Early October, 1943, Stockholm, Sweden

Lukas was beginning to worry when Mathias hadn't expected anything in return yet and hadn't even bothered him for payment. He was feeling as if he were starting to develop ulcers in his stomach. His weight was beginning to drop as he began to eat less and less due to worrying what Mathias would expect in return for taking in his mom and brother.

After two weeks, Lukas finally took matters into his own hands and sought out Mathias. He had to know what Mathias wanted in return for all of this, or it would eventually kill him. It was starting to destroy him.

"Nothing," was Mathias's answer. He smiled widely at Lukas. "I want nothing in return from you, Lukas."

"Nothing?!" Lukas responded with. "Mathias, I know you better than that! This is something huge! I know you're going to expect at least something from it!"

Mathias simply shook his head. "I don't want anything from you, Lukas. I just wanted to help a friend in need, okay? And that's what I did. So let's drop it. Your mother is doing better, and your brother loves playing with Tino from what I've heard."

Lukas smiled a little at the mention of Emil but immediately frowned when he remembered what they were talking about. "Mathias, be reasonable! Surely you want some kind of payment!"

Mathias turned to him. "I expect nothing in return, Lukas. How hard is that to understand?" He backed Lukas into a wall, pinning him against it by putting a hand on either side of him. "I don't want anything from you. I'm doing a favor for a good friend, and I don't want anything in return. I don't know how many times I need to say it to get it through that thick, Norwegian skull of yours."

Lukas gulped. He had never been this close to Mathias. It almost made him uncomfortable, yet it also sent an almost electric feeling through his body. His breathing became uneven, but he tried not to make it noticeable. What was going on with him? Why was this happening? It was just Mathias! This was just ridiculous!

Mathias got close to his face. "Are we understood, Lukas?" he asked, breath hot against Lukas's ear.

Lukas quickly nodded, hoping Mathias would back down quickly. If Mathias backed down, maybe that weird fluttery feeling in his stomach would go away. Maybe that tingling feeling in his spine would stop. Hopefully it would make his heart stop pounding as well. What was going on with him?

Mathias backed away just like Lukas had hoped. "Good, I'm glad we're on the same page now," he said with a cheerful grin. "Now tomorrow is our day off from training and I was planning on going to see my family. Would you like to tag along and see yours too?"

Lukas was unable to speak. Even when Mathias had backed away, the feelings he wanted to go away hadn't gone with him. He nodded to show that he would like to go, a lost look in his eyes.

"Hey, don't look so shocked," Mathias said. "I'm a nice person. I really am." He smiled at Lukas, which made Lukas wish he wouldn't have because his stomach almost flipped on the inside. "So we'll go together to my house then!"

Lukas nodded once more, trying to smile, but trying not to make it seem forced. That was the last thing he wanted, for Mathias to think that Lukas was forcing himself to smile for him. Lukas really did want to smile, but his face just wasn't used to that sort of expression unless he was with Emil. Then it was always smiles all the time.

"Are you okay?" Mathias asked. "You look pained."

Great, Lukas thought. Instead of a forced smile, I just look pained. He sighed inwardly and shook his head no. "I'm fine," he managed to say. Unfortunately, that was probably all he would be able to say.

"If you say so," Mathias sighed. "Just remember, you don't owe me a thing, got it?" He smiled at Lukas, causing Lukas to hold in a slight flinch. "Anyway, I'm going to my bunk. I'll catch you later, Bondevik."

"Lukas," he corrected, causing Mathias to turn around in confusion.

"What?" Mathias asked.

"Call me Lukas," he said. "After all, that is my name."

Mathias smiled again. "Okay. I'll talk to you later then, Lukas." He strolled down the hallways toward the infantry barracks, leaving Lukas alone in the hall.

Lukas sunk against the wall, putting a hand to his heart that was still pounding madly in his chest. He began to nearly hyperventilate. What was that sensation he was feeling deep in his core? He had never felt something like this! It was like the thrill of when he went up in an airplane for the first time, when his stomach caught and he felt weightless for a few moments, only the weightless feeling wasn't going away. But what could cause this feeling without the force of flying up into the sky?

