She'd been staring into the empty cell beside her for so long that the space had become nothing more than a rectangular blur. The two days they had been held captive there felt more like weeks. What was Julian and his little group of followers doing!? If the bastards were going to take them back to Skyhold, for whatever reason, she wished they'd just get on with it. Languishing the slow hours away in a smelly, cold, uncomfortable cell was easily worse than even the hardest day she and Anders had spent on the road so far.
Anders had begun to feel it too. Deep into the second day, his eyes took on the flat listlessness she'd seen the night Cole picked the lock to his quarters. The complete lack of response to everything around them was so much scarier to her than the panic and frustration that had filled them both the first day. She didn't know how to comfort him, what to say or do during his long hours of motionless silence. He sat limp against the wall, watching the bodies move in and out of the cave with bleary, disinterested eyes.
"I'm not doing this again," he said eventually, after the first bristles of worry for him had already crept under her skin and settled there.
"Doing what?" she asked quietly.
"This. This will be the last time I am anyone's prisoner. If they try to take me back to Skyhold, it will not end well and I don't care who goes down with me," he turned to look at her for a moment, "except for you. You will need to run Selise. If I don't make it you still need to take the book if you can, and flee. Take it to Denerim and find the mages there. Search for a man named Corin."
At first she could only stare at him dumbly. The possibility of leaving him behind had not even occurred to her.
"Will you do that?" he asked.
She blinked hard, her response stalled at the back of her throat. He turned his head back and stared straight ahead with wide, unfocused eyes. Was he really expecting they would be separated?
"What are you saying?" she asked incredulously. "Anders…. that is not how this is going to work. You don't get to walk into my life and change everything, and then, what… just stop fighting? Expect me to move along while you go out by yourself in a blaze of glory?"
"It's not like I want to, my love," he whispered. "My whole life all I have wanted was freedom, the same rights as any other man, but… but somehow I always end up recaptured. Over and over again, no matter how many times I escape. I used to think I was good at this, but now... I don't know. I'm so tired of being on the run. And this time I got you imprisoned too. Maker only knows what they are planning to do with us, or how many days we have left."
"You aren't responsible for this Anders. You didn't force me to leave Skyhold and we don't even know why these mages want us."
"Didn't do I this though? You warned me about them and I didn't listen," he said squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. "Destroying the chantry has ensured that I will be a target for the rest of my life. I knew that was going to happen and I accepted it, but I honestly didn't think I would continue on this far afterward. I thought for sure that Hawke was going to put her daggers right into my heart the moment it was all over. And she should have! Everyone was calling for it!" he said, his voice breaking. "But she didn't. And here I am, still making a huge mess everywhere I go only now I'm dragging you down with me," he paused again, drawing a deep, shaky breath.
"Not to mention the fact that this time…. It's mages doing the imprisoning! Everything I have done to try to free us and yet now it is they that hold the key to my cell," he shook his head. "AND, the bastards trap us within our own bodies. I never imagined, never had any clue how horrific that could be," he slouched forward further.
"I shouldn't expect anything different, I know that. But it doesn't change the fact that I can't bear this any more. I can't."
She grabbed his arm through the bars and jerked it toward her, trying to incite him to look at her. But his body was dead weight, his head rocking slightly against the wall but not turning.
"Anders, my love, now is not the time to get swallowed up in self pity. We need to stay sharp, so we can act at the first opportunity. Don't give up on me now," she hissed. But Anders gave no response. She stood angrily and glared down at him.
"Listen to me," she demanded, her voice growing unintentionally sharp.
"I am. I hear you," he said. "Selise, there are only two outcomes to this as far as I am concerned. Either I get out of here with the book, or I die trying. That's it. If the Inquisition were to show up here right now that wouldn't change. I'm not going back to Skyhold, not as a prisoner. That blood mage can't actually walk us back that whole way with magic alone. There is no way he is powerful enough for that, unless he sacrifices every one of his friends along the way, and even then… why?" he paused. "No. You need to run at the first opportunity. Hand off the book in Denerim and then try to reclaim a life somewhere. Don't let me drag you down."
Selise paced the short length of her cell, which was only large enough for four steps before she had to turn around. She didn't even have enough room to fume effectively. She sank back down to the ground, and drew her glare from Anders to the dim expanse of the empty cave.
"It's too late for that," she said. "Do not think for a moment that I am going to leave you if I have any power left in me. Anders if you run, I run. If you fight, I fight. Would I have come this far if I wasn't prepared to go all the way?" she had asked him, struggling to soften her forceful tone. "Everything I have done for the past few months now has been for you. For us. You would have that all go to waste?" Finally he turned to meet her eyes. The depth of anguish she saw there drained the anger right out of her.
"No," he whispered. "I wouldn't."
