Chapter 29- Top 4 Warrior Fails

For a long time, Hyrule was plunged into a heated war. And though the war ended a while ago, that didn't stop the villains from summoning monsters, or the heroes from training able-bodied soldiers. The skirmishes have lasted long after the end of the war, which have given us the past couple dozen stories of not-so-legendary moments.

But if all of our warriors are battlefield experts, how could we have been treated to so many funny flops? Sure, most of their misadventures happen on regular mornings on days where conquest is nowhere to be thought of, but surely our warriors must have better luck on the battlefield, even if they lead awkward lives otherwise. Right?

You'd be sorely misguided to think that.

Let us analyze our warriors a little deeper. Impa, Link, and Volga were bred for war. Impa, the head general of the castle guard, has been destined to serve the princess since birth. Her soul was tasked with such a great responsibility. Indeed, this is a ton of weight on her shoulders, but she has come to terms with her destiny and made peace with it, vowing to serve the princess with her life. The Eldin Caves have long been a breeding ground for passionate lovers and warriors, but more so warriors. Volga was no exception to this rule, and with a metaphorical fire consuming his heart, he earned the respect of all dragon kind with not bloodlust, but the desire to better himself. Link felt a calling to be trained as a soldier, and this calling comes from his spirit's desire to be close to Princess Zelda. That, and for once his spirit thought it would be wise to train itself for war with evil, as it had failed to do so with previous incarnations. What does your spirit know about you that you don't?

Three of our warriors possess the specific occupation known as Princess. This title refers to an unmarried female head of their respective people. Though never trained for combat, these girls are entitled to make decisions and sacrifices with the well-being of those that look to them for guidance as top priority. When you are born into the royal family, as Ruto was, this task comes as mandatory for you, and you are constantly being trained for this role the moment of your birth. It was stressed upon Ruto that finding a suitable mate was her biggest concern, but Ruto would not settle for any random prince; no, she desired a true man. Ruto's case is normal, Midna's is not. Similar to an election, Midna was chosen by the people; whether she truly desired this honor or not, she will never say. The Twili race saw a leader in her eyes, but Midna was not designed to be such a high leader. Thus, Midna has struggled to choose courses of action wisely, but perhaps Midna was designed by destiny to be an actress, as she collectively makes political decisions without hint of discomfort or confusion. Lastly, a princess by choice, Zelda's spirit long before her previous incarnation willingly took her position as a ruler amongst generations. The goddess Hylia herself has an influence on Zelda's soul, and this is how it has been for centuries.

Everybody else has a category belonging only to them. Ganondorf is a king, which is more than can be said about Darunia or Zant. Ganondorf's people are generally self-sufficient, so his presence is rarely missed. Also, literally anybody in his kingdom is eligible to be the queen since the Gerudo race is 99% female, Ganondorf-percent male.

Of the remaining male warriors, Darunia is closest to a ruler. The Goron race is pretty chill, and they don't consider themselves a separate domain form Hyrule. Therefore, nobody leads them, or at least, they tried that for a while. When a single ingenious Goron mind realized that their system wasn't working, a leader was appointed. This 'leader', titled Chieftain, is responsible for sustaining the Goron way of life. This responsibility is most famously connected to Chieftain Darunia.

This little girl is very persuasive, so you might actually believe she is a princess. Well, she's not. She's young with a passion for all critters with an exoskeleton and six legs. The insect princess has no royal blood, but does have a royal love for bugs, and her name is Agitha. To be completely honest, she's just a strange, prepubescent kid with the ability to talk to bugs. That's normal, right?

I guess the overarching point is there are not many warriors actually qualified to fight, let alone lead armies. A couple a sorceresses, a couple of swords with real-time talking action, a possessed accessory, and a former servant of the royal family turned power-hungry pretty much sums up everybody else. This is when the majority of the warriors are scratching the backs of their heads and avoiding eye-contact. Midna has even taken the liberty to start whistling her theme song. Ghirahim, don't you dare pretend to be interested in that "strange bird" over there. I know there is no bird there!

Eh-hem, anyways, with the majority of these characters just simply picking up a weapon and charging into the fray haphazardly, battle fails are inevitable. In this chapter we will be paying homage to some of the worst fails performed during battle.

Fail #1

The feeling of desperateness is not uncommon for some of our warriors. As a matter of fact, Cia is no stranger to feeling desperate. No power is unlimited, and when Cia's power reaches its limits, she and her minions start to get nervous.

