Chapter 5: Slipping
Something is wrong… Well.. not wrong in the world.. Wrong with me!
Ever since I tried to get some sleep after last night's battle.
I'm restless, edgy, itchy, unfocused
There's a tightness in my chest, which really worries me. But it comes and goes, and the weirdest part is that it's not necessarily a bad feeling.
My mind also feels clearer, like it's empty or floating…
I almost didn't go to school, but I'm glad I did. It's a welcome distraction, even if my mind wonders off every few minutes. I'm sitting at my desk staring out the window. Luckily no one cares if I pay attention or not, though I try to do so every now and then…
So far I've ruled out sickness since I can still perform. However I don't think I'll be much help in battle, being as distracted as I am. But still, I'm basically functional. My body works fine, it's just acting funny. It has to do something with my state of mind…
Maybe I'm having a nervous breakdown? Depression? But it doesn't feel like a depression…
How can I feel so restless yet calm at the same time? Why is my body quietly revolting?
I try to distract myself by thinking about other things. Yoshimori quickly springs to mind.
I smile, seem to do that a lot lately. How can I not? My life is seemingly starting to revolve around the Sumimura heir. His emotions are so open and strong, it's almost as if he's unable to keep them locked up inside. He's so different from me, and yet… He's so the same…
In the beginning he couldn't tolerate me anymore then I could him… But that changed so suddenly… I didn't even have time to adjust.
I'm still trying to figure out what made him change…
Before I know it class is over and the tightness in my chest has eased a bit. As I make my way to the cafeteria I look around trying to find the dark haired kekkaishi, but he's nowhere to be seen.
I know he went to school, so where the hell is he? They even have his precious coffee milk so why isn't he here trying to bully people into giving him their share. I absently grab one. He wouldn't want to miss out for sure. And decide to look for him.
As soon as I enter the roof I can smell him and sigh in relief. It's good to know he's getting mobile again even after last night's battle. I climb the stairs and am greeted by a slightly aloof Yoshi.
"Hi." I great him.
He just gives me a nod. What? Not chatty for once? I frown. He can't still be brooding about yesterday can he? I thought I told him to forget about it.
I sit down next to him, not sure what to say. Normally I can count on him to start up a conversation whether I want it or not, but after a few minutes I realize that this is not the case today.
So now what? Should I say something? I give him a sideways glance. He just sits there, he's definitely not happy about something. I look away, I don't like seeing him like this. He needs to be laughing and be cheery like he always is…
I desperately try to wreck my brain for something to say.
What would he say? He'd probably yell at me! No wait… He'd try to talk about something else… small talk… icebreaker… the weather? Oh so lame… But I give it a try.
"It's nice out here isn't it?"
I can't believe that just left my mouth, but I panicked. To my surprise he simply looks at me. Then smiles and says "Yeah."
My eye twitches… He's so easy… I forgot I could probably distract him with a lollipop as you would a small child.. Oh wait… I rummage through my bag. "I didn't see you at the cafeteria just now… so I thought you might want this." I hand him the coffee milk.
"Hey thanks!" He perks up instantly and starts to happily slurp the darn coffee milk cotton.
Idiot… I'm still wondering what it was that got him so gloomy though. I should probably find out what was bothering him and talk about it. I know it's not good to keep things bottled up inside you. At least, that's what they tell me.
Now that he's a little happier I think it'll be easier. Maybe I should take the easy way out and just ask if he wants to talk. I'm not a miracle worker here.. He should know that.
"So… uhmm.." I rub my neck awkwardly. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
Oh, that's sounded so out of the blue… maybe I should've cut straight to the case from the beginning. Small talk and drinks to hell!
"em, no.. not really." Yoshimori answers, he looks back at his hands and his mood gets a bit depressed again…
Damn I must really suck at this… I lean back, about to give up, but I need to check one last thing. "So… we're good? About what happened last night?"
He nods quickly.
And just like that, I've run out of ideas.
Small talk and direct asking… that's all I have in my social repertoire. It's kinda sad, I must be as subtle as a pear.
I'm dreading this awkward silence, so I'm hugely relieved when he starts talking, though it's somewhat hesitantly.
"Um… I know…"
I calmly give him time to form the words, I'm just happy that my social repertoire is good enough for him."I know you're not the same as me and Tokine…" He continues. Huh? What does he mean?
"I know, you're half ayakashi, you can heal fast… abnormal speed and strength… It's just… You still feel pain right? Just like us?"
