Let's go round again?
Chapter Twenty One
What on earth made me think that Chapter Twenty would be the last one? This thing is taking it's time. Just hope I'm not boring any of you who are still reading it!
"Get your bloody hands off her right now or God help me!
Ruth and Gary sprang apart like a pair of teenagers caught snogging for the first time and for a moment all was embarrassment and awkwardness as they struggled to regain their composure and some semblance of dignity. Gary in particular had been thrown completely off track by the angry voice that had interrupted his attempts to show Ruth that she could allow herself to have a little fun .
Ruth on the other hand was just furious, she'd heard that voice and the angry tone of it before; many times before, some of those times it had been directed at her but never in such an intimate situation as she found herself in at the moment. And much to her increasing anger she could feel herself blushing. Yeah Gods she thought blushing at her age; what had become of her over the last few weeks that she could be cast back so easily into the skin of that shy, unsure young woman who had stepped so cautiously into the lions den that was Section D.
Gary had pushed himself up from the padded bench with all the dignity he could muster although his attempt at poise had suffered a little as he'd got his left foot somehow entangled in the throw that some kind person had draped over the back of the seat. Cursing loudly as he strove to regain his balance and his composure he stepped towards the intruder his hands balling into fists as he did so.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he shouted "What the fuck do you think you're doing spying on people like that? What are you some kind of dirty old man who gets off on watching other people make out? You disgust me you filthy old pervert. Just fuck off before I...Before I!"
"Before you what" asked Harry his voice calm and even as he paced into meet Gary his face inscrutable, devoid of any emotion Ruth was suddenly very afraid of what he might do.
"Harry" just that one word stopped both men in their tracks so that they stood at more than arms length eyeing each other up. Gary seemed to have puffed himself up rather like a fighting cock as he moved from foot to foot obviously spoiling for a fight.
On the face of it if it came to a physical contest all the advantages of height, age and physical fitness were with Gary but Ruth was only too aware that Harry was more than capable of defending himself and indeed more than capable of making anyone who was foolish enough to take him on very sorry indeed. To anyone who didn't know him well Harry appeared to be in complete control of himself; only someone who knew him as intimately as Ruth did would see the tell tale signs. Signs that he was fighting his biggest enemy …...Himself. It wasn't the clenching and unclenching of his fists or the sardonic smile that played across his lips it was rather the stillness, the quietness, the way that he was sizing Gary up rather like a cat that was about to pounce on a hapless mouse.
She had to stop this before it turned any nastier than it already had and she needed to let Harry Pearce know just how pissed off with him she really was.
In the meantime the two men continued to stand and stare at each other across the space between them until Gary broke the heavy silence "What do you want old man?" he sneered "Just what do you want? Are you looking for someone to wipe the dribble off you chin? Or maybe to feed you with a spoon? Come on old man tell me just what you can offer a young vibrant woman like Ruth. From what I can tell you've had your chances in the past and you've blown them all you selfish old prick! God I bet you can't even get it up any more!"
All the time he was subjected to this tirade Harry's hands were clenching and unclenching as he made and relaxed fists, fists that he longed to plant into the smug, handsome young face of the man before him. He was still coming to terms with his outburst, it was not what he'd intended when he'd come looking for Ruth but seeing her in the arms of another man had brought crashing to the surface all his long hidden passions for Ruth and he found himself overcome by feelings of jealousy and rage.
When minutes earlier he'd finally been able to corner Seb he'd been in complete control well maybe not complete control but he'd been confident that he'd be able to talk calmly and rationally to Ruth when he did find her and what's more he'd be able to convince her to got for a meal with him and then maybe a walk by the Thames. Or even better they could pick up a take away and go back to his or hers? He'd not yet seen inside Ruth's home although he'd known where she lived almost from the moment she's moved in. Bloody Hell he thought She's going to be really pissed of with me when she ferrets that choice piece of information out!"
Yes there was much to discuss still, much to confess and many bridges still to build but he'd been strangely confident that he could make her see they had a future together, that the past was another country and whilst it would always be there and would no doubt rear it's ugly head from time to time they could cope with it.
How different reality had turned out to be! Seb had started the rot by informing him in what could only be described as gleeful tones that Ruth and Gary had slipped away together onto the balcony. Adding in hushed words "I think that want to be alone together,well you remember how it is don't you Harry? It is Harry is it not? Yes of course it is. I'll tell you I was, well concerned when Ruth told me she'd met up with an old friend; a male friend. I was worried that something or rather some one might put a spanner in the works so to speak and derail my match making but now I see that I've nothing to worry about. You can't possibly be interested in our Ruth in that way. Oh don't look at me like that Harry. I know, I know I'm just an old meddler but at our age all we have left is our memories of past glories and a bit of match making."
