Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: So yes...please note that I am reposting this. I did a couple of edits and some improvements to the plot.

Her bare feet glid against the mud as she sped through the clearing, away from Jake's house and his questions.

Where are the Cullens?

She didn't want to think about it, but already her mind replayed the past, in horrible clarity.

"I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember!" she screamed as she kneeled onto the muddy forest floor.

It had been a few months after the wedding and after much pleading she had finally convinced him.

"Make me like you, Edward," she pleaded.

Edward sighed and pressed his forehead to her head.

"I wish you understood how much I value your humanity, how much I wish I could be human as you are, so we could grow old together."

Bella rubbed his cold stone hand. He had mentioned it so many times, how he wanted to have a family with her. How he wished he was human. And a piece of her almost wished it too.

"Edward," she sighed. "You said that the condition to turning me was marrying me. And we're married. I met your conditions."

Edward stood up quickly and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm well aware of my commitments to you," he said. "And I intend to keep my word. I just need more time."

"More time?" Bella nearly exclaimed.

"I just want you to experience more in your life as a human—" he argued.

"For fuck sake," Bella cursed. "I'm tired of the same argument."

"Bella," Edward chided.

"No, FUCKIN' no. I've made my choice," she interrupted. "I want to start my life already. My life as a vampire, with you. I don't want to be breakable anymore, or slow, or weak. I want to be your equal."

"But you are my equal," he assured her.

"Really because some days I feel like I'm more of your pet than your wife," Bella accused him.

Edward's eyes grew wide and angry.

"Well somedays you make feel like you married me because you wanted to become a vampire," he said.

Bella stepped back.

Silence.

"You really think that?" she whispered.

Edward closed his eyes and said nothing.

"Edward," she whispered lovingly and touched his cheek.

He didn't move. She hated it when he became a statue.

"Edward, I love you," she told him. "How can you not understand that? I married you, bonded myself to you as the one and only for me. I'm yours and yours alone. What more do I have to do to prove that? I mean I practically chased you across the world because I'm completely and irrevocably in love with you."

He reached out and hugged her. "I love you too, more than I ever thought I could love someone."

They kissed.

He smelled so good. He always smelled so good. His hands moved down her sides and she whimpered.

He smiled.

"Tell me you're mine, again," he whispered.

"I'm yours," she smiled.

He removed her clothing and she shivered. She could never get used to how cold he was sometimes.

"You'll tell me if I hurt you," he said.

"I will tell you," she said.

"Let's take a hot shower?"

She nodded.

Afterward, as she began to fall asleep in his arms she swore she heard him say. "I just pray you won't regret it."

0-0-0-0-0-0

She regretted.

How she wished he never had turned her it had been a mistake that had left her solitary hell.

But after so many years she had hoped for something different and decided to return home to see if the last person she cared about still existed. She had dared to hope, until Jake started to bark at her like a rabid dog.

He looked at me like I was a monster—the monster that I am. I don't deserve happiness, she thought. But I need something good. I need to try. I can't go on by myself without losing my mind. I need him.

A determination seeped in her bones. There was no other way. She needed him and he would just have to get used to it.

She returned to the basement only to find him struggling against the chains, even now he was determined to get free.

His eyes glanced at her and a rage surged through him.

"You've been gone for hours!" he hissed. "Do you even have a concept of time? God damn it! I'm tired of being tied up."

She shook her head, realizing that indeed time was such a foreign thing to her, it was only the watch she carried with her that reminded her of time but she barely looked at it.

"I'm sorry, I hadn't realized."

"Ugh! Just let me go," he hissed. "Or do you get some sick pleasure tying people up?"

She cocked a brow. She honestly didn't know. All this time running around for a meal had left her little room to discover herself and her likes, including sexual likes. But seeing Jake in chains wasn't really what she wanted, especially when he wasn't a wiling participant, she concluded.

"I don't like having you chained up like this, it looks uncomfortable," she admitted. "But I didn't want you to run away."

Jake sighed. He needed to convince her to untie him. Even if he had to pretend that he would be her friend again.

The things I do to survive, he thought.

"I'm tired and incredibly sore," he said. "God knows how long you have had me down here. You need to let me go."

She bit her lip, it was a human tick that had been left over and his heart thumped a little faster. He couldn't help but wonder if she tasted like decades ago. He closed his eyes trying not to think of her that way.

She's a monster. A monster. A murderer. She doesn't deserve to live, exist. She needs to die.

"If I let you go…" her voice trembled, interrupting his thoughts. "Promise not to run."

He gave the creature an annoyed look. "Not like I can outrun you, now."

She ran her fingers through her hair feeling frustrated, "You don't understand. If you run it will trigger the—predator. I-I'm still struggling with bloodlust. I actually lasted two decades without drinking humans but recently I had a run in with some hikers and they tried to run from me. I couldn't stop the predator inside me from killing them.

She looked away trying not to recall the faces. But that just was the price of immortality, she remembered everything perfectly.

'Please, please have mercy,' the last one had implored, before she sank her teeth in.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," she cried and covered her face.

Jake closed his eyes and wanted to scream but also he wanted to tell her he was sorry. For under that tough marble shield there was still a girl who felt regret and pain.

"Remove my chains. Bells, I wont run," he whispered, it felt good to say her name like that and he almost felt guilty that he was doing this to earn her trust.