He sat there until the sun went down and moonlight shone through the windows. His heart had finally slowed back to its normal pace, but he couldn't stop thinking about what could have caused that thrilling sensation. It was an amazing feeling, but it made his head spin to even think about it. He just felt dizzy from all of it, which was the reason why he had refused to get up for so long. Some soldiers had even passed him and thought him to be drunk, but he didn't care. He just wanted to figure things out.

Lukas slowly got up and made his way back to his barracks on his own, passing the infantry on his way. The door was closed, naturally, but he was hoping he'd run into Mathias somehow, but he didn't. Why was he hoping that, though? It was all too confusing, and he thought maybe he was just feeling a little under the weather and just needed sleep. He went straight to bed when he got to his bunk, but all night he had that thrilling feeling coursing through his body and mind. What was causing it?

.

Lukas woke early the next morning feeling just as confused as the day before. Luckily, those odd sensations had gone away in his sleep. But they had left him with a nagging feeling in his gut that he couldn't quite shake, and it made him irritable. He hated that Mathias had done this to him, but he couldn't figure out how Mathias had done it in the first place!

Irritated, he went to the showers. Maybe if he took a steaming hot shower, that could distract him from all of the inner frustration he was feeling. It was worth a shot in his mind.

He sighed as he walked to the showers. He could already hear other men in there. It bothered him that they all showered together. Lukas was a bit on the scrawny side compared to a lot of them, especially Mathias. But he knew he would have to deal with it, or else all of the hot water would be gone before he knew it.

He yawned as he wandered in and began to change out of his dirty clothes. He set his change of clothes with the clean clothes of the other men and went to claim a shower that was available, a towel around his waist. He soon found on and hummed softly to himself as he showered.

Today was a day that he was looking forward to. As soon as he was done showering, he was going to go and look for Mathias. He wanted to go and see his mother and Emil as soon as possible. It had been too long since he last saw them, which was the night he had helped them move. He had been too busy and anxious since then.

"Good morning, Lukas," he heard Mathias's voice greet from the shower next to his.

Lukas could feel the blush rising in his cheeks. "Mathias, could you please not talk to me so casually while we're both naked?" he asked, scrubbing at his hair. He could feel that weird feeling from the day before beginning to build up inside of him while Mathias stood next to him in the showers. It also didn't help that Mathias could see him like this, and that he could see Mathias all the same.

"Everyone else is doing it," Mathias said, looking around the showers at the other men who were casually talking to each other in Swedish, Danish, and Norwegian. They were usually the only two who spoke in English at all times. "Why does it bother you? Are you just really shy?" He used his bar of soap and began to scrub at the muscles on his torso that Lukas now desperately tried not to notice.

"People think I'm selfish and hateful," Lukas grumbled, barely heard over the chattering of the other men and the flowing of the showers, "but yes, I am terribly shy."

Mathias blinked in surprise. "No kidding? I never would have guessed. You've never been shy toward me." He squirted his shampoo into his hand and then scrubbed it into his hand. "I never would have guessed that you were shy."

Lukas blushed even harder, but since it was so hot in there it was hardly noticeable. "Is it really that hard to believe?" he asked. He began to scrub at his body with his soap. "I'm a person, just the same as you."

"True," Mathias said with a nod. "You just don't seem like the shy type to me is all. You seem very confident to me."

"Takk," Lukas muttered, though he wasn't sure if Mathias had heard him or not. Then he had realized he hadn't spoken in English, breaking the rule he had made. "Thank you," he corrected, blushing even harder.

Mathias grinned over at him. "Hey, it's not a problem at all, Lukas," he said. "What do you say about after this we head over to my aunt's house? I'm sure your mom and brother are just dying to see you. My aunt says they're doing very well and that your mother's condition has even gotten a lot better."

"Really?" Lukas asked. He hadn't really heard from his mother since he had moved them into Sigrid Oxenstierna's home, but he had always told himself that no news was good news. "I'm glad to heard that. It's actually a great relief to me."

