Let's go round again?

Chapter Eleven

As things turned out it was Ruth who called first.

The fact that Ruth had hugged him, even it was very briefly had caught Harry totally off guard. He'd hardly had time to register that she was pressed close to him and then even as his brain was desperately trying to tell his arms to wrap themselves around her she was gone.

He was in danger of her leaving without him expressing any reaction to her gesture but as he heard the front door click shut he managed to rouse himself and before he knew it he was standing on his doorstep calling after her

"Promise me you'll let me know when you arrive Ruth. I need to know that your'e safe."

The words had sounded needy and abject even to his ears but at that moment he didn't care; he just needed her to understand that he cared for her. And he was rewarded when she turned to him and called back

"I promise Harry, now go back inside before you catch your death. And you promise me you'll eat something."

As she settled into the back of the cab the driver looked at her through his mirror obviously trying to determine whether she was up for a chat before he spoke "My missis is like that" he said "Always worrying about me, still it's nice to have someone at home isn't it? Someone who you can go home to. You going away on business? Don't suppose you'd be going away for pleasure without the old man unless of course you're going on a girly weekend but it's not the weekend so that's not it..."

As she half listened to the man in front of her as he prattled on it was on the tip of her tongue to tell him how wrong he was; that there was no attachment whatsoever between her and the man she'd just left. But if that was so why did she feel so guilty for leaving him? After all she was just doing him a favour, her response to his call for help had been a purely knee jerk reaction and she'd always had in the back of her mind the idea that she would just melt into the background once more when he was well enough to take care of himself. And she told herself firmly she couldn't be doing with all the emotional baggage Harry came with. That fact had been most definitely been reinforced over the past few hours as they had both teetered on the brink of total meltdown and she was not willing to go there; she'd shed too many tears, spent too many hours grieving for what could have, should have been to be sucked back into maelstrom that always seemed to surround Harry Pearce.

These thought and many more were still taunting her when she dialed Harry's number later on that night, just a quick call she told herself and then I can get down to some work although Seb had told her as he meet her at the station an informal dinner was planned so that she could meet the man who they hoped would be their main sponsor. "Be nice to him Ruth" Seb had told her as their cab had pulled away from the station "He can make or break us on this particular dig, he's interested but I need you to light a fire in his belly so that he'll part with the cash and we need it pretty damn quick so work your magic girl!"

She'd replied by telling him that she was by no means a girl nor did she think that she was capable of anything approaching magic. Seb had laughed as he looked at her and she thought she heard him muttering "You have no idea Ruth do you? No idea at all?"

So here she was almost ready to leave the sanctuary of her very plush hotel room when she'd much rather get into the beckoning bed calling Harry as he'd requested. He answered the phone on the first ring and as she heard his one word reply "Pearce" she was transported back to a much more complicated time; a time when that one word had meant the word to her because she'd known that when she spoke in reply his voice would change, that even down the phone she could feel him relax, could see a small smile play across his lips as he understood it was her. And she could hear the voice of dear sweet Danny whispering in her ear

Seems somethings never change Ruth.

"Harry" she said quickly not wanting to think about the way his voice made her feel "I'm just ringing to tell you that I've arrived safe and well. How are you? Have you eaten?"

There was quite a pause before she heard him sigh "I've been waiting for you to call Ruth. Did you take the scenic route? Where are you, I can't hear anything in the background so I assume you're at your hotel?"

She wasn't in the mood to explain herself to him. Not now when she found herself missing him so much and added to that she was so aware that they had so much left to sort out and that if they didn't sort through the baggage that they both carried on their shoulders there was little chance they would have any chance of any sort of friendship.

"Are you still there?" his voice broke into her thoughts, he sounded frustrated and tense and she wondered if he'd carried on drinking when she'd left? Surely not, not for all that time but of course Harry Pearce was famous for his capacity for drinking hard liquor and she suspected it was a talent he'd been nurturing during the long years they'd been apart. "Yes I'm still here" she'd snapped at him in her frustration and now she was angry not only with him but with herself as well!

Bloody, bloody man!

"Well I won't keep you you've obviously got lot's to do and you don't want to be talking to an old bore like me."

She could tell that he was going to put the phone down on her and she found herself shouting "Don't you dare hang up on me Harry Pearce! Just don't you dare!" There was silence on the other end and she could picture him in her minds eye...pacing. She knew what he was doing, he was preparing to go back in to his shell, back to safety, back to a place where he was on his own. A place where he didn't have to interact with the world except on a purely superficial level; a place where he felt safe.

Well fuck you! Harry Pearce she thought, she'd felt safe and protected until he'd decided to come back into her life. She'd made a life for herself, a life without him and all the pain and the uncertainty that he brought with him. And in that moment she knew that she wasn't going to give up without a fight. She didn't know what kind of a future they could have together, it would most probably just be friendship, they were both too badly damaged, had too much emotional baggage to hope for anything more but friendship was better than nothing. It was more than they had now and in her heart of heart she knew that Harry needed a friend.

It didn't seem as though Harry was going to speak although he hadn't put the phone down and the silence was becoming uncomfortable "Why are you so bloody grumpy Harry?" she asked a hint of amusement in her voice. "Have you eaten anything or have you just decided to fill yourself with alcohol? That's not a good idea Harry."

There was a chuckle at the other end and his voice was amused as he said "Putting down the glass now Ruth and does a take away count as food?"

"It's better than nothing I suppose but promise me you'll not drink anymore. The hospital did warn you about mixing medication and booze didn't they? Again there was a chuckle followed by a very meek "Yes Mother"

"Don't take the piss Harry" she retorted "Three days ago we were strangers, strangers with a shared and complicated past I grant you but strangers none the less. This whole situation is taking some getting used to and I'm not finding it easy".

There was a long silence before he spoke "I sorry" he said "Truly I do understand what you're saying but surely we are more than strangers Ruth? We will always be more than that. We have too much shared history and emotions to class ourselves in that way. It doesn't begin to do justice to our relationship. Surely you can see that?"

He was very aware that he was once again sounding needy and desperate but he thought they were teetering on the edge of an abyss and that at any moment she was going to say that she wasn't willing to see him again. He wanted to say more but he was afraid that if he pushed too hard too soon she would just do what she had always done when he confronted her with his feelings.

Run.