"Ciel, if you're feeling unwell, we can always put this visit off. They'll understand and quite honestly I'm not looking forward to seeing Mordred and Nephthys I don't want you to push yourself." Sebastian said with concern.
"You promised Ann you would go. She's your mother, it's important to her." Cel said pulling on his black jacket.
"Ciel, wouldn't you rather-"
"What now?" Ciel snapped, shocking Sebastian into silence, without another word, or so much as a glance to Sebastian, the younger demon exited the room and walked the short distance to Hannah's home, knocking on the door, his eyes cast to the ground. The door clicked open and Hannah greeted him warmly.
"Ciel, welcome, would you like to come in and sit down?" He nodded in silence. The female demon stepped aside gesturing him inside. Sebastian watched from the upstairs window. He shook his head.
"My dearest love, have I hurt you so badly that you feel you cannot tell me anything at all, I am still here for you, right in front of you, and yet I am nothing more than a shadow to you these days. As if I'm not there. What could I have done that would make you feel that you couldn't come to me?" he wondered out loud.
"Perhaps it isn't you sir. Master Ciel is going through a lot right now, trying to learn our ways, learning to be what he is expected to be as your mate, being shown what is expected of him as a potential king of hell when the throne is passed to you. Then with all that stress and worry sir, he became pregnant at a very young age. though technically speaking, he is no longer a child in human years, he is still a very young mother. He knows you want the baby that currently rests within him, He wants it for you. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you anymore than he already has." Cynna placed a comforting hand on his master's shoulder.
"What hurts me the most my friend, is that he is hurting, and he feels he must hide it from me and turn to someone else to comfort him. As his mate,, I should have sat down with him and made sure he knew that no matter what was burdening his heart, I would see him through, whether it be something I have done and I must correct it within myself,or it is someone else or perhaps his own fears. I didn't give him a chance to settle into life as a mate before I pushed a family onto him. I should apologize." Sebastian turned.
"Master, give him time now, he will come to you when he's ready and in a few short hours, you two have the meeting with your mother. give him until then, if he hasn't returned-" Sebastian sighed.
"I don't know what I would do." he said quietly before leaving his butler and getting ready for the evening.
"Alois is upstairs, do you want me to get him for you, you could go up if you like, it's the second door on your right." Hannah said.
"Thank you, I'll go up to see him."
"If you need anything, please let me know." Ciel nodded and began climbing the stairs, photos were hung along the stair case, Alois and Luca, smiling together, The older boy smiling at the camera, his arms wrapped around his younger brother who grinned leaning into Alois. At the top, just before Alois' room, Ciel saw yet another photo, Hannah was kneeling her yard, Alois stood to the side, his arms around her, Luca sat just in front of her, he held out a ball to her, all three grinned happily. A happy family, just as Alois had wanted. The image caused a small amount of guilt in Ciel. Hannah wanted her boys. They deserved to be happy, Ciel on the other hand despised the thing that was sharing his body. The child who had done nothing to deserve the hate and anger from its mother. No, Ciel couldn't call himself that, he was nothing more than a host to the creature. It's only chance to survive.
Ciel knocked on the bedroom door and waited, hid despair growing by the second. finally the door opened and Alois, with a look of curiosity ushered him in.
"What's wrong?" the slightly older boy asked, offering Ciel a seat om the edge of his bed.
"You know about my situation," The dark haired demon began.
"You mean the ba-"
"Don't say it. any mention of it makes me feel irritated, but ironically that's why I'm here. I can tell you things I can't tell Sebastian. I have a limited time, we're supposed to be having some sort of family night. I need to get my frustration out before we leave."
"Alright, but I really don't understand why this is affecting you so badly. it's a tiny being that'll love you forever and want you no matter what." Alois commented.
"It's not something I wanted, had I known at the time that it was a possibility. I wouldn't have allowed it. Sebastian is the only reason I'm doing this. He wants to tell them tonight.I don't know what to do, I can't be happy for him."
"You're good with Luca, maybe you just need time to adjust to it. I think I'd like to know what it feels like someday, having my own family and all."
"I hate it."