Perhaps Cia's most memorable moment of desperateness was one particular scuffle held at Hyrule Field, and this was after the war and after her ultimate defeat. You would think Cia's finest moment of struggle was her final battle of the war, but it wasn't.

Picture Volga in the east, Wizzro in the west, and Cia in the south, approaching the castle with overwhelming charisma. This leaves Hylian soldiers in the middle of the battlefield time to rest. One Hylian captain realized the positions of Cia and her generals. She had bravely left her base unguarded. Like a pack of ninjas, that Hylian soldier and his troops made for Cia's base.

It isn't long before Volga receives a distress call: "Volga, we're being ssssieged over here!" cries a raspy lizard monster. The next to hear this news is Wizzro. Volga bellows, "You fool, you left our base wide open?!"

Wizzro is aghast. "What?! I thought Cia told you to stay there, buffoon!" That's when the men realize that Cia ordered neither of them to protect the base. But she will kill them both if the base falls. They waste no time relocating themselves to the base, hacking through enemy forces only in their path as they run.

Cia has Zelda backed into a corner. She cackles like the witch she is before taunting, "It's pitiful when you get cornered in your own base."

"Ack, Cia! We're dying over here!" cries a familiar undead voice. This is followed by a much more manly call: "Mistress, our base will fall without aid!"

Zelda smirks. "It's pitiful when you can't protect your own base." OOHH! Burn! The empowered Hylian princess pushes herself off the wall as Cia charges like a marathon runner into the distance.

Wizzro is impressed by the dark sorceress's speed. The base is showered with magic conjured in an instant. Eventually Zelda's soldiers are forced to make haste, as staying in Cia's base any longer might result in their demise.

With the sorceress exhausted, it is up to Wizzro to create a barrier. He does so, exhausting a huge amount of his personal power in the process. Volga is there to catch Cia before she collapses. There is something about a dragon that breathes life into anyone. Her arms stop trembling, and her heartbeat slows to a safe pace. Her vision is clouded when she stands back up, but this clears with time. With cognizant thoughts being processed, she decides to take a risk and leave both of her minions to watch the base. If they are going to have a chance at winning this battle, this risk has to be taken.

Volga watches his mistress make the long trek back to the enemy base. With what little strength the men have, they attempt to repair the damage done to the base. The repairs they make are about as effective as a Band-Aid on a fractured elbow.

"Oh no," mumbles Volga. His words are barely audible, so Wizzro is vaguely aware of it. The reason for this is a very troubling sight right outside the base. Remember that Hylian captain that stormed Cia's base in the first place? Now he's got fairies. The fairies effortlessly deconstruct Wizzro's barrier, and now the base's only defense is Wizzro and Volga.

No soldier stops Cia from getting back to Zelda. When she finally returns, she asks with a chuckle, "Now, where were we?"

Zelda only smiles. "The battle has been won," she gracefully announces. Zelda is not a sore winner, so she reaches a friendly hand to Cia. Cia doesn't have time to shake hands; she needs to see what went wrong.

Hylian soldiers with spears make the majority of the population in Cia's base. Cia approaches, keeping her eye on the disappointed generals in the middle.

"You two had one job. One. Job."

Fail #2

"Big Brother, we can't get any responses from anybody!" "Their army is double the size of ours!" "We've been left for dead!"

Now that last guy was just being dramatic. Darunia has just heard word that none of his allies have responded to his distress call. Death Mountain is currently preparing for war against a duo of dark power.

Ganondorf doesn't really need Death Mountain, but Zant and Ghirahim are somehow convinced that the mountain has some value. Some Monopoly value, sure. However, as far as strongholds go, Gerudo Desert serves fine. To muse his minions, Ganondorf said they could take Death Mountain, but only if the duo can lead themselves into battle as a team. They were hesitant to try to take an entire mountain without Ganondorf's guidance, but their pride overcame their fears. That's all the backstory needed to understand the situation.

Darunia weighs his options, and surrendering his home is not an option. He picks up his hammer and slings it over his shoulder. "Brothers, if they want a taste of Goron strength, by golly, we'll give it to them."

A particular, little Goron starts to jump. They ask, "And then we feast?"

Darunia looks at the diminutive Goron over his shoulder. He gives a broad smile. "Then we feast on rock sirloin! My treat." This seems to empower the nearby Goron folk. If you ever need to motivate some Gorons, offer them food; perhaps their one weakness. That, and they sink like rocks in water. Not even the Dead Sea could keep a Goron afloat. But I digress.