"I will not abandon you, even if you ask me to. Know that now and save us both the trouble of dealing with that foolish request again in the future."
He sat motionless for a moment, and then slowly turned to her, leaning in to rest his head against the bars separating them. She reached through with both hands and caressed his hair, tenderly cupping his jaw and running her thumb along the lengthening bristles coating his chin. She pressed her nose into his hair and took a deep breath of his woodsy scent, running her lips lightly along his hairline.
"You are a stubborn woman," he whispered as he dropped his forehead to rest fully against her lips. "But you're right. We need to stay sharp. I'm just… I'm so sorry. I just can't take much more of this. I have lost so many good years to locked rooms and prison cells. You don't ever get used to it. If anything you get less used to it. So many times now I have said the same thing… never again. And yet enough time passes and there I am again, locked up and wishing I had just let someone kill me when they had the chance."
Selise settled her body against the bars, and held him as much as she could through the constraining metal, one hand continuing to stroke his face. She followed the outlines of his high cheek bones with her fingertips, sloping down to his strongly curved jaw, to the smooth skin of his neck, which was kissed by the ends of his silky hair. She would have given anything to be able to pull him completely into her, to cradle him with her body and help to ease away all his worries.
"I want to wish that I had never come to Skyhold, that I had never upset your whole life like this. But I can't wish that. These last few months with you made everything that came before that worth it. But I would never have endangered you like this if I could help it. I hate myself for that."
"I am here because of my own choices my love. And I wouldn't do anything differently. Except maybe come to your door earlier, when I didn't need to pick the lock," she told him. When she glanced down at his face she was gratified to see the corner of his mouth curling into a little smile.
"Do you want to know what I like to think about?" she asked as she kissed his forehead. "The life you and I will have together when this is all over. We go to Denerim, do all the things you want to, and when we start to get tired then maybe we settle down in a little cottage somewhere far away, where there are no circles or templars and nobody could possibly know us. Preferably near some water, where we can have a dock and a little boat. We can eat fish and crabs and get a dog or two," she said. Anders snorted.
"Just kidding, it can be a cat."
"That's better," he said, his smile spreading.
"And we'll spend all day drinking wine and making love and working in the garden," she mused as she closed her eyes and took another deep breath of his hair.
"And we can sleep in every morning and cuddle up together and read books," he added. "When we tire of making love anyway."
"Which will never happen," she shrugged. "Darn. I liked books."
He breathed a soft laugh.
"Since no one will be around but us, there really won't be any need to wear clothes at all most of the time," she continued, "and that means less laundry which is always a plus."
"How very practical," he said.
"Right? It just makes sense. I apologize in advance for my cooking though. I am sure it's going to start out absolutely atrocious."
"It's okay, you're a quick study. We'll be sure to keep lots of bread and cheese handy. It's hard to screw that up."
"Well I might find a way. But it doesn't matter. You'll eat whatever I make, and you'll pretend that it's wonderful because you love me so much. And I'll keep trying until I actually get decent at it, and I'll figure out how to make all your favorite meals because I love you so much."
"That sounds like heaven," he said as his hands traveled up her thighs and circled her waist. "I can't wait to get there. Can we go right now?"
But now his cell was empty. She had sensed the magic the moment it gripped him and she watched him stand, his eyes growing hard and murderous as he registered that it was happening again. Kinley unlocked his cell and lead him stiffly out of the cave. All Selise's pleas for information went ignored, with Kinley only flashing her an annoyed stare as he walked away, leaving her the only soul left in the deep, eerie cave.
Four steps forward, two to the side, four steps back. Repeat, repeat. She walked where she could until it occurred to her that she needed to heed Solas's words, she needed to experiment with whatever alleged abilities a dreamer was supposed to have. Learn her capabilities and practice. Maybe Solas had found something. Maybe he would be waiting to come to her and give her something she could use in their escape.
But sleep felt impossible. Shivering on the cold, hard ground, her eyes were drawn repeatedly to the emptiness of the cell beside her, just to make sure it really was as bare as her mind was telling her. Only a couple hours ago the space had housed the beloved warm body that she rested against and caressed, the man who was the only reason she didn't freeze to death on all the long, cold nights.
Her mind just couldn't quiet. She was filled with worry, with dreadful images of the things they might be doing to him, wherever they were. Every sound from the mouth of the cave brought her to full attention, hoping it might signal Anders' return. But the sounds were only sticks dropped from the wind in the trees, one of the rest of the group passing by, or a rock tumbling to the ground.
After another hour Qaris entered to relight the firepit at the rear of the cave. Selise stood and pressed her face to the bars, anger rising rapidly in her throat. She could ask him where Anders was, what they were doing to him, when he'd be back, but she knew she'd get no response. Questions were pointless. The tenderness of their last moments fired up an all-consuming fury, making her ache with the desire to unleash it full force onto her captors.
