Chapter 6: It is Love
The air, even though it's fresh and chasing away the cobwebs on my mind, is suffocating. I know it's not the air, it's me. But while I'm rushing over the rooftops, trying to get as far away from my "accident" as possible, it still feels like it's everything around me that suffocates me and not me, myself.
I know he's not following me, and even if he had tried I'm positive I would've lost him by now. I have about covered half the city as the realization hits me that I can't keep running.
I slow down and find a seclude spot to drop down from the roofs. I'm panting but trying to control my breathing as I step onto the road and simply start walking.
My head feels like it's going to explode, it has probably turned red indicating by the heat that I feel coming from it. But I'm sure that if I just keep walking it will fade. I'm secretly hoping everything will fade but I know it won't.
I stop.
I tried to kiss my best friend.
Why? Why did I do that? I'm such an idiot!
I hit the brick wall next to me in frustration, leaving a fair dent in it and lean against it.
This is nothing like me and I try to gather my thoughts. Luckily no-ones around, everyone's at home, eating with their family and love ones... Which I don't have... And all I can see is Yoshimori smiling at me and my heart aches.
I feel really stupid now. I probably tried to kiss him because I want... Someone… Anyone!
Perhaps he was just there at the wrong time at the wrong spot. That sure sounds like him.
I angrily push myself up right and start to walk again. I can smell fresh grass and let my nose lead me to a park. It's very piecefull and I quietly sit down at a bench near a small pond. Inquiring ducks come to me to see if I have anything to feed them with.
If only my life could be as simple as theirs... Although... even the ducks have eachother and I have no one. Do I really feel that alone? I've never felt this alone! Well maybe, but it feels different this time.
I sigh again and lean back, closing my eyes, trying to make sense of my jumbled thoughts.
In the wrong place at the wrong time?
Who am I kidding? I'm disgusted that I really believed it for even a second. I guess everything was better to believe then the truth... The truth that I've fallen for him.
Fallen hard.
Even though I have absolutely no experience with it I can't deny the neon red signs.
The biggest one being that I wanted to kiss him...
and that I still do.
I rub my face, trying to keep the emotions from boiling over, and rest my elbows on my knees, staring at the ground and my own two feet.
How could it sneak up to me like that? Okay... I realize now there might have been signs... but still, it took me completely by surprise and I'm never this impulsive. That's his department.
I'm the one who's supposed to be in control. For if I'm not, I could become a danger to society... maybe even a danger to him?
I remember the right hook he gave and I fondly rub my chin.
And my heart aches even more as I realize that he's perfect for me. Sure he's not a girl, but who cares? I've never felt attraction to any one! He's the first... and perhaps the last...
And I can't believe I blew it!
The ducks have decided to ignore me and are back in the pond, diving for food or perhaps for fun. Darn creatures, so careless and happy... Just like...
The fogs finally lifts from my mind as it all becomes crystal clear. I realize that even though I might have ruined everything between us I will still have to face him and try to make everything all right. Because above all, I can't loose him. Not as a friend.
I couldn't take another blow like that.
I stand up, and with it press my feelings down.
I'll talk to him. He's big on the whole talking thing, and I've screwed up before and he forgave me every time. I just hope I haven't used up my "friend" credit...
I slowly walk home, not really in hurry. It's still a few hours before we have to go to work.
When I finally arrive at my apartment and feel my pockets for my keys I freeze... They aren't there. … Of course not! I could smack myself! I was so caught up in my "emotions" that I forgot something as important as my keys. Actually I wasn't thinking at all at the moment so it shouldn't be a surprise.
At least it's not a total disaster, I'm pretty sure that I left the balcony door open.
It takes some acrobatics but I manage to get to my balcony unseen, and as I suspected the door is open.
I silently enter, I should probably make something to eat, but my nerves are so shot that I think I'll get a quick nap instead. I pull off my shirt and am about to toss it in a corner as I detect something... a smell, Yoshimori? And yes, surely enough, it's him. He's lying on my bed, from the sounds of it vast asleep.
He fell asleep on my bed? Not sure how I feel about that, but my cheeks heat up as I quickly put the shirt back on.
I carefully inch a bit closer, not sure what to do and I'm about to get nervous as I see his face.
Totally relaxed and blissfully peaceful. I instantly relax as well and almost instinctively I shake his shoulders.
No wait... I should've made a plan... darn my impulsiveness!