At their own speed, Darunia's forces make their way to their respective keeps. They are met with gnarly skeleton monsters. Crusty bones crumble under the force of a rock. Zant quickly realizes that skeletons were not the best idea. He borrows some of Ghirahim's beauty to create monsters more suitable to take on the rock people. Draining Ghirahim of his good looks causes a small recede in his hair line and his luscious, baby-soft skin to become slightly less soft. Ghirahim retaliates by draining magic from Zant's cartilage spine to create more monsters. Now both men are suffering.

"There are more monsters than we can handle!" cries a Goron captain on the west side of mountain. Darunia is not pleased. He wonders where Ghirahim and Zant could be pulling all of this magic from.

Remember that tiny Goron from earlier? They're on the battlefield, too. They just kind of wandered out there in search of food, similar to a Cucco. As chieftain, his people come first, so Darunia rushes from the Goron base inside the mountain and into the fray. We'll call the mini Goron by the name of Petite for convenience. Petite is awed by the Goron leader's massive strength and courage. With a clear path back the mountain, Darunia tells Petite to head back and watch the base. Petite would be honored.

Darunia just sprinted halfway down the mountain, so he's exhausted. He decides that he can take a breather. Mere moments ago Zant decided to leave Ghirahim at the base with his mirror, furiously examining his hair for any signs of age. The Twili has quietly stumbled upon Darunia, whom he believed to be leading his troops from a safe place.

He is noticed. "Hey!" bellows a furious Darunia. "Go try and take your own shadowy kingdom!" Darunia and Midna have talked enough for Darunia to know a little about the Twili people. Zant, led by his flighty feet, rushes back to his stronghold before getting pummeled. Darunia deems this cowardly of him.

Unique strategizing has always been Zant's forte. He flags the attention of his image-obsessed coleader. He then proposes this; "We should take advantage of Darunia's limited availability." Ghirahim interprets this differently than Zant intended; with his mind occupied on other things, it was inevitable for this to happen. Zant explains, and Ghirahim is back on track. Just to make sure, "So we're not talking about dating… as in his relationship status?"

Zant is appalled. "No, we're not talking about Darunia's personal life. This is why we can't work together on anything." Yep, Zant's done. He's just done.

Though the Twilight King might be done, the battle is not. Darunia makes his way back to his base at his own pace. He receives an urgent distress call from the opposite side of the battlefield. After adjusting his hammer comfortably on his shoulder, Darunia sprints into action. He arrives just in time to salvage the keep and prevent a few Goron causalities. A Goron Captain gives Darunia a nod and says, "Thanks a bunch, brother. You got here just in time."

There is a call from the opposite side of the battlefield. Darunia responds with an exhausted, "You've got to be kidding me!" Zant's plan is working, and Ghirahim is cooperating nicely.

Darunia is halted on his way to answer the call, both by the enemy base troops and his own physical fatigue. He figures that while he is there he might as well do some damage. Before long, Zant answers his base's call for help. Ghirahim manages to hush up any Goron Captains nearby, and that side falls into Ghirahim's clutches.

Petite has had enough of this fooling around. They send a Bombchu down the middle passage of the mountain. Their little voice isn't quite loud enough to alert their fellow Gorons, so they make their way to an out-of-commission boulder keep and its natural megaphone. "Heads up! I'm sending an explosive present!" This alerts everyone.

"UM... I think we'll just return that present, thank you," is Ghirahim's response. With speed, he takes a path that will lead him around to the middle. Darunia about chases him down, but it's hard to chase someone when there is a Zant on your back.

Ghirahim intercepts the Bombchu halfway to its destination. He hops on top of it, effectively halting its advance. A horde of determined Gorons gather around, reaching for the demon lord. None of their arms are long enough. Ghirahim poses for his groping crowd. But enough fun, he starts to dismantle the Bombchu. Petite, perhaps the most furious Goron of them all, catapults from the east boulder keep to the Bombchu. Next thing you know it, Ghirahim finds his knees being assaulted.

The Bombchu continues its advance with a Goron and a demon lord tussling on top of it, inching ever closer to its target base. It is on its last leg when it tumbles down to the final stretch. Petite manages to pull Ghirahim off the explosive, but Ghirahim takes Petite to the ground with him.

Zant makes a desperate lunge off of Darunia, arching in the air like an Olympic diver. His final blow sets off the bomb. The blast causes a small radius heat wave in Ghirahim and Zant's base, but nothing more. The Gorons' desperate attempt at salvation has failed.

