Chapter 27- Murky Lake
The beginning of spring, and the hottest week since the first week of last August, some of the warriors are wondering how they'll survive.
That's when Zelda sees Ruto enjoying herself in the cool waters of Lake Hylia. "Impa, we're taking the day off. Get your bathing suit."
…
It doesn't take long for all of Zelda's allies to join her at the lake on a day like today. Ruto isn't terribly excited for her lake to be crowded with her fellow warriors, but she can't blame them for wanting to stay cool. She did enjoy watching Link strip down to his swimming trunks.
A lightbulb lights up in Agitha's head. She turns to Darunia. "Darunia! Do a cannonball into the lake so we all get splashed."
"I was hoping not to get my hair all wet, Agitha," explains Lana, attempting to hide her hair as a safety precaution.
Darunia steps back, shaking his head. "You wouldn't want me to do that. You'll feel so much cooler faster if you jump in."
"Dude, if you're worried about getting bit by something, you're more likely to get gnawed on standing up here than in the water," Midna points out with a devious smirk on her face. Fi takes a moment to see if Midna is right. In all honesty, Fi doesn't know.
Darunia comments on how he's more afraid of getting bit by Midna than anything else. Midna can and will bite you if you're not careful. Wizzro learned that one the hard way, but Volga found it funny. They have since agreed never to speak of it.
Fi has concluded that Midna is right about Darunia being more at risk of getting bitten on the surface than in the water. She concluded this after Darunia's comment about Midna biting people.
Zelda gets in the lake; she could feel the sun starting to scorch her skin. Not long after, her fellow warriors join her. Midna provided a cannonball while Darunia found a nice rock to lay on beside the lake. Fi joins him, as there is no reason for her to get wet; she cannot suffer from heat stroke or anything even remotely related.
No, like, Midna provided an actual cannonball. She found herself on Tetra's pirate ship one evening and took a cannonball from Gonzo as he was about to load a cannon. Tetra and two of her shorter buccaneers then proceeded to chase Midna until Midna hurled herself onto Ganondorf's ship. Yeah, the day Ganondorf constructed a ship and took to the seas was a strange day. Back to the present day, Midna's cannonball sank to the bottom of the lake, and Ruto isn't strong enough to carry it back to the surface, so Midna can kiss that prize goodbye.
Once Lana got her hair wet, she started splashing around like her usual energetic self. "Hey, who wants to play chicken?" she asks as she takes it upon herself to get on Link's shoulders. Zelda accepts Lana's challenge. She pushes Impa off of her floaty, waits until Impa's head reaches the surface, and then proceeds to get onto Impa's shoulders.
Midna, Agitha, and Ruto watch from the sidelines as Lana and Zelda duel it out on Link and Impa's shoulders. Zelda is victorious, but only because in Lana's excitement she accidentally kicks Link's ribcage with her heel, and Link tumbles under the surface of the water.
"I can do better than that. Midna, get on my shoulders!" Ruto commands. Midna obliges. Ruto much prefers Midna on her shoulders to Darunia. Last time Darunia got on her shoulders, a hospital visit was required, and not for who you think would need medical assistance.
Impa and Zelda vs Ruto and Midna, oh it's on! Despite Midna's smaller stature, her strength is almost evenly matched with Zelda's. Below, Ruto's strength in the water greatly overpowers Impa's. Zelda refuses to give in.
"What am I doing wasting my breath?" Midna asks nobody in particular. Her full strength shows when she simply flicks Zelda with her monstrous hair hand, and Zelda is flung off of Impa's shoulders.
Agitha spots cheating and calls it out; "Hey, that's not fair! You practically used a weapon."
"What are you, the referee? Shut it," Midna spits back. Agitha takes the hint and says no more, before she gets bit.
Link takes this opportunity to declare a water duel. He gets his sword from his things on shore and returns to the lake armed. His fellow warriors follow his example.
"There is a one-hundred and ten percent chance that someone is going to get hurt," Fi concludes. Darunia has been ignoring her up until now. He sits up for two reasons. The first reason is so he can watch the water brawl, and the second reason is to turn around and lay on his stomach. He accepted his painful fate of returning home sunburned a long time ago.
Fi's prediction was extremely accurate, as Zelda received a blow to the head by Lana's weapon. Ruto makes a pretty good lifeguard, as she was able to get Zelda out of the water much quicker than any human could. Link was suddenly very cold after that and decided he was done for the day. The girls were very disappointed.