"Let me out," she snarled to the man, her eyes hardened into daggers. It was less a request than a warning.
To her surprise, Qaris turned and approached her cell, stopping just out of arms reach. His eyes flicked cautiously toward the mouth of the cave and then he pulled a slip of paper out of a coat pocket. He held it just close enough for her to grab it and then withdrew quickly. She unfurled it, brows drawn in focus.
It was a notice of a bounty, offering payment for any information regarding two fugitives matching her and Anders' description seen fleeing the mountains. It did not give their names, and specifically said to that if they were captured, all measures should be taken to keep them alive.
"Why are you showing me this?" she asked, handing the paper back. He was overly cautious in the distance he kept, and Selise had no doubt that if she tried to make a move, his response would be fast and harsh.
"Signed by three of the advisers. You must have done something pretty serious," he commented casually, and then a subtle change in his black eyes turned them serious and hard.
"Julians's going to use you to get into Skyhold, but he doesn't care about the bounty. Only getting a private meeting with the Inquisitor," the elf said. "That can't happen, unless you would see this land ruled by a bloodthirsty Tevinter."
The words jolted her. She blinked at him in disbelief that he seemed to be offering her such confidence. It only made her more curious about Julian's plan. A Tevinter? Was he planning on turning the Inquisitor into his puppet too? Qaris turned to walk away. Desperate for more information, Selise called, "Wait! What is he doing to Anders? Why has he taken him?"
He turned back to face her, large black eyes gaping wide.
Selise winced hard, instantly wishing she could pull the words back in.
"Anders?" he asked, repeating the name slowly. "…the Anders?"
She dropped her face into her hands, wanting to bang her head against the bars. Stupid!
"No..no. Please, I didn't mean to… Please don't tell anyone else. It's not really relevant anyway, is it?"
"Depends. Is that why you're wanted?" Qaris asked. Selise bit her tongue. Did he not know about the book? How could that be possible?
She said nothing. She had already said too much already. He might not want Julian to get to the Inquisitor, but that did not mean he was on her side.
He turned again and strode quickly out the mouth of the cave and Selise crumpled to the floor.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Another cell, another cave. There must have been a whole system of them out there, just like the ones at the Wounded Coast. Anders almost would have preferred being tortured or interrogated to simply being dropped alone into yet another cell. At least then he'd know that he was going to be returned to Selise's side. But there was no indication that this was anything other than his new quarters. It made sense to keep them separated. It would be the first step to demoralizing them, breaking them down so they'd be more amenable to obedience. Anders was well acquainted with these types of tactics; templars had practiced the same types of tricks on him and his friends in the circle for years. And now Julian and his followers could do whatever they wanted to her, and he'd be none the wiser. He knocked his head back against the wall and flashed another hateful glare toward the two blond girls who were observing him amusedly.
"You look so familiar," the girl on the left said as she squinted her dark blue eyes and ran them up and down his body. Anders looked away from her, allowing his hair to fall down into his face, hoping it would obscure it enough to keep her notice from blossoming into full recognition. All those damn posters Sebastian had been plastering all over southern Thedas for years had made his face well known, even to people who didn't really remember why. Anders sighed.
"Just tell us why you're wanted. You two must have done something bad…" the girl on the right smirked. He had forgotten which of them was which. Was it Etienne who wore the robe and not the leathers? Or was it Millie? He had been waiting until one of them spoke the other's name, but after almost an hour under their scrutiny neither of them had even come close. He supposed that might be a twin thing. Perhaps they didn't need to address each other by name. Why would they?
One of the girls had the spirit magic that included a mana drain, but even who that belonged to was a mystery.
"It couldn't have been that bad if they want them alive."
"You never know. Maybe they just want to be the ones to torture them," the girl on the right said. The one in the robe. He was thankful that at least they chose different gear. Even their voices were so alike it would have been impossible to tell them apart otherwise.
"The Inquisition is too goody-goody to torture," said the girl in the armor.
"How do you know? You don't know anything about them."
"I probably know more than you do."
"And how is that? You haven't been anywhere I haven't been."
"Because I don't spend all my time fawning over my own reflection like you do. I actually pay attention to things," said the girl in the armor.
"You do not…"
Anders rolled his eyes back into his head and tried to block out their bickering. The girl in the robe, the one supposedly sleeping with Julian, did carry herself with noticeably more conceit and self-awareness than the other. She played with her hair often, raking her fingers through it until every strand was perfectly combed into place, and then tossing it about. Presumably to affect some kind of unintentional-looking wildness that was in fact very carefully calculated. When Julian was around, her preening got worse, and was so tediously transparent. The other twin seemed almost the opposite, her hair looking like it badly needed a good combing. No doubt she was trying to avoid cultivating any additional similarities to her sister.