An exhausted Darunia trudges back to his base to find it overrun with dark monsters. Darunia and the Gorons face defeat and surrender. And Petite never got that rock sirloin that was promised.

Fail #3

Same location; very different scenario. It is a quiet evening, and the bottom of the mountain is very much abandoned, save for the four warriors celebrating their separate victories from earlier that same day. This quartet consists of Ruto, Midna, Fi, and the very lonely Darunia. The estrogen is almost overwhelming. Notice the word 'almost'. Thank goodness for Fi's diaphanous, ghastly structure.

They aren't alone, and Fi senses this. She has been distracted, unable to identify with her companions. A sword spirit's life is an alienating one. This one statement might explain a lot about Ghirahim, but that is another boat entirely. Anyways, Fi decides it is crucial to get the attention of her comrades.

"I apologize for interrupting, but I am sensing a large presence nearby," the sword spirit interjects. Darunia stands between two feisty females about to tear each other apart. His hand covers Midna's face completely. Ruto is a slippery one, but Darunia has her waist between his thumb and index finger, so she's not going anywhere. Darunia asks Fi if it's not him she's sensing, and Fi confirms this, adding that she now senses a second monster-like being.

Before Darunia can ask what exactly Fi is sensing, two Manhandlas emerge from the ground, one to the west and one to the east. With eight sets of gnashing teeth, the threat is real. Midna and Ruto forget what they were fighting about.

"Immediate action is recommended," Fi analyzes. "I suggest we focus our energy on one at a time to make quick work of them."

Ruto has a different suggestion. She says, "If we split up, we can take them out in half the time."

"Splitting up is half the man power and double the time," Midna deduces.

"No," the Zora princess defends. "The math clearly states that if we focus on them both at the same time, they should be destroyed at the same time, making it shorter."

Fi hypothesizes that 1-on-4 should theoretically be half the time of 1-on-2, but since there are two Manhandlas, they would have to do 1-on-4 twice. Relatively speaking, whether they do 1-on-2 at the same time or do 1-on-4 twice, the time it takes should be the same. Before she can explain this, however, Darunia declares that they should take the beats down one by one. 1-on-4 it is.

Darunia, Midna, and Fi charge for the Manhandla in the west, as Midna has always hated the direction west. The reason for this, she'll never say. Ruto, as stubborn as she is, decides to take on the Manhandla in the east by herself.

Midna flamboyantly whips out a boomerang from her hammer space, and the trio start to make quick work of Manhandla. Fi gracefully dances Manhandla's health away. Darunia accidentally bashes Midna with his hammer, but is able to assist her while the savage plant is distracted by the pretty colors on Fi.

While disoriented, Midna makes an interesting observation. "Yo, Darunia… you didn't happen to bash Ruto too, did ya?" Her words are a little slurred, but it may just be Darunia's hearing in the heat of battle. But nonetheless, Midna made a point. Where is Ruto?

"Oh no." And with that, Darunia sprints for the opposite side of the battlefield. Like the chieftain feared, Princess Ruto is at Manhandla's mercy. The wild, multi-headed deku baba reaches one of its heads at the inured Zora, only to be met with a war hammer.

With both Manhandlas in distress, it was only a matter of time before they realized there was more than one of them on the battlefield. With monster communication none of the warriors can understand, the Manhandlas start to make their way towards each other, bowling over anyone who gets in their way.

"The Manhandlas have noticed each other and are teaming up as we speak," concludes Fi urgently. With all of their strength, Midna and Darunia attempt to push and pull the Manhandlas back to their respective sides of the battlefield. Their efforts are in vain.

Four warriors, two Manhandlas, and eight ravenous sets of slobbery jaws. Before a new strategy can be formed, the Manhandlas start scurrying around the general area like ants in a panic about their crumbling anthill. Smatterings of acidic saliva are sent airborne, and any warrior unlucky enough for that saliva to land on them is met with an unpleasant burning sensation.

With no eyes present on any of each Manhandla's four heads, colliding with objects is inevitable for the giants. One stray head moving at over 30 miles an hour is enough to send Darunia tumbling backwards.

Surely this rampage can't last long, the warriors think to themselves. This hope quickly fades as the Manhandlas continue to spastically rush in every direction. All the warriors can do is dodge to the side and pray they get a moment's notice before dodging again.