"I thought it would be," Mathias said with a triumphant smile. He laughed. "It's good to see you looking hopeful, Lukas. You've been looking worried and down lately."

Lukas didn't want to admit that it was because he had been so worried about what he had owed Mathias, so he didn't say anything. He instead left it to Mathias to wonder what it was about, thus leaving it to the imagination instead of hurting his feelings.

"I don't like seeing you down like that," Mathias told him, matter-of-factly. "It brings me down and it's just not good on you. I think I like seeing you happy better."

"What do I care what you like better when it comes to me?" Lukas huffed, although he felt oddly flattered that Mathias shared that bit of information. "I've just been worried about my family is all," he lied. "My mother is sick and has been lying to me about it, so I'm glad to know she's finally getting better."

Mathias smiled. "Yeah, it makes me glad to see you relieved to know that." He turned the water off on his shower as Lukas did the same. Both of them wrapped their towels around their waists and made their way to their clothes. "She didn't look too great when we helped her move, and her cough sounded dreadful."

Lukas solemnly nodded. "She acts like she's fine so Emil won't catch on, but she won't be able to hide things like that forever." He sighed and grabbed another towel and began to towel-dry his hair. "Emil is very smart and he'll start piecing things together soon enough. He isn't a fool."

"You've got that right," the Dane said as he, too, began to towel-dry his hair with another towel. He frowned as he realized water got into his ear. "Your brother seems kinda like you from what my aunt has told me. She says he's very intelligent for his age and understands more than he lets on. He knows just how sick your mother is."

That last sentence nearly made Lukas's blood turn cold. His hand trembled a little, and he felt himself go numb as he quickly dried went to a toilet stall to dry himself off and change into his clothes. All he could think about was what Mathias had said, though. "He knows just how sick your mother is." It made him feel nauseous almost. A five-year-old shouldn't know or think about things like that. He ended up vomiting before leaving the toilet stall, overwhelmed by the thought of his baby brother knowing such things.

"Was that you throwing up?" Mathias asked Lukas when he came out clutching his stomach. "You really don't look so great. Are you sure you don't want to stay here?"

"I have to go," Lukas said. He shook his head. "I'm fine. I just...My little brother shouldn't know things like that. He shouldn't have to know. My mother shouldn't be sick at all. I should be taking care of her like a good son."

"But you are," Mathias said. "No one said things like this would be easy, Lukas." He frowned when Lukas shook his head. "Look, you're making me nervous. At least sit for a minute or two. You're really pale."

Lukas crouched against a wall, holding his head in his hands. "Will this do?" he asked irritably.

"I guess so?" Mathias said. He sighed and leaned against the same wall and blew his hair out of his eyes. "Lukas, take better care of yourself, eh?"

"What do you mean? It's my mother who's sick, not me," Lukas grumbled at him, hanging his head between his knees. He felt like he was going to vomit again and had to get rid of the nauseous feeling.

"You'll be right after her if you're not careful," Mathias warned. "I couldn't be more serious about that." He pointed a finger at Lukas. "Don't make me have to keep an eye on you."

"I'm an adult, Mathias," Lukas reminded. "I'll be fine."

"So is she," Mathias shot back.

Lukas closed his mouth tightly. Mathias had a point that he could not argue against. He sighed and hung his head further between his legs. "Why are you always right?" he sighed.

"I don't know, I think it might be a Danish thing." He grinned to himself. "But don't worry about it. At least you'll see your family today, you know? Plenty of things to look forward to, am I right?"

"I guess so," Lukas sighed. He blew his bangs out of his eyes and stood after a few moments. "Okay, I think I'm ready. Can we go?"

Mathias grinned. "Of course we can!"

.

Lukas once again found himself in Sigrid Oxenstierna's cozy living room. Something about the furnishings made it very comfortable and cozy. He felt at home with a mug of Berwald's special coffee and Emil chattering away on his lap. It was so relaxing that he almost closed his eyes and lost himself in the moment.