…
Link and company didn't even start the party. The real party is starting now, after the sun has set. The oasis in Gerudo Desert dried up before noon. Ganondorf knew better than to go to Lake Hylia on a day like this. He endured the complaints of his minions all day, knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
"I'm not crazy, gentlemen. I'm patient," Ganondorf explains, but his minions are not listening. Zant and Ghirahim have already started stripping off their clothes in preparation for the refreshing lake water. Ganondorf is not surprised that they strip completely with the exception of Zant's helmet.
It is the cover of night, so Ganondorf takes the liberty of losing all of his sweaty clothes as well. His minions had the right idea; spending a day in the sweltering desert is sure to make your clothes start to chafe.
"Oh Zant, I brought a pool toy for us," Ghirahim says as he materializes a plastic disk. He doesn't intend to play nice with it.
Before Zant can react, his helmet is hit with a plastic disk thrown at full force. Zant would retaliate, but he stepped on something soft, and he isn't about to ignore it blissfully. "I would love to play a game of 'take off your head', but I'm more concerned with what's under us."
"This is a lake. You're not going to find a jellyfish," Ganondorf explains with no sympathy. "Man up and take off Ghirahim's head."
Cia had the same idea to wait for the cover of darkness to enjoy a refreshing swim. Neither she nor her minions expected Ganondorf to have the same idea.
Wizzro finds three piles of clothes out in the open. "Heh, they must have melted before getting to the lake," he chuckles to himself.
Volga sees the piles of clothing, underwear and all. Before Cia gets in the lake, he calls, "Cia, perhaps that's not the best idea!"
Cia put on her new bathing suit and everything; why would she not go swimming? She has to see the piles of clothes for herself before deciding not to get in.
Zant comments, "Yeah, men only please."
"That's rude, Zant. You're excluding Wizzro," Ghirahim teases, getting a laugh from his fellow minion and master. Oh, they want to play that way, do they? Well then, Wizzro will get the last laugh somehow. He decides to stick around instead of leaving with his mistress and co-minion.
Remember that soft thing Zant stepped on earlier? Yeah, Zant was right to be concerned about it. Much to Ghirahim's surprise and Wizzro's amusement, Ruto peeks up onto the surface of the water. "Hey, what are you guys doing here?!"
Zant's squeal is similar to Agitha's.
"Well," Ghirahim stutters, unsure if sinking under the water will help keep him covered. "What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here?! I live here!" screams a furious Ruto.
Ganondorf calmly walks to the Zora princess, tall enough to stand in the lake and his chest still be mostly above the surface. "Yes, we understand that. We will be out of your hair shortly." He turns to his minions, "Come along, men. We are invading Ruto's personal space."
Zant keeps a close eye on the princess, and a good thing, too, because she isn't letting her eye off of them either. Zant informs, "Lord Ganondorf, uh, she isn't leaving." Ganondorf stops before his waist comes above the water.
No problem. Easy solution. "Wizzro," Ganondorf calls. "Be a good little ring and hand us our towels."
"Wait, you mean those towels I just used as material to burn for my fire?" asks the wizard, warming his hands over the fire he started making as soon as he saw Ruto. Sure enough, Ganondorf can see his towels just now starting to burn in Wizzro's fire.
Now Zant is mad. "He's sabotaging us!" Yeah, no duh.
Ruto suggests they just put their clothes back on, considering when they go home they are just going to take them off again anyways.
"If we are just going to take them off again, wouldn't it be counterproductive to put them back on?" Ghirahim assesses.
Wizzro picks up the heavy robes and armor lying around. He says, "You make a good point, Ghirahim. I guess you won't need these." He carries the articles of clothing over to his fire. He tauntingly just stands there looking at Ganondorf's minions.
Ghirahim gives Wizzro the ugliest glare he can muster. With a menacing growl, he says, "You wouldn't dare."
Then Ruto realizes what's going on. She gasps. "Oh great Hylia! I'm so glad I only looked at your feet!" She turns her attention to Wizzro. "No! Don't do it! They need those!"
"Yeah," Wizzro evaluates. "I'm going to need a hotter fire to melt Ganondorf's armor."
The next thing Ghirahim yells is not appropriate to record.