"Harry had exhaled slowly as he counted to ten the way they'd taught him at Tring before he'd asked quietly and with care "Have you seen them lately Seb? I just want to say goodbye before I leave. That's all."
When the insufferable man had told him to try the terrace, adding that there were some hidden nooks and crannies out there so maybe he should call out before he disturbed the "love-birds" Harry had forced himself to smile and left the man before he planted a fist in his smug face.
"Harry what do you think you're doing?" The sound of her voice brought him back to the present wit a thud and as was always the case with Ruth he found himself struggling for the right words. "I was looking for you" he said. The words sounded lame even to his ears and for the first time he looked away from Gary and stared at Ruth trying to find some kind of understanding and forgiveness there. "You are an idiot Harry Pearce" the words made him shrink a little inside himself and once again he was scared that he'd blown any chance that he'd had.
"Yes, that's right you're a fuckin idiot! You tell him Ruthie, you tell him! You tell him to piss off and leave us alone and then we can get out of here, find somewhere where we can be alone together and make plans. Big plans Ruthie, big plans."
Ruth turned her attention away from Harry and said to her companion "In the first place Gary my name is Ruth, not Ruthie or any other corruption of Ruth. It's Ruth do you understand that? I can see that you do Gary. Good. And secondly I'm not going anywhere with you, we have no plans to make Gary. It was a moment of madness you must know that. It would be the biggest mistake of our lives and believe you me Gary I know because I've made some truly terrible mistakes in my sad and sorry life."
Ruth, Ruthie" there was a definite wheedling, petulant tone to Gary's voice now as he felt her slip through his fingers. "Please tell me that you're not thinking about a relationship with this loser! He'll drag you down, suck every bit of joy and delight out of you and leave just a husk. He's bad news Ruth, he's bad for you. Please Ruthie think about what you're doing. Please!"
"Believe you me Gary I've thought about it nearly half my life time and at this moment if I'm honest with myself I don't have any idea what I'm doing but what I do know for sure is that my over thinking things in the past have led to two people being very unhappy. And do you know something else Gary? Harry is the only man I've ever met that never tried to change me, who has always been happy with who I am; even when I was being an old mule and totally unreasonable."
Ruth allowed a small smile to dance across her lips when she called herself an old mule and as Gary quickly glanced across he saw Harry was mirroring that smile, a smile he closed down quickly as soon as he was aware he was being watched.
"I don't know if we have a future". she carried on "But we have a past and that past has to be acknowledged and talked about however painful and difficult we find that".
As she'd been making the last statement Ruth had been looking directly at Harry and she was gratified to see a small spark of understanding and maybe just maybe hope spark in his dark shimmering eyes.
"This is a big mistake you're making" Gary was angry now, he knew he'd lost but he couldn't work out how; the couple; because that was what they were hadn't spoken directly to one another except for Ruth saying his name once and that had been enough to stop the bastard in his tracks. Just what was going on between these two? He was now convinced there was much more to their story than Ruth had been willing to let on and he felt cheated. "The guy is a loser and an old loser at that. Christ Ruth what kind of a future can he offer you? Let me save you from yourself ." And as he spoke he made a step towards her.
Ruth looked right through him as though he wasn't there, dismissing him as surely as if she'd slapped his face. Hard. And he knew in that moment that he'd truly lost and without a backward glance he walked straight legged to the door. When he reached it he turned sharply, more bitter words forming on his tongue.
What he saw stopped him in his tracks and the words died in his mouth. They still hadn't touched or even moved towards one another but some powerful emotion was passing between them, almost electrifying the air around them. Harry bowed his head gently towards her and the gesture was so intimate, so private that he had to turn away even though he knew neither of them was in any way conscious he was still there.
If he'd have waited a moment longer he would have seen Harry Pearce step towards Ruth before he took her hand and pulled her close to him before he said softly and with infinite tenderness "Did I behave myself Ruth? Did I win myself a chance to show you who I can be, who we can be?"
She laughed softly before she said " I'm still very angry with you Harry Pearce but if I'm honest I'm just pleased you didn't have a gun." even as the words passed her lips she was ashamed of them, it had been the wrong thing to say and her regret was deep and profound. He smiled at her before he said "I don't need a gun Ruth."
Somehow those few words said everything; he was telling her that the old Harry Pearce head of Section D was still there deep within, that he would always be Harry Pearce; good man, bad man, faithful friend, implacable enemy, lover of truth, consummate liar, patriot, assassin, leader; he was all these things, but as he stood in front of her he was surely telling her that he wanted to be more than all that in the future and he wanted to share that future with her and as if to cement that idea he stepped back from her and offered his hand to her uttering just one word "Ruth?"
She looked at his outstretched hand, his offer of a future and urged herself to be brave enough to take the chance of happiness.
Really don't know what to do next. Could leave it here or wrap it up with an epilogue which I fear will be a bit hearts and flowers!