threatens, "Hey, I will pull this bus over if there is any more yelling. You hear me?"
Just to see if Impa will actually pull over, Wizzro waits for the opportune moment to make Volga yell again. The perfect moment presents itself, and Wizzro snags his chance.
"Cloth burns, you know! I won't hesitate to turn you into a pile of ashes!" Volga bellows, louder than the last time.
Impa pulls over into a rest stop. It was the perfect moment for a rest, anyways. Nobody complains. Impa stands up and orders everyone off the bus. A few warriors question why she orders everyone off the bus, but nobody decides to question her aloud.
Wizzro waits for everyone to file off the bus before deciding to exit himself. Impa stops him. "Not you."
"What?"
"I need to have a little word with you, troublemaker," Impa interrogates.
Wizzro was just having a little fun testing Impa. Now, he's paying for it. In the back of the bus, Midna slumped down in her seat to hide herself. She listens to Impa's harsh lecture. By the end, she can barely contain her laughter. Impa just spoke to Wizzro like he was a naughty toddler who just pushed a kid down at the playground.
"Point being, you don't want to test my patience. Got that?"
Wizzro nods, rolling his eye. Impa saw that. She kicks Wizzro off the bus herself. That's when Midna can no longer contain herself. Impa is alert to Midna's presence like an antelope becomes alert to a predator. She follows her ears straight to the source. Midna's laughter quickly stops.
Day 3- 31 hours and 43 minutes of driving
Link is in a trance looking out his window. He can see each individual tree that goes by, but only for a split second each. His mind has gone in a state of rest; not thinking about anything but breathing. This state may be more restful than actually sleeping.
To everyone's surprise, a large pop is heard, and the bus suddenly feels heavy on one side. Impa instinctively pulls the bus to the side of the road and puts the vehicle in park.
"I would have mistook that pop for someone popping a pimple if the bus wasn't pulled over," Cia states.
Lana grimaces. "That's really gross, Cia." Volga takes note of this. Aren't Lana and Cia supposed to be exaggerated versions of the same person? Does a sense of cleanliness come with goodness?
Impa gets out of the bus. Instantly, she finds the problem; one of the back wheels is toast. She gets back on the bus, carrying the news with her. "Well, it looks like we might be delayed for a while. We have a flat tire." She receives multiple moans and groans from the passengers.
Zelda smiles. "Don't worry about it. We passed a gas station a couple miles back."
"I'm sure glad you have a positive attitude, Zelda," Lana comments. "And, to add to the positivity, now we can step out and stretch a little."
"My back is killing me," Ganondorf adds. However, stretching won't be too much help on his back. What he really needs is a massage.
Impa leaves the keys to the bus in Zelda's hands and sets off towards the gas station, leaving the group to their own devices.
Lana steps closer to Link, partially to get a safe distance away from the road, and partially to direct her next comment to him. "Now that I think about it, this is a great bonding opportunity. 14 friends stranded on the highway, their bus halted by a flat tire; what better way to get to know each other."
"If we don't get moving soon, you're going to see the good, the bad, and the ugly of me," Ganondorf hisses, full of vinegar today.
Zant and Ghirahim watch Impa walk alongside the highway, headed the way they come from. Zant calls, "Can you walk any faster?!" Ghirahim laughs.
Finally, Volga steps out of the bus. He is the last one out. Ruto is the first to notice him. "Scared of the sunlight?"
"The sun has never bothered me before; doesn't bother me now. And wouldn't you think that it is you who should be fearful of overexposure to the sun?" Volga responds, making a valid point.
Ruto asks, "Why do you say that?"
"Your natural habitat is the water, so I can safely assume that your skin dries out in the sun."
"Oh wow! Let's give Volga a gold star for that impeccable observation," Wizzro proclaims, the sarcasm rolling off his tongue. Midna appreciates sarcasm, so she laughs along.
Zant takes attention to Midna. "Midna, you should be burning to a crisp out here. You're naked exposed to the sunlight."
"That's the magic of being princess, Zant," Midna boasts.
Link laughs. "Or it could just be because Zelda healed you the first time you were exposed to the light."
"Yeah, that too."
Wizzro listened intently to that conversation. He picked up the most important parts, locking them away in his subconscious: Twili "burn to a crisp" when exposed to light, Midna was once healed by Zelda in some form or another, and Midna is naked.
Ruto snickers. "I am a Zora, Volga. My skin doesn't dry out."
"What if we put you in a dryer? Then would you dry out? What about a hair dryer?" Darunia interrogates. Ruto just gives him a nasty glare, and he shuts up. He tries to masquerade the awkwardness by talking to Agitha.
Volga smirks. "All water must evaporate in the heat. I'm pretty confident that if you stand out here long enough, your skin will dry out."
"Fine, then, smart guy. I'll stand out here as long as we are parked. My skin will be as soft as a baby's butt. Wait and see."
"And by 'soft as a baby's butt', you mean hydrated."
"What are you suggesting?"
"You have scales. Need I say more?"
"Point taken. But you get what I meant."
Lana doesn't see Cia stepping close to Link because her attention is locked on a rabbit on the other side of the highway. The rabbit slowly makes its way towards the highway. Lana gasps. "Bunny! Don't!" Desperate, she sprints across the road.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Fi warns, emotionless. But it is too late. Somehow, the vacant street managed to spit one car out of nowhere in order to make contact with Lana, launching her airborne about twenty feet.
The warriors that saw the incident stare at Lana aghast. The car just kept on going, avoiding Lana after it had thrown her several feet away.