He closed his eyes and conjured up the picture of the cottage by the water that Selise had drawn for him. He marveled at her ability to pull him out of even his deepest misery, something he had struggled with since his adolescence, starting with his separation from Karl in the circle, and then exploding into something genuinely frightening during his year in solitary confinement. From then on he seemed to carry around this black vacuum that could go for months or even years unnoticed, and then it would suddenly open up and swallow him. His recent years on the run, dealing with constant hatred, guilt and loneliness had only made it a place he visited more and more often.
He was tired. He still had a good two decades left before the real Calling should begin, and he wasn't even close to the midpoint of the lifespan of a normal man, yet he had begun to feel so weary, right down into the depths of his soul. Once the book, or the information it contained, was passed along to people who could put it to use, maybe it really was time to bow out of the fight. Now that Selise had put this idea in his head of the two of them living quietly in the country, he could think of nothing he wanted more. To sleep peacefully in her arms every night, feet warmed by a purring little friend, days quiet and full of love, sunshine and laughter… it was exactly everything he had fought for. He had done what he could to help bring about the possibility of a free, peaceful life for other mages, surely it wasn't a betrayal of his cause to want the same for himself?
But for that to become a reality, they would need to get out of the clutches of these fiends.
It occurred to him that the longer the girls were occupied and not thinking about keeping up on the mana drain spell, the better chance Selise had of getting some of her mana back. Not that she hadn't made a very valid point about needing not to be locked in a cage when the time came to kill everyone. Starving slowly, forgotten in a cold cell was a death worth avoiding. Someone would need to be able to open the locks or killing the blood mages was a death sentence to themselves as well.
Still, the possibility of Selise seeing a little bit of her mana return was more than they'd had to work with yet. She was smart. If there was something that could be figured out, she would. He would need to engage the girls, keep them occupied for as long as he could. Distract them. Or something. Anything. He opened his eyes and trained them on the two blond vipers.
He stood and approached the bars closest to the girls and they immediately ceased their arguing, watching him warily with big blue eyes.
"So I just have to ask. What would cause such pretty girls like you to join up with a crazy blood mage?" he asked them.
"He speaks," observed the one in the leathers.
"Julian isn't crazy," the one in the robe said.
"Oh so he's perfectly sane, but just evil?" he asked. "That's even worse. At least if he was crazy he'd have an excuse."
They looked quietly to each other, having what appeared to be a very nuanced mental conversation among themselves.
"Pardon my poor manners, but I seem to have forgotten which one of you is which."
"Etienne," said the girl in the leather.
"So then you're Millie," he nodded to the other girl. "Are you also from Val Royeaux? Funny, none of you have the accent that you usually hear…"
They looked at each other again.
"No, we're Fereldan," Millie answered, but didn't offer any more information.
He zeroed in on the girl with the leathers. She looked as though she felt a little lost within her sister's shadow, at least that certainly seemed to be the case when it came to Julian. Did they both desire him? And yet only one had apparently been invited into his bed. This rejection might make her more vulnerable to flattery. Or perhaps he should just make a move to grab one of them. He'd need to improvise something. His mind went to Selise, to her clear grey eyes, to her hungry mouth and soft curves. Again he took himself mentally to the cottage in the country, and he felt his resolve harden to steel. He would do whatever needed to be done.
He looked Etienne up and down, studying the details on her leathers, looking for some bit of personalization that he could hone in on.
"That's a beautiful necklace you have," he said pleasantly as he eyed the milky blue lapis lazuli pendant that hung from a short chain around her neck. "It accentuates the lovely blue of your eyes. Is that sapphire?"
She reached a hand to her throat self-consciously and began fingering the crystal amulet.
"My mother had a gorgeous sapphire ring. I always hoped I might be able to give it to my wife someday, but…"
"It's not sapphire. It's lapis lazuli," Millie interjected haughtily.
"Are you sure about that? Because my mothers looked exactly like that and she…"
"We're sure," she cut in again.
"I don't know… she had the ring appraised by a dwarven jeweler. They tend to know their stuff," he laughed.
"We're sure. This has been in our family for three generations. I think we'd know."
"But it's too clear to be lapis. No, I think you're mistaken. That's definitely sapphire."
"No, you're the one who's mistaken. And this isn't clear at all, it's completely cloudy," she stated. Anders could see that she was beginning to get frustrated.
"Can I get a better look at it?" he asked, and she stood, inching closer to the bars of the cell. He squinted, acting as though he couldn't quite tell what he was looking at. The moment she appeared to be even slightly within reach, his arm surged out like a striking snake, connecting with a handful of thin blond hair and yanking hard enough that the metal bars sung with the reverberations made by the impact of her head. He held back a laugh at how easy it had been. He reached his other arm through the bars and wrapped an icy hand firmly around her throat.