"Ciel!" Alois cried in surprise.
"I'm in constant pain, I can't eat properly, I can't sleep, it's so tiring and I just can't do it. I feel terrible for Sebastian, he has to deal with my quick temper and I snapped at him again today, I don't know why. "
"Because you're pregnant, you see it all the time. When my mother was going to have Luca, she used to get so irritated with my father, she would hir him with one of those paper fans. He brought her a small collection from one of his trips, all he had to do was breathe loudly."
"I haven't resorted to violence just yet, but I can't help feeling like I just want it to be over. I never wanted children, even as a human."
"But weren't you engaged?"
"It was arranged, I didn't choose it. I love Elizabeth, but I'm not in love with her. We have sort of an odd relationship, I see her more as a sister I suppose. We were always close when we were small."
"What would you have done if you had married her?"Alois asked curiously.
"The Phantomhive line wold have died with me. I wouldn't continue the bloodline that only brought pain and misfortune . We were cursed, the rumors we obviously true."
"what if she wanted-"
"Then she would've been out of luck, wouldn't she?"
"You're being dramatic. what happened to you wasn't-"
"Now isn't a good time to take the blame for the past, we both know the truth, let it go, Alois."
"All I'm saying is having a baby might not be as bad as it seems. Who knows, you could get used to the idea of being a mother, maybe you could try to think of it as a positive, babies love you, they're adorable, sweet and cuddly and I've never had one personally, but when Luca started talking and walking, I was so proud of my little brother." The blonde demon smiled at the memories.
"So you two were always that close?"
"Yes, from the day he was born, he was very important to me. I loved him the moment my mother told me she would have him. I asked for him you know."
"No, I didn't know."
"It can be the best feeling in the world when someone looks to you for what they need. I always liked it because I was important to someone, I was needed."
"yes, well, he's your brother, you didn't have him. There's a difference. if you had wanted to, you could've given back to your parents and taken a break."
"You can give him or her to Sebastian if you want a break."
"I wouldn't ever take it back. Sometimes I think that the best thing to do for both Sebastian and his child would be for me to move out after it's born. I'll stay close to give Sebastian feedings but I don't want-"
"maybe you're just scared."
"Of what?" Alois shrugged.
"You tell me, maybe you're worried about what happened to you."
"The only thing I'm really worried about right now is...I don't want to hurt Sebastian and I can't be happy for him,I know that's hard on him. I really don;t think I can do it."
"You can. You kept it because of him. You'll be okay. You're a lot stronger than I am, I know you you can do this. You've done so much already. You've made a friendship out of a rivalry, you saved Sebastian's life, won his heart. put him first, I'll just be over here if you want to talk. Try not to let it get you down." Ciel nodded.
"You're right. I should keep in mind why i'm doing this. It's not about me at the moment, I'm not the master anymore. I should just get through this and deal with it until the thing's old enough to handle itself. I could do that, I'll visit with you when I need time away and eventually i'll learn to be content...I hope."
"Worth a try, maybe you won't have to pretend."Alois added.
"Anything's possible I suppose." Ciel said standing up.
"That' right, now all you have to do is stick to it."
"right. Thank you."
"Any time, now go try to have a good time and try not to think about it too much." After Ciel left, Alois' smile faded.
"Poor Ciel." he said quietly before turning to his book, his thoughts were with his friend.
Ciel emerged from Hannah's home feeling slightly more at ease. He stopped in her yard, realizing he was still dressed in the black outfit.
"I think I'd rather wear green today. he thought, instantly the jacket began to change into a dark green. He continued on his way, finding Sebastian waiting for him beside the carriage.
"There you are, I wasn't sure if you would come with me tonight, are you alright?" the older demon asked.
"I think I will be. I just need time, like I said before. we can talk about that later, right now you have a promise to keep and you said your father doesn't like it when his guests are late." Ciel said climbing into the carriage.
"You're sure you're well enough?"
"I'm fine, let's go before I change my mind." The young demon said, Sebastian climbed in beside him. Sebastian had mixed feelings about this evening, but more importantly, he was concerned for his future mate.