I quickly put those thoughts aside, getting a bit sick by my own anxiety. I'm Gen Shishio! Not a spineless coward! Nothing can scare me and I'll face everything fate throws at me!
He slowly awakens as I just in time regain control. I'll just see how things go, maybe impulsiveness is a good thing now. I just got to remember not to kiss him…
He sits up mumbling, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. And I frown. Why is he here anyway?
Suddenly he's awake! And points an accusing finger at me! I cringe, internally preparing for nothing good, steeling myself for rejection.
"YOU! How did you get in here?" He yells.
My face falls. What? Is he for real?
"What do you mean 'how'?" I retaliate. "This is MY house! What are YOU still doing here?"
But he ignores me and stands up, walks past me through the living room and checks the front door, which is still locked. He turns back to the table where I had apparently dropped my keys and then looks back at me. "How did you get 'in' here?"
Ah... I'm starting to piece things together as I simply point to my balcony door.
You can clearly see the moment he gets it, which is sadly a tad bit later then it should be, as always. "Oh." He utters and then sits down at the table, clearly not really awake yet. His hair is even more tousled then usually. I smirk but quickly hide it as he turns back at me.
"Sorry I stayed here, uninvited and all, but you left so quickly and you left your keys! I was afraid that if I left you'd be locked out. So I decided to wait, but I was so tired... Sorry... "
I'm relieved that's he's not angry for what happened before, but he might just have temporarily forgotten so I take a careful approach. "No problem. It was very thoughtful of you. But next time, just check the other door."
He nods, but then another tought occurs to him. I can see his eyes widen and brace myself again. Here it comes... He jumps up, points his finger at me, again, and begins to rant.
"What the hell happened anyway? One minute we were sitting, the next you went flying out the door! What the hell did you forget, that made you drop everything?"
I can't prevent the twitch that crawls up in my left eye... And I"m almost insulted by the little fact that he... That he did not notice I tried to kiss him!
I'm biting my lip as again a whole range of emotions rage through me from anger, insult, to disappointment and relief. They are so conflicting I'm not going to try and make sense of them but simply try and focus on keeping a straight face while I make up an excuse.
"I Forgot to feed the ducks." It's oh so lame, but if he's too stupid to notice being almost kissed I don't really care. And it's not a lie too. I didn't feed them, not that I had planned too... but still...
It's his turn to raise an eyebrow. "Ducks?"
I nod, dead serious.
"I waited for hours for you, so you wouldn't be locked out for ducks?" Yoshimori sulked. "I didn't even know you liked them!"
"Love them to bits." I tell him monotonously. But I've been on the emotional roller-coaster long enough today and it's time I got off. So I approach him and (gently) shove him out of my house. As I open the door and give him the final push, I tell him to go home, but damn my voice sounds softer then normal. I guess I'm just tired. He turns, his face full of innocence. "Yeah I guess, hope you don't mind but I used your phone to call me dad that I'd be later."
I simply nod. "No problem."
He smiles. "I'll go see if he has some leftovers from diner. I'll see you in a bit!"
And he's off, in a gentle jog as he waves goodbye to me.
I can't seem to tear me away from the door until he rounds a corner and disappears from my sight. I release the breath I didn't know I was holding as I go back inside.
Dinner? Was it that late? A look at my clock confirms it. Just 2 more hours before I have to leave again. I really should eat something but I'm not hungry in the slightest. I am however dead tired. I quickly set the alarm on my phone to wake me up in time and start my second attempt to sleep. The shirt ends up in a corner somewhere and I let myself drop onto my bed.
His smell is everywhere...
I can't help but inhale deeply. His warmth still lingers and I instantly relax.
I know I love him…
But I also know that I love having him in my life even more.
I guess I won't ask for anything else…
~~~ Minareta machi... ~~~ Yukkuri fuki nukero kaze ~~~ endingsong etc. ~~~
There ya go, no cliffhangers this time, though I hope thy hearts are aching!
Really, writing the endings of chapters is the most fun a girl can have! XD
Anyways, taking part in the NaNoWriMo Challenge, no fanfiction unfortunately. But with a little luck I'll be getting better at updating once I learn how to constantly write 1600 words a day… So far I'm failing miserably, but I'm having fun! ^^
Too bad these 1900 words won't count. :/
Next up: Chapter 7: The Devil'sPact