Black Heart had a good run, at first. She got along with a majority of the crew - except for one guy that would repetitively hit on her, even after finding out what her role in all of this was, and this one other bitch - wasn't completely loathed by those in the core group (there was a slight disagreement with The Tumor about some of the food in the refrigerator), and she was enjoying the perks of being able to fuck her rather handsy boss. Sure, the pants that Chris had picked out for her costume were rather annoying (cute as she found them, if they were any tighter, she would have to change her name to something pertaining to x-rays, internal injuries, gynecologists, ass, or vagina jokes), but that was originally the only set back she had. Too bad it didn't stay that simple...
[The Toxic Mega Cunt Incident...]
Emily had said many times before in the past that she would die for Chris, but she never really touched upon the issue of killing for Chris...
Gathered as one whole unit in their new base of operations - well, the handful of members that had already been selected to join (they were still in the recruiting process, mind) - The Mother Fucker addressed the group at large, standing in front of an empty shark tank (the shark would be coming in later). Amped up from the buzz of this in general, a lot of the people present didn't really know what to expect out of this, out of the Mother Fucker. Even Black Heart wasn't aware of what was up his sleeve for this meeting...
Off to the side, the DJ put on a special track just for the Mother Fucker. It was "Cold", by Static-X, sans the lyrics. "What's up, bitches?!" Say what you will about him, but the Mother Fucker certainly had a great stage presence that had nothing to do with the cape. "Welcome to the Toxic Mega Cunts! From now, this will be our base while we plot and do what all murderers, gunners, assassins, and psychopaths do!"
There was a scoff from the audience. Looking around, all eyes fell upon a dick in a kilt and a piano-key neck tie, his eyes falling on the man in the middle of the stage, flashing over the serious-looking mothers that were flanking either side. "This place doesn't look so cool..."
Oh, he was livid at being interrupted - everyone that knew him could see that - but the Mother Fucker acted more amused than anything else, "No, you're right. It's true that we're still in the middle of renovations, but once this place is finished, it it will be the ultimate lair."
That same asshole wasn't going to be silenced so easily. "More like the ultimate lame. Who the fuck came up with the designs for this shit-heap?"
Beckoned over, Black Heart stepped onto the stage, standing next to the Mother Fucker, hands on her hips, "That would be a joint effort, between myself and our most divine leader, fuck-face. Who the fuck died and made you 'Queen of Interior Design', especially dressed like that?!"
"And who the fuck are you? Tart number one? 'Cause baby, you could do a lot better." He had been hitting on her since he had arrived, but not in front of the Mother Fucker (who had been busy overseeing something else entirely while she greeted and thanked every person individually for joining the cause).
Swapping looks of 'should I do the honors?', Mother Fucker allowed Black Heart to deal with this one. She was only too glad. "So glad you asked - I'm Black Heart, Mother Fucker's side-kick and second-in-command. Trust me, you asswipe - and this goes for all the rest of you cunts as well -" She looked out at the crowd for the first time, "You fuck with me or the Mother Fucker, and I will end you!"
"Please," There was another interruption, but this time it was from a girl in a red and black sweater and goggles. "You jus' some floozy. Why should any o' us be afraid o' some cock-sucking whore?"
Holding her hand out, Black Heart glanced over at the Mother Fucker, "May I?" Smirking, thinking that this couldn't have gone any better than if he had planned it, he loaned her one of his father's old guns. Taking it, she kissed the barrel, "Always looking out for us." Pointing it at the woman, she shot her in the head, killing her instantly. A bunch of people probably just shit themselves, especially the ones closest to to offender that were now wearing her blood, but they were too afraid to move (and only a couple screamed or cried), thinking that she would shoot again, once more without warning. Speaking so everyone could hear her, Black Heart stared them all down, "Because I killed for this man long before we donned our masks, and I won't hesitate to do it again."
This really wasn't the first time that it had happened, but this was the first time there was a room full of witnesses...
"This is serious shit we're getting into, and if you have a problem with that," Black Heart shot the guy that had started this entire thing, only she nabbed him in the chest, watching mirthfully as he fell to the floor in a puddle of his own blood and suffered the remaining seconds of his life. "You can take it up with our complaint department." Jumping from the platform, she walked out into the crowd, pleased as they flinched away from her. Grabbing the guy by the hair, jerking his head up by the roots so that he was looking into her eyes, she concluded her speech, "So now that you know that we mean business, we should get along just fine. So long as you remember these two things: Don't EVER disrespect the Mother Fucker in any way, and if you so much as look at him in a sexual way," Black Heart raised her voice, half in homage to O-Ren Ishii, and half out of pure jealousy. "I will fucking blow your brains out all over the fucking place! Just like that cunt over there!" She shot the corpse, sending up a fresh splatter of her blood.
