Everyone knows the story of Kick-Ass, the world's first real super hero. Well, ok, maybe they didn't know the entire story, that he was really a high schooler named Dave Lizewski - the epitome of your average teen boy, complete with the anti-girl pheromone (in that they avoided him like the plague, and not in the sense that he was gay) - that he was just some stupid dick in a wetsuit he bought off E-bay, that he was a useless pussy until he encountered Big Daddy and Hit Girl. Hit Girl and Big Daddy, now there was the real-deal! Was it right that he had raised his daughter to know nothing but the kill? Of course not, but hands down, Mindy McCready was the ultimate badass.
While most girls her age learned about pointless things like which teen idol fucked which, Mindy was circumcising pedophiles and bashing in the heads of ex-cons with sledge hammers, and that was when she was on her own, without the back-up of Big Daddy. The preteen tween was completely lethal, every move a meticulously exercised step in a graceful dance of bloody carnage, and most amazing of all, she never once lost her cool: she never panicked when a room flooded with dozens of guys four times her size; never became nervous or apprehensive when she was getting beaten to within an inch of her life; she never winced or whined, always hitting hard with her banter. There was no one else like her in the whole world...
Dave on the other hand? There were probably millions of guys out there, each just like him, down to the clothes he wore and foods he ate - he knew that he was nothing special. But when he put on the mask and became Kick-Ass... Well, he was still the same kid, the same schmuck that got himself shanked and run-over by a car, that would keep any promise he made and risk his life by running into a burning building for a fucking cat, but as Kick-Ass, he felt like he was actually worth a damn. That was probably why he kept it up, why he couldn't give in and quit like he had tried to so many times in the past...
But we're getting ahead of ourselves here...
[Not So Long After a Certain Viral Video...]
Kick-Ass was everywhere, from the menu at Atomic Comics to the late night TV talk show circuit (well, speculation and jokes), and while Dave Lizewski was still invisible, his alter ego was feeling like he could take on the world! But it seemed like the more popular he became, the more mob boss John Genovese was getting agitated, and while Chris completely understood why his father was losing it (it was those other two that hit like pros), it was really getting under his skin. Not only did his father have more important issues to see to (like teaching him the business), but his girlfriend was also getting on that bandwagon, becoming some deluded fangirl. It was fine when it was all fictional figures, with the occasional celebrity thrown in, but now that there was someone real out there, someone that she could actually literally fuck, it was getting on his nerves. So naturally, when the opportunity arose, Chis was quick to pounce on it...
However, while that whole sting operation was organized, Dave was still blissfully unaware of the sharks swimming in the tank, just waiting to strike at him the moment he dropped his guard. No, the only pressing thought in Dave's mind was of Katie Deauxma, of trying to convince her to contact Kick-Ass through his website, so that even if he couldn't help her as himself, at least Kick-Ass could. So finally, after much urging and prompting on her "gay" BFF's part, she finally promised him one night that she would seek the hero's help. He didn't have to wait long for her e-mail as she explained the situation in full detail, and the more he read, the more pissed off he got - wronging the sweetest girl he knew was one thing, but the minute he heard that she had been struck, he knew that the fucker had to pay. But, Katie didn't want that, and he respected the wishes of those that he helped, no matter who they were.
So, the very next night, Kick-Ass went to pay this Rasul guy a little visit, intending to anonymously leave a little message to leave Katie alone, or else (he was still mentally working out what the consequences would be if his warning was ignored). What he didn't expect was finding that he wasn't the only one to pay that cocksucker a visit. Or that he would meet the real heroes. That he would meet her... Hit Girl.
It was probably the trauma of seeing all those people die right before his eyes, but that night, before being woken by the family duo and threatened into silence (as if he was crazy or stupid enough to bring attention to them), he had dreams - very bloody, gruesome dreams - of her. Roughly four-feet tall, she would be standing over him, a sword pressed at his throat or a gun aimed right for his brains, and she would be smiling. It wasn't sadistic or cruel, but flirty and sweet. That smile disturbed him more than anything else...
Honestly, I'm on the fence with which I prefer as far as the Rasul/Eddie thing, but since its easier, I'm going with the Katie plot-line, even though I always thought that it was wrong for such a "sweet, goody-goody" to be fucking around with a guy in his - I assume - late twenties, early thirties. Well, he strikes me as being that old, but maybe he shouldn't have been that old. I dunno. Anyways, this part of the story is actually about Dave and Chris, but since I'm going in chronological order, I'm working in parts of some of the upcoming stories, since they happen during Kick-Ass 2. And as for the whole Emily cliff-hanger, we'll (and by that I mean you readers) just have to wait and see how this all ends up. Mawahaha! I'm evil. I know that this chapter is really short, but that's because I'm setting up for the next one!
Remember, reviews are always welcome, no matter how nit-picky or simple! So review!
Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Emily Vela is mine. Knight too.