A/N: Dear Reader, I must apologize to you for this story, though it is the original draft, as promised, it is not my favorite by any means. There is also a second draft which is very different. Ciel and Sebastian were never meant to have children in my original draft and I had no plans to make the series that I hope you've all been enjoying. I've come to love the Michaelis children I've created and found the last chapter particularly difficult to read from the pages and type onto the site. I'm glad I changed it and with this information shared with you, I shall continue. Please enjoy.
Days passed and Ciel's strength was slowly returning. He remained in bed, even after the healer had told him he was well enough to resume his normal activities. Sebastian's pain remained the same but seeing the sorrow Ciel was feeling, he would force himself to attempt to comfort his mate but would often end up lying beside him holding Ciel close. The older demon had noticed the ring on the bedside table but fearing his answer, decided to postpone the question. He was grateful that Ciel had kept his promise.
"I've been thinking," Sebastian said quietly one afternoon while rested against him. "Mother sent us the invitation for tea, perhaps a visit will ease our suffering for a short time, distraction is often helpful to ease painful thoughts. If you feel up to it, maybe we should go."
"I don't know, she likes to bring it up, how much she wants grandchildren, what could we possibly tell Ann?"
"We will tell her that we aren't ready to discuss the subject and if she continues to push us, we will tell her we cannot have children, I will tell her the problem is not you if she asks."
"why not tell her the truth, I lost the baby and it's my fault"
"That is a half truth, it was not your fault that it happened. Simply not wanting a child would not yield this kind of result."
"why do you feel like you have to shield me from so-"
"Ciel, if it's done this way she is less likely to keep bringing it up, knowing how much I wanted it to happen. I shield you because you have far too much to deal with already. I love you and would shield you from anything and everything. You are precious to me."
"How can I be though, after everything I felt toward the child, something that meant so much to you?"
"Honestly, I think some of it was fear. You're still very young and becoming a mother can be a frightening thing in itself at any age. You have a lot to deal with and I cannot blame you for your feelings. I understand, and may I ask about the ring?"
"What about it?"Ciel replied.
"What made you take it off?"
"I couldn't look at it after knowing that I hurt you so badly, I don't deserve it. There's likely millions of demons who would give you a child happily, they would want to raise it with you and-"
"Even if that was true, I chose you, I want to spend my life with you, not them."
"You wanted that child so much, how can you even want me to wear it after I took it away from you, you tell me it wasn't my fault but it was my body that-" Sebastian cut him off with a kiss.
"You didn't take the child from me, the healer explained it to me and I made the choice, Should that not tell you something?"Ciel burst into tears suddenly, clinging to Sebastian.
"It's alright, I'm here."the older demon soothed, holding him close.
"I feel like I've failed you. You should have someone who wants a family and understands what being a mate is, I want you to be happy but I don't have anything to give you."
"Do you love me?"Sebastian asked softly.
"Yes, very much."
"Then you've given me so much already. It takes a very special person to love a monster like me. My true form as you see it before you, even frightens some of our kind, I am unsightly, ghastly and yet you look upon me not only fearlessly, but with deep affection. You did your best to be a comfort to me and truly, being a mate isn't something that you just know, it's taught. You and I must teach each other how to be mates, and we do this by understanding what we need from each other. The pieces would fall into place. We need each other now more than ever, we are both going through a difficult time." Sebastian reached over and grabbed the ring in his clawed hand.
"Please, don't let this tear us apart, I need you here, I am nothing without you. You have become so much to me, my heart, my only love, the one thing I can never live without. Allow me to build a life for you. .Don't give up on us. I'm willing to postpone our marriage until you're ready, I love you that much. I will wait forever if you need me to because you are worth waiting for." Sebastian began to nuzzle Ciel gently while the young demon allowed him to slip the ring back on his finger.
Ciel loved the affection, though he wouldn't come out and say it. Sebastian had explained that nuzzling was an act that was done by demons who were truly in love.
"If done properly, both mates should be able to feel how much they are loved." he had said and Ciel did feel a tremendous amount of love come over him when Sebastian held him tight and nuzzled him, he also had a sense of safety and security in the older demon's arms.
"Whatever happens Ciel, we will get through it as long as we have each other You and I will always find a way."Sebastian whispered in his ear.
"I don't know if I feel like going anywhere, I'm so tired today."Ciel complained.
"I've seen this before, in cases of great sadness, these things happen, you are likely to have little energy and want to sleep more, the pain in your heart is too much for you and you react to it by shutting down, I understand Ciel...I feel it too. I've spoken to the healer about it for both of us and he thinks that under the circumstances, it's normal. He said the best way to deal with it is to support each other and that perhaps getting out of the house for a bit will help us. If you're not up to it, it's alright, you've been through a lot/" Ciel looked into Sebastian's eyes.
"how do you do it, manage to put me first when you were the one that felt the most pain?"
"When you love someone as much as I love you, you want to put their needs before yourself, that is what love is. It becomes as natural as a human breathing. Just as you did for me after the loss and you continue to do for me, I will always do such things for you. You are loved very deeply Ciel. Take your time in getting through all this, I'll be right here as always if you should need me." Ciel reached out, placing his palm on his mate's cheek and kissing him lovingly.
"I don't think you're ghastly at all. You might be a monster, but I love you anyway, I always will."
"You'll stay then, and keep your ring where it belongs?" Ciel nodded.
"If you still want me."
"Of course I do. I think you know that this is where we both belong, in each other's arms, we are both new to this and have already suffered greatly, it's over now. Let's start again, just you and I."
"I'd like that."Sebastian smiled faintly.
"good. Do you plan on remaining in bed today?"
"Maybe just a little longer, we'll have to leave soon if Ann's expecting us, we shouldn't keep her waiting."