I nod slowly.
"Well, that's why I can't. To me that makes you the same. I don't know if that makes any sense…"
It does a little. It's not practical, but it does make sense.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is…" He takes a deep breath. "Thanks. Thanks for saving me." I know you don't see me as weak, and I know you can take more of a hit then me, so thanks for…. You know."
I do. Even though he was so angry when I stepped in front of him, I guess he's grateful too.
"No problem." I can't help but give a cheeky grin, feeling kinda good about myself.
Yoshimori seems relieved with my answer and happily drinks the last bit of his coffee milk. Then sadly holds it upside down to emphasize it's emptiness. A single drop escapes. And he pouts.
"You know, we could probably get two more if we are quickly."
Yoshimori is halfway down before I finish the sentence.
After that school passes by in a blur, besides getting bullied between classes by Yoshimori who wants to come over after school to make homework at my place.
Apparently Toshimori is at a friend's place. So he wants us to make homework together. Somehow, in the way he said it, it makes me think I'll be doing most of the homework here…
I don't mind though and open the door of my humble home.
Yoshimori slightly frowns upon entering, which he did the previous time he was here as well. I'm guessing that he keeps expecting something else, or probably something more.
Yeah, I gotta admit, my home it's pretty barren place compared to other homes.
I once considered adding some stuff that weren't completely necessarily, but I couldn't figure out what. So I gave up and left it the way it was.
I'd rather be somewhere else anyway, but Yoshimori asked and I can hardly say no, now that he's not so moody anymore.
"I'll go make some tea." I tell him as he settles at the table, taking out all his stuff and filling up the table in no time. I raise an eyebrow at that, but I don't mind. Not really.
As I wait for the tea I'm accompanied by Yoshimori's banter. He talks about how Kanda saw another ghost and how she had wanted to help, though in the end she had been too scared to come anywhere near the ghost girl. And how Tabata had gained competition in his fact gathering business by a senior year student.
It must be nice to have so many friends… His days seem fuller because of them.
I sit next to him so I can easily poor the tea. He hold his cup gratefully, wrapping his hands around it as if it's mid winter. It's not.
I push some of his stuff away to make room for my homework but we hardly get anything done. Yoshi is more interested in making conversation and I don't really care about my homework anyway, so I listen and quietly enjoy this time away from school and work.
He laughs about something funny that happened at his home this morning and it's a beautiful laugh, clear and happy. An infectious laughter as I'm fondly smiling along. It's almost as if when he's happy, I'm happy.
He leans back, his hair falls in front of his eyes as he grins at me. They seem like black strands of silk, I wonder what they feel like. Actually, I wonder what his skin feels like, it must be super smooth and soft… except for his muscles, his shoulders, his abs… They are probably rock hard, littered with rough, edgy scars.
He stretches… and hunches back over his homework… Hair obscuring his face…
I… I act before I can think. Reaching out for him, for I want to see his face again, I've not yet gotten enough of it.
He looks back, slightly surprised, eyes shining brightly…
Like endless pools, filled with hope and joy, they draw me in.
He smiles, his lips pale and soft… they must taste like coffee milk…
Those smooth lips…
Warm… and wet…
I… Freeze…
I'm mere centimeters apart from kissing Yoshimori.
I'm suddenly nauseous and break out in cold sweat.
He stares, confused of why I am so close. My instinct kicks in and I suddenly rise, my knees week and I almost buckle but I try desperately to make it seem like this was my intention all along. Just getting up Yoshimori… I wasn't trying to…
Kiss you…
those soft, pale, gorgeous lips…
I'm getting slightly dizzy, I need to get out of here.
"I forgot something, I have to go." I'm shocked I'm able to utter those words so calmly, like nothing happened… However I cannot meet his eyes and flee for the door.
It opens, and fresh air hits me in the face. I can suddenly breathe again…
Yoshimori is yelling something at me. Though I cannot hear the words. I close the door. The sound fades. And I'm gone.
Like a lightning bolt.
~~~ Minareta machi... ~~~ Yukkuri fuki nukero kaze ~~~ endingsong etc. ~~~
Mhahaha! That's another cliffhanger isn't it? XD Sorry, if it makes you feel better I had a hard time writing this, I just wanted Gen to scream out his love for Yoshi… but I couldn't…Gur… Well at least now Gen knows. ;)
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Next Chapter 6: It is love