Turning the gun back at the asshole, Black Heart didn't hesitate to pull the trigger, blasting him point-blank in the face, his blood and one brain-cell getting everywhere, but she didn't care, because she had already dealt with this kind of scare in the past. No one was going to fuck with her man (besides that whole ordeal with Kick-Ass), not a fucking one! John had gotten her off the hook back then, and now knowing that Vic Gigante was on the Genovese payroll, Emily was positive that she had no needed to panic. Chris was confident in the very same.
Javier had known about her shooting that girl from her school back she she had first started to date Chris, but he didn't think that his niece was the kind of girl that would go out of her way to kill someone that had barely done a thing! That one girl had gone out of her way to make Emily's life hell, so not very many were shocked by what she had done, especially when it came to light that she had tried to sleep with Chris just to spite Emily. But this?! Jesus, that girl was more damaged than he knew... Harsh as it might have sounded, he was glad that her folks were dead, so they didn't have to see (or hear about on the news) what she had become...
[The Tumor Scuffle...]
Back before they had acquired their lair, the Toxic Mega Cunts had taken up residence in one of the old Genovese apartments. It was a nice pad, but to squeeze in seven people was, well, cramped. And since they were all strangers to each other at this point, there was a lot of distrust, which lead to a lot of labels. Especially on food. Food wasn't scarce, but it was almost sacred, and not a one was very willing to share, not even the couple that shared a bed. Yeah, that was fun for Javier (who had since transfered his services primarily to Chris). Four rooms down, and he could still hear them! And that was only when they had been considerate enough to remember that they weren't the only ones living in the apartment...
But this was about food. A sandwich, in fact, made by and for one person in particular - Emily. She had frequently been designated as the sandwich-maker of the team, since she wasn't very useful on an average day, which she acknowledged. That was nice of her, wasn't it? To make everyone else lunch while they plotted the course of action to take against Justice Forever (fucking pussies). True, the sandwich lady was more often than not taken for granted, but the Toxic Mega Cunts wouldn't do that to her. Never!
Pft, that's what she gets for thinking! Emily really should have seen it coming - seriously, they were all super-villains for fuck's sake - and yet, she was completely blinded-sided by this betrayal!
Preparing thirteen sandwiches, two each and one special for herself, Emily had gone out of her way to make each one just the way that the team preferred (which took a couple tries to figure out). Handing them out to everyone, Emily started with her uncle's first.
"Francesinha. Here you are, uncle Javi." She handed him the sandwich, giving his shoulder a grateful pat.
Nodding up at her, he took the food with a return pat, "Such a good girl, looking after family."
Having a rather heavy platter, she couldn't linger, but she did thank him for the compliment, "It's only right after how hard you've worked for us." She handed Genghis Carnage his, "Leberkäse, without mustard. And for you," Emily shifted a little to the left, giving Black Death his, "a Cuban sandwich, with extra pickles. Pljeskavica, for Mother Russia." There was something about the Russian woman that frightened Emily, and even though she couldn't quite put her finger on it, she knew that it had nothing to do with her stature or reputation. "Primanti." Emily handed the Tumor his, saving Chris for last. He wasn't super busy at the moment, unless you counted shooting down the other's ideas. "Tramezzino, for my love."
As thanks, Chris took the sandwich, giving her ass a rather nice squeeze as she went to go set the platter down so she could join him. Javier tried to pretend that he saw and heard nothing coming from the far side of the room. Jumping, Emily set the platter down on the coffee table, where she could always grab it later. Getting rather distracted, she didn't see the sandwich being snaked...
Maybe five minutes later, she went to reach for he food, only to find that it was missing...
"Who the fuck took my sandwich?!" She glared around the room, face falling into panic-mode when she came around to Mother Russia. If she had taken it, this was going to die rather quick, but if was anyone else...
But they were all perplexed, as they had been given their food and had not really acknowledged her as they took it. Except for the guilty party. Shrugging as he didn't see what the big deal was, the Tumor took credit. "What, you mean that extra on the coffee table? I thought that was just free eats."
The hell! If she had made extra, she would have told them she made extra, and there would have been more than one left over. "Fat-ass! What kind of a retard only makes one spare?!"
Oh, if she wasn't banging Chris, she would be so fucking dead!
Chris just rolled his eyes at her dramatics, "Just make yourself another sandwich. It's not a big deal."
Not a big deal?! It was the principle of the matter! "...Fine. But mark me, the next one of you who takes my sandwich will find their next meal tastes a little more toxic than it should..." She stalked off to the kitchen, making one last promise, "I will never make you another sandwich again, you misbegotten little lump!"
And she didn't! It wasn't exactly a 'hide the weapons' relationship, but ever since this, Black Heart and the Tumor never really did see eye-to-eye on much...
I thank Wikipedia for their lists of sandwiches, which also allowed me to break the stero- er... "archetypes" of the Toxic Mega Cunts. Such a cute moment in the movie... In my opinion.
Nope, not a lot more to say, except to ask of you to review!
Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Emily Vela is mine. Knight and Charlotte too.