Zant is splashed with water when Ghirahim's fists hit the water. Like getting hit by a car, a brilliant idea hits Zant. He turns to Ruto. "Ruto, we could your talents real quick."
Volga enters through a portal Wizzro just created. The portal closes, as its job is complete. "There you are. Do me a favor and super heat this fire," Wizzro commands.
"What do I look like, a pizza oven?" Pizza actually sounds pretty good to Wizzro right now, so he's glad Volga suggested it.
Before he knows it, Wizzro is swept up in a wave of water, along with his fire and Volga. The ground is muddy and unpleasant to be lying in right now, which both of Cia's minions are.
"It's rude to trespass." That was Ruto's cool one-liner for today. Yeah, it could have been better, but she's not as witty as Darunia.
Ganondorf and his minions celebrate their victory after they descend a little ways into the lake to keep their waists underwater. Ruto went a little overkill with her wave, but they aren't complaining.
Volga sighs as he watches Wizzro head for the floodgates. He's a stubborn, one-eyed wizard.
"Now let's get out of here," Ganondorf suggests, making that victory short-lived. "Our clothes, Volga."
Ruto turns around. "I'll just turn around, you guys."
The ground starts to shake, preventing Volga from standing. For that matter, Zant falls farther into the water. Ruto rushes to the floodgates, which are opening. She swims against the current. The lake drains, revealing the water temple hidden underneath the surface of the water. Ruto has taken it upon herself to be the temple's watcher, and she has made herself comfortable there.
The floodgate reaches its limit and locks itself, opened. Wizzro rests; that lever was heavy. He is satisfied hearing the cries of Ganondorf's panicked minions.
"I won't look at you guys. Trust me, I wouldn't want to," Ruto calls to the villains. Ugh, she's defeating the purpose of Wizzro's hard work. Wizzro gets up and rushes to the scene.
Volga still has yet to get up off the cold, muddy ground. And to think less than ten minutes ago he was at base enjoying a relaxing evening. Wizzro slows down, seeing that Zant can't climb the slick slope out of the lake.
A piece of grass starts to tickle Volga's nose. He sets up for a sneeze. Wizzro rushes into action, seeing the perfect opportunity. He grabs a random article of clothing lying in the mud and places it under Volga. The wizard steps back. Volga sneezes, a burst of flames exiting his nasal cavity. The article of clothing, though soaked, burns like dry hay. Volga moves back before the flames lick his nose and make him sneeze again. Wizzro claps for joy, his mission a success.
"Wizzro!" screams Ruto, seeing his dastardly deed. Hastily, Wizzro grabs the rest of the clothes and armor he sees lying around. In his frantic rush, he almost pulls off his own robes to toss in the fire. Volga, without thinking, uses the fire to warm his hands.
The dragon knight has seen it all when Ganondorf and his two minions rush to the fire only to be filled with disappointment. It would be fine if they weren't naked, but alas, they are, and it is their clothes which fuel the fire.
Uncharacteristically, it is Ghirahim that turns to anger first. He grabs Wizzro by the collar and yells, "That was my good cape, you fiend!" Wizzro finds this outrageously funny and starts laughing uncontrollably.
Ganondorf starts the long, chilly trek back to headquarters. Zant trudges after his master, hoping nobody they know is awake at this hour. Lucky for them, they don't notice the dark sorceress walk past them. She quickly diverts her eyes from them to her clothed minions.
She can't help but stare at the demon lord's bare backside. Finally, Wizzro is able to catch his breath and stop laughing. Ghirahim promises to get his revenge before teleporting back to base. He too pays no mind to the sorceress, and she got quite the view tonight.
Cia looks at the minion responsible for what she saw. "You're a sick, twisted wizard, you know that?" She wouldn't have him any other way.
Author's Notes- Sorry about that. I know, I went there, and that's why this fanfic has been rated T from the start. I knew something like this would happen. I just wanted to comment on Medli forever's review- Nyeh heh heh! Yes, you found it! You found the reference! I'll stop there before I get carried away. I was recently introduced to that series, and I love it. I'll always be a Nintendo fan at heart, though. And to answer your question about Hyrule Warriors Legends, I'll ask Zelda to explain what's going to happen about that at the next meeting. That, the Q&A, and the current poll results will be discussed. I'm super excited for Legends. As of when this chapter is posted, Legends will be released... tomorrow. Oh joy! Tetra, you're just in time.