"Bells," she smiled softly as she uttered the name. Surely, it had been years since someone called her Bells or anything for that matter.

She looked up and stepped closer to him. "I need you to promise. Please, promise that you won't run," she repeated her warning with serious eyes. "Please." And she meant it. "I don't want to hurt you. I wouldn't be able to bare it."

"Oh for fuck sake," he groaned but he couldn't lie, the words affected him.

She stared at him, waiting.

"Fine. I promise," he muttered.

"Such a grumpy old man," Bella answered with a smile.

He gave her a warning look and she giggled and the sound of it was so beautiful that he couldn't help but sigh. She was so beautiful when she giggled, he thought. And even as a monster she was breathtaking.

Bella caught on to the changes in his heartbeat and couldn't help but wonder if she had some type of affect on him. She decided to be brave and walked towards him, slightly curving her hips as she walked.

He didn't fail to notice her hips swerve and he shut his eyes to avoid the site. But it did nothing for him to stifle a gasp when he felt her hands on him. It was torture to feel how carefully she unwrapped him as though he were something delicate to handle. Every sweep of her hands that touched him made him shiver. He continually suppressed his throaty groans. Yet she was driving him mad with something as simple as a stroke from her fingertip.

Oh God, he groaned internally as images of them in bed under white sheets touching, kissing and making love. How can I still want her?

It actually made him feel disgusted with himself to have those thoughts. She wasn't even really alive he reminded himself.

"All done," she said.

"Finally." he started to feel oddly cold and realized his lack of shorts.

"For the love of—Bella," he covered himself. "Couldn't you have at least put my shorts back on?"

She turned away, feeling the need to blush even if her skin wouldn't show it.

"You didn't have them on you," she tried not to grin.

"You could have at least done me the courtesy to put something on me before you wrapped me in chains," he hissed.

"Well," she answered playfully. "I guess, I didn't really think this through. You can say this was my first time."

He huffed. "And you vampires claim to be fast thinking."

She cocked her head to the side. "You know, I am starting to think that I like you better tied up. More yelling mind you but less cheek to deal with."

He rolled his eyes and quickly moved up the stairs only to hear the her giggle, that sound he would do anything for.

This wasn't fair, he thought. It was as if he had entered an alternate universe to see a girl that had the face of the one he once loved.

Entering his room, he pulled out some sweat pants and an old shirt from the reservation. He really did need to go shopping but clothing these days were not something he enjoyed to buy especially with all the new styles that never fit the way they should.

He opened his closet to grab a pair of tennis shoes when he found his old jacket in the corner.

Jacob's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't seen the jacket in over 80 years.

His hands held the jacket and it took him to a memory from 80s years ago.

After Bella had left, Jake decided to take a break from everything. So like anyone with means and a broken heart, he traveled.

Yet, everywhere from the waterfall of the Niagara Falls to the paintings in Europe reminded him of the girl who had denied him a chance to experience life with her.

He tried to find other things to distract him. He tried to find a girl to love him. He wasn't a bad looker and many women found him appealing. It was his animal magnetism he would joke to himself but it never quite filled the void. It all felt mechanical.

One night, after another night with a beautiful French woman, he felt frustrated. Again, he felt nothing. He thought that he would probably never find the girl he would imprint on. Destiny had planned for him to be alone.

As he walked by a canal an old Gypsy woman who sat on the floor begged him for some money or anything he could give. She looked cold and shivering by the bridge. He took pity on her and removed his jacket and handed it to her.

"You are too kind," she whispered.

"Here is some money," he said.

She nodded and smiled. "You know, she will come back to you," she began. "One day the beautiful girl will come back to you, she is your soul mate after all."

He stood up suddenly because he was sure she was just talking out of her ass. So he walked away.

"Don't believe me!" he heard her holler. "Nobody ever has, but I am telling you the truth. She is meant to come back to you. She will love you and you will return her soul to her. And her connection with you is stronger than any imprint that your kind believes in!" she finished.

He turned around but by then she was gone.

Jacob stuffed it back in the jacket and crouched on the floor and covered his head.

I imagined it, he told himself. I've always had my jacket.

0-0-0

When he returned to the living room there was no sign of Bella. Instead, he saw a note next to an arranged plate of food.

Dear Jacob,

I cooked. Hope you still like chicken pot pie. Please eat. If you don't like it I also made other things.

I will be gone for a few hours. I need to feed and I know of a place a few miles away with an overgrown population of coyotes.

I hope when I return we can talk about what happened. It wasn't my intention to turn you…

He stopped reading and instead lodged the plate to the wall. It shattered leaving a mess on the floor.

Who the hell does she think she is? he hissed. She can't just come in and fuck with me like this and then cook for me like that's going to fix what she did to me.

His body felt hot feverish.

She had no right to come back, his mind screamed. His arms and legs convulsed the animal within was still very much alive.

A/N: Something always struck me about Eclipse and that was Bella was not making a decision between Jake and Edward but a decision about herself. And I wanted to expand on that. Also, Bella made a decision at a young age and was quite stubborn about it and it made me think about the mistakes we make when we're young.

I welcome your thoughts, folks. Review away. And for those returning-you may have noticed that I added more of her time with Edward-hope you guys don't mind.