Midna is launched into a keep wall, falling to the ground with a thud. "We can't do anything if they don't stop moving!"

Darunia successfully dodges a Manhandla, only to be hit with an airborne Ruto. She didn't hurt quite as much as one of those gnarly sets of twig-thick fangs. Like a damsel in distress, she rests on her hip on the ground, pushing herself up with her arms. She says, "Even if they calmed down, I'm too tired to do anything about it."

The chieftain is desperate for a way out. He calls to the sword spirit for advice, "Fi, what are our options?!" And Fi replies, "It is unlikely that the Manhandlas will calm down and allow us to retaliate." She is cut off when a Manhandla hits her on the side, pushing her hard enough that she loses her balance and actually touches the ground.

"So what are our options?!" screams Midna.

Fi manages to start levitating again despite exhaustion. "Fleeing would be an appropriate course of action."

"You heard her," announces Darunia. "Let's go!" With that, Ruto is snatched up and rested on a familiar, stony shoulder. The speed and power in which she is jerked knocks the air out of her lungs. The ride is bumpy, but the great beasts become smaller and smaller as the distance from them increases.

Midna gets into the nearest keep and wedges herself in the corner in hopes of protection. She conjures the magic necessary for teleportation, and she is gone. Whimsically weaving her way through obstacles, Fi finds her way between the rock and the hard place, taking her leave. Ruto sees Fi float out of harm's way before allowing herself to rest. When you are as exhausted as she is currently, it doesn't matter how uncomfortable you are.

That is the bulk of the scenario. Sure, a true battle wasn't instigated here, but these four warriors consider it a failure. This strange feeling Fi has… could this be humiliation? Whatever it is, she doesn't like it.

Fail #4

When Hyrule Castle is under siege, it is Impa's duty to protect it with her life. Link, and soldiers of only the highest mark step onto the field of battle for the… 1, 2, 3… let's just say 100th time. That seems reasonable.

Hyrule Castle's assaulter, none other than Lord Ganondorf himself, is not a fool. He knows that Link and Zelda are no pushovers, so bringing pushovers into battle alongside him was not an option. Not long before, his tactical expertise nearly crushed Sorceress Cia. In her moment of defeat, Ganondorf saw use in her; to give her some credit, she is no pushover, either. And her dragon knight, what strength. He must lift weights, or something.

To Ganondorf's knowledge, Cia's ring wraith is having a playdate with Ghirahim and Zant as of right now. He can only imagine the horrors.

In the castle stronghold, Zelda makes herself present. She declares, "I am joining your fight."

Impa turns to her. "I apologize, but I can't let you, princess. If you were to be confronted by one of Ganondorf's generals, and captured…" Impa doesn't want to know even think about what would happen.

Zelda has no fear, which is an admirable trait in the eyes of her people. Link instructs Proxi to keep a close eye on the princess, as just a precautionary measure. With troops in place on both sides, the battle commences.

Moment one of battle, Zelda promises to keep close guard of the allied base, and Impa charges headlong into the heat of battle, ready to cut down immediate threats. To tenderize the competition, Ganondorf sends Cia to counter Impa. Ganondorf and Zelda have the same idea to send their second general on secret recon, so Link and Volga are deployed onto the battlefield to do any damage they can, undetected.

A bold decision is made. Zelda finds herself face-to-face with Cia, much to Impa's dismay and Ganondorf's interest. The Gerudo king prepares for an offense recoil from Link or Impa.

Instead of attacking, Cia is docile. This is Zelda's hint that something is up. Naturally, Hylian soldiers flood into the allied base in an attempt to rescue their princess. They are stunned when Zelda orders them to 'back off'. And yes, she uses those words.

Cia is in distress. "I won't be a pawn to a king who doesn't deserve my respect. The Valley of Seers has been ransacked, and Lana is missing!" This is dreadful news to Zelda. As the princess processes this, Cia turns against her own army in favor of Zelda's. What an event to shift tides!

With one traitorous soldier, who is to say that the other isn't traitorous? Ganondorf calls Volga back. Volga is startled when Ganondorf grabs him by the neckline and blares, "We will see to it that Cia rues her decision to betray me!"

Volga's morals have suddenly been put into question. Who, if anyone, has earned his service? Perhaps this is a question for one of the wisest souls he knows. A wave of heat floods Ganondorf's lungs as the knight in front of him morphs into a dragon before his very eyes. Under the circumstances of battle, one unknowledgeable of Volga would mistake him for the god of the sun, a wondrous beast of incredible power, wisdom, and fire in the sky. Cia is distracted from war at the sight, but as are all soldiers around her, enemy or not. Her instinct sees hope in Volga's unexpected behavior, and she smiles.