"What? What was that? I missed it. Do it again," Midna stutters, looking for what everyone is staring at. She was staring at Link and Cia, waiting for Link to step away from Cia.
Agitha has her hands over her mouth. "Oh my gosh! Lana, are you alright!" she calls. To her relief, Lana sits up without a scratch. She is a little dazed, but otherwise fine.
Zelda says, "And that, kids, is why you look both ways before crossing the street."
Zant chuckles. "That doesn't happen every time you sprint across the street blindly."
"Oh yeah?" Ganondorf challenges. He anticipates something hilarious.
"Yeah. Watch." Before anyone can oppose, Zant sprints out into the street, just like Lana did.
Fi confirms, "He will successfully make it across the street."
Fi spoke too soon. With three feet left to go, a speeding car bowls over Zant, flattening him like a pancake.
Volga looks in the direction the car came from. "Impossible! We surely would have seen that car coming!" He can barely be heard over the ragging laughter coming from Midna and Wizzro.
Darunia hands his hammer off to Link. Link has to let it rest on the ground. He could lift it if he had his gauntlets. Darunia cracks his neck and rolls out into the street. Just like that, another vehicle appears out of thin air and hits Darunia. This time, the vehicle is a semi-truck. The speed that Darunia is traveling after the collision reminds Link of a pinball game, except there is nothing for Darunia to bounce off of, so he just rolls down the street at high speed.
"I hope he didn't owe anybody any money, 'cause he definitely isn't coming back," Midna cunningly remarks. Wizzro just about offers Midna a high-five, but he opts not to, figuring that Cia might judge him for it. Stupid Cia. Ganondorf is so much more reasonable and chill.
The street has challenged the warriors, and the warriors have accepted the challenge. One of them will successfully cross the street without looking both ways. First, Link makes a run for it, hoping to slide to the other side like a baseball player sliding into home plate to avoid being tagged out. His attempt is unsuccessful, and the street hits him with an oncoming car before he starts the slide.
Next, Cia tries creating a barrier around herself. The force field only prevents the car from making direct contact with her. The force field is launched by the car, taking Cia with it.
Then Ghirahim decides to play a nasty trick on the road. He simply teleports to the other side. The road didn't settle to well with that. It sends a hummer Ghirahim's way when his back is turned. The road proves that it doesn't mind sending its forces off the road.
Before all of the magic warriors are defeated, Agitha decides try her strategy. Ganondorf tosses her high above the street so she can gracefully fly over the street. The street sends a plane to get her.
If you can't go over the street, maybe you can go under the street. Wizzro uses his abilities to create a tunnel under the street. He is greeted by the street's personal underground drill machine.
Midna decides to take a different approach. The cars have been successful because all of its victims have been tall enough for the bumpers to hit them. Midna carefully crawls across the street so that the cars will go right over her. She overlooked the Fused Shadows on her head. All the car needed to hit was her head.
You know what! This is ridiculous! Ganondorf charges full force with his swords out. He lays waste to the car that the street sends his way. But the street refuses to be abused like that. It sends a tanker, and Ganondorf doesn't stop to think. The tanker explodes. One more warrior learns their lesson; don't mess with the street.
Ganondorf took the aggressive approach. Fi decides to take the passive approach. She dances her way into the street. She avoids the first car by going back. The street sends more cars. Fi dodges the cars with her graceful dance moves, weaving in and out. The street gets annoyed and sends a straight line of cars. Fi can't weave through those cars.
Zelda has become infuriated. This street has proven its might, but it can't be stronger than the triforce. Zelda uses the Triforce of Wisdom to encase herself in protective light. With Hylia's aid, Zelda will cross the street!
Nope. How the street managed to best the Triforce of Wisdom is unfathomable.
Volga and Ruto are the only ones left. They have watched their friends get squashed, launched, and driven out of the ground trying to cross the street.
"Perhaps one day, when we are stronger and smarter, we can best the street," Volga submits, realizing that if Ganondorf, Zelda, and even Link can't win, that he is probably not skilled enough either.
Ruto doesn't accept a quitter attitude. "We are the warriors of Hyrule. We either win together or lose together. Are you going to cower on the loser's side of the road, or are you going to cross the street with me?"
Volga can't argue with that logic.
"But… I just realized that there might be glass on the road. Just carry me across," Ruto demands.
Wait a minute… pick her up? Ah ha! Volga picks Ruto up, putting her on his shoulder. It is a good thing she has a tight grip, or else she would have fallen off as Volga sprint out into the road. About halfway there, the road sends a car their way. That's when Volga takes Ruto in his hand and tosses her towards the target. He is hit by the car, but Ruto keeps on going. She lands in the grass on the other side of the road, safely.
The fallen warriors gather. Ruto gets up, brushing herself off. Then she realizes that she made it across the street. Victory! The road has been bested!
Impa returns with the supplies she needs to change the flat tire. Her fellow warriors are rejoicing, and Ruto is on the opposite side of the street. Also, Volga is lying on the highway, which isn't very safe. Impa drops all questions and changes the tire.
Everyone gets back on the bus after Impa changes the tire. Impa notices that the bus didn't shift weight like it does when Darunia gets on. "Hey, has anyone seen Darunia?" The warriors tell Impa what happened while she was gone, and Impa drives back the way they came looking for Darunia.
Day 3- 37 hours of driving
Finally, the warriors arrive at their destination. The Smash Festival has never been so wild.
Author's Notes- What I would give to go to The Smash Festival. This was a really long chapter, and I've been very busy lately. Continue to ask the warriors questions via reviews for the Q&A coming up, and vote for your favorite chapter between chapters 11 and 19.