Elsa and Sigrid were sitting in two armchairs and knitting while talking in rapid Swedish, both in high spirits. Lukas hadn't seen his mother this well in a long time. Perhaps he should have moved her here long before now. She seemed much happier, as did Emil. The little boy couldn't stop going on and on about how cool Berwald and Tino were.

"Sounds like someone might get replaced on role model status," Mathias teased in Swedish as Emil went on and on about Tino and Berwald.

Lukas rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up," he grumbled back at him. They had agreed that they would speak in Swedish at Sigrid's house because that's what everyone there spoke. It would be better that way. "Emil will always favor me over them any day. Isn't that right, Emil?"

Emil nodded. "Yup!" He grinned up at Lukas. "Now where was I? Oh, yeah! Tino told me this story about how one time he…"

"Right, because he talks about you like this all the time," Mathias said as Emil's chattering voice faded into the background for them. He rested his arms across the back of the couch where he sat next to Lukas, who had Emil seated on his lap.

Lukas glared over at Mathias, yet the feeling of Mathias's arm behind him sent his stomach spiraling down into his gut. He couldn't help it as he fought to keep his blush out of his cheeks. He couldn't let his weird emotions get the best of him. After all, he couldn't even explain what kind of an emotion this was!

"So we're almost done with training," Mathias reminded him. "Only three more weeks. And then off to England we go." He raised his eyebrows. "Are you excited?"

Lukas's stomach turned a little. "Well, I guess so," he said. "It's the same as anything, right?"

"Same?" Mathias asked incredulously. "Please tell me you're joking! Lukas, this is a war we're in! We're going against heartless murderers who torture people just for fun! I've heard what the Germans do to their prisoners!"

Lukas gulped. "Look, let's not talk about this in front of Emil," he slowly said. Personally, he didn't want to talk about it, period. His stomach twisted any time the Germans were even mentioned. He didn't want to think about those blond-haired, blue-eyed bastards who thought the world needed to bow to them. They made him sick!

"Fair enough," Mathias agreed, dropping it. He kicked his feet up onto the coffee table, sipping at his coffee.

"Why do you guys drink that?" Emil asked, pointing to their mugs. "Can I have some?"

"It's for adults," Mathias answered. "And why don't you try some? It's pretty gross, though. I don't think you'll like it."

"If my big brother and Tino like it, then why wouldn't I?" Emil asked, puffing out his chest and cheeks, which almost made Lukas burst out laughing.

"Try at your own risk," Mathias said, offering his mug. He helped Emil take a sip and burst out laughing at the face the small boy made, along with Lukas. "I told you that you wouldn't like it, but you wouldn't listen to me!"

"Why would you drink such a terrible drink?!" Emil asked, horrified. His large, violet eyes stared at them, widened in horror.

Lukas remained laughing. "It keeps us going through the day. You'll understand as you get older, Em." He patted his little brother on the head.

"I'll never understand it either," Berwald sighed from an armchair across the room where he sat playing chess with Tino. "I never had a taste for the stuff either. It's disgusting."

"Says you," Tino simply said before taking a drink of his own coffee, poking Berwald in the forehead before moving one of his pieces.

Lukas enjoyed watching all of the interactions of Mathias's family. He had grown used to them and quite fond of them over the afternoon. His mother and brother really liked them a lot as well, which added in as an extra bonus for them. Anyone they liked, he automatically had to like. After all, a friend of his family was a friend of his.

"How do you know I don't put extra gross things in yours?" Berwald challenged Tino after moving a piece of his own.

Tino glared at Berwald, looking up from the chess board. "Please tell me you're joking. I don't joke about my coffee. If you mess with my coffee, you had better learn to sleep with your eyes open, Berwald Oxenstierna."

Lukas smiled when he noticed that Sigrid didn't even act against the threat to her son. This was the kind of afternoon he always wanted. He had never really had friends before, having felt like he had grown up too fast. Now he had three his age, or at least around it. And the best part of it was that they expected nothing of him but for him to just be himself.