Finally, an intermission! We've been waiting for one for ages!

Lana, very much safe, is rather enjoying herself, unaware of the battle in progress only a map away. The Eldin Caves become strangely bright. The master has returned.

Volga is greeted home by Lana, Wizzro, Ghirahim wearing Zant's helmet, and Zant wearing Ghirahim's cape. Oookkkaaayyy… nothing unusual here. To further extend his greeting, Lana embraces him in a hug, her arms just long enough to wrap around his waistline with fingers touching. Wizzro finds this display revolting. Zant thinks it's cute, but he'll never tell you that. Ghirahim doesn't have an opinion, but only because he is unaware of what's happening right now. He isn't even facing Volga.

"This is an inappropriate display, Miss Lana," Volga calmly informs. Lana responds appropriately, ceasing to touch Volga.

"Ah!" exclaims the demon lord. "Do what we owe the pleasure of a visit from Volga?" He knew it was Volga by the dragon knight's distinct gruff voice. Zant does Ghirahim a favor by turning him the right way.

Volga is not amused. "I live here." Wizzro chuckles before sarcastically remarking, "What?! No." It is then that Volga remembers what he came for. "This is… going to sound fishy, but I could use your advice, Wizzro."

Wizzro agrees. "Something about that is fishy. Have you been talking with Ruto?"

"I would appreciate it if you took this seriously," grumbles Volga, being pushed to the limit of his temper.

Lana changes the subject with, "Hey, have you seen Cia? She just occurred to me." Volga informs Lana of Ganondorf, Zelda, and Hyrule Castle. She is aghast, and her mature side reveals itself for the first time since her capture. She has been treated so kindly that she forgot she was a prisoner. "Volga," she cries, "You need to take me to the battlefield! I need to help Zelda and Link!"

Volga holds out a hand to the hyper girl. "Patience please," he says, the chill of his body language dropping the temperature by ten degrees. He exerts an overwhelming fatherly presence.

Wizzro's advice to Volga is to stay with Ganondorf, as Cia's betrayal will have only enraged the king. This will only cause him to be reckless, harming everyone. With that said, he needs Volga to stay loyal for even a chance at victory. Otherwise, if Volga were to turn traitorous as well, Ganondorf will be able to use his newfound desire to defeat the traitors to his advantage and completely crush Hyrule Castle. Volga takes this advice to heart. Lana has a first-class ride to Hyrule Castle on the back of a dragon.

The Eldin Caves are once again quiet. Until, of course, Wizzro smirks. "Or is it the other way around, empowering on the first traitor, dangerous on the second traitor? Hmm…Oh well." His laughter resonances throughout the caves.

Aw, intermission is over.

Much to Zelda's relief, Lana descends onto the battlefield from above, abroad a dragon. Lana hops safely onto the grass, turning to Volga. She smiles.

"This is where we part ways, I'm afraid."

Lana's smile disappears. Volga gives her a nod, saying sincerely, "I wish you luck." With that, Volga makes haste for Ganondorf's base, deciding amongst himself that his side is official. Lana swallows her daze, making Zelda's safety her first priority.

Cia catches glimpse of Volga and his direction. She groans, sending the message, "It looks like we're not getting any more help. It's up to us, now." Her first reply is one she did not expect; a 'roger that' from her other half. A new wave of hope, they just may be able to pull this off.

But alas, the trials only push Zelda's forces beyond their capabilities. Link is outdone by the might of Volga and two other monsters Ganondorf summoned. And to think Impa was on her way to help. Their morale is drowned. One by one, Ganondorf's metaphorical fist crushes them all, and soon, Zelda is at spear point.

This time Impa failed to protect her princess. She knew she should have insisted Zelda stay out of this. "Crap."

…

And there you have it; failed battles at their finest. Perhaps now when you rage your battles you will know how to avoid the situations that led to these loses.

Author's Notes- And the next chapter is the moment you've all been waiting for, the end! Oh yeah, and the Q&A. Which reminds me, last call for questions. Darunia, Ruto, and Midna have not received questions solely for them. Midna doesn't really care, but Darunia is heartbroken. Questions for individual characters and multiple characters are still being taken. Congrats to everyone who has followed these misadventures for so long, and I look forward to future stories.